A few things

I am riding out a viral/hormonal/seasonal thing.  Shifts in and out of various states of being, on a daily basis, keeping me on my proverbial toes (actually I am spending much time in pajamas, stuck in the apartment).

I am nourishing myself with sleep, food, Qigong, books, movies and knitting.  I am finding that waking earlier is helpful to "productivity" because I am perkiest in the morning, and my system likes the tone that is set by waking early.  The flow gets going in earnest, uninterrupted, in the quiet.

Wake, practice Qigong, putter in the kitchen (put away items from day before + mentally or physically prepare + plan food stuff for the day), make a cup of tea...  This takes a good 60-90 minutes, I find.

I am noticing that I feel "better" (hard to quantify) if I stay off the laptop/cell phone till afternoon (which, frankly, leaves less time/attention for my internets activity, which have its uses and benefits...so it's not all good.)

Cabbage steam-sautéed in duck fat with an onion, seasoned with salt.  I think my Dad would love this.  It's yummy, but my digestive system has some reservations.

Celery root, or celeriac, is something I likely would never have tried if I weren't in a CSA.  I think they're beautiful.  And, surprisingly, I think they are delicious.  (Celery, along with carrots, were my absolute hated veg growing up.)

This breakfast made me happy: sunny side up eggs, sweet potato and celery root hash, and daikon kimchi.

I am totally surprised to have knitting suddenly come back into my life.  I had an idea for a project, found a pattern to my liking via Ravelry, bought the yarn last weekend when Cap and I went out for lunch, and my needles have been clicking away.  I'll post more when I can (the project involves a bit of secrecy, for now).

This book was amazing.  Very creative and clever.  So many of its subjects and themes resonated with me...it was uncanny.  I can't say enough about it.  I tried, over at Goodreads, and though my review was heartfelt, it was kind of clumsy.

I enjoyed this graphic novel very much.  I loved her illustrations, her stories, her recipes...I was tickled to have my food mind expanded by such an unassuming, yet engaging, young writer.

This movie blew my mind, ripped my heart out, and yet, made me glad to be alive.  Stunning, gorgeous, heartbreaking...so complex.  The direction was unbelievable, such a tour-de-force.  The ensemble was incredible, each performance utterly mesmerizing (the actors played multiple characters).  Tom Hanks has never done anything for me...but, wow.  He was really good in this.

Peace and love.

Laying low

I am under...something. The weather, my hormones, the season...

Healing myself with some ginger-lemon-honey tea...with evening primrose oil, with vitamin D. With books...and movies.

And with knitting. It has been about two years since I have knit something. I am knitting Elizabeth Zimmerman's Snail Hat for the kids and their cousins.

Peace and love.

Paring down to simple

I was pleased that we made it through the week without dipping into our savings account.  Yesterday, mostly because we had barely anything typically breakfast-y left in the fridge and pantry and partly because "daddy got paid", the kids and I went out for breakfast.  (Cap opted to catch a few more winks.)  I had some coffee with cream and a quintessential Garden State breakfast sammie: Taylor ham, scrambled egg, jack cheese on a buttermilk biscuit.  'Twas yummy.

The kids and I chewed on thoughts and ideas, as well as, food.  Sag shared some memories of preschool.  Gem recounted something he read recently about how children have friends of both genders till about age 3 and how after that, we humans tend to make friends of the same gender.  I did a mini-lesson on economics, comparing different activities/things we buy/do that cost the equivalent of what our breakfast tab was.

The depressive state of earlier in the week has given way to something hard to describe...I'll call it muddle-brained...with emotional spikes.  All chemical, all the current soup of perimenopause + the season.  All ephemeral...if not in the actual how it feels, certainly in its inevitable passing on.  I saw Vinny (after a brief break during which he traveled to the Grand Canyon for the first time) and that always helps.  He gave me some new herbs to hone in a tiny cough that has developed inside me.  I also picked up some vitamin D + fish oil and evening primrose + flaxseed oil.  Vitamin D and evening primrose are mood supporters.

It's hard not to think about the level of dismantling I am doing to my days as a devolution.  As regressive, as backwards.  The reality is that reality is very much shaped by perception.  Think about this linearly and I get one thing, think about it non-linearly and I get another.  Honestly, I am not thinking about it that much, at all.  (Which I actually think is a positive.)

I have noticed I am happier out of the apartment, possibly because the apartment is physically harder to be in than usual (the dust factor, which is fairly high already has been exponentialized by my system reacting to the seasonal mold outdoors, ironically).

On my mind:

• what will I read next?

• $10 lunch special with my sweetie

• The Oranges (which we watched last night and I have mixed feelings about)

• if you can believe it, knitting

• Qigong, walking, the Y, tap...I am at the nexus of "barely"

• the seeming black hole of budgeting/financial competence

• becoming more one with the Dragon as we head into the final two weeks of class

Peace and love and keeping it real and simple.

Link love

Food

Baked Sriracha Butternut Squash Fries (gluten-free and vegan)

Chocolate Cake with Cream Cheese Ganache (gluten-free and vegan)

Thomas Keller's Roast Chicken (Paleo)

Gluten-Free (Pull Apart) Dinner Rolls (gluten-free)

Toasted Coconut Butter Cups (Paleo)

Pumpkin Bread Pudding (Paleo)

I have not tried any of these recipes yet.  Will report back when I do!

Knitting Genius/Hilarity

Swants tutorial

Inspiring

Walking App

Power Drill Tub Scrubber

Ash Beckham

Peace and love.

States of being

Huh.

I did not plan or intend to be away from the blog for so long.

Insomnia (perimenopause related, methinks) has reared its bigass head this week.  3 out of the last 6 nights I have had trouble falling asleep.  As in lying in bed for hours upon hours.  I am getting a handle on things with Vinny's help.  Saw him Tuesday and am going again Saturday.

I am bewitched.  But not bothered (too much) or bewildered.

I am also...

stabbed with melancholy : : the light this time of year kills me...the low slant at 1:30pm momentarily breaks my heart.  daily.

intrigued by my latest book : : I tend to drink my fiction in big gulps, but The Wind-Up Girl, so far, is well-suited for a sip here, a sip there.

pulling my hair out : : literally.  this is not a big deal...yet.  but it's something.  (think bewitched.)

indulging in inspiration : : Kate herself is very inspirational.  but I am also inspired by her writing, her designs, her aesthetics, her pedagogy, her photography...I was going to put her new book on my holiday wishlist, but then went ahead and treated myself (I thought it might sell out!)

brought back to bliss : : seeing beauty in the midst of the tedium of doing/correcting math.

soothed by song : :

Peace and love.

Cozy in connection

I am feeling a bit better today.

Ran a Christmas-y errand driving our "sled" through the snow and got lost inside the mall (which still perplexes me).

  

I am sensing, gratefully, a financially calmer holiday season.  I am not being as conscious/intentional/attentional to our finances as I could be, but am having some moments/flashes of clarity which are helping.

I have been more aware of my/our time.

Our cards are made, paid for, and in da house.  Hoping to get to addressing envelopes this week.

Kids' big presents have been chosen, bought and hidden.

The December weekends seem a little less crazy than the November ones.  Just a little.

This afternoon I have delegated and canceled and taken time to rest.  It has been nice to cozy up inside as the snow fell steadily outside.

The internet shared some cozy, too, about reading, knitting, unionizing...and transforming/persisting/inspiring/overcoming odds and naysayers:

Peace and love.

Warm wool

This shawlette was finished over a year ago...at least. Actually, it has been waiting to be blocked for probably closer to two or maybe even three years. Time can be weird that way. I simply do not accept time as purely linear. In a case such as this, it would just be too painful.

I'm wearing an unusual get up today because both my bras are being laundered. My go to in this situation is what I think of as a dancer's top. It's a leotard-y tank. The 3/4 sleeve cotton cardi was not cutting it against the morning chill.

I had already prompted Gem to keep his neck warm as he headed out this morning with his brother and father, handing him a cozy scarf. It has become that time of year.

The shawlette caught my eye when I grabbed his scarf out the "hat box". Throwing years of non-action to the wind, when I felt the chill myself, amidst math figures and the latest spit bubble wonders, I placed this beauty upon my shoulders.

And once more was reminded of the magic of wool. Of fiber art. Of how it all connects and comes together.

Warmly. Absolutely. Incredibly. Simply.

Peace and yarny stitches.

Uncle

The hormonal surge has passed and I am left with the dregs of funneling in high octane dairy and fats into my body for four days running.

Uncle.

Common meal tonight at our house.  I made a lovely dairy-free root veggie Thai red curry.  Looking forward to it.

Every day is a new day.

Also looking forward to:

• seeing how things unfold as Gem is challenged by dealing with a subject he cares beans about.

• starting my next book, Johnny Weir's memoir: Welcome To My World.

• making time in the schedule to play the piano.

• getting back to our Hobbit read aloud.

• leaf peeping and pumpkin picking up at "the Cabinet" this weekend.

• making Halloween costumes.

• helping with Fall Craft Fair products.

• finishing a long hibernating knitting project.

• catching up with episodes in the DVR (AHS: Asylum, Call The Midwife, Revolution, All On The Line, Be Good Johnny Weir...there is totally not enough time...this is on top of the stuff I am caught up on!)

• planning a date night to squeeze in somewhere, somehow.

Peace.

Odds and ends

Science/nature appreciation outside our window.  This spider has been hanging about for a couple of weeks.  A stinkbug got caught in its web.  A feast was had.

We've had our first chilly days/nights.  Seasonal change I love.  I broke out the woolies.  Socks Wendy knit for me and a tank that was knit as a sample that I picked up during Stix n Stitches' closing sale.  Love wearing handknits.  Love.

I am hoping this is going to "stick", but in all honesty, I don't know if it will.  I really wanted the kids to pick an instrument through which they could study music and Sag immediately said he wanted to sing.  Well, the voice is an instrument, right?  Gem agreed to it, so we have had our first session.  They each picked a song, I plunked through the melodies on the piano and we sang.  It was...lovely in theory :-)

Off to Vinny's.

Peace.

Jagged and jiggy

Egads.  I have no words for this humidity.  110%.  There's low pressure bearing down on us.  And high winds.



I am fortifying myself with leftover slow cooked pork.  It was freaking delicious.  Probably due in no small part to the high quality meat.  I loved the simplicity of Nom Nom Paleo's recipe.  Served the pulled roast with guacamole, salsa verde and sour cream on the table.  Yum.  (Sis and BIL came over last night to pick up my n'er used bicycle.)

I am listening to lots of music.

I am alternately wafting/awash and pinging/ponging.

I am hyper and held still.

Anyway, I have managed, between compulsive online nattering and pollinating, to be productive here and there, too.

I have paid bills.

I have made phone calls.

I have fed children a balanced meal.

I decluttered the coat/bag hooks.  (Clutter on the bookshelf there, your days are numbered...)

And then, I made shore onto the Isle of Knits.  While poking around and setting things to rights I came across two (deeply) hibernating projects and was shocked to see that I had made progress on both that I had completely forgotten about.  (When did that knitting happen?)

On top is a sock for Brian.  He has big feet.  That is not an optical illusion.  I promised him these socks...maybe three years ago.  I had no idea I'd finished one and am now motivated to finish the pair.  I have to dig for my notes to see what size the needles were...

On bottom is a lap throw I started for Gem...years ago.  I bought a lot of ten or so balls of this yarn (Noro Matsuri).  I was stunned to see there were only two balls left.  I could easily finish this in a week if I put my mind to it.

Interestingly, a third project I was expecting to see was nowhere to be found.  I must have frogged it and cannot recall.  Weird, this knitterly Alzheimer's/ADD...

Off to get some sauce on for the kids' dinner.

Peace and Supremes.

Lunch

Red leaf lettuce from the farm, a hothouse tomato, nearly the last of the store-bought roasted chicken leftover from common meal...dressed with salt, pepper, a splash of balsamic vinegar and a drizzle of olive oil.  Some slices of Applegate Farm Genoa salami and a new pickle on the side.  Yum.

I forgot to mention that the guac I had for dinner last night I ate with a fork.  No tortilla chips.  I think there was sugar in the glaze of the ribs appie (I ordered two appies: the Garlic Lime ribs and the Pork Belly and Diver Scallops tacos).  I had one rib and shared the rest.  The diver scallops were probably seared in butter or seed oil.  Not sure how the pork belly was prepared...  But, man, they were so good and not much had been done to them.  There's no need with succulent and fresh pork belly and scallops!

I feel pretty good today.  I was physically uncomfortable by the end of the movie, the main source of my discomfort being the scent of someone's perfume.  It was Poison (hello '80s!)  Having some time in the fresh air between the movie and dinner helped me recover.

I had a late night last night (the kids and I watched Next Food Network Star and then I watched True Blood) and then played musical beds and moved into Sag's bed at 4am.  I am a little tired, a little grouchy and can feel a little something in my head...not a headache, but a tightness.

This morning, the kids came with me to feed the rats and then we traveled on to the library.  Coming home with a sack of books is always nice.  I'm currently, and very slowly, reading 11/22/63 but brought home The Year We Left Home, which I read somewhere, was very good.

I'm also having dreamy visions of knitting the o w l sweater after reading Kate Davies' story behind the pattern.  I have long appreciated the pattern from afar and would love to sidle up closer to it.

I am thrilled that the air conditioners are OFF.  I love my air conditioners when it is hot and humid, but truly, there is nothing like the balm of fresh air after a heat wave.  It is in the mid-eighties, but relatively dry.  I'll take it.

Adieu, stix

My favorite LYS (local yarn store) is closing.  I'm sad about that.  Not so much for myself since I have not been knitting that much in the last year or so, but for the community.  Sheila ran a lovely shop, one of those places it was good to know simply existed.

I went over today, they are in the home stretch and the discounts are deep.  This is what I came home with (stayed within my arbitrary budget of $60):

The sample Diorama was the most expensive item that came home with me (but a bargain, I think, at $25).  It hadn't even occurred to me that I'd be buying a handknit piece of clothing.  I was (still am) thrilled.  It's super soft and I love the color (a bit richer in real life) and I love the seed stitch and chain link detailing (Cap thought it looked like chain mail).  I think wearing this piece might inspire and motivate me to knit something more substantial for myself in the future.  We shall see.

The one skein of yarn I bought is a Cherry Tree Hill Fingerpaints self-striping superwash merino sock yarn.  I've never bought yarn made by this Vermont company.  The colors are darker and richer than pictured.  The colorway is called Secret Garden, which, as words so often do, grabbed me by the heart and squeezed.

The books were interesting choices.  More technical than anything else, though the knit, edgings and trims has a lot of pretty inside that is not merely practical.  The books were 40% off 30% off and were really a good deal.  I was prepared to leave the Book of Finishing Techniques behind thinking I didn't have enough money for it, but with the unexpected discount, I was able to bring it home.

I do feel the stirrings of inspiration...of mojo mulling a return.

Peace and love.

And so it begins

Here I am again at the first day of the rest of my life.  A post by Gluten-Free Goddess resonated yesterday...I appreciated what she mused about time.

I've been eating sugar and not only grains, but gluten, like a lunatic.  To "party" before the change.  (Lunacy = continuing to party even though it makes you feel like crap.)

On the precipice, here I am:

• grouchy (just ask my suffering partner...he's the one that gets lashed with my acid tongue).

• mucousy.

• teary eyes (not from crying).

• fuzzy mind.

• during butt punches I could feel my butt getting warm from the outside yet felt no internal heat.  I'll call this: wall of non-feeling very impermeable.  in other words, energy channels are blocked and/or stagnant.  in other words, internal inflammation flourishing.

• weight: 164 lbs.  (the least of my problems, really, but the return of the pendulum is hard to ignore.)

Changes afoot:

• deleted my e-mail inbox from 800 to 700.  by end of week down to under 100?  10?

• good time for a tv break.  the kids and I are watching Next Food Network Star but most of my shows are on hiatus.  True Blood was kind of a dud last night.  but I may watch it for Tara.  Breaking Bad starts July 15.

• last day of Whole30 will be July 18.  so yes, quieting down the tv screen for the next 30 days.

• perhaps the computer screen will quiet down, too.

• pushing myself to practice Qigong and go outside every day, even if it is just for 20 minutes or a walk around the block.

• specific work for the family: create a new budget by July 1, continue declutter, plan out summer homeschooling.

• specific personal work: get started with highly sensitive reading and modules, push to really consider a knitting project.

Peace and love.

In afternoon light

I knit some stitches today.  In between offering sips of tea and holding hair back for vomiting.  And taking temperatures.  And soothing and holding.  And watching one sleep and listening to the other iPadding.

I am back from having Sag checked out at the family doc.  He does indeed have strep, on top of the GI virus his brother started with in the middle of the night.  I feel bad for him with this double whammy...he's hanging in there.  Cap is out getting the amoxicillin.  We fervently hope that he'll be able to keep it down.

I wish I could close my eyes for a bit longer.  But, I was lucky.  Vinny was able to push my appointment back.  So I will head off for his healing hands with my new book.  (I know, another one...this one I purchased with the last of my Xmas cash.)

These days and nights

...reading Last Night In Twisted River.

...watching Lucy Liu in Southland (love this show and cast...she is a new addition).

...drinking Amy & Brian's Coconut Juice.

...considering the pros and cons of caffeine.

...knitting the Cavendish throw in Noro Matsuri.

...sleeping like a bear in Winter.

...expanding and contracting as if exiting a chrysalis.

...dreaming about travel/retreat.

All of this and more...with so much gratitude and love.

Chaotic kick

I have been shaking things up a bit...living the chaos before a cleanse.  Today I (finally) had a macaron from the French bakery that opened up in town over the Summer.  They are gluten-free, but do contain sugar.  I've given them as gifts twice, but have abstained myself.

I went with pistachio.  It was interesting and very, very tasty.

I want to kick nudge myself off this plateau.  There is some energy here.  Feels a bit chaotic.

Our time with Anna and the kids was fun, loving, warming and wonderful.  Today I got to buy Elsa (our goddaughter) yarn and knitting needles!  Be still my heart.  I am full up with gratitude.

Purple goodness

I do love purple.  My SIL gave me some squishy and sparkly purple yarn for my birthday.

I spent much of the weekend knitting the blanket.  (Not purple.)  And while it was satisfying, this kind of longterm knitting does take on a sloggy feel to it, for me.  You can't quite completely take the ADDish need for instant gratification out of this girl, as it turns out.

So, late last night, I cast on the purple for a scarf.  And this evening, I wove in the ends.  That super bulky yarn will knit up right quick for you, hear?

I love the sparklies.  For real.  But, I don't love the feel of the 51% acrylic.  Especially when it's paired with mohair which I am coming to realize is not a favored fiber of mine.  No worries.  I can easily wear this not directly on my skin.

I am looking to steam block it.  (Kelly, do you have a steam iron I can borrow?)  Blocking, like swatching, is an aspect of knitting I have yet to embrace very fully. But, these leaves curl slightly and blocking would likely help flatten them, making them more visually prominent.  If the yarn was wool, it'd be a no brainer to block.  But, word is that acrylic is blockable if done carefully (ie. don't stick the iron on those plastic filaments!)

Purple goodness.  Love it.

In progress again

A Cavendish blanket in Noro Matsuri yarn.  I picked it up yesterday evening...it has been hibernating for over a year, methinks.  I couldn't believe my eyes because I had screwed it up significantly.  This blanket has a right side and wrong side and the sides had switched awhile back.  So...half of what I had knit had the right side on one side, and the other half of what I had knit had the right side on the other side!

Yikes.

Luckily, I only had to rip back two repeats of the 20 row pattern (146 stitches x 20  x 2 = 5840 stitches!)  I thought I might end up ripping back all the way because I am not very skilled at picking stitches up.

I was a sleep deprived mess last night and my immune system is in fighting mode today.  This means more knitting and reading.  I've got food cued for the kids and Daniel and Cap is home (though he is powering through a buttload of work and we need to leave him be as much as possible.)

I am back to where the blanket had been, but now with the right side/wrong side mess sorted out.  I LOVE the colors of this yarn.  It's an 87% cotton 13% wool blend.  Perfect for those early or late Summer nights when the windows are open and the breezes portend a change of season.

Unlike the cowls and scarves, this project will require time.  My patience...my attention span...these will be tested.

When it rains...

 Delphinium DPC (Dolores Park Cowl)

Misti Alpaca Chunky

for Lana

 Cuttin' It Close Cowl

Debbie Bliss Cashmerino

one for Mom and one for Donna

 Kogarashi DPC

Noro Kogarashi

for moi

 Alpaca Ariosa Cowl

Elsebeth Lavold Chunky AL

for Vanessa

Garter Stitch Scarf

Debbie Bliss Casmerino and Noro New Ruby

for Ellie

Nothing fancy, all pretty straightforward...but that was a fast six FOs!

Kogarashi DPC

I was going to regale you with images of sleep deprivation/insomnia and dry cracking skin.  How fun would that have been?  Suffering these longer terms symptoms of imbalance (around sugar and gluten/grain in particular)...sucks.  Whether I go to bed at 10:30 or 1:00, I cannot escape, for now, lying awake for over two hours.  My hair has started falling out again and my skin, especially on my hands and lower legs are scaly, cracking and/or itchy.

But.

So far, we're not succumbing to the GI bug we were exposed to.  I was going to take the kids out to see a movie today, but then decided to watch one at home.  No need to push the immune system farther.  Tin Tin will wait.

And.

Going Bovine started slow for me.  Yesterday afternoon I picked it up again and was rewarded.  The book has started to pick up significant steam and I can't wait to read more of it today.

Also.

I wound Kogarashi last night between reading a chapter of Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator to the kids and giggling to 30 Rock.  This yarn is so luxe and fab.  I decided to keep it simple, which I highly recommend when you have a yarn that is going to do all the work for you.  I also went with a cowl so I'd be able to feel the cozy right up against my skin when all was said and done.

My Kogarashi DPC (Dolores Park Cowl w/ some mods) knit up like a dream.

This morning, as I staggered out of bed dizzy(that hasn't happened in awhile) and sleep deprived, I was bummed.  But when I pulled the cowl over my head, a snuggly transformation did occur.  Enveloped in warm and happy there was nothing to do but capture some love and light and smile instead.

Peace and love and how'd it get to be happy Friday.  (Have you noticed how time is flying?)