Us-ness

Plymouth, MA.  very early 90s.

Together 24 years today.  We won't have time to do anything "celebratory", but I plan to hold close my feelings of gratitude, love and joy.

Peace.

Busy day coming up

Well, only two things were checked off of yesterday's list.  But, there was an impromptu lunch with Cap (the $10 lunch buffet at Mausam, their nan is baked on the premises and, oh, the butter nan is divine).  And, we were very close to one of the yarn shops in town so I popped in and found the "just right" yarn for Sag's hat.  And, our town being its righteous, delightful self, we found Finn's bully sticks "low odor" and "free range".

And this happened:

No more snack-sized ziplocs for my candied pecans!

Peace and love.

P.S.  I have added a third Christmas cookie to my list...

Catching up

What I am now thinking of as a virus lingers. Hopefully it will move on in a few days. I surrender.

I have been reading a lot: Life As We Knew It, Calling Dr. Laura and The Fault In Our Stars. (All very good and recommended.)

Cap and I watched an incredible documentary called A Band Called Death. Highly recommended.

I am sleeping...dreaming intensely and waking early (ready to go to bed by 9-10pm but that is difficult because I'm sleeping in the kids' room and they are still awake).

I am craving and eating lots of starchy carbs and eggs.

Having a bordering-on-bossy mug of Earl Grey to ease me into the day. Off to pull on some clothes and visit the farmer's market. (Yay for my market companion, Kelly, providing door-to-door service!)

Peace and love.

P.S.  Big news: Peru is a GO!!!

Paring down to simple

I was pleased that we made it through the week without dipping into our savings account.  Yesterday, mostly because we had barely anything typically breakfast-y left in the fridge and pantry and partly because "daddy got paid", the kids and I went out for breakfast.  (Cap opted to catch a few more winks.)  I had some coffee with cream and a quintessential Garden State breakfast sammie: Taylor ham, scrambled egg, jack cheese on a buttermilk biscuit.  'Twas yummy.

The kids and I chewed on thoughts and ideas, as well as, food.  Sag shared some memories of preschool.  Gem recounted something he read recently about how children have friends of both genders till about age 3 and how after that, we humans tend to make friends of the same gender.  I did a mini-lesson on economics, comparing different activities/things we buy/do that cost the equivalent of what our breakfast tab was.

The depressive state of earlier in the week has given way to something hard to describe...I'll call it muddle-brained...with emotional spikes.  All chemical, all the current soup of perimenopause + the season.  All ephemeral...if not in the actual how it feels, certainly in its inevitable passing on.  I saw Vinny (after a brief break during which he traveled to the Grand Canyon for the first time) and that always helps.  He gave me some new herbs to hone in a tiny cough that has developed inside me.  I also picked up some vitamin D + fish oil and evening primrose + flaxseed oil.  Vitamin D and evening primrose are mood supporters.

It's hard not to think about the level of dismantling I am doing to my days as a devolution.  As regressive, as backwards.  The reality is that reality is very much shaped by perception.  Think about this linearly and I get one thing, think about it non-linearly and I get another.  Honestly, I am not thinking about it that much, at all.  (Which I actually think is a positive.)

I have noticed I am happier out of the apartment, possibly because the apartment is physically harder to be in than usual (the dust factor, which is fairly high already has been exponentialized by my system reacting to the seasonal mold outdoors, ironically).

On my mind:

• what will I read next?

• $10 lunch special with my sweetie

• The Oranges (which we watched last night and I have mixed feelings about)

• if you can believe it, knitting

• Qigong, walking, the Y, tap...I am at the nexus of "barely"

• the seeming black hole of budgeting/financial competence

• becoming more one with the Dragon as we head into the final two weeks of class

Peace and love and keeping it real and simple.

Portraits and reviews (people and books)

Portraits of each of us in the throes of the season.  Cap's can use an explanation: he was taking the air conditioners out.  I was enjoying the open windows, freer light and his beautiful hands (which do so much for our family).

I am reading Men We Reaped.  I did not know anything about this book except that Roxane Gay recommended it.  It's going to gut me, the question is to what degree.

Finished The Ocean At The End Of The Lane.  It was stunning.  I loved it unequivocally and suspect it will be my #1 book read this year.  Here is my Goodreads review:

Stunning. A story that felt fresh while seeming utterly familiar and constant. A moving tapestry of profound moments gorgeously rendered and grounded in effortless accessibility.

A day in the life

What I wanted to do today was read.  Read NOS4A2 all day.  Because it is due tomorrow with no renewal, because it is a new book.  Instead, I rolled out of bed, cleaned up late night remnants in the kitchen, fed Gem some breakfast, rallied the kids for a stroll, and voted.

Then I made breakfast again.  For Sag and myself, and Gem, who decided to be Hobbit-y and have a second breakfast.

Then I paid some bills and kept Gem company while he worked on some Math.  And called gymnastics to let them know Sag has a sprained wrist and won't be in class.

Then I started to practice Qigong but was interrupted by a request.

Then I drove Cap to work.  He has been in a grading frenzy.

Then I ran some errands since I was going to be out.

Then I sat with Gem again while he worked on some more Math.  And discovered that the second session of swimming is full and put the kids on a wait list.

Then I made lunch.  I love this recipe for kale salad.  It is one of my most favorite, ever.  (The kids don't eat kale.  They had taco leftovers.)

Then Sag asked for cheese dip.  His lunch was nachos with taco fixings and he wished for cheese sauce (but he called it dip).  I started poking around the internet for cheese dip recipes and realized I was missing a crucial ingredient: cream cheese.

Then I started putting dinner together.  I prepped a marinade.  I pulled the chicken thighs out of their pouch (they had been defrosting in water all morning)...and one of the thighs had gone way bad.

Then I hoofed it over to Whole Paycheck and picked up a package of chicken thighs and a box of cream cheese.  I was wearing sweat pants.  And my slouchy knit hat because I still had bedhead.  And my fitted Red Sox hoodie looked awful funny zipped over my very baggy sweatpants.  So I unzipped the hoodie which revealed my baggy worn magenta iKnit t-shirt.  I considered changing for a split second and then decided I really didn't care.

Then I prepped the chicken, set it to marinate, and returned to Internet Land in search of cheese dip inspiration.

Then I made cheese dip.  Sag was ambivalent when he saw it.  It turned out he was expecting something quite a bit more Velveeta-esque.  No matter.  As soon as he took his first bite, he was smitten.

I used this Trisha Yearwood recipe as a base.  I subbed mostly ewegurt (sheep milk plain yogurt) and a bit of mayo for the mayo, I subbed a mystery (delicious) cheese from my mom's the other night for the Monterey Jack, I subbed a splash of sriracha for the cayenne, and I subbed an end slice of Whole Food's GF Light Sandwich bread, crumbed with a couple dashes of salt, for the 8 butter crackers.

Sag and I scooped up a quarter of the 9-inch pie plate with tortilla strips for a snack.  Yum.

And now, now it's time to make dinner.  The rice is in the cooker, my snapshots have been Instagrammed, I need to reprogram the DVR to allow for the Red Sox game to be watched at 8...  Once I am done cleaning up from dinner, I'll likely get a call about picking up my honey.  Then it will be time for the game.  And I have a feeling inertia and pooped-ness will settle down upon me.  I will not practice Qigong.  I will not hole up with my book.  I will sit in my red chair next to my native New Englander in his blue chair...and hopefully not gnash our teeth too much at the tv.

Peace and love.

Weekend

There was time with grandparents.  There was a Baba dinner: steaks (beef and salmon), potatoes, broccoli and rice.  There was a football game.  There was a massage.

There was time in the pool.  There was a serious workout due to being the only kid present.  There was backstroke, breast stroke, butterfly, freestyle, diving and practicing flip turns.

There was Comic Con.  There was catching up with a favorite artist (who was impressed with the depth of Sag's knowledge of his oeuvre).  There was a trip to Kinokuniya.  There was a late lunch of Carnegie Deli.

There was homework.  There was too much homework and not enough time.  There was pouting.

There was a birthday breakfast out.  There was catching up, good coffee and Sunrise Quesadilla.

There was a drawing throwdown.  There was a really nice camaraderie and respect fest between birthday buddies (born 36 years apart).

There was time with a dear friend.  There was catching up and the jolt of realization that this friendship was born in 1989.  (There was a smile for a photograph!!!)

There was a long awaited, hotly anticipated release of two Pokemon video games.  There was leaving the house at 8:40 to get to the early opening at Gamestop.  There was hours of playing.  There was much joy.

There was coffee on Donna's front steps.  There was sweet, sweet Daisy.  There was drenching sun and long conversation.

There was more...it was a weekend full to the brim.  

(Cap lost his keys Saturday and, thankfully, I found them on Monday.  Turns out replacing Prius keys costs an arm and a leg.)

(I got to tour Tiina's in-the-midst-of-renovation house.)

(I drove Gem and myself into Manhattan.  It went well, but I hate driving on highways and the anticipatory anxiety was an ass.)

(The Red Sox lost a nail biter Friday night and won a nail biter Saturday night.)

(I have not been able to settle into the first of my three library books.)

(I have a ton of tv piling up in the DVR.)

Peace and love.

Common meal

We hosted a quiet, lovely common meal tonight that turned out to be us and Silke, Roger and Lukas.  I made the turkey meatballs yesterday because meatballs taste even better the day after and they were scrumptious.  I defrosted and reheated the butternut squash soup I'd made for the last time (we had to cancel), tweaked it with some grade B maple syrup and it was hearty and comforting.  Cap made corn bread and used coconut sugar so I could eat it.  For dessert, I served the granola and latest batch of oatmeal cookies.  Both were hits.

I took Gem to the doctor this morning to get tested for strep (it was negative).  He's feeling a little poopy, Cap is fighting a cold, and I may or may not be.

Sag was raring to go to gymnastics so that's where we were this afternoon.  He loves it, which provides a primal and passionate motivation.  But, it is not easy for him and his efforts and perseverance take my breath away every time.  Here he is on his nemesis, the rope.  I was never able to move up a rope as a child (or a teen...or an adult).  He hasn't yet, but I think he will, in due time.

Peace and love.

Oatmeal raisin cookies

Cap loves oatmeal raisin cookies and, sadly, this is the first time I've made them for him.  I looked at two recipes over at Gluten-Free Goddess, but due to laptop mishaps (my iteration of the Macbook Air has a hardware bug that has mostly just been annoying, but this morning it did an unexpected buggy total shut down which is untenable...must bring it in to the mothership), focused on the one with eggs and chocolate chips in it.  I subbed raisins for the chocolate chips, coconut sugar for the brown sugar, brown rice flour for the sorghum and millet flours, and potato starch for the tapioca starch.

The verdict: these look better than they taste.  I am highly motivated, though, and am already thinking of tweaks.  Next batch I will use half brown rice and half almond flours.  (There was a slightly sandy quality to the cookies.)  I may also pick up a bag of sweet rice flour and try a batch with that and almond flour.  Also, I am going to reduce or eliminate the nutmeg.  It's possible that our nutmeg is going stale...but it just tasted strong and almost bitter.  Finally, I was left with a strong sense of the absence of butter.  As much as I love my Kerrygold, I do not often miss butter in the GFCF food that I make.  So, this experience stood out.  I may try a batch with butter.  Cap eschews dairy, generally, so I'll see what he wants to do.  (He has not tried a cookie yet.  Gem hasn't tried one, either.  Sag thought it was okay, he said it was flaky.)

Peace and love.

Neko Case

Last night we went to see Neko Case at Radio City.  "A dream come true," she said with gratitude, before leaving the stage.  It was in my fuzzy top five concerts ever.  I thoroughly enjoyed the evening of at times raucous, at times dramatic, at times heartbreaking, songcraft and music.  And laughs...there were many laughs between Neko's and Kelly Hogan's witty quips.

The most intense moment of the night was this song.

And the most happy-making, head-bopping, release-full one was this song.

Peace and love and music.

Signs of the season

I spent the morning recovering from a late night watching the Emmys (which I very rarely do, I am a Golden Globes girl), the penultimate episode of Breaking Bad and the series finale of Dexter.  Oh, and I slept on the floor of the kids' room.  I am crossing my fingers that after a week or so of this sleeping arrangement, that a certain someone will stop waking up in the middle of the night needing to check in with me to make sure I am still of this world.

I called upon my trusty shopping pals and we drove over to the mall so I could return/exchange some Fall stuff for myself and also stop into the Apple store to inquire about our options in dealing with a cracked screen on the iPad.

This afternoon, inspired by the many apples remaining in the fruit bowl (tomorrow we receive our next share), and, the shift to much crisper weather, I asked the kids to give me a hand in making some apple sauce.  I ran out to the store to pick up some pork chops and baby spinach, and there is corn bread leftover from last night.  A good dinner will be had.

I am determined to read some books in the next few months.  It has been a spare reading year thus far.  I just finished Questlove's memoir , which I really enjoyed, and am ready for something new.  An embarrassment of riches line my shelves...what to choose, what to choose.

Also, Cap and I have recommitted to watching a movie together every week, alternating turns to pick.  So far, we have watched Adrift In Tokyo, My Man Godfrey, and I Wish.  The Awful Truth is on deck for this weekend.  I've decided to go with a "classics" theme and am choosing movies released before I was born (except one, To Sir, With Love, which I have long wanted to see and was released the year of my birth).  I solicited suggestions on Facebook and have a robust list of movies going, many of which I had never heard of.

I have thoroughly enjoyed all three movies we've seen so far and recommend all of them.  Adrift In Tokyo and I Wish are Japanese movies with subtitles.  Let me know if you have any recommendations for movies or books!

Peace and love.

Saturday snippets

A quickie as I am shifting and shifting and scattered and still a bit of a mess.

• yay for clarity and clear/ed channels through which understanding and communication can flow.  Cap asked me if I'd be interested in doing something next week which I knew would be helpful to him, but I really did not want to do.  I struggled with it for a bit, but then a light shone and the dam that burst turned out not to be holding the flood I feared.  and things sorted out fine.  I faced the internal thing I was resisting facing, which in turn was why I resisted agreeing to help him out.  and it's all good.

• a lovely and sad read.

• a funny and insightful read.

• I am determined to go here before this exhibit leaves.

• I deleted Candy Crush and Bubble Witch Saga from my phone.  that this is worth mentioning is...I don't know...what my life had become, I suppose.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 18

I missed the sleep sweet spot last night.

At 8:30 I was lying in bed scratching Baxter in the dark.  The kids were watching Mythbusters in their room and Cap was out at the Write On Sports wrap party.  I was very sleepy.

At 9:30 the Red Sox game was on and Cap was tucking the kids in.  Baxter was walked and medicated for the night (eye infection = ointment + cone of shame for an hour).

At 10:30 I was playing Candy Crush and otherwise messing around on the laptop.  The Red Sox played on and I wondered if we were going to watch Real Time.  Cap was asleep on the floor (he denied it, but snores don't lie).

At 11:30 we turned in and Sag climbed into bed with me.  I usually send him back to his bed if I am still awake, but I really thought I would drop off to sleep very soon, so I didn't.

At 12:30 I was up in my chair playing Candy Crush.

At 12:45 I downloaded Bubble With Saga to my phone because I am stuck on a level in Candy Crush.

At 2:00 I finally felt sleepy enough to not care about fighting for space in the bed and went to sleep.

*    *    *     *    *

I pushed through feeling wrecked this morning.  Took the dog out in a cool drizzle, made a quick shopping list, popped a cookie in my mouth, grabbed my bags...and went to the farmer's market with Kelly.

Stocked up on meat and eggs because we'll be away next weekend.  Grabbed some kid-friendly veg at Starbrite's stand (carrots and lettuce for Gem, cukes for Sag).  Enjoyed the hum of kindred spirits seeking nourishing connection in the rain.  And the good mood of the barista at Red Eye.  She must have had a good night or good night of sleep!

Last week I went too long without eating on Farmer's market day.  Today I did a little better and ate as soon as I put the cold stuff away.  Beets, chicken, melon.  Yum.  I am defrosting some ground sirloin to make the Thai Primal Beef again.  That was so tasty.  I have zucchini and a red cabbage to cook up today or tomorrow.

I am not sure my mind is alert enough to read today, I hope so.  Curling up with a book sounds heavenly about now.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 16

20 years ago today we had our version of a wedding on a hot day in Massachusetts.  We were lucky to be enveloped in so much love, care and support that day...and even luckier that we continue to be loved, cared and supported, twenty years later, by our families and friends, near and far.  I am full to the brim with gratitude.

Look at us, such babies!  (Though we didn't feel like babies, at the time.)

Our herb this week was basil.  It was a sad bunch of basil.  Enormous leaves barely moist and quite fed on by bugs...in past seasons I believe I would have chucked it in the trash without giving it a second thought.  But, I dutifully clipped the stems under the faucet and placed the bunch in a jar of water.

In the morning, the basil looked a bit drier.  But, it were fragrant.  And I realized that though there were not nearly enough leaves to make a pesto, there were enough to make cookies.  So I harvested the usable leaves, washed and dried them, then chopped them up and tossed them into the food processor with the cookie dough.

Lovely.

Last night, I baked the kids corn bread to go with our dinner of reheated turkey chocolate chili (I prefer it with beef, it's official) and grilled peaches.  Cap is our resident corn bread baker and since he was not home, I gave it a go and, boy, was I clunky!  I had to do some emergency maneuvering halfway through baking to prevent the top from getting any toastier.

It was a nice mid-point (Day 15) event.  The first time I baked the kids something that was not Paleo since starting the Whole30.  It felt perfectly fine that I was not going to be partaking of the bread.

Desserts are a no-no during the Whole30.  I plated myself this post-dinner snack...I don't know why, other than I had made the cookies and they were ready (they have to cool for two hours).  I wasn't hungry, I wasn't craving sweets, it was kind of weird.  I did eat them a couple of hours after dinner, but I did not need them, and I barely wanted them.

Baxter arrives today for a couple of days.  Looking forward to snuggling with that sweet pup.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 5

Right on schedule, I have been wiped, ache-y and easily irritated/grumpy ("carb-flu").  Yesterday seemed to be the nadir.  I took a shot of my eyes because they reflected how tired I was.  It was interesting to see how much less puffy they looked already.

I felt so crappy on Friday that I canceled my appointment with Vinny...which I have been doing too much of the last couple of months.  My peace offering: pretty Japanese sweets.

I have been sleeping much better.  I think adding a magnesium dose in the evening has helped the kids and me to fall asleep more easily.  (I'd been giving us a half dose in the mornings for a few months now, so it was simple to add in the other half dose in the evening.)  We use this and for the kids I mix it with orange juice after dissolving it in a bit of hot water.

I ran out of food yesterday because I've been so wiped.  I finished the lettuce making this delicious, but protein-less, salad for lunch.  I had a tin of sardines, but did not find the thought of combining them with the peach appetizing.  For breakfast, I'd scrambled three eggs with pesto and enjoyed a side salad with it.

This is one of the challenges of going Paleo, for me.  There is very little "store bought" that is Paleo.  Ultimately, it works well for our household budget and for my overall health, to buy ingredients to make whole food rather than pre-packaged/pre-made food.  But, on days that I am not up for cooking, it can be a drag.  Add on top of that emotional challenges because of hormones or what have you, and it's a perfect storm of being really needy and feeling too bruised to ask for help.

I did manage to ask for help, though, and Cap made me a protein dish and a vegetable dish.  So, for dinner last night and breakfast and lunch today, I have enjoyed the No-Fuss Salmon Cakes from It Starts With Food and baba ganoush (recipe from Well Fed).  It really does taste wonderful to enjoy food a loved one has made for you.  That's love on a plate, right there.

Peace and love.

Catching up

I was feeling emotionally down for a few days. That has abated, but I am tired! It has been hot and muggy-ish all week. I am grateful for my air conditioning...but long for fresh air.

Gem was under the weather last week, fine over the weekend, but back to under the weather this week. A friend described having a symptom-less virus at common meal last night (I went solo, I really needed to get out of the house for some company) and it struck me that this is what Gem seems to be dealing with.

Cap comes home tomorrow, storm gods willing. We are looking forward to his return. I actually like this annual threesome time...but we do miss our fourth.

We will finish off Gem's birthday celebrating with a family gathering on Sunday. Then we will go into something of a summer mode, I suppose.

Here are some pictures to tell the story of the past week...

Snapped at Kate's during a feed-the-cat pop-by.

Shot out on the sidewalk in front of the house with my Precious (iPhone). Super moon. I am sensitive to the moon and weather. My mood dip may have been related to the special lunar event.

I ran out of my new favorite coffee so picked up this local blend. It's flavorful and refreshing. (Cap will be bringing home some more Momoko coffee tomorrow, yay!)

Recalling something funny and then telling me the story...

...and then getting back to long division.

The iPad was propped up against that blue back pillow and they were homeschooling via Skype with Cap.

Mystery bag piper. S/he has been practicing/playing across the street this week. Our street is very wide and not conducive to impromptu chats so we don't know our neighbors well. I don't think s/he is one of the kids who lives there... Regardless, I adore hearing live music and have enjoyed their playing enormously.

The lately daily "I don't want to go to school..." ritual of re/iterating the day's work/tasks and bemoaning the lack of hours in a day and attempting to negotiate personal burdens down.

Sag and I have been enjoying cream cheese, something we don't often have in the house. I introduced him to a childhood favorite of mine, cream cheese and jam on toast. This, though, is avocado with cream cheese. I stopped buying avocado for awhile after having some less than satisfactory ones (one of the things I miss about living in California is the abundance of fresh avocado year-round). I picked up a bag of 'em this week and they have been yummy.

Speaking of abundance, the CSA is fast having a "win some" kind of season (as in you win some, you lose some). That is a frakking motherlode of green stuff! Two kinds of lettuce, napa cabbage, kale, escarole, arugula, two bunches of spinach...and that's just the leafy, greens.

Last week, despite cooking up the greens, I didn't eat them! I could not keep up. I was still eating veg from the week before. I have also strayed WAY off the Paleo reservation lately and have been filling myself with carby carbs and take-out...too much take-out.

What I have managed so far this week: the strawberries and cherries (fruit share commenced, yay!), the lettuce has been washed and prepped at-the-ready in the fridge, we shelled 2lbs of green peas and they are cooked...but they are old (I now know they need to be cooked/eaten within a few days of being picked), and I finally made some garlic scape pesto!

Scape pesto is one of my favorite things about summer. A sublime and snappy seasonal sensation. I had some with the last of the cream cheese yesterday and found it to taste like the best Boursin cheese, ever.

Donna has a beautiful garden. It is a lush and creative space...using design born out of inspiration and a keen eye and mind. I rarely go for white when it comes to flowers. But, these gorgeous beings caught my eye last night and had me swooning.

Peace and love.