I was all set to join when I hurt my shoulder. With physical therapy set to start tomorrow and my first appointment with my new acupuncturist scheduled for Thursday, I figure I'll have some good (ie. informed) feedback about what sort of exercise/ activity/ movement will best match my body's needs and abilities.
My non-starting relationship with regular exercise has been an albatross for years now. In trying to make this decision/commitment yet again, I took a harder look at some of the players in my personal drama.
Fear.
I have a resistance to being out alone outside which lies near healthy, but a little towards unhealthy.
When I was twelve, I began commuting to Manhattan to go to school (this continued until I was eighteen and graduated form high school). This involved walking about a dozen residential (read sleepy) blocks in my leafy Queens neighborhood to the subway station and then taking 2-3 subway lines to my school.
During this time period, enough men exposed themselves to me or molested me that I had to suck up a regular dose of dread and loathing just to get to school and back every day. (One guy targeted me for I don't know how long on the N train and would actually follow me when I tried to dart into another car to avoid him.)
I think I talked to my mom about it, but what could she do other than to be sympathetic and advise me to be alert and careful. It was "shouganai" (what can you do?) and I felt so lucky not to be my sister who was with a friend when she was mugged in a girls' bathroom at her high school during the first week of school a couple of years later.
Cost.
The Y is appealing because they are family friendly. But, it has been out of our price range the last few years because of the cost, and also, because we haven't been geographically stable enough to make the investment of joining a gym worthwhile. Now that we're here another four years at the very least, I'm feeling ready to take the plunge. Also, my last grad school student loan was paid off this summer. We're still carrying credit card debt, but the extra $200+/month will help to cover this new cost.
Climate.
I'm sensitive to heat and humidity. I'm back in the northeast where soon enough it'll be getting dark at 4:00 pm. And cold. And icy. Joining a gym cuts all this out of the equation. The Y is about a 10 minute walk from the apartment and once I'm there, the climate will be controlled.
Age.
At 41, I'm much more conscious of my mortality and really want to make the most of things and try to prolong my life in the ways that I can. Exercising will give me more energy and make me happier (hello endorphins). And, will give my organs and body systems a break. I'm pretty healthy overall, but incredibly sedentary. I could stand to lose 25 pounds or so and loosen things up.
Self-Care.
I'm trying to give myself more time and space. Our parenting style has been very hands on. The kids still come into bed with us (and given their druthers would always sleep in the big bed), Kinder nursed till he was 3, and they have never been cared for by a paid caregiver. Homeschooling is a natural progression of our parenting style. We've been very lucky and blessed.
Now that the kids are 5 3/4 and 7, I am parenting and homeschooling kids who are more independent in their skills and desires. I'm still with them nearly 24/7, but am no longer attached at the hip. I can do things like blog at the table while they draw (this morning, they started with their Ben 10 comic book creations and have moved onto their own versions of the Scrambled States of America).
Cap's academic job gives us more flexibility than his former 9 to 5 job (which so often means 8 to 6 unless you live 5 minutes from your work). We know his schedule for the fall now and are starting to construct a family schedule around it.
I'm blogging, I'm reading more (I cleaned up around my desk yesterday and collected all the books I'm in the middle of reading in a basket---surprising since I am usually a book-at-a-time kind of girl), and getting out of the house on my own to improve my health fits right in with my needs and desires.
It's really easy for me not go out every day. But then, I do go out, like this morning when I walked down the street to get my mammogram, and I loved the fresh morning air... Yesterday I checked the movie listing of our local art house theater. I can walk to this theater, I need to get out more!