Night time

Tonight: broke out the essential oil infuser because Gem was stuffy.  Lemongrass.  Poor thing threw up for a couple of hours.  I am pretty certain it was from post nasal drip irritation and not a GI bug.  He hadn't eaten anything since breakfast (he felt crappy all day) so it was the tiniest amounts of liquid brought up by powerful heaves.

Sag had fun with Cap co-creating a comic book.  Then proceeded to have a very tough time falling asleep.  This afternoon he had an intense session with Vinny to work out the kinks of his gymnastics injury.  (Did I mention he hurt his neck?)  I explained to Sag that sometimes after intense bodywork with Vinny I feel kind of uneasy as the "stuff" that was loosened up works itself through my system before it departs.

Cap and I were going to watch Avengers tonight...both kids are finally asleep, but it may be too late to start.

Peace.

Eventide

After dinner, as the storm system settled overhead and I turned on the air conditioning to escape the oppressive humidity, the kids and I gathered to play some games.  Blokus and Uno.  We had a three-way tie for the first time ever in Blokus.  Uno was rousing and we blasted through a half dozen rounds with a light in our eyes and smiles on our faces.

While they nibbled on their desserts, the seasonal shelf caught my eye.  I took down the summer pieces, dusted, and put up the autumn ones.  It looks a little different every season, from one year to the next.

The picture on the card was such a timely reminder of an aspect of this season...gathering courage and strength...cultivating our inner fire in preparation for the quiet dark cold of coming winter.

The autumnal tree is one of my favorite things from Sacramento.  It just makes me happy every time I bring it out.

The beautiful (love the gorgeous orange) pumpkin was the first thing I ever needle felted.  Julia, the first friend I made in Sacramento, was my teacher, guiding me step-by-step with patience and warmth.  I miss her.

Peace.

Powered by change

That's how I feel about Spring...this Spring, for sure.  There is an incredible energy of change.

This morning I walked with Danielle to the library and back.  Walking and talking, a nice combo.  Now, my body is wanting to be still.  This dearth of energy seems to be hormonal...cycle-related.


Before the walk I zipped over to the big Whole Paycheck and stocked up on many items of change:

• nutritional yeast (good source of vitamin B12, which I want to get more of into the kids)

• Barleans fish oil (for me and the kids, absolutely no fishiness)

• Barleans Essential Woman (to boost me in the second half of my cycle...PMS time)

• hemp protein powder (trying out two brands in addition to the Vega which uses yellow pea powder)

• vitamin D3 supplement (for me...wish I'd thought to supplement during Winter)

• macadamia nut oil (for homemade mayo...moving to reduce the kids' consumption of canola, soy and safflower oils...increasing olive and coconut oils.  was looking for avocado oil for the mayo, but they didn't have any.  my mayo consumption is down to essentially zero, but Sag...that boy loves his mayo!)

With all my recent spendy-ness (in addition to the above, this for Danielle's first birthday, the specially ordered chocolate Easter bunnies, some other special birthdays, the base for an exciting art project ordered online...all the pesky shipping charges...), when I came across this book, I was bummed not to find it in the library database.  I wish I could take a look to see if it is worth buying. It looks so promising (gluten-free, dairy-free and sugar-free!) that on another day, in another week, or month, I might have just ordered it through our local bookshop.  Not right now, though.

One more thing I have changed recently is the kids' bedtime routine.  Usually around nine o'clock, I have them put their reading material aside and turn the lights down (they get into pjs and floss and brush around 8:30.)  I rub their bellies with ginger oil.  Sag takes a few spritzes of Rescue Sleep on the tongue.  I massage Gem's spine a few times with my finger tip.  I rub Sag's back with my hand in circular patterns.  I rub Gem's upper back and the back of his calves.  I try to get Sag's calves, too.  (Sag finds most massage very tickle-y.)  There is usually a request for a few drops of lavender onto their pillows.

That I am doing this, which was a long time coming, is a sign of my own increased Qi energy.  I am in better balance, in better energetic shape.  This time of day is tough for me.  I am often "done".  But, somehow, I have a new reserve and it's been put to good use.  Sag is very sensitive before falling asleep and is plagued by nightly "bad thoughts" (spiders, poison, abandonment, death).  Gem responds very sensitively to massage.  It's the best time for the two of them to receive this kind of, literally, hands on care.

Peace and love.

Kogarashi DPC

I was going to regale you with images of sleep deprivation/insomnia and dry cracking skin.  How fun would that have been?  Suffering these longer terms symptoms of imbalance (around sugar and gluten/grain in particular)...sucks.  Whether I go to bed at 10:30 or 1:00, I cannot escape, for now, lying awake for over two hours.  My hair has started falling out again and my skin, especially on my hands and lower legs are scaly, cracking and/or itchy.

But.

So far, we're not succumbing to the GI bug we were exposed to.  I was going to take the kids out to see a movie today, but then decided to watch one at home.  No need to push the immune system farther.  Tin Tin will wait.

And.

Going Bovine started slow for me.  Yesterday afternoon I picked it up again and was rewarded.  The book has started to pick up significant steam and I can't wait to read more of it today.

Also.

I wound Kogarashi last night between reading a chapter of Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator to the kids and giggling to 30 Rock.  This yarn is so luxe and fab.  I decided to keep it simple, which I highly recommend when you have a yarn that is going to do all the work for you.  I also went with a cowl so I'd be able to feel the cozy right up against my skin when all was said and done.

My Kogarashi DPC (Dolores Park Cowl w/ some mods) knit up like a dream.

This morning, as I staggered out of bed dizzy(that hasn't happened in awhile) and sleep deprived, I was bummed.  But when I pulled the cowl over my head, a snuggly transformation did occur.  Enveloped in warm and happy there was nothing to do but capture some love and light and smile instead.

Peace and love and how'd it get to be happy Friday.  (Have you noticed how time is flying?)

Mole out of the hole

illustration by Adelaide Tyrol.

What an unpleasant night.

Realized I didn't receive a Xmas package ordered from a retailer "delivered to the front door" by UPS.  (This happened twice last year.)  The issue was resolved painlessly this morning (retailer is sending out a replacement "express" which should arrive by next Thursday...I guess "express" slows down during the holiday season...)

I am in my PMS week (never quite know how/when it's going to strike).  But, also, I am not built for dealing with this kind of commercial/commerce crap.  I run high/empty during the "holiday season" and I have not yet figured out how to more truly-to-my-Self be in it and with it.

I was shaky and had a stress headache...which set my bedtime back a bit.  And...I actually had the thought, which I briefly believed, that the Universe was getting back at me for feeling so good about getting so much of the shopping done quickly and early.  What?!

Before I hit the hay, I encountered a posting issue on Blogger.  This was one of those things that felt significant and insignificant at the same time.  More dissonance.  I wondered if I should take it as a sign to get offline for the month like I thought about doing a couple of weeks ago.  (Not really feeling that way anymore, as you can see.)

I noticed this glitch because I was trying to post a personal advert for someone else's blog in order to promote a XBox Kinect giveaway (and hopefully win one).  Again with my ties to the commercial realities/aspects of this season.

By this morning, a tip someone posted in a help forum worked for me.  So here I am composing, hoping when I hit "publish", the post will go through.  If any of you are having this issue (the blogs are remaining readable and commentable, it's just not new postable), the fix that worked for me was to be signed out of Gmail, sign in only to Blogger, then hit "New Post".  (A bizarre work around since Gmail and Blogger are both owned by Google.)

I did sleep in, which helped my body...which has actually been achey lately!  (A true sign of imbalance and the need for restoration.)  Sag woke early and alone to continue building his Lego and Gem and I slept (usually Gem wakes up first and then wakes me up...Sag stays in bed for up to an hour more.)

Once we were up, Sag and I took the dog out.  I really do love how the dog gets me/us out of the apartment and into fresh air, no matter how short the outings are.  Gem stayed home cozy in his robe "reading his daily Wikis" on the iPad.  His version of the ritual of reading the morning paper.  I didn't make a big deal of this...but it was a first.

Growing, developing, learning...sometimes it is such a quiet moment that it could steal right past you without your notice.

Bits

Busy, preoccupied...time change, my "monthly".

• the moussaka was fresh and bright...not the moussaka I've had in restaurants.  good, but didn't knock my socks off.  may be better today after a night of "seasoning" in the fridge.  it took a long time to make (not only because I am such a manatee.)

• older kid had some GI issues after I fell asleep and the sore throat niggling him is more of a presence this morning.  likely viral, but may scoot him to the doc to rule out strep.

• a bit ADDish about the common meal menu for tomorrow night...I am not usually this indecisive...which makes me feel disorganized...

• early birthday party for Sag in...five days?!  gotta get my ass in gear.

• new nightly rhythm of rubbing the kids seems to be helping them fall asleep easier...though that could be due to the time change.  tip: not to wait until lights out (the time of which can vary).  I've been having them get ready for bed at around the same time and rub them soon after.  that way I am not too tired yet.  afterward, depending on how they feel, they can go to sleep or read/talk for awhile in bed.

• Minecraft.  the kids love this game.  it has led them to join their first multi-player server (a lesson in letting go for me).  the game has lovely background music that has stopped me in my tracks many a time.  I stop...and I listen and I feel peaceful.  Sag loves the music, too.  in recent days we've bought the soundtrack and downloaded free sheet music that a fan has transcribed.

Paradise circus

This is not my kind of song.  But, it is used to great effect in the opening credits of Luther.  And it has grown on me.



My exhaustion has abated just enough to make room for "highly sensitive state" to join the party. It has taken some self-control (just a tiny bit) not to shout "STFU!!!" to the kids as they cavorted, went too far, cried, and then repeated the cycle, while they cleaned up their room.

But, as I have been noticing lately, I am calmer during these dips of energy.  And still able to function with clarity, as needed.  Tonight, I've had to deal with both the cable company (On Demand and the DVR are both out, the earliest a tech can come out?  Thursday...) and a plea request for one of the parents to step up and become the parent-coach of the Lego League team Sag is on.

In the past, these types of communicative interactions could undo me if they hit me at the wrong time of the month.  I'd get upset, defensive, overwrought (usually with guilt), dramatic...  I still have my moments (dealing with my landlord has become a personal nightmare), but in general, I feel like I've come out the other side.

Anyhoo, the title of this song is kind of apropos to how I view my current situation.  I am in paradise.  I am living the life I want.  I am damn lucky.  But, it's also feeling a bit circus-like, the energy plummet, the mood swing...my neurons are acrobatic.

Cyclic

In the last hour or so I have gone from feeling much better than I did yesterday to feeling like I've been hit by the exhausted bus.  I had a niggling suspicion and so checked the calendar and today is the textbook 14th day since the first day of my last menses.  I must be ovulating.

(Not to be wishing time away, but I am looking forward to a post-menopausal state of being.)

I have been somewhat distracted this morning.  But, I did make a kickass soup and a delectable chicken salad.  (The chicken from the stock takes on lovely sweet notes from the carrot and onion.  Yum.)  I've gotten a bit of organizing done.  Just a tiny bit.

Here are the pics from my night out with Cap.  We unexpectedly ate dinner at Costanera, a newish Peruvian restaurant in town.  I was thinking about Vanessa quite a bit while there.  It was a great meal made better by the conversation we shared about the future.  I feel so lucky to be in a relationship with someone where after twenty-plus years, we still dream together.

 Causa.

 Ceviche.

 Vegetarian duo.

mood hinted at though not quite captured.

Oh my goddess, I just want to drop and sleep.

Heeding the call

Hm.

I am not feeling overwhelmed, but...I am something that is not content and tranquil.  And it has to do with what I perceive as "a lot" going on and, I suppose, not enough down time.

I have been making efforts to get "out" more with the kids, to present them with opportunities for new activities...

I have worked hard to ensure they have time to play with friends who have gone back to school and whose schedules are now quite tight...

I have signed myself up for new activities...

There has been renewed focus on the more structured academic side of my homeschooling, what I am making in the kitchen, and the big declutter/reorg 2011...

Yes.  There has been a lot going on.  And, for this introvert, things are starting to feel a bit uncomfy.  I need more quiet than I am getting.  I need some solitude.

I did spend some time in the kitchen today, which is as close to a meditative state as I can get, I think.  I made roasted nuts and for the first time, cilantro chimichurri.  Since Cap is leaving for Sacramento this week, I decided to choose cilantro over dill at our CSA pick-up.  I was excited to use the bunch to make something lovely and green.

I used pecans, pistachios and almonds for the nuts.  I was surprised at how much salt it took to get these tasty in a salty way.  I also added chili powder.  What inspired me about this recipe was the use of pistachios.  I fell in love with pistachios (and dates) when I lived in Sacramento.  Both were grown locally and there's just something so scrumptious about foods that are super fresh.  I never think of pistachios as being available shelled until I saw this recipe.  I was happy to include them...love the hints of green they give to the dish.

Wow.  I'll be making chimichurri again.  This is so up my alley!  I kept it very simple today and did not use the vinegar, lime juice or red pepper flakes.  I love the color and the concentrated flavor.  And I love making condiments that are so easy and pair with favorite foods.  Tonight it was steak, tomorrow morning it will be scrambled eggs.

Dinner was delicious.  (The kids loved the steak, did not try the chimichurri.)

At the last minute, the kids and I decided to head over to Daniel's school for their back-to-school night.  He is in Drums of Thunder this year and they were scheduled to perform.  Well, they saved the best for last, so we ended up sitting through the whole event.  It turned out to be quite the opportunity for the kids to get a glimpse of aspects of "school": the pledge of allegiance complete with boy scout color guard, a principal who seemed to be funny (they didn't "get" most of his humor, but could see that he was getting laughs from the adults), droning PTA announcements, teachers being recognized, parents being recognized, a power point of student performance on last year's standardized tests...they saw one of their baseball coaches and said "hi" which was nice.

The best part was, of course, seeing Daniel perform.  But, it was wonderful to see a singing group and a dance group, too.  This elementary school (3rd, 4th and 5th grades) has a strong arts program and it showed.

So busy, busy, busy, yes.  Tired, that too (and my lower back really hurts tonight!)  But, it's all good in the end.  Take a listen to Drums of Thunder.  These are 4th and 5th graders from two years ago.  (Daniel will likely not play a Nets game because of the NBA lock out, but he'll be playing the Giants game this weekend and Montclaur State's homecoming game at the end of the month.)

I was moved to tears watching him and his drum corps mates up on stage tonight.  So proud.

Two shots

Both of these were taken during recent solo outings.

At my favorite local place to sit, munch, read, sip, and chat.  That's a giant peach and ginger smoothie (with apple juice and lime...it was so yummy) and Women Food and God which I did end up relinquishing to the library after they let me keep it out, truly, for a long time.  I've put the book on my wishlist to buy at some point in the future.  I had some time after dropping Sag and Daniel off at Robotics last week and this is where I came.

Taken on my walk over to Dragon's Way class.  Yes, I can walk there!  Circumstances won't always allow for this, but tonight it was possible.  It was lovely walking in twilight drizzle.  Class was great.  I feel happy and calm and grounded.

Hot flashing

So this is what it is like to be woken by hot flashes. 

Hot, toss, turn, go pee, hot, toss, turn, move to another bed with less bodies, hot, toss, turn, rub various hot points of pain/stagnation on back (the ones I can reach), feel some relief, think I will fall asleep, hot, toss, turn, hot toss, turn, feel open to experience, think of Kelly, think of Danielle, hot, toss, turn, really start to sweat, decide to get up for a  bit.

 

Voice in the night

I was edging towards, well, edgy last night because it was getting late for the kids to still be up for the early morning wake up planned for our big dental day.  I could still hear them chatting away in the dark, their energy undimmed.

Sag has a thing about not wanting me to fall asleep before he does.  So, upon finishing the second season finale of Men of a Certain Age (if anyone had ever told me Ray Romano would be breaking my heart on tv episode after episode, I would not have believed them), I found the season premiere of The Closer and started to watch Brenda and the gang tackle the first case of their final season.

I was tired.  Too tired for the day-after-mayhem shots greeting my eyes.  And then, my second born came out of the bedroom.  Rubbing the too bright light out of his eyes that had dark circles under them (he had sounded so giddy just a few minutes ago) he said he was scared.  Of what?  Zombies.  (I didn't remember this last night, but he saw a commercial on tv two days ago which was meant to be satirical and was full of zombies...and it freaked him out.)

It is typical for Sag to be visited by fear in that brief time between the last words of conversation with Gem falling off their lips and the beginning of the night's sleep.  In the dark, in the quiet, something opens, something can no longer be kept at bay.

I gently shooed him back to bed, and he was back out a few minutes later.  He asked how long Gem and I were going to be at the dentist.  I had not included this bit of information when making the plans for his day because I didn't actually know how long it was going to be.  Gem would be an emergency walk-in and given that he was not in immediate crisis he would be seen before the day was done, but that could mean we could wait an hour...or four...or five.

When I shared this with him, Sag's resolve crumpled.  He loves Kelly's house and has never had an unpleasant moment with her or the girls.  But, he isn't used to spending time there, especially since we stopped going to Fiber Arts a couple of years ago.  In that pocket of darkness his doubt overwhelmed him.  What if something happened and he needed me and I wasn't going to be back for hours still?  Too much for a fragile heart.

I perceived his change of heart as a wrench in my plans.  I became officially edgy.  (Brenda and the gang were paused on a non-scary image by this point.)  I walked him back to bed and we began to hash it out.  I was pressuring him: at first indirectly, then somewhat passively aggressively, and by the end pretty bluntly (speaking truth way too harshly for an emotionally sensitive child who was already feeling vulnerable).

He was courageous.  He did not fold under the pressure.  He kept repeating his truth, more and more querulously.

And then it hit me.  There was an alternative to my rock (forcing him to go to Kelly's...it simply was not going to happen) and my hard place (taking him with me...the chance that he would not meltdown from boredom, restlessness, and my resentment, felt very, very slim and I wanted all my energy available to Gem who was facing a completely new experience in a completely new environment...energy that would be filtering through my own nervousness facing a new experience in a new environment).

Gem and I would not go.  I could postpone and regroup.  Exhale.  I gently repaired what I could.  Gem had the wonderful and sweet idea that we could all go to Kelly's for a playdate instead.  (He had been quite envious of the day he imagined Sag was going to have at their house while he was at the dental clinic.)  In moments, Sag was falling into an exhausted sleep.

The whole interaction didn't take long.  Probably ten minutes, maybe fifteen.  A drop in the bucket, so to speak.  But, those drops can add up.  What am I saying...they do add up.  Of course they do.  I am grateful that my energy was able to overcome the "stuck" of the moment.  There has been an opening of flow in the last couple of days that is palpable.

I thought my patience was being tested...but realized that Sag (and Gem, who was a thoughtful and gentle participant in the conversation) was inviting me to truly stop, look, and listen.  Once I stopped thinking shit was happening to me and at me (being stuck in a passive position), I became free to do what I wanted to do, be who I wanted to be.  I was activated.

So, no tooth pull for Gem today.  Follow the laughter and love and togetherness...that's where you'll find us.

Bleary-eyed

Pinging and ponging between WTF and it is what it is.

Insomnia again last night.  Triggered by Sag and Finn scaring the heck out of each other around 1:30am in the dark.

Scorcher today.  I'll be the one sucking in air conditioning while cooking and cleaning for common meal.  With one mid-day walk for a tired pooch.  He survived his first night away from mommy and daddy and boy is he pooped.

(This is not his usual spot, he prefers to be more in the room amidst the humans, or, on his bed.  But, someone upstairs had just come in or out which riles him up and brings him to the door.)

Watched Splice last night, which was just about what I expected in terms of level of entertainment (think B movie with cerebral type eye candy...heavier on camp than creep of which it had both).

Peace and love.

Dna-mazin'

Sometimes, looking at kids, you experience a flash of the past.  When I saw this last night, I thought of my maternal grandfather, a man I never knew.  He passed before I was born...but he left a genetic legacy that I have come to recognize from time to time.

He was an artist.  A few of his oil paintings remain in the family.  The way this child is absorbed by art and music (my paternal grandfather, an engineer by trade, had a great love of music), his emotional and mercurial nature...I see the roots and links coded in helix.

One more

Allen Toussaint.  This played over the end credits of the Treme episode I watched tonight.

I have no words...but I do have a mess of feelings.

Tonight's lull-a-by

Cap's home.

Maapallo

My days...well, technically, my nights...often end with music.

This evening I watched an episode of Treme (I am catching up on Season 2).  As I've mentioned before, this show is a treasure trove of music.  Tonight I was thrilled to see Al Johnson perform Carnival Time.  I didn't realize the man was still alive.  Shame on me.

Between the tv and bed I often get caught in the glow of the computer screen.  Tonight I surfed through YouTube for a bit.

(I'd received an apologetic e-mail from an indie record company employee this afternoon...I am holding out just a bit longer to the hope that my complimentary EP (in CD form) promised to me by none other than Mr. Pond himself, months ago, might actually arrive sometime soon.)

I thought I'd finish my musical meandering with a listen to Love To Get Used, off the EP I am waiting for.  As my head started bopping (take a listen and tell me if you don't start bopping yourself...I will be surprised) my eyes and cursor scrolled down the sidebar of 'related' videos and I was startled to see Finnish text.

I clicked over, immediately curious.  And had to smile...and scratch my head.  Finnish reggae is, stunning in it of itself...conceptually...but how the heck are these two songs connected?  Maybe in the lyrics...  The song is entitled Earth, but that's how far I got in my translating.

Check it out...

Decemberists in brooklyn

A big family event last night. The kids' first all ages rock show, inspired by Sag's love of The Decemberists.

When Cap and I went to see them at the Beacon Theater in Manhattan earlier this year, Sag was deeply disappointed to be left home. At the time, everything had happened so quickly. The kids and I fell fast in love with The King Is Dead while we streamed it on NPR right before the album was released. I googled concert dates and discovered they were kicking off their album release tour in NYC the following week. I searched for tix despite a 'sold out' note on the website and found great seats. Snagged some babysitting from my mom, rationalized the spending of cash with my birthday in mind, and boom, the concert came, was glorious, and went.

And I had one bummed out 9 year old to contend with.

I promised to take him when they came around again. They played a benefit show at the Prospect Park bandshell last night. Rain or shine, and it rained...pretty steadily for the first hour we were there, though it was never a downpour, thankfully.

Sag wanted to be up close (it was a general admission show with no seats...I did not realize when buying the tix that there were no seats) so we left Gem and Cap under the overhang of big old trees in the grassy area in back and wove through the crowd to a spot about ten human rows from the stage.

The crowd was amazing. The folks around us, in their 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s, were tickled to see a kid in their midst. Sag hung in there, at least a foot shorter than everyone else, in a mass of wet slickers and damp blue jeans. The band crew was clearly concerned about the continuing rain and waited as long as they could to start the set (we arrived to the bandshell as the opening act finished their last song and then proceeded to wait nearly an hour for The Decemberists to start...on our feet, all of us, in the rain...)

Just as Sag had had enough and decided to forego our sweet spot to return to Gem and Cap, a woman who had been standing behind him appeared with a chair for him. She was a goddess savior and changed our lives forever. Having a chair to sit on gave Sag the energy to wait out the tech crew. And when the show started about ten minutes later, he stood on the chair and had an unobstructed view of the concert (I cannot express in writing how intensely this kid absorbed the totality of his experience), and someone he truly finds interesting, the lead singer/band frontman, Colin Meloy.

I am still awestruck by the kind act of this stranger. I will never forget what she did and will be grateful, the rest of my days, for how she helped give Sag an incredible first experience seeing his favorite band (the fingers came out of his ears after a song or two when his system adjusted...ear plugs next time!)

The kids lasted about half the show. We departed after seven songs, satisfied, sleepy, and a bit cold and wet. We walked back to the F train through the streets of Park Slope (I understand the appeal, I really do), rode the subway back to my mom's, picked up our stuff, used her loo and gave her hugs, and then we drove back home.

The kids tumbled into bed and slept through the night, a rare thing for Sag, I gave Cap a long overdue haircut, he finished packing, and while the rest of us slept, Cap got into a cab sometime after 3am and took off from Newark at 6am for his annual research trip to Japan.

The kids and I will have a quietish day, but also some routine...Vinny this afternoon, common meal tonight (not at our house :-), the comic book store somewhere in between.  Now, off to break fast.



(from last night's show...)

Alas

How'd that happen?  Days passing with no blogging is a rarity (and I'll be taking a two week hiatus starting end of next week...internet connection in Barcelona is going to be much less than what I am used to).  My apologies.  This took me by surprise.

The addition of baseball into the family activity rotation has shifted my time-space continuum.

And we are working, slowly, on preparing the kids' room for the hoped for debunking of their bunk beds.  (Things need to be moved out, preferably permanently, to make more space.)

And a friend from high school invited me to join an Old School Music group on Facebook which has been totally fun...wonderful, really.  I've been listening to old tunes and adding some of my own.

In between there are the usual playdates and appointments (Vinny made a lump in my armpit disappear yesterday with some very painful massage that traveled from my pit down to my ribs...anyone here remember my Springtime woes in the rib/lung area of years past?)

An eye exam yesterday which resulted in a prescription change.  I am hoping my new glasses will be ready before my departure.

Staggering fatigue at the end of the day recently which has sent me to bed early.

Here are two oldies...one from the Old School Music group, the other a shot of me and my incredible mom who has taken such good care of me for so many years.

Marveling minutiae

Yesterday late afternoon, I free fell into Free Cell.  I usually play at least once a day on the iPhone.  It's not an addiction, per se, but it certainly does something to me neurochemically.  Hmm.  Maybe it is an addiction.

Anyway, I played on and off for a few hours, the latter part of the evening while watching the Red Sox game.  My "limited screen" awareness didn't kick in until it was way too late.  Not till I came out of my playing fog.

It was a strange evening.  I didn't eat dinner until quite late and even then I wasn't very hungry.  I did have the mind-body connection enough to eat something at hand (though I felt that tug of take out...this is the "activation" issue my brain has...an ADD strand).  I also managed enough clarity to keep this late meal small.

I stayed up late to watch Glee after the game was over.  I was really tired, but something kept me upright.  I was leaden by the time I dragged myself to wash up before hitting the hay.  **TMI alert**  I was surprised by a huge poop followed by a gut-cleaning release.  (I've been taking a TCM herb concoction called Master Cleanse for over a week now which definitely seems to be doing something along those lines...)

I laid awake for a bit wondering if I had insomnia.  By this point it was past 1am.

Then, I fell asleep.  And slept well.  I woke once and was surprised that neither of the kids had migrated to the bed.

**TMI alert**  This morning I was surprised to see light, bright pink on the toilet paper after my morning pee.  A period beginning with no usual PMS.  No cramping.  No raging emotion.  I did finish my burnt caramel-Hawaiian sea salt bar yesterday, one delicious section after the other.

A period in more flow.  Brownish blood is indicative of stagnation (the older the blood is, the darker and browner it will be).  Pink blood always makes me happy.

Maybe it's the emotional digestion I've accomplished this month.

Maybe it's the Master Cleanse herbs.

Maybe it's the few days in a row of qigong practice.

Maybe it's the occasional flaxseed/evening primrose oil I've been taking.

Feeling groovy.  I hope you find your groove today, too.

P.S.  Reading this piece over, I noticed I used the word "late" repeatedly.  A construct of time, as well as, of judgment/expectation/predetermination.  Another point of minutiae it could be argued.  But, a detail that is not lost on me.

P.P.S.  Periods, perimenopause and menopause don't have to be rough.

P.P.P.S.  Attending quietly and restfully to my body today.  Skipping qigong this morning, seeing Vinny this afternoon, considering practicing #10 tonight.