Whole30 :: Day 15

Halfway is feeling anti-climactic.  Just a little bit.  And that is due to dashed expectations.  I strive to keep expectations to a minimum.  It took awhile, but a good thing I have learned over the years is to discern the difference between deeply felt anticipation (which I cannot control, it's in my nature) and deeply held expectation (which I can control, it's in my mind).

I am not bouncing around like the energizer bunny.  My body has not shed gonzo pounds as it has during past Whole30/Dragon Ways (I am not stepping on the scale, but I can tell).

But, I am calmer, sleeping better, thinking more clearly, connecting more presently.  I can feel my body has more room to breathe.  Which, not surprisingly, feels Sofa King good.

Look at what Jamie sent me...a manatea infuser!  It was a lovely end note to a day tinged with blue.

We took another walk around the block last night, this, too, a mood booster.  The weather has been so gentle and summery.  Really, really nice.

Sag and I have been enjoying the sugar plums that came from the orchard.  Natural gems, I tell you, they are so delicious, so fragrant, so pleasing to the eye and palate.

We received our first tomatoes of the season and this beauty did not disappoint.

My lunch plate called for more vinaigrette!  I love having a go to vinaigrette: Dijon mustard, honey, garlic powder, ume plum vinegar and olive oil.  It takes no time to whisk up.  Yum.

Gem broke our bathroom sink glass (a gift from Cara long, long ago).  "I am really not having a good day," the poor boy said.  I peeked into the kitchen cupboard to see what we might have...and found this ceramic cup that Elizabeth made long, long ago.  It is beautiful and perfect.  Hoping to use it for more and more years to come!

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 14

Bumpy day mood-wise.  Mostly feeling blue.  Fell asleep late, woke up late, behind the eight ball getting into the kitchen followed by deep wariness due to memories of last night's trauma involving flies gathering there, à la The Birds.

But, there were no flies this morning (my duct tape sealing job worked, it seems), and, in fact, today there is a wonderful breeze and I loved not having the air conditioner on.

I made a pot of chocolate chili using ground turkey.  Cap doesn't eat red meat and he likes chili, so I decided to give it a whirl.  Preparing the chili was therapeutic.  I felt much, much better when I was done.

I have been loving up our wooden spoon lately.  Just noticing how beautiful it is in its well-seasoned age.  Appreciating the gestalt of the moment when I reach for it in order to stir whatever ingredients have been assembled in a pot, awaiting alchemy.  I love this spoon.  I don't remember where we got it.  Maybe Tags in Porter Square.

After lunch (the Primal Thai Beef still delicious on day three), I gave the inside of the fridge a once over since Cap will be coming home later with our CSA share.  I pulled out the lamb I made yesterday.  It was not tasty last night (Gem did not care for it, either).  It was still not tasty this morning when I choked it down with some baba ganoush and sauerkraut.  I was loathe to throw it away and was wondering what to do with it...when Sag hit upon some unintentional inspiration.  He suggested making Rogan Josh (he thought there was still uncooked lamb) and I realized I could easily attempt a lamb 2.0.  So, I picked out as much of the rosemary needles as I could and placed the lamb in a pot with a tablespoon of Rogan Josh spice mix and a can of coconut milk.  It is now simmering on the stove alongside the turkey chili.  Fingers crossed.

Peace and love.

P.S.  Thank you to Sue, for the comment about my cooking creativity.  I don't think of my kitchen activity in that way and appreciated the perspective.  Funnily, today, I did feel like I used some creativity to turn the lamb around.

Whole30 :: Day 13

After quite a productive morning and early afternoon, I am hitting a wall of pooped.  Good thing I have some slow cooker goodness in the making and some Sunday night tv to catch up on.

Sag has been craving slow braised meat.  Our farmer's market meat connection, Anthony, doesn't, as it turned out, carry much in the way of stew meats during the summer.  He offered up lamb shoulder chops, so that's what went into the slow cooker this morning with onion, garlic, vegetable broth, rosemary, thyme and some grinds of black pepper.  It's my first time making this recipe and I dug how simple it was to put together...especially, not having to brown anything before putting it in the cooker.

Once the lamb got going and the kids and I breakfasted, I began "processing" veg and fruit.  A lovely organic watermelon (from Whole Paycheck) was cut up, strawberries were washed (also from the store, Gem loves strawberries), and I sauté-steamed a head of cabbage from the farm (with shallot and a half a pepper from the farm).  

I then plucked the bowl of peaches from the fridge.  They had been ripening and ripening and hit that point of just before no return yesterday.  I was too tired to cook, though, so I stuck them in the fridge and hoped for the best.  After some google research, I decided to brush these with coconut oil and grilled them using our cast iron grill pan (an outlet find).  I waited till the pan was very hot and then cooked them on medium-high heat for about three to four minutes on each side, with a lid on the pan.  They looked so pretty, but I was not hungry, so I stuck them back in the fridge.  I am going to serve them with the lamb tonight.  Should be tasty!

This just made me sigh and smile.  Gem came it at some point while I was cooking and spotted half a peach that wasn't going to fit into the pan.  He asked for it and I handed it right over, delighted, because he doesn't often eat peaches.  We chatted and he wandered back to his work and I kept going.  Later, I noticed the pit he'd left right in the middle of the table.  Gem definitely has "absent minded professor" in him.  Some very seemingly simple and practical things just don't click in his brain.  He's also the one who consistently leaves his clothes right where they were stepped out of.

Here is my lunch plate.  Dinner leftovers and the braised cabbage.  I adore the flavor of cabbage, so naturally sweet and earthy.  The flavors are heightened and deepened when the cabbage comes from a local organic farm.  No seasoning necessary, just Spanish olive oil, cabbage, shallot and a bit of green pepper (and a splash of water for the steaming).

Peace and love.

P.S.  My internet awesome of the day.  A fan-made mashup of Breaking Bad and Weird Al:

Whole30 :: Day 12

One of the things I love about doing a Whole30 or The Dragon's Way is the assumptive knowledge that I/one will feel awesome during and after.  What is not to love about feeling awesome?

During this Whole30 I am noticing that, in a way, it is taking longer to feel awesome.  But, there is awesomeness embedded in my awareness of the fatigue and aches and pains which are taking longer to dissipate.

For example, I don't think I am eating much less than when I have done Whole30s before...but my body is experiencing it much differently.  I am encouraged by the fact that I am at a place where if I need to eat, even if there isn't anything at the ready, I am not wanting the ease/convenience of grabbing a piece a toast.  And I am way past cravings for anything not Paleo.

Cap and the kids went out for Japanese food the other night, mostly because the kitchen was in disarray with the fridge-on-the-fritz.  I opted to stay home because there was nothing I could eat at the restaurant...but also because I could envision myself eating an avocado roll or two.

The grip of inflammation is loosening on my body and I can feel the effects of muscle tension all over.  "Normally", I don't feel these pains because when I am eating inflammatory foods my body goes into what I imagine as a sort of traction.  The energy, or whatever, becomes so immovable, held in place by the inflammation response, that I don't feel how tight my muscles actually are.

I am almost mid-way and I am happily keep on keeping on.

There has been a brief weather respite and last night we took a walk at Gem's suggestion.  Today has been muggy again and it has been raining for a couple of hours.

I am enjoying the rearranged kitchen.  Sag has been vocal about his dismay.  I felt crappy this afternoon, but, again with the creeping bits of awesome, my mind took its time sifting through the algebra of the experience...and I realized a cup of Chinese herbal tea was just what my internal doctor was ordering.  (It has been a dog's age since I've had this tea!)  Then, I noticed what the cup of tea reflected in the kitchen table's new location.

I spent time organizing the new fridge.  Out came the labeler.  I love this gadget.  The new fridge is slightly different than the old one and I liked puzzling over what to put where, maximizing ease of use and space.

Boy, did that thing fill up fast.  (The beginning of the week tends to see a fuller fridge because we food shop weekly on the weekend.)  Our CSA share comes on Tuesdays, so some of this needs to be eaten down by then!  The most significant difference between the two fridges is that this one doesn't have a "meat" drawer.  So we are losing one of the produce crisper drawers to meat/cheese.

I made a new-to-me recipe tonight: Primal Thai Beef.  It was the bomb.  A serious flavor bomb.  I had most of the less-perishable ingredients on hand which made putting this together a snap (and economical).  The sauce is what really makes the dish.  I think the protein could be switched out with another type of meat, or tofu, no problem.  We have a buttload of ginger powder so I subbed that for the fresh ginger.  I was skeptical of adding the onion and garlic (along with the bell pepper) after the meat was halfway browned, but it totally worked.  I skipped the carrots because that's how your hated-carrots-as-a-kid blogger rolls.  Also, this recipe calls for zero salt.  I knew fish sauce is very salty, but, again, I was skeptical.  The resulting dish totally did not need salt.  And, finally, it was so refreshing to make something Thai-inspired that didn't call for coconut milk!

So, so good, you guys.  Eating this made me really happy.  Sag loved it, Gem did not try it.  I will be making this again, no doubt.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 11

Kitchen 2.0.  

We like rearranging furniture and have done so numerous times in this apartment.  But, the kitchen, with its limited space, three windows and a pantry (in the right far corner not in the picture), has remained as is for seven years.  This has been a teeny thorn in my side and I have spent considerable energy trying to figure out a way we could make a change.

Since we had to empty and move the old fridge out, Cap pounced on the opportunity (while cleaning, he's rock solid, that one) to re-envision the space.  We love how shifting the fridge opens up the space and invites the natural flight to flood in.  (The breakfast bar will slide in and out of its spot as needed.)

I am feeling inspired to do another declutter/reorg of the kitchen.  I may even finally put up some curtains or shades.  I would so love to put a table in there, but there just isn't the space.

For now, I am breathing easy and am very tired.  This morning was a flurry of farmer's market with Kelly followed by chatting with iced coffees followed by clearing out the fridge and freezer and toting bags and bags over to Danielle's basement fridge followed by feeding the kids as the delivery guys arrived.  I ate somewhere in there, but a little too late.  I was a jittery time bomb by the time the fridge was being carried up and had to hide away for some introvert time.

A few asides:

• so great to have friends who bear witness.  Kelly noticed that I have dropped some bulk.  on the advice/directive of the book, I have not weighed myself.  it is notoriously difficult for me to truly see how I appear, so I appreciated the feedback.

• I am thinking of getting a serious haircut but am wondering if my much thinned head of hair will make a good cut too challenging.

• been turned onto a delectable online clothing store.

• love this photo from a 1970 Jet magazine.

• appreciated this piece.  deeply.  considering it.

• this recipe for Primal Thai Beef caught my eye.  bet it would be good with pork or chicken or turkey, too.

• sad but important essay.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 10

This is what Cap and I saw last night past midnight.  We had noticed a hot plastic smell in the kitchen earlier in the evening, but did not pin point it as coming from our refrigerator right away.  Turned out the box was hot on the outside (inside cold as usual).  Cap popped the back panel off and vacuumed out the coils and whatnot as best as he could reach.  That was when we noticed the blackened metal (those pipes were scorchingly hot).  Cap also figured out the fan under there seemed to not be working.

I keep course correcting towards gratitude...that there was no fire, that we were home, that it is looking like we will be getting a new fridge...but, adrenalin is powerful and unstoppable.

I baked a pan of chicken thighs and roasted a pan of zucchini yesterday.  (Thankful for the easy fuel amidst the hubbub of texts back and forth with the landlord trying to sort the fridge thing out.)  I am enjoying fresh peaches and apricots.  The peaches are ripe enough for grilling now, I think.

I also made a pesto with regular basil, lemon basil and purslane.  I believe the purslane released some water. Can you see it?  I have a good supply of pesto going in the freezer now, though it is in jeopardy as the fridge has been unplugged since last night.

Perhaps we will have a chili-pesto-fruit smoothie party tonight.

In the meantime, I do not have the concentration for this big, big book.  Didn't fall asleep till about 2:30 and between the sleep deprivation and post-adrenalin letdown, I am wan.  

Instead, I sipped coffee and scrubbed the outside of the fridge (and the stove and the sink) to make that part of the apartment a touch more presentable.  (We live in the "clean enough" category, by and large.)

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 9

The windows are open again.

(Part of me wants to drop the mic and exit the stage.)

I started feeling better last night and feel much restored by a solid 7 hours of sleep in a room with open windows.

But, as my eyes and mind clear, I see/feel so much clutter all around me, tangible and less tangible.

Let's move on.

The food situation has been good, occasionally tricky with fatigue in terms of what I've had at my disposal: food- and energy-wise.  I haven't been able to stick to the vague notion that I should try to have just one cookie a day, but I have stayed on the sugar-, grain- and dairy-free wagon.

 chocolate chili with garlic scape pesto.

lemon basil cookies with an iced decaf americano.

string beans from the farm with avocado oil mayo.

 desperation salad.

pastured egg scramble with scallion, scape pesto and purslane from the farm.

The kids are winding down their homeschooling work with me.  They are on break as of Monday until September.

I finished The Ticking Is The Bomb and loved it.  I'm waiting for a few books from the library now.  Dirty Wars is up next.  Also waiting for this and this and this.  It's funny, I really want to read this, but am waiting for it to come out in paperback so I can buy it.  It hadn't occurred to me to get it from the library...because I want it on my shelf.  I almost bought it at my indie shop a few weeks ago with a gift card, but decided to get two paperbacks for the same price.

On a related note, I am considering audiobooks.

Peace and love and Willie.

Whole30 :: Day 8

I feel pretty terrible physically (aches and aches and fatigue) and it is affecting my mental/mood state.

Back tomorrow with pretty pics and improved self...I hope.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 7

Okay, honestly, who saw this coming?

I got my period this morning.

Clearly, my menses will always, always get the better of me, when it comes to the PMS blinders.  It's the nature of the she-beast, though, no?  Like this cycle, I have never been able to get past thinking/feeling "well, maybe it's PMS".  I have never been able to know that's what it is and settle down rather than shriek or feel desolate.

This time, my mind played a trick on me and I lost a week.  So, even though last Friday was the 28th day since my last period (and I was very regular for years), I very much thought my period wasn't due till this weekend.  Hence, not being sure of the PMS because the timing was a bit off.

Even though I knew it might be PMS, and even though I informed Cap of this, when I am in the throes, nothing is enough.  The nature of my she-beast.

I woke up this morning and my stomach/gut ached for the first time in a couple of days (a "symptom" the switch to Paleo had already begun to smooth out) and when I stepped out of bed, my feet were stiff and ache-y (another "symptom" that has come and gone over the past few years that had recently been gone).  I wondered what the heck was going on...till I went to the bathroom.

My mind feels pretty clear (yay!), but the de rigueur wiped out mantle is heavy on my shoulders.  It's okay, though, because rather than feeling/being mired in overwhelmed as I have been the past couple of days, I know in my bones that this is a brief way station on my path to well-being.

I made some mayo this morning while the kids ate breakfast (Gem held the bowl for me while I whisked, whisked, whisked).

And, though all I wanted was a cookie or two with my iced coffee, I forced myself to eat some protein, instead. On my way to the trashcan to chuck the last of the spurned home fries, I was overtaken by the desire not to waste food and tossed them, instead, into my favorite bowl with some mayo and pesto and hard-boiled eggs.  (Notice how different the color of the yolk is?  Anthony's hens have been suffering from the heat, too!  The eggs are smaller and the yolks nowhere near their usual orange when cooked.)

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 6 addendum

My mood has been spike-y.  I feel fine then suddenly very grumpy.  Disproportionate, to the moment occurring outside of myself, but perfectly in alignment with what is going on inside.  This transition time of chemical re/calibration is possibly bumping up against a PMS time.

I feel getting some movement into my routine would help...more and more with each passing day.  But, it's hard to catch the rhythm when my sleep is still bumpy (tonight, again with the insomnia) and it's so not my weather outside.

I cried tonight, though, which was a little challenging (I was inhibited by a) wanting to not wake/shake up the kids; and b) wanting to not draw Cap out/back since he was retiring from a long and tiring day), but distinctly cleansing and restorative.  I thunk some thoughts during the cry, but in retrospect, see that the act released tension that had been building internally...and those thoughts that felt real and significant, at the time, feel much less so now.  Much.

It's interesting, really.  My instinct to not bother, though true, was enfolded in the benefit of not being bothered, as well.  Although my instinctual desire for comfort, while crying, was bald and raw, having someone else there would likely have interrupted and muddled the process.  A wrench, though a tool, is not always the fix.

Whole30 :: Day 6

Before we go any further, let me say that I am not, as it happens, doing a strict Whole30.  For starters, honey.  Honey is not allowed, but I am doing honey.  I have also been eating fruit, being mindful in a few ways: eating the fruit only at meals, eating measured portions of fruit (not literally), and eating only the fruit that is coming in with our CSA share that would otherwise go to waste (with the exception of watermelon, which has felt essential in the hot, humid weather we've been having, even in air conditioning).

When Cap made me the salmon cakes, he used the sriracha where the recipe called for hot sauce, not knowing that sriracha contains sugar,  I decided to enjoy the salmon cakes anyway because they were going to nourish me physically and emotionally.  (Not to mention they would have gone to waste, too, had I not eaten them.)

Today, I made cookies which fit my Paleo criteria (they are sweetened with honey).  But, in their book, Melissa and Dallas advise against eating foods contrived to be Paleo, like cakes, cookies, pizza, etc.  I decided to make the cookies because the recipe was instantly intriguing to me, and, called for an ingredient that is very much in season, at the moment: basil.

I did catch myself, though, while making Melicious' chocolate chili.  The recipe called for beef broth and just before I opened the carton of broth that had been sitting in the pantry for weeks, I double checked and there it was: cane sugar.  So, though it pained me a bit, I subbed water for the beef broth.  (I searched the pantry for chicken broth, which tends not to have sugar added to it, but came up empty.)

Late yesterday afternoon Cap took the kids to the pool to meet up with Tiina and her kids.  I had a couple of hours to myself which I filled with reading (my current book, I am loving it) and making food.  

Last week I'd made Gem home fries with the red potatoes in our farm share.  He did not like them.  A friend suggested on Facebook that I use the home fries to make tortilla patata, which I never would have thought of...and voilà, a beautiful and super tasty meal was born.  This was my best one yet!

(Ah, here's another spot where I've veered off strict Whole30.  White potatoes, which the red ones are, inside, are a no-no.  But, no one was eating the home fries, and I did not want to chuck 'em in the trash.  I'm hoping that the tortilla will entice others, but if not, I will allow it to nourish me...so, so tastily.)

I finally made some scape pesto!  The above shot is unprocessed.  The color is just so incredible on its own.  I have run out of tiny containers...I want to freeze at least half of this batch.  Not sure what to do other than gaze some more upon the pesto's lovely countenance.

I am a little sad.  The crack in the blade piece of our mini-food processor is growing.  The time has come to seriously consider replacing it.

Dinner last night.  Tortilla patata with scape pesto, store bought lettuce with the mustard-honey-ume vinaigrette...yum.

I had a hilarious moment last night, caught on camera.  I had trouble falling asleep...mostly because I consumed my caffeinated coffee too late in the day.  (I really need to be finished by noon, it seems.)  Sag was in bed with me and he's a heater, which I was distinctly aware of, too.  After lying there in the dark for an hour, I got out of bed, whined briefly to Cap, then grabbed my phone to play some Candy Crush.  I thought I'd take a selfie, and, well, I wasn't thinking, the flash on my phone camera was super bright up close!  Exhibit A.

So, the chocolate chili is simmering (it smells so good)...

the lemon basil cookies are cooling...

and I have moved onto an iced decaf americano, having finished my iced coffee by noon.

Though the high heat has moved on, the humidity has settled in for another, groan, week.  I am sleep deprived today.  Not going to do much else other than read and catch up on Sunday night tv (The Killing, Dexter, The Newsroom).  Oh, and maybe make some meat muffins.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 5

Right on schedule, I have been wiped, ache-y and easily irritated/grumpy ("carb-flu").  Yesterday seemed to be the nadir.  I took a shot of my eyes because they reflected how tired I was.  It was interesting to see how much less puffy they looked already.

I felt so crappy on Friday that I canceled my appointment with Vinny...which I have been doing too much of the last couple of months.  My peace offering: pretty Japanese sweets.

I have been sleeping much better.  I think adding a magnesium dose in the evening has helped the kids and me to fall asleep more easily.  (I'd been giving us a half dose in the mornings for a few months now, so it was simple to add in the other half dose in the evening.)  We use this and for the kids I mix it with orange juice after dissolving it in a bit of hot water.

I ran out of food yesterday because I've been so wiped.  I finished the lettuce making this delicious, but protein-less, salad for lunch.  I had a tin of sardines, but did not find the thought of combining them with the peach appetizing.  For breakfast, I'd scrambled three eggs with pesto and enjoyed a side salad with it.

This is one of the challenges of going Paleo, for me.  There is very little "store bought" that is Paleo.  Ultimately, it works well for our household budget and for my overall health, to buy ingredients to make whole food rather than pre-packaged/pre-made food.  But, on days that I am not up for cooking, it can be a drag.  Add on top of that emotional challenges because of hormones or what have you, and it's a perfect storm of being really needy and feeling too bruised to ask for help.

I did manage to ask for help, though, and Cap made me a protein dish and a vegetable dish.  So, for dinner last night and breakfast and lunch today, I have enjoyed the No-Fuss Salmon Cakes from It Starts With Food and baba ganoush (recipe from Well Fed).  It really does taste wonderful to enjoy food a loved one has made for you.  That's love on a plate, right there.

Peace and love.

Whole30 :: Day 3

Strange.  Last night, for the first time in a long time, I had "bad thoughts" before falling asleep (unstoppable imaginings, almost cinematic, of loved ones meeting their doom).  I had these a lot when we lived in Sacramento.  I have never quite figured out why this happens.  A manifestation of stress chemicals, I suppose.

What was odd about last night was that I felt sleepy and got into bed at a "good" hour.  There was some drama with the kids as we began experimenting with Gem staying up later than Sag (his teen hormones are kicking in and he is not sleepy at bedtime).  But, once I lay down, Sag finally asleep (in my bed), my mind wandered and quickly locked into the bad thought du jour.

I fell asleep pretty quickly, nonetheless.  No getting up, to practice Qigong or play Candy Crush.  I woke up around 6:30 which has not happened naturally in ages.  I woke Gem up at 7:15 and accompanied him to his first paying job.  (He is feeding the cat and spritzing the ferns for friends while they are away.)

Here is a shot of Gem vacuuming yesterday.  He is growing and growing, doing and doing.  I am in awe.

I am in the "really-no-sugar-again?" transition.  No aches or pains, I think because I had gone for five days without sugar the week before, but I am feeling unmistakably dull alternating with prickly.  I am cheered by my breaks for food: the colors, textures and flavors combine to nourish all my senses.  (And I am loving flossing and brushing by 7pm and being done with eating for the day). 

romaine and red lettuces, hard boiled pastured eggs, avocado, Dijon-honey-ume vinaigrette.

I enjoyed an apricot from our CSA orchard with my breakfast salad.  It was tasty.  I can't remember the last time I had a fresh apricot.  Have I ever?  Fruits are supposed to be kept at a bare minimum during the Whole30.  The peach I had with lunch yesterday was too much.  I could feel its sweetness overwhelming me.  The apricot was smaller and less sweet.

We have a few more days of heat wave to contend with.  The kids and I are staying indoors, for the most part.  It is wearing, but I am not complaining.  I am very grateful for air conditioning.  And hydration.  And face towels.

Peace and love.