Paring down to simple

I was pleased that we made it through the week without dipping into our savings account.  Yesterday, mostly because we had barely anything typically breakfast-y left in the fridge and pantry and partly because "daddy got paid", the kids and I went out for breakfast.  (Cap opted to catch a few more winks.)  I had some coffee with cream and a quintessential Garden State breakfast sammie: Taylor ham, scrambled egg, jack cheese on a buttermilk biscuit.  'Twas yummy.

The kids and I chewed on thoughts and ideas, as well as, food.  Sag shared some memories of preschool.  Gem recounted something he read recently about how children have friends of both genders till about age 3 and how after that, we humans tend to make friends of the same gender.  I did a mini-lesson on economics, comparing different activities/things we buy/do that cost the equivalent of what our breakfast tab was.

The depressive state of earlier in the week has given way to something hard to describe...I'll call it muddle-brained...with emotional spikes.  All chemical, all the current soup of perimenopause + the season.  All ephemeral...if not in the actual how it feels, certainly in its inevitable passing on.  I saw Vinny (after a brief break during which he traveled to the Grand Canyon for the first time) and that always helps.  He gave me some new herbs to hone in a tiny cough that has developed inside me.  I also picked up some vitamin D + fish oil and evening primrose + flaxseed oil.  Vitamin D and evening primrose are mood supporters.

It's hard not to think about the level of dismantling I am doing to my days as a devolution.  As regressive, as backwards.  The reality is that reality is very much shaped by perception.  Think about this linearly and I get one thing, think about it non-linearly and I get another.  Honestly, I am not thinking about it that much, at all.  (Which I actually think is a positive.)

I have noticed I am happier out of the apartment, possibly because the apartment is physically harder to be in than usual (the dust factor, which is fairly high already has been exponentialized by my system reacting to the seasonal mold outdoors, ironically).

On my mind:

• what will I read next?

• $10 lunch special with my sweetie

• The Oranges (which we watched last night and I have mixed feelings about)

• if you can believe it, knitting

• Qigong, walking, the Y, tap...I am at the nexus of "barely"

• the seeming black hole of budgeting/financial competence

• becoming more one with the Dragon as we head into the final two weeks of class

Peace and love and keeping it real and simple.

Time of the body

When I turned 40 I was stoked.  Buoyed by a strong sense of "new beginning" (of the second half of my life), I vibrated promise.  And I wanted to ride that tantalizing burst of bliss to lots more.

(My thirties ran me ragged.  A surge of life "events" strung together closely resulted in inadequate capacity for stress management.  Infertility~baby~baby has multiple food allergies~another baby~second baby contracts pneumonia at one month~leaving a job/work I loved~moving into father-in-law's in the boondocks~moving to Sacramento...it was during our second year in Sacramento that I turned 40.)

In searching for my bliss, I focused on myself.  One of my guiding principles was that being happier would make everyone else in my family happier.  Within a year of turning 40 we moved to New Jersey and, here, I set about looking for someone to work with, someone who would expand my capacity for understanding what makes me tick so I could travel the road of least resistance towards personal joy.

I had met Kelly at a homeschooling event at the library and we became fast friends.  She introduced me to Master Lu and Vinny.  The rest, in a way, has been history.  As most of you know, Vinny has mad skills and has helped me, a lot, over the years.  I am definitely happier now than I was when I turned 40.

And yet...as I begin staring down 50, I am realizing that a new phase is upon me.  It is the time of the body.  I have had a fairly complicated relationship with my body since childhood.  I have carried body baggage into adulthood and never fully dealt with it.  Hence, the Oprah-like pendulum-ing of my weight (according to my backseat psychiatrist couch-think).

I have been having a hard time with fatigue for nearly two years.  During this time I've dabbled in self-education around hormonal issues (thyroid and perimenopause) and Paleo eating (which did seem to help a lot with my ADDishness).  Throughout, I saw Vinny.  He worked on me and I took the herbs he prescribed.

But, little has changed with the fatigue.  (My sleep issues, which peaked during this time, responded positively and dramatically to reducing caffeine and sugar.)

I signed up for the Y, I signed up for dance classes, I created schedules in an effort to get out/move my body, I considered yoga.  Nada.  I've been too tired or overwhelmed to actually do any of it.

In the last three months it has creepingly become undeniable: not only am I tired every morning when I wake up (recently I've been getting solid sleep and I know I am not emotionally depressed), but I am often ache-y and I am way too heavy.

Dragon's Way started last night and we practiced movements 1-4.  In a stunning moment of "oh !@#%", my new reality smacked me.  Hard.  These movements, which have never been hard for me, kicked my ass.

Describing the Qigong movements is a whole other post.  Suffice to say, for now, that though you have to be fairly exact in your execution for maximum benefit, the movements themselves are simple, gentle and slow.  Now, imagine me, doing these simple, gentle, slow movements and parts of my body starting to feel like lead within a minute of starting...not so much painful (though it is sometimes) but resistance to the simple, gentle and slow movements manifesting itself in a way that feels huge and immovable.  Now add guttural moans.  And sweat dripping off of me.  It was not pretty.

It was clarifying.  I've hit my tipping point.  Watershed moment.  47 is a prime number and I thought this year would be special.  I've been jiggling the key, working it, and I've been a little frustrated at the stickiness of the lock (blocked energy, prolonged fatigue, the metaphor fits).  Last night, the lock finally started to give a little.  A resounding "click" may be in my future.

The Qigong last night was powerful (practicing in a group generates some really lovely energy) and healing.  I was not ache-y this morning.  I practiced today.  I have eaten much less.  I have been more directed in my activity.  I have had more compassion for the kids.

I feel much more grounded.

In the past, I have focused on the food part of Dragon's Way, but this time, the food will be tertiary after the movements and the herbs.  After last night I know, in my bones, that practicing the movements can lead the way.  It will make the rest easier.

In other news, I have been spending a lot of time cooking.  And in between, I have been eating less, and well.

braised pork from A Spoonful of Ginger.

toasted macadamia nuts.

banana muffins.

bread crumbs.

apple sauce.

carrots.

shakshouka.

oatmeal raisin cookies.

Off to make some turkey meatballs for common meal tomorrow and then put together taco fixings for tonight.

Peace and love.

Dragon's Way

First class tonight and it KICKED MY ASS.

I'm gonna sleep well tonight...

Peace and love.

Zen

The leaves are starting to turn but it is slow going with this Indian Summer we are in the throes midst of.

I am waking ache-y and fatigued every morning.  The aches fade but the enervation continues into the day on and off.  My mood is definitely improving.  But, I look like I've been punched in the eyes they have such dark circles underneath.  Last night I broke down and asked Cap to make me a grilled cheese and fried egg sandwich.  Comfort food with a touch of cane sugar in the bread.

Gem is taking a programming class this Fall which means that I get 45 minutes to myself at my favorite café once a week.  Yesterday I enjoyed a pot of peach apricot rooibos tea with local honey.  It was amazing.  Flavorful and nourishing.

I lucked upon Joe Hill's latest novel on the "new" shelf at the library.  I was mesmerized by the first chapter.  The dude shares a sensibility with his father, Stephen King (one of my longtime favorite authors).

As I wade through the heavy waters seemingly felt only by my body, working with the kids, drawing up menus for next week, compiling a food shopping list, dreaming of granola, and waiting for my appointment with Vinny...  I keep peeking at this wonderful photo that Jamie posted this morning on her blog.  Truly, the embodiment of a moment of zen.

Peace.

Glimpse

Well, I've spent a chunk of time going through photos on my computer.  I uploaded over 900 from my camera, as well.  And that did not include all the CA pics.  Now, I must to the kitchen to prepare lunch for the children.

Jet lag persists, though it is being overtaken by the energies of Fall.  Fall is my favorite season in all its beautiful and melancholic last gasps.

This photograph of buds and bloom brings some serenity to my system.  Renewal amongst the pulls of entropy.  (Gratitude to Kate who brought this lovely into my home and Shannon whose birthday we were celebrating.)

I wanted to read today, but organizing my photos niggles on my brain.  I also have CSA pick up and processing of veg/fruit, as well as, a visit with Vinny.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 5

Right on schedule, I have been wiped, ache-y and easily irritated/grumpy ("carb-flu").  Yesterday seemed to be the nadir.  I took a shot of my eyes because they reflected how tired I was.  It was interesting to see how much less puffy they looked already.

I felt so crappy on Friday that I canceled my appointment with Vinny...which I have been doing too much of the last couple of months.  My peace offering: pretty Japanese sweets.

I have been sleeping much better.  I think adding a magnesium dose in the evening has helped the kids and me to fall asleep more easily.  (I'd been giving us a half dose in the mornings for a few months now, so it was simple to add in the other half dose in the evening.)  We use this and for the kids I mix it with orange juice after dissolving it in a bit of hot water.

I ran out of food yesterday because I've been so wiped.  I finished the lettuce making this delicious, but protein-less, salad for lunch.  I had a tin of sardines, but did not find the thought of combining them with the peach appetizing.  For breakfast, I'd scrambled three eggs with pesto and enjoyed a side salad with it.

This is one of the challenges of going Paleo, for me.  There is very little "store bought" that is Paleo.  Ultimately, it works well for our household budget and for my overall health, to buy ingredients to make whole food rather than pre-packaged/pre-made food.  But, on days that I am not up for cooking, it can be a drag.  Add on top of that emotional challenges because of hormones or what have you, and it's a perfect storm of being really needy and feeling too bruised to ask for help.

I did manage to ask for help, though, and Cap made me a protein dish and a vegetable dish.  So, for dinner last night and breakfast and lunch today, I have enjoyed the No-Fuss Salmon Cakes from It Starts With Food and baba ganoush (recipe from Well Fed).  It really does taste wonderful to enjoy food a loved one has made for you.  That's love on a plate, right there.

Peace and love.

Super seasonal shifts, Batman!

Between the Solstice and the Super Moon, I had a short and intense PMS "labor" and my body is squeezing out a period "on time".

I no longer expect anything and try to honor my body's need for gelato and rest.

I would like to be more consistently relaxed and pleasant to my children.

I would like to crack open my menopause books.

Good intentions, I am coming to feel more and more, really matter for not much. It's what you do, that does.

This was the hilarious tableau that befell my eyes when I stumbled to bed last night. It's good to laugh in this life. I rolled  200lbs of boy over and got in bed.

I will be doing much of this today. A little dizzy again, a lot wiped. Saw Vinny yesterday and gave him a workout. It was a chair massage day...my upper back was so tight I never made it to the table!

Peace and love.

A speck breathing easier

Paid a visit to my western doc today.  I've had some curious physical things occur in the orbit of the left side of my face the past couple of months...all minor and intermittent/fleeting...which yet put together clanged a distant alarm.

Vinny has been consulted all along and he has been treating me accordingly.  He agreed that finding out more info would, of course, be useful.  Especially anything visual of the inside of my head/body.

However, western doc was completely unconcerned.  I am quite enamored of this doctor, our family doc since we moved here nearly seven years ago.  It is remarkable how opposite ends of the spectrum western and eastern medicine can be.  She treated my symptoms as completely unrelated.  Vinny and I have tended to view them as very much potentially connected.

I was relieved to hear her use the word "crazy" when I asked for confirmation that I need not worry about stroke.  (This is a testament to how good our relationship is.)

So, one thing checked off the list (cease worrying about a possible tumor growing in my skull).  I am still feeling like a speck overwhelmed by just about everything.  But I am a speck breathing easier...enjoying the good moments which I find tucked into the chaos.

St Pat.

Peace and love.

P.S.  I don't know how to put this eloquently...but I totally think it is possible that there is something going on underneath skin and bone on the left side of me...in the upper left quadrant.  But, whatever it is, I am content not to worry about it any longer, in this present.

Replete

I had a lovely day "off".

Went to bed late and was pushed around quite a bit by a sleeping eleven year old.  But, woke surprisingly rested.

Returned some stuff and bought a new slipcover for the sofa.  Brunched at Ikea.  Spent the morning with Danielle.

 old becomes new.

Shopped for "workout" gear.  I have yet to go to the Y with all the being sick/taking care of the sick/recovering.  But, I am mapping out classes and thoroughly enjoyed shopping today.

 barefoot shoe.

Brought back to balance by Vinny.  He taught me something new, I am restocked on herbs and tea.  Ahhhh.

writing on the wall.

Relished some time alone in the bookshop.  Decided to use some birthday money to buy Quiet and Drift.

thank you, Jamie.

Popped into the hardware store for a combination lock and other sundry items.  As I walked back to the car, I felt hungry and remembered a positive review of a Korean place that opened last year.  Since I was walking right by, I stepped in for some takeout.

bibimbap for dinner.

Yes, it has been a wonderfully present day.  I hope it has been for you, too.

Peace and love and gratitude.

Tuesday turn

It's been a strange day.  And I am tempted to leave you with a strange photo I took today.  To unleash any and all connect-the-dots that can happen.

• woke feeling flat and almost surly...surly without the teeth.  would have been happy to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed.

• saved by a text asking if I wanted to go to the mall.  I almost never want to go to the mall, but it was a perfect way to get out of the house and my mood.

• Ellie is turning six this week.  one of our all-time favorite books is, horrors, out of print, so I decided to go in another direction.  the mall is a good place to get some shopping done for a little who loves to get her girl on.  

• had a bit of an adventure going to a David's Cookies outlet in Fairfield (hence the photo) and inhaling nostalgic bakery aromas and receiving such open generosity of spirit from factory workers fielding my unusual request.  (I was lucky, and was able to get what I wanted by chance.)

• went to Vinny's, which was great as always.  discovered that I have been consuming cane sugar this whole time I thought I wasn't because the Magic Ginger contains it but it was not listed on the label.  O.o  the new label lists it plain as day.

• instant food for thought.  clearly, my system is not as addicted to sugar as I thought.  many of what I consider my "bad" food/eating habits decreased during the last six weeks and I was, as it turns out, incorrectly attributing some of that to cutting out cane sugar.

• I was also attributing my stomach/GI issues of the last month to having cut sugar out of my diet.  wrong.

• I am sticking to the TCM herbs and teas.  I know they help, my faith in them is true.  I am continuing to live essentially grain-free and sugar-free except for the odd times they are part of my TCM treatment (one of the herbs I am taking right now contains barley).

• I've told Cap to not kill himself looking for dark chocolate with zero sugar added for my Valentine treats.

• I treated myself and the kids to an easy dinner, going off budget/protocol.  they chose hotdogs over steak and savored some tater tots.  I chose steak.

• my session with Vinny really helped turn my day around.  one of the things we talked about was just being happy.  for most of us, it is very possible...very much within our reach, to live happier.  yet it is hard to do/maintain.  there isn't a magic formula, but planting the seed in our minds, in our belief systems is a place to start.  let it be our mantra: do what makes me happy.  be happy.

Peace and love.

P.S.  Still no Aunt Flo.  Vinny thinks she's coming.  I have my doubts.

Tuesday tidbits

Kate gave me a print of one of her photographs.  I love its melancholy, yet hopeful, beauty.  It reminds me of her, and always will.

A Tweedledum...or Tweedledee shot of me.  I was curious to see if my "skinny" jeans would fit yet.  I don't think "fit" is apt, but I did get them on.  I feel like I'm wearing a denim pair of Spanx.  And definitely having a Phylicia Rashad moment which only Jennifer would understand and she doesn't read the blog.  Basically, what rolls cannot be contained are pushed up over the top.
 

Danielle gave me this pretty pendant and the gift of picking out books for myself at our indie bookshop.  This was made by a local artisan who has an Etsy shop, but also sells her wares at the bookstore.

The tub and its grouting are bleached and somewhat scrubbed (I'll admit it, I three-quarters-assed it). the pork roast is rubbed and back in the fridge...I need to get a pot roast prepped and in the oven for a flu-struck family before I get over to Vinny's for treatment.

Peace.

Spoonful of gravy

Another full day.  That involved an aching back and an emergency visit to Vinny who worked on me for an hour tonight.  Origin of tweak seemed to be an area on the left side of my pubic bone.  What the fuuuu....?  My discomfort today did periodically remind me of pregnancy days so it made sense and was good to have that validated, but I have NO idea how this happened.

Yesterday, a pretty pic, today a fabu recipe.

Nom Nom Paleo did it again.  I tried a new-to-me recipe by her and, oh, it made me so happy.  Slow Cooker Roast Chicken and Gravy.  I plucked our pastured whole chicken out of the defrost pan in the fridge.  Cap dried it and seasoned it with salt, pepper and Sunny Paris while I chopped the onion, peeled the garlic and sautéed them in olive oil with a dollop of tomato paste.  Plopped the umami-ed up (and seasoned) aromatics in the slow cooker and Cap nestled in the chicken.  Poured in some chicken broth and honey wine.  Turned it on "low" and left it alone for just under five hours.  (Cooking times can vary, used our instant read thermometer to determine when our bird was ready.)

The chicken was succulent and tasty.  The best roast chicken I've made, I believe.  (But, if I'm being honest, roast chicken is so good that it kind of feels that way every time.)  But, the gravy, oh man, the gravy.

After you pull the chicken out of the cooker, there's a mess of yum left in the bowl.  Our immersion blender broke a few months ago and has not been replaced.  (One would have been handy today, though it wasn't necessary.)  After the delicious dregs cooled a bit, they were poured into the Vitamix.  And blitzed into an incredibly savory gravy in no time.

It was the best gravy I have ever made.  Possibly the best gravy I have ever eaten.  No gluten-free casein-free qualifiers, either, though this gravy was both.  (It was totes Paleo.)

I could very well have disappeared this gravy, a spoonful at a time, until it was all gone.

Peace.

Concentration

"When you contemplate the big, full sunrise, the more mindful and concentrated you are, the more the beauty of the sunrise is revealed to you.  Suppose you are offered a cup of tea, very fragrant, very good tea.  If your mind is distracted, you cannot really enjoy the tea.  You have to be mindful of the tea, you have to be concentrated on it, so the tea can reveal its fragrance and wonder to you.  That is why mindfulness and concentration are such sources of happiness.  That's why a good practitioner knows how to create a moment of joy, a feeling of happiness, at any time of the day."  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

An interesting thing about these meditations...when I start to read them, I sometimes think it is not relevant to where I am...but by the time I am finished and give it a moment, something unfolds in my mind and a connection is discovered.

I set intentions to create four new daily "habits" with the new year: practicing Qigong, eating Paleo, taking a gentle walk, and playing piano.  The eating Paleo has maintained through the first week of 2013.  The other three have been spotty, no habits formed yet.

Reading this meditation made me realize that the four "habits" are actually all expressions of the same thing.  A striving towards mindfulness...requiring a formidable amount of concentration.

I have not been beating myself up, but I have not been thinking clearly about it, either.  If I were a monkette in a mountaintop retreat hut, I'd more easily incorporate new daily intentions to my life.  Since I am not, I am making adjustments.

This week, maybe next week, once eating Paleo no longer requires the full on concentration it has the first week (the physical/chemical adjustment---today's the first day I felt pretty great; the organizational demands of meal planning, food shopping, trying new recipes/preparing Paleo meals plus just-in-case meals for other tastebuds in the family), I will shift the bulk of my concentration to the next intention: practicing Qigong.

The Paleo eating is going very well.  I learn best through experience/doing and because this isn't my first foray into dropping sugar/grains/legumes/dairy/most oils, everything has come together well.  The fridge is packed with food and ingredients (ever present gluten-free flours need to be refrigerated; veggies take up more space than meat/dairy; nuts need to be refrigerated).

Today's lunch was leftover turkey stuffed butternut squash with a side of kale dressed with Leon's Miracle Sauce (with capers and anchovy). Yum.  (I love love love Trader Joe's pre-washed pre-cut organic kale in a bag...for $2.49!!!)

After a session with Vinny (my first of the new year), I was relaxed and energized.  If I was a monkette, I totally would have hopped into bed for a nap.  But, the rest of the day beckoned, specifically thoughts of the evening meal.  I checked the avocados which had been too hard yesterday and they were ripe (putting them in a brown paper bag with a ripe banana works every time...yay chemistry!)  So I made a recipe I've had since 2008, unearthed in my recipe cache reorg, and it was sooooooo tasty.

This Creamy Tuna Salad With No Mayo, Eggs, Soy or Dairy is the shizz.  It was so savory, textural, rich and satisfying that I completely forgot to put it on something other than my fork.  It is, truly, a meal unto itself.  Also shocking, it was so satiating that I did not finish my bowl.  If you know me, you know that's pretty dang unheard of...me, eating something I find delicious, and stopping because I have simply had my fill and am completely satisfied.

It's a thoughtful, lovely recipe.  I rarely eat canned tuna because I find the tang that remains in the can, the sink, and sometimes in the tuna itself, overpowering and fairly unbearable.  I don't gag, but come pretty close to it.

Well, this tuna salad annihilates any and all fishy odor.  If it weren't for the distinct canned tuna texture, which does remain, you could forget that you were eating tuna.  So, if you are an omnivore, give this recipe serious consideration.  It is really incredible.

I have put together a second binder of recipes for the kids.  Gem, especially, has a selection of go-to meals that he loves.  This evening, factors coalesced in such a way that I made him one of his faves, Carrot Tofu Scramble.  My plan is facilitate the serving of food that makes the kids happy...beyond the hot dogs and sliders which I tend to rely on when my concentration lapses.

This recipe is easy and quick if you have a food processor.  And, look at those colors.  It makes me happy every time I make it.  Mostly because I know Gem will be thrilled and nourished, but it gives me some personal thrills, too.  (I will be forever grateful to my sister for passing the recipe along to us so many, many moons ago.)

Peace and love.

Got a lot on my head

After a couple of days of feeling on the listless side, I have been like a ping pong ball today.  A seemingly random one.  Going from one thing to another in my mind and with my body.

• how I woke up: weepy child in bed frustrated by my not following "the rules".  when I stated it was confusing (in retrospect, not the best choice of words...honest, but not careful) to have him happy when I break the rules when it benefits him (being flexible) and upset when I break them and the result is not to his advantage (being a jerk...not his word).  I was shocked when my observation sent him into a tailspin of self-loathing ("I'm sorry I'm such a bad son!")  oh my.

• farmer's market run.  dammit.  Anthony had me all psyched when he said he had a small pork shoulder...and then plunked down a huge one.  when I explained, again, that I didn't think it would fit in my slow cooker, he brought out the other shoulder and it did look narrower...so I bought it.  the pork is big.  I hope pulled pork freezes well.  also picked up eggs, ground sirloin and a ribeye steak.  and apple cider from Ginger. 

• after I put the meat, eggs and cider away, I realized I had just enough time to go food shopping.  I took a risk and did not meal plan...I didn't have time.  went a bit over budget, mostly because I bought a number of items for Gem's lunch tomorrow.  we're going to be out and I wanted to make sure he did not feel left out while Sag had fun sampling food from food trucks.  Gem's lunch will include: steak (I got a smaller one, also grass-fed), organic raspberries and chocolate soy pudding.

• while Cap took Sag to swim class, Gem chilled out (he is feeling much better) and I took a semi-hard look at my surroundings.  the decluttering/organizing happens in spurts and there has been a fallow period.  I made a decision and then made two phonecalls to figure out how the decision would play out.  made plans with Danielle to go to Ikea next week.

• cleaned the kitchen.  not top to bottom.  but I did tend to the floor which hadn't been swept in awhile.  moved my body to some tunes.  prepared some grazing food for Gem.  remembered I have to make an appointment for a donation pick-up.  it is amazing how one can become blind to piles in corners.

• Sag bounced in.  he loves his swim class and loved getting a slice of Sicilian on his way home.  he still smelled like chlorine.

• took advantage of Cap being around and went up to the bookstore.  remembered to make a list, but failed to remember everyone I needed to.  four gift cards and two gift books later, as I was opening the car door I realized there's another kid in our life who has a birthday in October.  finally dropped off a pair of pants to the dry cleaners.  they'll be ready in time to wear on vacay.

• called an order of saag paneer in and drove over to pick it up.  such a great restaurant.  a warm space full of irresistible aromas.  the smart manager remembered a mistake had been made last time I ordered and asked to make sure things had been resolved.

• saag paneer lunch with a Starbucks Indivisible coffee follow.  tea with honey for the boys.

• started thinking about my trip.  gifts, devices (think I'll go with the iPad), clothes, etc.

• paid the rent.

• took a look on CraigsList at rentals.  Cap and I had a talk yesterday and have decided we're here for at least four more years (starting this Summer).  part of me would love to move to an apartment more to our liking.  specifically hardwood floors, a bigger kitchen and, ideally, a washer/dryer in the unit.  but, another part of me blanches at the thought of moving.  that's a lot of work before and during.

It's chilly in the apartment today.  I am wearing my colors and keeping cozy.  Big drop in temp the last twenty-four hours.

Yesterday, Vinny exclaimed in delight over my t-shirt.  He loved that it said "be flexible" in green because green is the color associated with the liver, which governs emotions.  He said the blue of the shirt is associated with the kidney and that these were two systems good to have "covered".  I was delighted by his delight.

After reading apartment-for-rent ads, I was spinning a bit.  (You probably can't tell in the pic, but inside I was racing!)  Blogging helped calm me down.  Ahhhh...

Tomorrow, Maker Faire New York and an early dinner with the cousins.  Maybe ices and tortillas, too.

Happy birthday to blog reader and childhood friend, Karen!!!  Hope you are having a wonderful day being celebrated.

Peace and love.

P.S.  The Avengers was fun.  But our kids won't be watching it till they're older (they trusted us to preview it for scary-to-them stuff).

Night time

Tonight: broke out the essential oil infuser because Gem was stuffy.  Lemongrass.  Poor thing threw up for a couple of hours.  I am pretty certain it was from post nasal drip irritation and not a GI bug.  He hadn't eaten anything since breakfast (he felt crappy all day) so it was the tiniest amounts of liquid brought up by powerful heaves.

Sag had fun with Cap co-creating a comic book.  Then proceeded to have a very tough time falling asleep.  This afternoon he had an intense session with Vinny to work out the kinks of his gymnastics injury.  (Did I mention he hurt his neck?)  I explained to Sag that sometimes after intense bodywork with Vinny I feel kind of uneasy as the "stuff" that was loosened up works itself through my system before it departs.

Cap and I were going to watch Avengers tonight...both kids are finally asleep, but it may be too late to start.

Peace.

What's up

Yesterday, Sag, in a rare moment, asked me to take his picture.  I thought it would be a nice counterpoint to last night's picture.  Here he is nine years later.

I am so loving this Fall weather we're enjoying.  Yesterday I pulled on a pair of woolen handknit socks.  So delicious.

This is the stuff for a longer post, but I have been thinking about appetite and capacity this morning.  Mine change (with my hormonal shifts I now believe) from day to day sometimes, but they definitely run large comparatively speaking.

For breakfast today I had two slices of Udi's white with Kerrygold and an avocado mashed with salt, pepper and granulated garlic.  I heart this butter so much.

(I am realizing that much of the food I prepare for myself would be perfect for two.  But I don't have a food soulmate living with me with whom I can share.)

After hearing how my week went, Vinny decided to bring back the liver pills (Green Dragon).  Some women just need that extra emo liver support.  He also put me back on the "relaxing" herbs (what I have begun to think of as my TCM Prozac).  I took a few minutes this morning counting pills and getting them organized.

We have friends coming over in a bit and a common meal to host tonight.  Chatting, cooking and cleaning ahead!

Peace.

Emotional liver

Ahhhh.  I had a great session with Vinny.  I am so lucky to have found him.  Grateful, grateful, grateful.  There was a lot of pain in my emotional liver meridian/points.  There's a band name for a different life: Emotional Liver.

I wanted to post a picture to represent "tranquility".  Which is how I felt after the pain was brought forth and let go.  Nothing on the 'net called to me.  Looking through my iPhoto since January (remember, I started using this laptop right after last Xmas) I realized I/we don't spend nearly enough time "feeling small" as Barbra so succinctly and eloquently put it to me the other day (upon her return from communing with the redwoods in northern Cali).

(We are going somewhere to feel small on Friday.  Yay for inspiration and intention!)

Scoping about, my eyes landed on a favorite photo of the kids and me.  Julie took it in their backyard.  It's kind of classic grainy 35mm circa 2003.  I love everything about it.  That it captured the three of us in an un-self-conscious moment together (and Gem appears to be having his own moment within our moment).  That they are so little.  That there is visual evidence for me of what I imagine so many of our moments looking like (though not on a hammock :-)  Happy, peaceful, in love, together.

When you are living something (as in, your life), furiously happy, as The Bloggess puts it, it is lovely to have mementos that you can gaze upon and hold.  Thank you, Julie, for being part of my tranquility, today and every time I see this photo.

Peace.