Tuesday 10

• combining my interests in Finland, aging and nature, this photo series rocks my world.

• I've been on a documentary kick and have loved this, this and this.

• Hyperbole and a Half has so entranced Sag he rued not bringing his gift cards to the bookstore yesterday when he spotted it on the shelves.  oh, and the shop was having "Cider Monday" with a warm cider station and mulling spices greeting you as you walked in!

• speaking of which, this article helped clarify my issues, critically, with the frenzy of consumerism associated with this time of year.  the underbelly of the beast is incredibly ugly, the beast a force of destruction.  I have taken a step back and am considering my purchases (and how I purchase) even more carefully.

• speaking of which, I do rely on an online vendor for our holiday photo cards.  I grew up with my mug smiling out of a Kodak photo card, every Christmas, literally since I was born.  Kodak is no more and we rode the tide over to Shutterfly (who took over Kodak customers) a couple of years ago.  long story short, this year's card arrived (all 150) and the text of the message was difficult to read.  I gave them a call, the rep took a look on her screen, agreed immediately and issued us credit for 150 more cards and their most express level of shipping!  excellent, excellent customer service.  (because I am a flibbertigibbet I realized as soon as I clicked "order", when reordering, that the edited cards look Halloween-y because I went with the thickest font in black (overcompensation for the original delicate font in white) on an orange background.)

• the Hubble Space Telescope Advent Calendar!

• some really lovely illustrated children's books and picture books.  I used to collect them in my life before kids...some of these are quite enticing.

• I follow National Geographic photos on Instagram and Facebook.  if you are not on social media, check out their "Photo of the Day" on the website...you won't regret it.  their photos are stunning.

• "because when I am tired and frazzled, what I'm missing most is my own attention."  read that line recently and it hit a chord.  the author was Jennifer Louden and I now have two of her books (one borrowed from a friend, one from the library) waiting to be perused.

• I kind of can't get enough of this shot I took from the car and processed in Instagram.  it's a Plympton cranberry bog in late afternoon Thanksgiving Day light.

Peace and love.

Catching up

What I am now thinking of as a virus lingers. Hopefully it will move on in a few days. I surrender.

I have been reading a lot: Life As We Knew It, Calling Dr. Laura and The Fault In Our Stars. (All very good and recommended.)

Cap and I watched an incredible documentary called A Band Called Death. Highly recommended.

I am sleeping...dreaming intensely and waking early (ready to go to bed by 9-10pm but that is difficult because I'm sleeping in the kids' room and they are still awake).

I am craving and eating lots of starchy carbs and eggs.

Having a bordering-on-bossy mug of Earl Grey to ease me into the day. Off to pull on some clothes and visit the farmer's market. (Yay for my market companion, Kelly, providing door-to-door service!)

Peace and love.

P.S.  Big news: Peru is a GO!!!

A few things

I am riding out a viral/hormonal/seasonal thing.  Shifts in and out of various states of being, on a daily basis, keeping me on my proverbial toes (actually I am spending much time in pajamas, stuck in the apartment).

I am nourishing myself with sleep, food, Qigong, books, movies and knitting.  I am finding that waking earlier is helpful to "productivity" because I am perkiest in the morning, and my system likes the tone that is set by waking early.  The flow gets going in earnest, uninterrupted, in the quiet.

Wake, practice Qigong, putter in the kitchen (put away items from day before + mentally or physically prepare + plan food stuff for the day), make a cup of tea...  This takes a good 60-90 minutes, I find.

I am noticing that I feel "better" (hard to quantify) if I stay off the laptop/cell phone till afternoon (which, frankly, leaves less time/attention for my internets activity, which have its uses and benefits...so it's not all good.)

Cabbage steam-sautéed in duck fat with an onion, seasoned with salt.  I think my Dad would love this.  It's yummy, but my digestive system has some reservations.

Celery root, or celeriac, is something I likely would never have tried if I weren't in a CSA.  I think they're beautiful.  And, surprisingly, I think they are delicious.  (Celery, along with carrots, were my absolute hated veg growing up.)

This breakfast made me happy: sunny side up eggs, sweet potato and celery root hash, and daikon kimchi.

I am totally surprised to have knitting suddenly come back into my life.  I had an idea for a project, found a pattern to my liking via Ravelry, bought the yarn last weekend when Cap and I went out for lunch, and my needles have been clicking away.  I'll post more when I can (the project involves a bit of secrecy, for now).

This book was amazing.  Very creative and clever.  So many of its subjects and themes resonated with me...it was uncanny.  I can't say enough about it.  I tried, over at Goodreads, and though my review was heartfelt, it was kind of clumsy.

I enjoyed this graphic novel very much.  I loved her illustrations, her stories, her recipes...I was tickled to have my food mind expanded by such an unassuming, yet engaging, young writer.

This movie blew my mind, ripped my heart out, and yet, made me glad to be alive.  Stunning, gorgeous, heartbreaking...so complex.  The direction was unbelievable, such a tour-de-force.  The ensemble was incredible, each performance utterly mesmerizing (the actors played multiple characters).  Tom Hanks has never done anything for me...but, wow.  He was really good in this.

Peace and love.

Paring down to simple

I was pleased that we made it through the week without dipping into our savings account.  Yesterday, mostly because we had barely anything typically breakfast-y left in the fridge and pantry and partly because "daddy got paid", the kids and I went out for breakfast.  (Cap opted to catch a few more winks.)  I had some coffee with cream and a quintessential Garden State breakfast sammie: Taylor ham, scrambled egg, jack cheese on a buttermilk biscuit.  'Twas yummy.

The kids and I chewed on thoughts and ideas, as well as, food.  Sag shared some memories of preschool.  Gem recounted something he read recently about how children have friends of both genders till about age 3 and how after that, we humans tend to make friends of the same gender.  I did a mini-lesson on economics, comparing different activities/things we buy/do that cost the equivalent of what our breakfast tab was.

The depressive state of earlier in the week has given way to something hard to describe...I'll call it muddle-brained...with emotional spikes.  All chemical, all the current soup of perimenopause + the season.  All ephemeral...if not in the actual how it feels, certainly in its inevitable passing on.  I saw Vinny (after a brief break during which he traveled to the Grand Canyon for the first time) and that always helps.  He gave me some new herbs to hone in a tiny cough that has developed inside me.  I also picked up some vitamin D + fish oil and evening primrose + flaxseed oil.  Vitamin D and evening primrose are mood supporters.

It's hard not to think about the level of dismantling I am doing to my days as a devolution.  As regressive, as backwards.  The reality is that reality is very much shaped by perception.  Think about this linearly and I get one thing, think about it non-linearly and I get another.  Honestly, I am not thinking about it that much, at all.  (Which I actually think is a positive.)

I have noticed I am happier out of the apartment, possibly because the apartment is physically harder to be in than usual (the dust factor, which is fairly high already has been exponentialized by my system reacting to the seasonal mold outdoors, ironically).

On my mind:

• what will I read next?

• $10 lunch special with my sweetie

• The Oranges (which we watched last night and I have mixed feelings about)

• if you can believe it, knitting

• Qigong, walking, the Y, tap...I am at the nexus of "barely"

• the seeming black hole of budgeting/financial competence

• becoming more one with the Dragon as we head into the final two weeks of class

Peace and love and keeping it real and simple.

Gestures

at home.

at the park.

I like gestures.  I find them arresting in a brain-tickling way.  They are invitations to connect and comprehend.  They are open to interpretation.  Listening to words can become tiresome (remember, I can barely hear lyrics to songs)...I am much more kinesthetic, visual, intuitive than verbal and auditory.  

When asked the classic question, if you had to choose between going blind and going deaf, hands down, I always chose going deaf.  This changed after my kids came into my life.  Listening to their sounds and voices, their thoughts and words...I would still choose going deaf, but it is not as simple a decision anymore.

It was interesting to capture these two images within a 24-hour period during which I also watched Blackfish.  I learned that there are indications that orcas have language.  In one of the most emotional scenes of a documentary that had many, a mother orca in captivity hung absolutely still in a corner of a tank (reportedly for hours) moaning and screeching, gesturing her grief, utterly bereft by the hole left in her being and soul after her calf was taken from her (and sold/transferred to another facility).  (Orcas remain with their mothers for the duration of their lives in the wild.)

There is a poetry to the stillness of gesture.  The completeness of the moment.  It's what draws me to modern dance.  It is minimalism that has the potential to express oceans without a sound.

Peace.

True stories

Wow.  This graphic novel was amazeballs.  It was an unflinching look at aging and dying, parental and familial ties, and the gifts and challenges of the passage of time.  There were moments of incredible joy and wonder, true rewards for sticking with often heartbreaking and difficult terrain.

I am feeling slightly depressive.  I think, mostly, due to the time change.  As I mentioned yesterday, I am sensitive to the decreasing light this time of year,  The shift of daylight savings takes a bit of a toll on me.

I've noticed lately that I seem drawn, inordinately, to consuming art that is on the dark side.  I am not questioning it, there is, as they say, no accounting for taste.  It would be more accurate to say that it's occurred to me lately that perhaps if I sought out lighter fare, it might help tip the balance of my mood and/or perspective...which has felt a bit on the raw/rough/harsh side of things.  

But, I love what I love and so I recently watched a documentary about The Donner Party.  It was riveting and I learned a lot.  It says something when the most shocking aspects of a real life story had nothing to do with the consumption, by humans, of human flesh.

I have Blackfish on tap.  I have a feeling this one is going to gut me so I have been waiting for "the right moment" to watch it.

There is an empowerment that comes with bearing witness.

What are you reading/watching?

Peace.

Yesterday

Got the time wrong and had an extra half hour to myself sipping on a chai latte before an hour spent catching up with Silke who I had not seen since her return from Germany.

I do love a good mise en place.  The CSA veg called for another shakshouka base.  I used summer squash and boxed crush toms for this one.

I also used red bell peppers because that's what I had.  Love, love, the color.

I love having something to put turmeric in.  I recently learned that it has anti-inflammatory qualities.  The smell of it doesn't call to me, but the color sure does.

Last night was Taco Tuesday.  The protein was ground Mangalitsa pork.  Good thing I'd caramelized these peppers and leeks because the boys decimated the pork (they did wonder out loud whether I was planning on having any pork in mine and I reassured them I was happy to enjoy vegetarian ones).

Dancing autumn shadows captured in a still.

The kids' new slippers and boots arrived.  Whoa.  Just, whoa.

This is one of our biggest bowls piled high with the week's share of fruit.  'Tis the season...

The kids and I watched the premiere of Marvel Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. last night.  It was mostly sweet having them be old enough to watch a Joss Whedon work with me, but I was also deeply wistful remembering days of yore watching Buffy with Cap and good friends in our apartment in Cambridge.  

Sag was pleasantly surprised by how much comedy was on display.  It was interesting to see the nearly invisible line that separated the kids' capacities to follow the action and dialogue.  Sag needed significant "hit pause and explain" break.  They both woke up in the middle of the night and Gem stayed up to read because he was scared (he doesn't remember why this morning)...I wonder whether the content/imagery may have been too much.  (We watched the trailer for Gravity which may have stirred some things up in their unconscious, too.)

We saw a shorter version...but the below will give you an idea...bad mommy...

Signs of the season

I spent the morning recovering from a late night watching the Emmys (which I very rarely do, I am a Golden Globes girl), the penultimate episode of Breaking Bad and the series finale of Dexter.  Oh, and I slept on the floor of the kids' room.  I am crossing my fingers that after a week or so of this sleeping arrangement, that a certain someone will stop waking up in the middle of the night needing to check in with me to make sure I am still of this world.

I called upon my trusty shopping pals and we drove over to the mall so I could return/exchange some Fall stuff for myself and also stop into the Apple store to inquire about our options in dealing with a cracked screen on the iPad.

This afternoon, inspired by the many apples remaining in the fruit bowl (tomorrow we receive our next share), and, the shift to much crisper weather, I asked the kids to give me a hand in making some apple sauce.  I ran out to the store to pick up some pork chops and baby spinach, and there is corn bread leftover from last night.  A good dinner will be had.

I am determined to read some books in the next few months.  It has been a spare reading year thus far.  I just finished Questlove's memoir , which I really enjoyed, and am ready for something new.  An embarrassment of riches line my shelves...what to choose, what to choose.

Also, Cap and I have recommitted to watching a movie together every week, alternating turns to pick.  So far, we have watched Adrift In Tokyo, My Man Godfrey, and I Wish.  The Awful Truth is on deck for this weekend.  I've decided to go with a "classics" theme and am choosing movies released before I was born (except one, To Sir, With Love, which I have long wanted to see and was released the year of my birth).  I solicited suggestions on Facebook and have a robust list of movies going, many of which I had never heard of.

I have thoroughly enjoyed all three movies we've seen so far and recommend all of them.  Adrift In Tokyo and I Wish are Japanese movies with subtitles.  Let me know if you have any recommendations for movies or books!

Peace and love.

Last week

I guess I am in a non-blogging phase.  Which, for the record, I do not like.

The weekend was very split-personality.  Which, for the record, I do not like.

I seem to be having some period action after 8 weeks of menstrual radio silence.  Which, for the record, I do not like.

Whether I like it or not, life happens and time marches on.

So...

The kids are good.  Gem is on the cusp of becoming a teenager and he is transforming before our eyes.  Sag is experiencing springtime allergies for the first time and it has hit him like a truck.  OTC medication helped for 24 hours but were disrupting his sleep.  We switched him to homeopathic stuff which brought/are bringing symptoms to a level where coping is possible.  

(Interesting aside...for many years, Sag had "terrible (fill in age)-and-a-halfs" (as opposed to the "terrible twos")...we never understood the whys of it but came to expect the few weeks/couple of months during which he raged and roared and just seemed so uncomfortable in his skin.  We chalked it up to developmental growing pains...the unrest that can often precede a firm step forward in growing/growing up.  Then, as suddenly as they came on, these rough patches stopped, about four years ago.  The arrival of this Spring's allergies has highlighted the reality that Sag has been in a somewhat prolonged highly sensitive mode for about a month now.  The timing of it makes me wonder if there is...and was, a seasonal component to his difficulties around the time of his half-birthday.)

Last week we had time with their youngest cousin and with my Dad.  I don't think about it much, but it is really nice for them to be able to have this kind of (almost impromptu) time with extended family...something I did not grow up with myself.

(Barbra that is your travel pillow, by the way, on Gem's head.  I have it "out" to remind myself to mail it back to you!)

Switching back to mostly Paleo (not sweating it if I am eating out or PMSing bad...though even then I flexed just enough to allow occasional rice/corn/dairy...no gluten/sugar) has been pretty delicious.  I so appreciate color in life and forget how well having vegetables and fruit around can enhance one's colorscape.  Coffee has been fine without cream, my appetite has gone down a lot (though my ability to figure out serving size has not, concurrently...that shot of food in a pan is what was left after I took what I wanted and my intention was to cook up one serving!) and I have discovered a super simple way to prepare chicken that I love.

The chicken thing was enlightening because I have long been someone who could take or leave chicken.  It is great timing to have tasty chicken in the repertoire because I am wanting to eat less, generally, and specifically, less meat.  I suspect the cut and quality of the chicken are what makes this "recipe" a stand out.  I am getting boneless, skinless thighs from my meat guy at the Farmer's Market.  Cap has been using the chicken breast from Anthony for months now and I have been aware of the wonderful quality, but never ate much of it because...I thought I didn't really like chicken.  (This is the same farmer from whom we buy our gorgeous eggs.)  Well, despite being a dark meat girl, I never explored the world of dark meat chicken because Cap doesn't like it and the kids are not fans of eating chicken off the bone.  Deciding to follow the "getting started" recipes in Well Fed last week, kind of blindly, I asked for the boneless, skinless chicken thighs at Anthony's stall, not knowing they were a thing, and was pleasantly surprised to have two packages thunked down in front of me.

The "recipe" wasn't much of a recipe at all for anyone who cooks chicken with any regularity/intuition (not me).  It called for grilling the chicken, but had instructions on how to bake it instead, which was perfect for me.  (We have access to an outdoor grill, but living on the second floor, we don't really use it.)  The chicken is seasoned with salt, pepper and granulated garlic, placed in a baking dish and then baked at 400º for 30 minutes.

That's it.

It looks like the pic above (not very attractive, if you ask me) and tastes like gangbusters.  I cooked up 3 lbs. last week and went down to 2 lbs. this week.  (The kids liked it, but didn't ask for it again.)  It's a perfect little protein with veggies or on its own.

I did have way too much food prepped last week.  My brain must be foggier than I think because I thought I slashed items off this week's grocery list, but ended up spending more/buying just as much, it felt like.  Some patience will be needed as the process gets streamlined and sorted out.

Some seasonal stuff that happened last week: the annual film festival in town where Cap and I saw Free Angela and All Political Prisoners (directed by an alum of my high school...followed by dinner out while the kids were happily ensconced with friends) and herbs picked up at one of the annual plant sales in town.

The final pic is just something that caught my eye.  One of our drying racks broke which prompted this:

Peace and love.  (And less Ruzzle...though it comforts me when I am PMSing...and don't have ice cream or potato chips.)

Saturday shimmy

The kids are hogging my laptop as they weather this phase of getting better. I started blathering a post last night but it was too long to deal with on the Blogger app on my phone.

I am on my phone again so this will be short and sweet.

Well, not totally sweet. I nearly had insomnia last night which was the upsetting end to an uncomfortable evening. I think my womanly hormones may do me in before this is all over.

Anyway, I woke early after really not getting enough sleep for the second night in a row. Read a chapter of my book and felt comforted and clarified. (How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk)

I had a cup of Raspberry Earl tea and a slice of Udi's toasted with Kerrygold butter.

Nudged the kids into fresh pajamas and into "my" bed, the pullout in the living room, so I could wash the bedding on the big bed where they've been camping out.

Popped down to the farmer's market, surprised and delighted by how cold it was again. Jumped on the chance to buy fresh chicken livers from our pastured meat farmer. Was a little bummed I had no cash to walk over to the Redeye for a latte-to-go.

Made Gem some onigiri (rice balls) which made him so happy. Spiked some box chicken broth with fresh ginger and garlic. Made Sag some toast. Listened to him describe a dish he wants my help to make: a waffle burger. Stay tuned. Had a bowl of broth with leftover rice and a poached egg. Had some face time with Cap who has finally turned a corner.

Transferred the wash to the dryer and headed out to run a few more errands. A&P for an onion (for the chopped liver), CVS for new toothbrushes for all of us and floss sticks for the kids, gas station for a fill-up, and the bookstore for some getting better reading. (Sag's book is actually a great job at the eye doctor and dentist present that he had ordered last week.) I ordered a book for myself, the teen companion book of the How To Talk To Kids series.

I chose the first Hercule Poirot mystery for Gem. He has cracked it open and I think is intrigued because it isn't easy...it's unfamiliar territory in a genre that he likes.

By the time I returned, the bedding was dry. Made the big bed and Gem promptly reinstalled himself. Sag stayed out in my temporary bed. Refilled hydrating fluid glasses (again and again). Caught up on social media. Made chopped liver. (More on that tomorrow.)

Decided I want to see a movie tomorrow, but there isn't much playing at good times. I would actually love to see Django Unchained, but it's only showing at 10:30 pm. I also want to see Life of Pi, but it's only showing at 1 pm which is borderline too early. Maybe the Oscar shorts? Maybe Amour? Quartet? Zero Dark Thirty?

Things will start winding down here soon. The kids were up early and will hopefully retire on the early side. I may pay for Argo tonight. Or I may catch up on Shameless and House of Lies.

That was not short. But it was a glimpse into the day.

Peace and love.

Sealed with a kiss

...23 years ago.  Celebrating has commenced.  Yesterday coffee at the French café, The Silver Linings Playbook and a yummy Persian dinner.  Today maybe a sip of mead (made with honey from a lime tree!) and scallops at home.  Next weekend our first overnight sans kids in a looooong time.  A night in Manhattan which sounds SO good.

Happy anniversary, my love.

Peace.

Soup's on

Onion, celery, carrot, ginger, garlic, olive oil, bay leaf, vegetable bouillon, water, and the last of the fresh turkey stock (gelatinous gold).  Not for the first time, I wish my blog had aroma-vision.  I'd call this scent Nourish.

The kids are grumpy.  We may go see Wreck-It Ralph.  (Not because they're grumpy, but because they've been wanting to see it and we finally have a free block of time.)

What I really want to do is stay in my pajamas and read all day.  The introvert instinct is strong today.

Peace and soup.

Night time

Tonight: broke out the essential oil infuser because Gem was stuffy.  Lemongrass.  Poor thing threw up for a couple of hours.  I am pretty certain it was from post nasal drip irritation and not a GI bug.  He hadn't eaten anything since breakfast (he felt crappy all day) so it was the tiniest amounts of liquid brought up by powerful heaves.

Sag had fun with Cap co-creating a comic book.  Then proceeded to have a very tough time falling asleep.  This afternoon he had an intense session with Vinny to work out the kinks of his gymnastics injury.  (Did I mention he hurt his neck?)  I explained to Sag that sometimes after intense bodywork with Vinny I feel kind of uneasy as the "stuff" that was loosened up works itself through my system before it departs.

Cap and I were going to watch Avengers tonight...both kids are finally asleep, but it may be too late to start.

Peace.