Catching up

What I am now thinking of as a virus lingers. Hopefully it will move on in a few days. I surrender.

I have been reading a lot: Life As We Knew It, Calling Dr. Laura and The Fault In Our Stars. (All very good and recommended.)

Cap and I watched an incredible documentary called A Band Called Death. Highly recommended.

I am sleeping...dreaming intensely and waking early (ready to go to bed by 9-10pm but that is difficult because I'm sleeping in the kids' room and they are still awake).

I am craving and eating lots of starchy carbs and eggs.

Having a bordering-on-bossy mug of Earl Grey to ease me into the day. Off to pull on some clothes and visit the farmer's market. (Yay for my market companion, Kelly, providing door-to-door service!)

Peace and love.

P.S.  Big news: Peru is a GO!!!

Day of the dead

I do not celebrate Day of the Dead.  But, I woke up feeling half dead.  Actually, I went to bed last night feeling half dead already.  I decided not to set my alarm, to let myself sleep in.  And I did.

And what the frak, weather?  We have a low pressure system hovering and Gem and I have been feeling the doom and gloom of it.  The windows are open for the high of 70º.  On November 1.

They say holidays can trigger anxiety/depression because of unresolved emotional issues which have gone psychologically awry.  I guess maybe Halloween is one such trigger, for me.  I certainly have had mixed emotions about it as an adult and parent.

We have missed two Halloweens in a row due to severe storms...then this year, the kids' longtime trick-or-treating partner decided he was no longer interested in going.  The kids decided not to go trick-or-treating, but late yesterday afternoon we received a query about going, from another good friend, and they changed their minds.  Sag dressed as a hobbit (what Gem went as last year very belatedly once the town deemed it safe post-Sandy) and Gem dressed as a birdwatcher.

They had a good time, overall, but received a couple of negative comments about being "too old" and, I kid you not, "pathetic".  (Apparently the person who called them pathetic was "joking" and Gem did not take it personally...but, Sag, who has a very tender heart and, at 11, is still very much a kid, found these attitudes/words hurtful and confusing.)  No one refused them candy, though, and once they returned home, they ate sweets and snuggled in bed with America's Funniest Home Videos, and had a grand time.

I, was pissed.  And though I try to keep my Facebook complaint-free, I brought my feelings to my tribe over there and the ensuing conversation, which drew friends from many areas of my life, helped me see the bigger picture and showered me with warm words of support.

Parenting kids through seasonal events, like most things, is a mixed bag.  There are the many positives which come from sharing and co-creating a history over years...but nothing stays the same and change can bring with it new and unexpected challenges.

When I was their age, trick-or-treating became less fun because of the neighborhood hooligans who ran about chucking eggs at innocent bystanders and rumors of Nair flinging.  I had quite a primal reaction to the kids' first brush with (Halloween related) "loss of innocence" when my own memories and stored emotions came flooding back (were these unresolved feelings?  I don't know.)

Sleep, weather fronts moving on, and big mugs of Irish Breakfast tea with honey and cream all help.  And I am feeling much better now.

My most pressing concern of the moment is tackling our money situation.  I am feeling quite compelled to "zero sum" the next week.  We have less than what we typically spend for a week's groceries left in the account.  Can we get to next Friday without dipping into savings?

Stay tuned.

Peace and love.

Whoosh

Wow.  Today flew.

I/we've been sleeping later into the morning as we combat the cold virus in our midst which has not gotten bad, but is hovering.  This accounts for some of that "lost time" feeling for me.

A chunk of the day was spent across from Gem has he grappled with mathematics.  This shot is from a pee break.  It was a tough afternoon for him.  I realized he was not working as independently as I thought he was...and he is beginning to realize the pains of truly hunkering down and paying attention to details...all the details.

I took Sag to Vinny's with me today.  One of his gymnastics classmates sat on his hand, hard, this week, accidentally, and I wanted to nip any damage in the bud.  Here I was waiting for him to get out of the car, he was very nearly at the end of a chapter and wanted to finish.

"our house" all-purpose flour mix

1 cup brown rice flour

1 cup blanched almond flour

1/3 cup potato starch

1/3 cup tapioca starch

1/3 cup arrowroot starch

I am feeling ridiculously pleased with myself for "figuring out" a new all-purpose flour blend for our household.  This works well for pizza crust, so far.  As soon as our order of sweet rice flour hits the front porch, I will sub that in for the brown rice flour.  I'll let you know how it goes with various recipes as I make them.

Peace and love.

Yesterday

Got the time wrong and had an extra half hour to myself sipping on a chai latte before an hour spent catching up with Silke who I had not seen since her return from Germany.

I do love a good mise en place.  The CSA veg called for another shakshouka base.  I used summer squash and boxed crush toms for this one.

I also used red bell peppers because that's what I had.  Love, love, the color.

I love having something to put turmeric in.  I recently learned that it has anti-inflammatory qualities.  The smell of it doesn't call to me, but the color sure does.

Last night was Taco Tuesday.  The protein was ground Mangalitsa pork.  Good thing I'd caramelized these peppers and leeks because the boys decimated the pork (they did wonder out loud whether I was planning on having any pork in mine and I reassured them I was happy to enjoy vegetarian ones).

Dancing autumn shadows captured in a still.

The kids' new slippers and boots arrived.  Whoa.  Just, whoa.

This is one of our biggest bowls piled high with the week's share of fruit.  'Tis the season...

The kids and I watched the premiere of Marvel Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. last night.  It was mostly sweet having them be old enough to watch a Joss Whedon work with me, but I was also deeply wistful remembering days of yore watching Buffy with Cap and good friends in our apartment in Cambridge.  

Sag was pleasantly surprised by how much comedy was on display.  It was interesting to see the nearly invisible line that separated the kids' capacities to follow the action and dialogue.  Sag needed significant "hit pause and explain" break.  They both woke up in the middle of the night and Gem stayed up to read because he was scared (he doesn't remember why this morning)...I wonder whether the content/imagery may have been too much.  (We watched the trailer for Gravity which may have stirred some things up in their unconscious, too.)

We saw a shorter version...but the below will give you an idea...bad mommy...

Signs of the season

I spent the morning recovering from a late night watching the Emmys (which I very rarely do, I am a Golden Globes girl), the penultimate episode of Breaking Bad and the series finale of Dexter.  Oh, and I slept on the floor of the kids' room.  I am crossing my fingers that after a week or so of this sleeping arrangement, that a certain someone will stop waking up in the middle of the night needing to check in with me to make sure I am still of this world.

I called upon my trusty shopping pals and we drove over to the mall so I could return/exchange some Fall stuff for myself and also stop into the Apple store to inquire about our options in dealing with a cracked screen on the iPad.

This afternoon, inspired by the many apples remaining in the fruit bowl (tomorrow we receive our next share), and, the shift to much crisper weather, I asked the kids to give me a hand in making some apple sauce.  I ran out to the store to pick up some pork chops and baby spinach, and there is corn bread leftover from last night.  A good dinner will be had.

I am determined to read some books in the next few months.  It has been a spare reading year thus far.  I just finished Questlove's memoir , which I really enjoyed, and am ready for something new.  An embarrassment of riches line my shelves...what to choose, what to choose.

Also, Cap and I have recommitted to watching a movie together every week, alternating turns to pick.  So far, we have watched Adrift In Tokyo, My Man Godfrey, and I Wish.  The Awful Truth is on deck for this weekend.  I've decided to go with a "classics" theme and am choosing movies released before I was born (except one, To Sir, With Love, which I have long wanted to see and was released the year of my birth).  I solicited suggestions on Facebook and have a robust list of movies going, many of which I had never heard of.

I have thoroughly enjoyed all three movies we've seen so far and recommend all of them.  Adrift In Tokyo and I Wish are Japanese movies with subtitles.  Let me know if you have any recommendations for movies or books!

Peace and love.

Chuckling

...at the chaos that accompanies seasonal transitions...because what else is there to do?

Last night Gem (who has been dealing with the most internal chaos reflective of the season) was asleep before 10 and woke up at 9.  Sag and I were asleep by 10:30 and woke up between 8 and 8:30.  We all got that message loud and clear.

I think it's going to be another quiet day here waiting out chaos and piling on the rest and nourishment.

I was dead set on making the to-my-taste pizza, so that's what I did.

I was too impatient to roast the veg before using them as toppings, so opted instead to slice the tomato and summer squash very thinly before slapping them on.  The veg, including the garlic scape used to make the pesto, were from our CSA farm.  The ricotta is from Anthony's farm and is made with milk from pastured cows.  Yum.

I have been catching up with 1000+ items in my Reader and have some things to share:

• a mediation app...I am intrigued.

• I have a ton of bananas and am looking for banana recipes.  this one looks promising.

• not only does this egg dish look gorgeous and yummy, all the veg are locally in season right now.

• stoked.  I love special characters!  can't wait to print this out and put it up.

• an amazing poem...exhilarating and excruciating, about rape.

• may make this today.  not sure how buckles have stayed off my radar, but I love them.  I have a lot of frozen, local, organic blueberries to use up.

• gaaah, had no idea what the actual definition of "photogenic" is!  love this project.

• an interesting read about an award winning collection of poetry inspired by the poet grappling with the death of his brother by suicide.

Peace and love.

Stick a fork in me

...'cause I am done.

I am on the brink of overwhelmed.  It's all I can do to muster calm and breath...and see the joy that lies on the edges of where I am.

Sleep, stomach, hair plucking, weather...all rolled up in a big ball of UGH.

Thistooshallpassthistooshallpassthistooshallpassthistooshallpass.

Peace, peace and peace.

Here

I'm still here.

I apologize for the inadvertent absence from my blog space.  I had insomnia three times in the span of a week and have been recovering from that blow.  I am unable to fully accept/embrace sleep deprivation into my life as others have, with grace.

As a family, we are easing into the new home/school year.

Last night I made soft tacos for the first time and they were a smashing success.

More...soon.

Peace and love.

Now what

Well, the Whole30 kinda sorta petered out.

This blog piece brought me close to tears this morning because a) I didn't realize how alone I felt in dealing with myself the last few days and it made me realize I was not alone; and b) I have been off-kilter, including emotionally, and the tears have been swirling just below the surface.

Melissa's voice and approach is very clear and black/white.  While I appreciate the clarity, the black/white rubs me uncomfortable sometimes.  But, man, was I ever glad to come across this today.  This paragraph is exactly what I experienced going away for five days and coming home:

Coming home, however, can be tough. You’re still tired from travel, you’re still in the mindset of treating yourself, and the Sugar Dragon is rearing his ugly head, thanks to the indulgences you’ve fed him while on the road. So what are your options? Ease back into a healthy routine with some less bad indulgences, as you’ve been doing… which hasn’t been working, and makes you unhappy. Or go cold-turkey back into a Whole30 when you get home, which may feel like a “punishment” for enjoying yourself while traveling—a very unhealthy mindset, and one we do not encourage.

I have been doing the former.  The tiredness post-travel has been unexpected (because I wasn't tired while I was away) and significant.  Between that and the Sugar Dragon being awoken, I was eating GF bread here and brown rice wraps there (as well as, commercially made mayo, Kerrygold butter and cheese) and not feeling happy.  My belly has been bloated, my nerves have been shot, and this morning, my stomach hurt when I woke up, which had completely gone away during the Whole30.  On top of it all, what I was eating didn't even taste good.  My palate/body has become very discriminating and anything processed (like the GF bread, the mayo and the shredded cheese) has little to no flavor, weird texture, and lands with an almost literal thud into my stomach.

Of course, my sleep issues have an impact.  The night before we left MA I had insomnia (I did continue magnesium while we were away, but I was drinking coffee again, rather than black tea, and also consuming foods with sugar in them) and so I came home sleep deprived.  I can see how sleep deprivation and inflammatory eating can and do feed and fuel each other.

What you don’t do is eat the bread, drink the wine, or order dessert because you’re tired, hungry, under-slept, and miss your husband/dog/own bed. You don’t ever, ever do that. And if you catch yourself trying to do that, use the last three years of experience to stop yourself in your tracks and say to yourself, “This is not a good enough reason to eat something that makes me less healthy.”

Now, I know.  And this has helped me change my outlook about going away again next week, for longer, from anxious dread to expansive optimism.

Eating while away will require energy and commitment.  Yes, it will be tricky preparing food, planning food, eating food whilst using the kitchens of friends and being out and about in different cities.  And carting a GFCF kid along (family vacation!)  But, this is my life, this is less of a challenge (since I have been doing this for awhile now albeit mostly at home and on again/off again) and more of a...what?  I don't know what to call it, other than my life.

My first meal came very late in the day, today.  I got caught up in going through the 500+ items in my Reader.  (I have been quite out of it.)  It was worth it because there was some good stuff embedded amongst the Onion and TLo funnies.  Like the piece above.

When I was ready to set my mind to eating, it was, once again, a no brainer.  Cherry tomatoes sautéed in olive oil, seasoned with salt and pepper, a dollop of defrosted basil pesto stirred in, scrambled with three pastured eggs.  Ahhh.  Flavor and texture: present and wonderfully accounted for.  Magnesium supplement in one mug, English Breakfast tea with wildflower honey in another.

I finished Aisha Tyler's book yesterday (loved it) and started both Chris Kluwe's and Ahmir Thompson's (Questlove).  Kluwe's book is a pick it up now and then book, for me.  It's more essay collection than memoir.  I am hoping to dig deeper into Questlove's memoir today.  As ever, there is some paperwork that needs attending to and organizing/cleaning to be done.  I am a little less tired than I have been, but still tired.

Off to practice some Qigong and then see where the rest of the day takes me.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 29

Aaargh.

Second night in three of insomnia and not falling asleep till 4am.

Beautiful northern breezes chilling things down.

Appetite/food consumption is all out of whack.  Interesting near total disintegration post-time away.

Nice walk over to Kate's with Gem and Finn.  Gem is feeding Bob the cat and spritzing the ferns until we leave for Cali next week.

Cap and I growled at each other this morning.  We are in need of some recharging time together.

Sag slept in his own bed, all night, last night!

very quiet at the polling place yesterday (special primary for state senator).

he is settling in.  he is very attached to his parents.

inspired by the post of a high school friend on Facebook.  if ever there was a time to have a tomato mayo sandwich, the time is now.  but, I tell you, the bread is just not as tasty as I think it will be, the tomatoes, on the other hand, luscious.

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I have so much to read and lack the attention span.  I have so much to organize and lack the oomph.  (New cookbook alert!  Three "new" books out from the library!  Paperwork galore!)

It will be a quiet day today, dry, sunny and breezy, it's all good, really.  Keep on truckin'.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 21

Apologies for the absence.  I lost a day, yesterday, to sleep deprivation.  Didn't fall asleep until 5:30am.  I am still wiped this morning, but take great comfort in having slept nine hours.  We have family coming to stay overnight as they wend their way further south for a funeral.  Between getting ready for their visit, a haircut (will my stylist be able to do her magic on my hot mess of a head of rapidly thinning hair?), and a session with Vinny, today will be busy in very good ways.

I reconnected with a very old friend from the neighborhood.  I dug up this photo I shot of her (she is on the right) to share on Facebook.  It was jarring to remember how far back my interest in photography goes...I took this photo and developed it during high school...thirty years ago!

Over the weekend I spent some time with Donna who is dogsitting Lucy this week.  We sipped coffee while walking in the park and catching up.  The weather has continued its wonderfully near-autumnal arc.  Later in the day we went to see In The Way, Way Back (without the pup).

Morning shot of the kids.  Sag recently bought Animal Crossing and plays it every morning upon waking.

A small, enjoyable moment.  The light, the anticipation of going to see a movie in a theater, these great sandals I wear ridiculously infrequently...just taking a breath and drinking in some beauty.

The second-to-last of last week's veg.  (I have a red cabbage recipe which calls for duck fat and wasn't able to find any at Whole Paycheck...pondering this puzzle.)  The story of this pic is not the lovely zucchini (which I roasted up in the toaster oven and was so delicious I ate all of it in one sitting), but the mixing bowl.  We have this great, colorful set of bowls that were a gift many, many, many years ago.  But, they were so "special" that they rarely got used.  We've opted, instead, to work our plastic OXO mixing bowls down to the bone.  The smaller of our OXO bowls finally cracked the other day after a fall to the floor from a high shelf.  My immediate instinct was to go out and buy another one, but then I remembered we had a perfectly good set of bowls at our disposal.  Going old school/fancy...love it.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 18

I missed the sleep sweet spot last night.

At 8:30 I was lying in bed scratching Baxter in the dark.  The kids were watching Mythbusters in their room and Cap was out at the Write On Sports wrap party.  I was very sleepy.

At 9:30 the Red Sox game was on and Cap was tucking the kids in.  Baxter was walked and medicated for the night (eye infection = ointment + cone of shame for an hour).

At 10:30 I was playing Candy Crush and otherwise messing around on the laptop.  The Red Sox played on and I wondered if we were going to watch Real Time.  Cap was asleep on the floor (he denied it, but snores don't lie).

At 11:30 we turned in and Sag climbed into bed with me.  I usually send him back to his bed if I am still awake, but I really thought I would drop off to sleep very soon, so I didn't.

At 12:30 I was up in my chair playing Candy Crush.

At 12:45 I downloaded Bubble With Saga to my phone because I am stuck on a level in Candy Crush.

At 2:00 I finally felt sleepy enough to not care about fighting for space in the bed and went to sleep.

*    *    *     *    *

I pushed through feeling wrecked this morning.  Took the dog out in a cool drizzle, made a quick shopping list, popped a cookie in my mouth, grabbed my bags...and went to the farmer's market with Kelly.

Stocked up on meat and eggs because we'll be away next weekend.  Grabbed some kid-friendly veg at Starbrite's stand (carrots and lettuce for Gem, cukes for Sag).  Enjoyed the hum of kindred spirits seeking nourishing connection in the rain.  And the good mood of the barista at Red Eye.  She must have had a good night or good night of sleep!

Last week I went too long without eating on Farmer's market day.  Today I did a little better and ate as soon as I put the cold stuff away.  Beets, chicken, melon.  Yum.  I am defrosting some ground sirloin to make the Thai Primal Beef again.  That was so tasty.  I have zucchini and a red cabbage to cook up today or tomorrow.

I am not sure my mind is alert enough to read today, I hope so.  Curling up with a book sounds heavenly about now.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 10

This is what Cap and I saw last night past midnight.  We had noticed a hot plastic smell in the kitchen earlier in the evening, but did not pin point it as coming from our refrigerator right away.  Turned out the box was hot on the outside (inside cold as usual).  Cap popped the back panel off and vacuumed out the coils and whatnot as best as he could reach.  That was when we noticed the blackened metal (those pipes were scorchingly hot).  Cap also figured out the fan under there seemed to not be working.

I keep course correcting towards gratitude...that there was no fire, that we were home, that it is looking like we will be getting a new fridge...but, adrenalin is powerful and unstoppable.

I baked a pan of chicken thighs and roasted a pan of zucchini yesterday.  (Thankful for the easy fuel amidst the hubbub of texts back and forth with the landlord trying to sort the fridge thing out.)  I am enjoying fresh peaches and apricots.  The peaches are ripe enough for grilling now, I think.

I also made a pesto with regular basil, lemon basil and purslane.  I believe the purslane released some water. Can you see it?  I have a good supply of pesto going in the freezer now, though it is in jeopardy as the fridge has been unplugged since last night.

Perhaps we will have a chili-pesto-fruit smoothie party tonight.

In the meantime, I do not have the concentration for this big, big book.  Didn't fall asleep till about 2:30 and between the sleep deprivation and post-adrenalin letdown, I am wan.  

Instead, I sipped coffee and scrubbed the outside of the fridge (and the stove and the sink) to make that part of the apartment a touch more presentable.  (We live in the "clean enough" category, by and large.)

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 6 addendum

My mood has been spike-y.  I feel fine then suddenly very grumpy.  Disproportionate, to the moment occurring outside of myself, but perfectly in alignment with what is going on inside.  This transition time of chemical re/calibration is possibly bumping up against a PMS time.

I feel getting some movement into my routine would help...more and more with each passing day.  But, it's hard to catch the rhythm when my sleep is still bumpy (tonight, again with the insomnia) and it's so not my weather outside.

I cried tonight, though, which was a little challenging (I was inhibited by a) wanting to not wake/shake up the kids; and b) wanting to not draw Cap out/back since he was retiring from a long and tiring day), but distinctly cleansing and restorative.  I thunk some thoughts during the cry, but in retrospect, see that the act released tension that had been building internally...and those thoughts that felt real and significant, at the time, feel much less so now.  Much.

It's interesting, really.  My instinct to not bother, though true, was enfolded in the benefit of not being bothered, as well.  Although my instinctual desire for comfort, while crying, was bald and raw, having someone else there would likely have interrupted and muddled the process.  A wrench, though a tool, is not always the fix.

Whole30 :: Day 6

Before we go any further, let me say that I am not, as it happens, doing a strict Whole30.  For starters, honey.  Honey is not allowed, but I am doing honey.  I have also been eating fruit, being mindful in a few ways: eating the fruit only at meals, eating measured portions of fruit (not literally), and eating only the fruit that is coming in with our CSA share that would otherwise go to waste (with the exception of watermelon, which has felt essential in the hot, humid weather we've been having, even in air conditioning).

When Cap made me the salmon cakes, he used the sriracha where the recipe called for hot sauce, not knowing that sriracha contains sugar,  I decided to enjoy the salmon cakes anyway because they were going to nourish me physically and emotionally.  (Not to mention they would have gone to waste, too, had I not eaten them.)

Today, I made cookies which fit my Paleo criteria (they are sweetened with honey).  But, in their book, Melissa and Dallas advise against eating foods contrived to be Paleo, like cakes, cookies, pizza, etc.  I decided to make the cookies because the recipe was instantly intriguing to me, and, called for an ingredient that is very much in season, at the moment: basil.

I did catch myself, though, while making Melicious' chocolate chili.  The recipe called for beef broth and just before I opened the carton of broth that had been sitting in the pantry for weeks, I double checked and there it was: cane sugar.  So, though it pained me a bit, I subbed water for the beef broth.  (I searched the pantry for chicken broth, which tends not to have sugar added to it, but came up empty.)

Late yesterday afternoon Cap took the kids to the pool to meet up with Tiina and her kids.  I had a couple of hours to myself which I filled with reading (my current book, I am loving it) and making food.  

Last week I'd made Gem home fries with the red potatoes in our farm share.  He did not like them.  A friend suggested on Facebook that I use the home fries to make tortilla patata, which I never would have thought of...and voilà, a beautiful and super tasty meal was born.  This was my best one yet!

(Ah, here's another spot where I've veered off strict Whole30.  White potatoes, which the red ones are, inside, are a no-no.  But, no one was eating the home fries, and I did not want to chuck 'em in the trash.  I'm hoping that the tortilla will entice others, but if not, I will allow it to nourish me...so, so tastily.)

I finally made some scape pesto!  The above shot is unprocessed.  The color is just so incredible on its own.  I have run out of tiny containers...I want to freeze at least half of this batch.  Not sure what to do other than gaze some more upon the pesto's lovely countenance.

I am a little sad.  The crack in the blade piece of our mini-food processor is growing.  The time has come to seriously consider replacing it.

Dinner last night.  Tortilla patata with scape pesto, store bought lettuce with the mustard-honey-ume vinaigrette...yum.

I had a hilarious moment last night, caught on camera.  I had trouble falling asleep...mostly because I consumed my caffeinated coffee too late in the day.  (I really need to be finished by noon, it seems.)  Sag was in bed with me and he's a heater, which I was distinctly aware of, too.  After lying there in the dark for an hour, I got out of bed, whined briefly to Cap, then grabbed my phone to play some Candy Crush.  I thought I'd take a selfie, and, well, I wasn't thinking, the flash on my phone camera was super bright up close!  Exhibit A.

So, the chocolate chili is simmering (it smells so good)...

the lemon basil cookies are cooling...

and I have moved onto an iced decaf americano, having finished my iced coffee by noon.

Though the high heat has moved on, the humidity has settled in for another, groan, week.  I am sleep deprived today.  Not going to do much else other than read and catch up on Sunday night tv (The Killing, Dexter, The Newsroom).  Oh, and maybe make some meat muffins.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 5

Right on schedule, I have been wiped, ache-y and easily irritated/grumpy ("carb-flu").  Yesterday seemed to be the nadir.  I took a shot of my eyes because they reflected how tired I was.  It was interesting to see how much less puffy they looked already.

I felt so crappy on Friday that I canceled my appointment with Vinny...which I have been doing too much of the last couple of months.  My peace offering: pretty Japanese sweets.

I have been sleeping much better.  I think adding a magnesium dose in the evening has helped the kids and me to fall asleep more easily.  (I'd been giving us a half dose in the mornings for a few months now, so it was simple to add in the other half dose in the evening.)  We use this and for the kids I mix it with orange juice after dissolving it in a bit of hot water.

I ran out of food yesterday because I've been so wiped.  I finished the lettuce making this delicious, but protein-less, salad for lunch.  I had a tin of sardines, but did not find the thought of combining them with the peach appetizing.  For breakfast, I'd scrambled three eggs with pesto and enjoyed a side salad with it.

This is one of the challenges of going Paleo, for me.  There is very little "store bought" that is Paleo.  Ultimately, it works well for our household budget and for my overall health, to buy ingredients to make whole food rather than pre-packaged/pre-made food.  But, on days that I am not up for cooking, it can be a drag.  Add on top of that emotional challenges because of hormones or what have you, and it's a perfect storm of being really needy and feeling too bruised to ask for help.

I did manage to ask for help, though, and Cap made me a protein dish and a vegetable dish.  So, for dinner last night and breakfast and lunch today, I have enjoyed the No-Fuss Salmon Cakes from It Starts With Food and baba ganoush (recipe from Well Fed).  It really does taste wonderful to enjoy food a loved one has made for you.  That's love on a plate, right there.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 3

Strange.  Last night, for the first time in a long time, I had "bad thoughts" before falling asleep (unstoppable imaginings, almost cinematic, of loved ones meeting their doom).  I had these a lot when we lived in Sacramento.  I have never quite figured out why this happens.  A manifestation of stress chemicals, I suppose.

What was odd about last night was that I felt sleepy and got into bed at a "good" hour.  There was some drama with the kids as we began experimenting with Gem staying up later than Sag (his teen hormones are kicking in and he is not sleepy at bedtime).  But, once I lay down, Sag finally asleep (in my bed), my mind wandered and quickly locked into the bad thought du jour.

I fell asleep pretty quickly, nonetheless.  No getting up, to practice Qigong or play Candy Crush.  I woke up around 6:30 which has not happened naturally in ages.  I woke Gem up at 7:15 and accompanied him to his first paying job.  (He is feeding the cat and spritzing the ferns for friends while they are away.)

Here is a shot of Gem vacuuming yesterday.  He is growing and growing, doing and doing.  I am in awe.

I am in the "really-no-sugar-again?" transition.  No aches or pains, I think because I had gone for five days without sugar the week before, but I am feeling unmistakably dull alternating with prickly.  I am cheered by my breaks for food: the colors, textures and flavors combine to nourish all my senses.  (And I am loving flossing and brushing by 7pm and being done with eating for the day). 

romaine and red lettuces, hard boiled pastured eggs, avocado, Dijon-honey-ume vinaigrette.

I enjoyed an apricot from our CSA orchard with my breakfast salad.  It was tasty.  I can't remember the last time I had a fresh apricot.  Have I ever?  Fruits are supposed to be kept at a bare minimum during the Whole30.  The peach I had with lunch yesterday was too much.  I could feel its sweetness overwhelming me.  The apricot was smaller and less sweet.

We have a few more days of heat wave to contend with.  The kids and I are staying indoors, for the most part.  It is wearing, but I am not complaining.  I am very grateful for air conditioning.  And hydration.  And face towels.

Peace and love.