Post-storm

We are all fine and the car is fine. And, surprisingly, we have power.

The worst of it has been that a ginormous tree branch came down in the driveway. The driveway is impassable and the phone line was brought down. So for now, no landline, no Internet, no cable tv and no car.

Our landlord has more significant issues at his primary home so we are sitting tight.

I am very grateful we didn't lose power. I have been cooking, which is therapeutic.

Honestly, I am a bit of a mess. If you know me, you know how sensitive I am to low pressure systems. Well, Sandy was the mother of them, felt like, and I suffered.

By 6pm last night I was pacing. So restless and wired. I had a headache that was more pressure than pain that did not relent until this morning.

I fell into bed before anyone (we made a shelter camp in the kids' room) out of sheer adrenalized exhaustion. I half slept and half intense-dreamed the whole night as the wind continued to gust.

This morning I held it together long enough to fix the kids something to eat and communicate with the landlord and neighbors and the phone company (30 mins on hold).

Lost it mid-morning to Cap.

Could not stop the shaking inside. Like fury, clawing desperation, spiraling out and out.

Cap and the kids accommodated my meltdown. I felt much better afterward, it brought some pure relief.

They are now at Danielle's for Internet and play. I am catching up with texts, emails and tweets. I need to call my mom. She lives on the collapsed crane block and was evacuated yesterday.

I also just need to breathe. To enjoy the silence.

I am, truly, so grateful. We were very lucky. My heart goes out to those who were less lucky and who face and are facing terrible loss and recovery.

Peace and love.

Note to self

When I am upset (especially when my body is in inflammation mode from being back on grains and sugar) I look for signs that whoever I am sharing my moment of upset with actively relates to how I am feeling.

If there is no outward (or the more subtle energetic) indication of the other person/people being upset in solidarity with me (changes in facial expression, body language, voice quality) or of their going into empathy/sympathy mode (changes in facial expression, body language, voice quality)...

...my brain/nervous system registers this as confusing.  As opposed to comforting.  Which is what I am instinctually seeking.  And I go from feeling generally (and reasonably appropriately) upset to specifically vulnerable.  Which can be confusing to the person/people I am with.

This is part of being highly sensitive.  My feelers for how people and experiences feel are usually deliciously tuned.  But if I am thrown off by something (and sometimes the balance is delicate), my receivers can cut me to the quick and leave me feeling raw.

I become much less able, in those moments, to see clearly that a passive reaction is not anything more or less than just what it is.  Nothing to get even more ruffled by.

I remind myself what I say to my kids (and anyone else who will listen): let go of the worry, take away the lesson, find the peace.

Library love

Ran into Kelly and her powerful warm hugs. Had some delicious, fair trade, organic and/or locally sourced soup, pie and espresso which was at least one thing too many. Picked up a long-awaited book. Had an hour to myself.

Warm wool

This shawlette was finished over a year ago...at least. Actually, it has been waiting to be blocked for probably closer to two or maybe even three years. Time can be weird that way. I simply do not accept time as purely linear. In a case such as this, it would just be too painful.

I'm wearing an unusual get up today because both my bras are being laundered. My go to in this situation is what I think of as a dancer's top. It's a leotard-y tank. The 3/4 sleeve cotton cardi was not cutting it against the morning chill.

I had already prompted Gem to keep his neck warm as he headed out this morning with his brother and father, handing him a cozy scarf. It has become that time of year.

The shawlette caught my eye when I grabbed his scarf out the "hat box". Throwing years of non-action to the wind, when I felt the chill myself, amidst math figures and the latest spit bubble wonders, I placed this beauty upon my shoulders.

And once more was reminded of the magic of wool. Of fiber art. Of how it all connects and comes together.

Warmly. Absolutely. Incredibly. Simply.

Peace and yarny stitches.

Boom

Haha, the photos uploaded crazy big, but I was quite delighted to post my last post from my luxe phone.  Posting musings and pics from a cabin in the woods.  Yay for small first world pleasures.

The tumbling, joyful, chaotic energy and activity of Fall continues.  In retrospect, I am really glad I took that California holiday.  I didn't realize how far reachingly nourishing it would turn out to be.  I was initially distracted by the jet lag.

The kids are due back any moment so it's bullet-time:

• Homeland.  Watch it.  The best thing to come to the boob tube since Arrested Development.  Both shows inform their genres (schools them clobberingly, really, on what is clearly possible) and then bust out of them, lifting us all to a transcendent place of...tv heaven.

• Dragon's Way: class has been awesome.  uplifting.  nourishing.  the food shift is going slow but is happening.  the practice shift is happening only a bit faster, but is, importantly, happening.  it feels like an organic part of my current process.

• nothing says "let's bang out some holiday cards!" like a weekend in foliage country.

• stuff is getting rassled up.  been taking my Chinese herbal sleep aids the last couple of nights.

• craft fair Friday, Halloween next week.  handmade takes time...eek!

• Louis C.K. with my honey this weekend.

• in less than a month Sag turns 11.  oh my.

• I have a ton of photos to process from the weekend (I took about 400!)  here is one I love that did not make the cut for our card because as Gem observed, "I have an eye patch".

Peace and love.

In the woods

Ahhhhh... Huge life-giving breaths of air and light and love here amongst the trees and sister and brother-in-law and nephew dog.

So so lucky, much much gratitude.

Peace.

Étrange

Have been still today. 

Slow to wake (kept falling back into dream-filled sleep until 9:30am).  In a state not quite tired.  Blank of energy.

Read Johnny's memoir. 

I lost count of how many GFCF cupackes I've consumed (leftover from last night's common meal, homemade by Cap). 

Immune system powered up, I believe.

The rain all day didn't help.

I am loving my new phone camera and the filters on Instagram.

Peace.

Uncle

The hormonal surge has passed and I am left with the dregs of funneling in high octane dairy and fats into my body for four days running.

Uncle.

Common meal tonight at our house.  I made a lovely dairy-free root veggie Thai red curry.  Looking forward to it.

Every day is a new day.

Also looking forward to:

• seeing how things unfold as Gem is challenged by dealing with a subject he cares beans about.

• starting my next book, Johnny Weir's memoir: Welcome To My World.

• making time in the schedule to play the piano.

• getting back to our Hobbit read aloud.

• leaf peeping and pumpkin picking up at "the Cabinet" this weekend.

• making Halloween costumes.

• helping with Fall Craft Fair products.

• finishing a long hibernating knitting project.

• catching up with episodes in the DVR (AHS: Asylum, Call The Midwife, Revolution, All On The Line, Be Good Johnny Weir...there is totally not enough time...this is on top of the stuff I am caught up on!)

• planning a date night to squeeze in somewhere, somehow.

Peace.

Flat earth

New song I'm loving.

Cap is cool

Cap's been exploring the photographs of Robert Frank with the kids.  This one stopped me in my tracks.

Hanging in the balance

Day 3 of Dragon's Way.  What is it that I/we have the urge to compartmentalize time.  Bracket it.

Ovulation-related hormone surge or dip had me nodding off in Vinny's waiting room yesterday afternoon.  Both pregnancies, I'd come home from work and nod off on the couch while sitting up.  (Muscle) memories.

And I cannot get enough dairy in me.

Balancing resting with the demands of daily life.  Always, but some days it feels more pointed than others.

I started the book yesterday.  Wow.  It's a good one.  Powerful swings from horror, heartbreak and hearty laughter.  A whodunit ensnared in cultural commentary.

Had myself an early dinner, solo, while the kids were at Video Game Design class.  It was a nice respite from the rush of the day.  The boys behind the counter were a delight to eavesdrop on.

Beginning to feel the instinctual shutting down for Winter.

Chopin, take it away.

Bits

Jet lag continues...though I am less draggy, my mind less mushy, with each passing day. 

I am exploring my new phone, digging Dragon's Way class which started last night, chipping away at bills-y kind of paperwork, getting back into the saddle of the schedule, etc.

I have Louise Erdrich's new book from the library for eight days.  Have not had the wherewithal to start it...

I read a poem I liked this morning.  You can read it here.

After Comic Con we walked from the Javits Center to Midtown Comics and from there to my mom's.  It was cool to be on foot passing the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel...new perspective of a familiar landscape.

Peace and love.

NY Comic Con

There was meeting and chatting with admired artist-writers.

There was Hobbit-y Lego.

There were things unveiled.

There was a panel we waited on line an hour for...so worth it.

There were new games to play.

There was a lot of smiling.

End of day: mellow and ready to call it a con.

Oakland: the flora and the fauna

 Leo.

 Sophie.

 Leona Canyon Creek.

Josephine Street, Berkeley.

 Paris.

 view from Skyline trail.

 Sophie.

 Leo.

 wild iris.

50th Avenue, Maxwell Park.

The whirring of lovely humming bird wings were heard daily out my window.  You'll have to use your imagination for that, though.

Perhaps it is jet lag fatigue, perhaps it is simply true.  While many of my pics looked good on Instagram, at home in iPhoto they leave something to be desired.  Over the next couple of months I will consider upgrading to an iPhone for the better camera or resign myself to lugging around my Sony Cybershot (which is, itself, due for an upgrade within a year, I think).

In the meantime, enjoy these, the best of the flora and fauna lot.  I've decided to devote a separate post to the trees of Muir Woods.  I couldn't do justice to them with even the best of cameras.  But, I love them and took a bunch of shots.

Happy Saturday.  Peace and love.

Re-entry

I slept over ten hours with minimal interruption.  Yay.  Feeling halfway human after the zombie of a day yesterday.

Black coffee from Berkeley Bowl is helping.

Leftover defrosted homemade pastured BBQ pulled pork with jus jelly and onions with a dollop of mayo wrapped in a brown rice tortilla helped, too.

Been easing back by reading blogs (enjoyed this), communing with the children, resuming the waving of my social secretary wand...

Busy late afternoon/evening ahead.  Peace and love.

Oakland: the food

The eats did not disappoint during this trip.  From kitchen table to casual dining to destination dinners, it was an amazing array.

My journey began and ended with chocolate.  A couple of days before I left, I discovered that The Chocolate Path, which shuttered its brick and mortar shop a while back, offers free local delivery for online orders.  Sweet.  I ordered the kids their favorite bars and had Susan put together a gift for Barbra and Audrey.

Barbra picked me up at SFO and we had a smooth and quick drive into the Mission where we met Lana at Foreign Cinema for dinner.  We shared Fanny Bay and Kumamoto oysters.  I had the house cured sardines, an espresso and the chevre cheesecake with blackberry compote and peach essence.  I would return here in a heartbeat.  My overall favorite place where we ate.  (Big Man Japan projected through dinner was a special treat.)

Saturday morning, Audrey went to Berkeley Bowl to do her weekly shopping.  I had a lovely brunch plate: heirloom tomato, local Brie, local pickle, local sauerkraut and a delectable salami.

Saturday night we met Rocky and Mark for dinner at Boca Nova in Jack London Square.  I had the Dungeness crab deviled eggs and the BBQ pork ribs.  I also tasted the sweet corn succotash, fried green tomatoes, mussels, and shrimp ceviche.

On Sunday, Barbra and I hiked in Muir Woods.  From there we drove along the gorgeous Pacific coast to Point Reyes Station where we had lunch at Stellina.  The Hog Island oysters were one of my two perfect bites of the trip.  The candied bacon, caramelized onion, arugula and fontina pizza was also excellent.  I ended with an espresso.

After lunch we strolled the town and made our way to Cowgirl Creamery.  I picked up some cheese to bring home and some sweets to fortify us for the drive home.  An espresso mousse and Earl Grey panna cotta.

Audrey made dinner for us Sunday night.  We started with olives and pickle from Berkeley Bowl and the triple cream and Chimney Rock cheeses from Cowgirl Creamery.  Audrey made some panko crusted baked chicken, barely fried eggplant and arugula pesto.  Delish.

We met Saskia and Mary for lunch at Picante on Monday.  I had my one Bay area burrito and it was utterly satisfying.  I did not speak until I finished it.  Carne asada with notes of cinnamon, refried beans, guacamole, cheese, salsa and crema...hold the rice.  (I was uncomfortable walking around for the next two hours.  I was so stuffed.)  The Mexican coffee was very good, too.

Monday night we had dinner at one of Barbra and Audrey's favorite restaurants, Dopo.  I have wanted to eat here for a long time and, boy, was it worth the wait.  The albacore crudo crostini with anchovy was the other perfect bite of the trip.  We also shared a plate of antipasto for three that included a beautifully batter-friend rock cod.  We hauled butt over to Flavor Brigade for some Philly style frozen custard which was super good.  (Better than Rita's!)

On Tuesday, I met Erik's childhood friend and a close friend of our family, Mike, for lunch at Pican.  Those logs were beef brisket hush puppies.  We shared those and I had the fried chicken with smoked gouda mac and cheese and a drizzle of truffle honey.  I ended with an espresso.

That night we got takeout from Shan Dong, which is in Oakland's Chinatown.  We got veggie dumplings and chicken dumplings.  These are the best dumplings.  Ever.  While we were picking up our order, my eyes and stomach were drawn to the stacks of freshly made steamed pork buns.  I had to have one.  And ate it on the drive home.

We had leftovers for lunch on Wednesday.  There's a dumpling, a hush puppy, some mac and cheese and the roasted broccoli and bacon I made to have with the Chinese food.

My last meal was in San Francisco, at Incanto, with Mary.  My high expectations were not met.  A bit uneven, the good was good, but not worth the money...at least not that night.  I had the albacore crudo with smoked quail eggs and the handkerchief pasta with pork ragu with crispy fried duck eggs.  Dessert was my favorite: chocolate crema, Meyer lemon mousse with salty shortbread and olive oil sorbetto.  It sounded like a way too much mish mash, but it was unexpectedly well balanced and satisfying.  And I ended with...an espresso.

I picked up some chocolate, for gifts and for myself, from Michael Mischer.  I enjoyed all of it during this long and strange day-after-I-didn't-sleep-a-wink-on-the-redeye.  Four truffles (espresso, orange, lavender honey and salted caramel) and an almond and salt dark chocolate bar.  See the detail on the orange "skin"?  Loved that.

Thanks for reading.  The food was marvelous.  For real.  I don't think I will ever manage another foodie trip like this.  It was really a lot of food...too much to sustain the total pleasure factor without some concentration if I'm being completely honest.

I am starting a Dragon's Way on Monday.  Looking forward to it in every way.

Peace and love, more pics to come!  The people, the canines, the nature, the architecture...