Quiet storm

It was a busy day.  I am not complaining.  It was full and involved a number of stops out of the house.  It was vibrant.

I got home just past 7pm.  Thankfully, Cap is cooking for the kids this week or I would have been between a rock and a hard place what with the emergency Vinny session for Gem this evening (nothing to worry about, as it turns out).

When I walked into the kitchen, I made a beeline for the green beans.  These beans from the farm, I tell you, they are heavenly.  Cap cooks them to perfection.  But, soon after, I had to have protein...and a lot of it.  I had some of the chicken salad Cap made (another of his signature dishes) and then moved onto some of the leftover turkey stuffed butternut squash.

I quietly observed this insistent call for protein...a shift of some sort.

A couple of hours later, I felt it.  Cold symptoms coming on like a storm front.  A new weather pattern.

I love reading my body.

Warming

It is still very humid, but a cold front moved in yesterday evening, bringing with it great relief.

With Cap as sous chef, I made Denise's turkey stuffed butternut squash.  It was a warming lunch.

Today's adventures include our landlord breaking our toilet, playdates, and the start of Sag's Robotics class.

It was just like that

Cap and I had an arduously long discussion tonight.

It is challenging to find and make time for yourselves as a couple, for fun and for logistics, when you have kids. Being two people who bring a fairly high level of commitment to the very many things we do adds to the challenge.

It can be frustrating when the talking takes so long. You know, what with the whole lack of time thing hanging over your heads. But, these talks are necessary...they are truly part of the process of being partners and parents...of being a family.

So, we stick to it. Learn our lessons in hearing the other without feeling the need to defend our self...or lose our self. It was a calm discussion...but I was starting to feel like we weren't going to "get" anywhere (tonight, we were, for the most part, talking about homeschooling).

Then, it was just like that, there was resolution, and it came about in the most unexpected, yet satisfying way. Which is bonus.

This song is about something else, thematically, but the chorus of "it was just like that" came to mind tonight.

The Guild

Eternal gratitude to B who turned me on to The Guild. 

The Guild is a web series which has been on the periphery of my radar for awhile.  Now that I've started watching, I cannot stop.  It is funny and clever and I love it.  The first four seasons (episodes only run 5-6 minutes long) are up at Hulu and Netflix Streaming right now.  You can catch the current season at their website, here.

Guild-related giddiness #1: bought myself a Knights of Good shirt for 50% off.

Guild-related giddiness #2: hoping to catch a fangirl glimpse of Felicia Day at the NYC Comicon!

Tonight I have been tab clicking back and forth in Firefox between Guild episodes and local farms that raise pasture fed meat/poultry animals.  Cap is waiting with bated breath to see if the Red Sox make it into the playoffs.

L'Shana Tova to my celebrating peeps.

Sweet peace and love.

Shifting

...into a cooking zone, thanks to Cap who has taken over cooking-for-the-kids duty this week.

This afternoon, the CSA share arrived and I was able to take the time to put everything on the table and pick and choose what I was going to do with each veggie/fruit.

I made a sauté of kielbasa, onions and peppers; a sauté of mustard greens, garlic and walnuts; and Japanese style pickled salad turnips.

On deck for tomorrow: curried beef stew with coconut milk; carrot tofu scramble; apple sauce; and butternut squash stuffed with ground turkey.

My dinner tonight was so satisfying...the mustard greens sauté on Paleo bread with mayo.

I have two days left to finish Women Food and God (it's due back to the library after multiple renewals), so I picked it up again this afternoon.  There are some wonderful nuggets of wisdom in this book.  Here's a passage that resonated deeply for me:

"Or we pass by a bakery window and see a bear claw and we are suddenly convinced we have to have it now.  Convinced that we were born to be standing here, at this very window, about to walk into the bakery and get it, eat it.  Be transported to a bliss realm.  Meditation develops the capacity to question your mind.  Without it, you are at the mercy of every thought, every desire, every wave of emotion.  You become unhinged, dependent on whether things are going well that day or not.  Whether anyone has rejected you that day or not.  If nothing kicks up the "They Did Me Wrong" mix, or the "I Am Fat And Unloved And Will Always Be This Way" mix you might have a good eating day.  But if you pass a mirror and don't like what you see, if you have a fight with a friend, a partner, a boss, a child, there is nowhere to go but your mind, which usually means listening to one of the familiar whipped-up melodies.  And believing every word of it."

I found the following passage provocative...and reminiscent of things Vinny has said within the context of TCM and practicing Qigong.

"The mind, as Catherine Ingram says, is mad.  And this is very good news.  Because once you accept the madness, once you stop trying to reform what cannot be reformed, you can pay attention to what isn't mad.  Which, in my opinion, is one of the main purposes of meditation."

In this passage, Geneen Roth name checks one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver:

"In her poem "When Death Comes," Mary Oliver writes: "When it's over, I want to say: all my life/I was a bride married to amazement."
      Me, too.  I want a life of amazement.  I want to show up for what Zorba the Greek called "the whole catastrophe."  And after living through decades of being married to obsession and self-constructed suffering, I have found that being married to amazement means showing up in the only place from which to experience it: here, now, in this very moment.
     Usually, when people hear the word meditation, they think of transcending their clunky earthly plane.  The kind of meditation I refer to has nothing to do with transcending or leaving or changing yourself in any way---and everything to do with its opposite: showing up where you already are."

Off to be with Sag where he is...feeling very overwhelmed by the cleaning up of his room.

Peace and love.

Plan k

...that's k for kitchen and k for staying kool.

I made this seaweed soup yesterday and it was lovely for lunch today.  Organic beef stock from a box, chickpea miso (oops, the link revealed there is brown rice in this miso!), a cube of veggie bouillon (oh my goodness, the link revealed there's corn starch in it!), onion from the farm (sautéed in olive oil), organic silken tofu (I think silken is a must for this type of clear soup) and dried wakame (reconstituted for five minutes in a bowl of filtered water before draining and putting in soup pot).

I made another Paleo bread this morning.  I tinkered with the recipe a bit because the inside centers of my previous loaves have been undercooked.  I decided to reduce the eggs from five to four because the eggs I get from the farm (or as was the case this morning, from the "girls" in Plympton) tend to be larger and more voluptuous than supermarket eggs.  The loaf is still cooling so I don't know yet if this was a successful modification.

I made another batch of tomato jam with what I am pretty sure are the CSA season's last tomatoes...mostly Romas with a pint of cherry toms thrown in.  This was a pretty perfect way to use the rough-around-the-edges straggler-runts of the crop.  I decided to use both the fresh grated ginger and coriander this time, and leave out the smoked paprika.  The coriander smelled really distinct and nice during the cooking.  I am looking forward to tasting this jam later tonight or tomorrow morning!

I have succumbed/come to my senses and put the air conditioners on today.  The continued 100% humidity...the very still and damp and warm atmosphere...it's killin' me.  The climate control brings me back, somewhat, to my real self.  And we all need that in our household.

Peace and love.

Plateau

I was playing around with Photo Booth and was surprised with this image captured.  The dreamy and wondrous quality is so the opposite of how I was feeling in the moment...and have been feeling.

I am at a plateau.  My weight loss has tapered off, my energy has fallen off, my mood is no longer reliably bright and shiny.

The good thing about this plateau is that there is plenty of room for solid footing.  

We have been having an incredibly humid, wet and low pressure entry into Fall.  I am really sensitive to this kind of weather and that I haven't curled up into a catatonic fetal ball is saying something.

Change-of-season is a chaotic time in TCM.  Been feeling that, too.

September has long been a time of hitting "refresh" for me.  This year, though I have been creating the kids' my and our family schedules with more clarity, there has still been a slew of activity whipped up in a short amount of time.  Managing the assorted calendars has left me kind of breathless.

Tomorrow, the kids start back to swimming.  After lunch, we take off for Plympton to celebrate Theo's fourth birthday.  (Amazing...FOUR.)

We'll be back Monday and then Cap is being a trooper and giving me a week off (two if I need it) from cooking for the kids/family.  I am removing dairy from my diet (on top of grains and sugar) and I cannot do it without his help.  For this manatee, working with veggies requires extra time.  The washing, peeling, chopping, and cooking...  So, for a week or two I will focus on developing new routines and a new repertoire of recipes and meals just for me.

The following week, I start my swimming class!  I am very excited for this.  I enjoy swimming, but haven't really swam for a long time.  A class seemed just the thing to ease me into a new practice of joyful and peaceful exercise.  

I should also be starting a Dragon's Way class with Vinny the same week.

Off to watch Louis CK on Bill Maher...and unload the stress of incessant physical disorder and motes of dust that have been choking me.

Happy Autumn Equinox!

Listening right now:

M is for math...and moist morning

We're delved back into the Math Mammoth workbooks.  It's part pulling teeth, part deep psychic pain and part the natural delight of 'a ha' moments.  (I have photographic evidence, but Sag has requested I not post those...)

It's been a long morning between the Math and this frakking weather.  I've been alternately bellowing and rueful.

Peace and love.

Glimpses of the past

Today the kids and I went to the Israel Crane House (part of the Montclair Historical Society) for a Passport to the Past home school day.  The program was wonderful.  Our guide, Jane, was a bundle of passionate and bright energy who clearly loved what she does (including interacting with inquisitive and active kids).

I think my boys were pleasantly surprised by how much they enjoyed the activities.  I was thrilled to finally be partaking of this very local treasure trove of a resource.

Sag was the first to volunteer when the presentation started.  He was "2011" in the timeline.  I get tickled watching the kids in these types of situations because they are much more open and willing to take risks than I ever was a kid/student.  The human timeline was an imaginative way for all of us to travel back in time...to get us to where we would be in the following hours.

Each student was given a passport.  They were to have their passports stamped after completing activities in various rooms throughout the complex.  Here is Gem in the General Store getting his passport stamped.

Studying his passport.

They used quill pens and ink to write letters.  We left them to dry and re-gathered with Jane for a tour of the Crane House.

In the dining room of the Crane House.  Jane was, as you can see here, completely willing and able to truly "be" with the kids.  The white gloves on her hands allowed her to handle the artifacts, which was just about everything in the house!  (Original, "old" things, as opposed to replicas, which we were welcome to touch.)

After the tour, the kids' letters were still not quite dry.  So, we climbed upstairs to the school room.  Our guide here is holding an abacus.

The slate boards and slate pencils completely took me back to "Little House" and I was in a happy dreamy place.  We learned about the long "s".

Dunce hat and chair.

If you click to embiggen, you can see the flame at the end of this sealing wax stick.

Ever curious.

Applying the seal.

In the General Store, these post office boxes were built into part of the counter area.  I'd never seen glass paned P.O. boxes before!

The kids also made sachets.  Sag's was mostly chamomile, Gem's had a bit of everything...with the scent of cloves dominant.

(There was also a passport stop into the exterior kitchen.  When we first got there, it was incredibly smoky and the kids couldn't tolerate it.  By the time we made it back, about two hours later, the butter had been churned and the apple fritters made...and the smoke had cleared.  I was prepared to downplay this part of the tour because Gem wouldn't be able to eat much, if anything, of what was being prepared.  As it was, the kids were thirsty and we were all hungry for lunch and ready to go home.  The guide in this room made us some hasty pudding.  It was really nice that he had something to try.  Though he didn't really care for it.)

Parting shot of the Israel Crane House.  It has a remarkable history beginning with Israel Crane who made a fortune in Montclair in the early 1800s (he created, among other things, the Newark-Pompton Turnpike which is now Route 23, which just happened to run right in front of the General Store he opened in Montclair allowing local folks to shorten their previous 7 mile trip to Wayne for groceries and dry goods.)  

About a hundred years later, the house left the family and was taken over by the YWCA.  The YWCA provided young African-American women with a place to live while learning societal and career arts.  The YWCA remained there for about fifty years.  When they decided they needed to update their facility, and raze the building, the town swooped in, desperate to preserve this piece of town history.

In 1965, with three weeks' notice, the Crane House was moved about a mile, to its current location.  The photos documenting this trip were marvelous.  The history of the house, as much as, the wonderful activities, helped us tap into our senses of wonder and delight.  What a gift.

I hope you received a gift today, too.

Gloomy

Gem just said, "today is a gloomy day"...and it really is.  Unfortunately, the rest of the week is looking gloomy on the weather charts, too.

We slept in-ish and the morning for Sag and me started off with a wicked bloody nose for him.  The second within a week.  Eventually we moved on to a leisurely breakfast and a kitchen clean up for me.

Then I read three chapters of Wildwood to them.  The story is picking up some steam.  The suspense is making Gem a bit edgy.

For lunch, I made, among other things, fries.  We got a pound and a half of beautiful fingerling potatoes in our CSA share yesterday.  I love how this farm fresh produce just calls to be made into something yummy.

I cut them, coated them in olive oil, and baked them for about 25 minutes at 450º.  Salted them before serving.  The kids loved them.  I had a few, too.  (I am generally avoiding potatoes and corn.)

Stay well, my peeps.  One of us has a cold, two of us are fighting it off.

Soothe

We are all feeling the change-of-season chaos...in mostly small and subtle ways.  Tired, but not getting sick, rough around the edges, but not falling apart, melancholy, but not depressed.  All of it momentary, not overwhelming.

I am doing a lot of soothing and being soothed.

Made my first ever pot roast.  Wow.  The epitome of comfort food.  I have fond memories of my mom's pot roast.  I'm not really sure why I never thought to make one before.  (This was not her recipe, but from The Primal Blueprint Cookbook.)  The kids loved it.  Gem's words after taking his first bite?  "It's magic."  (Too busy savoring to take a photo the first night.)

Cap needed a photo taken for professional use.  I am flattered he asked me.  (I am also his longtime barber :-)  For anyone who knows him, you'll be looking up in the sky for flying pigs because not only is he smiling in a photograph, but he decided to send this along to the conference folks who needed his pic!  I love it.  I love him.

If I had a photo of Vinny, it would be in this post, too.  Cap takes care of me day-to-day (he has been faithfully working on my rock hard shoulders for well over a week now) and Vinny takes care of me once a week.  

After the kids and I returned home from our Vinny sessions, I could have fallen asleep.  But, I couldn't.  I realized I was feeling a bit blue.  Then I realized I was starting to think about...mind-crave, things like Chinese food and ice cream.

It is fascinating and amazing to be in a place where I can take a step back when my mind starts to draw these fantastical pictures of what I supposedly want.  My emotions no longer become enmeshed like they did for years and years.  My pulse remains steady, my brain stays calm...my mind not only returns to my body, but it brings with it fresh input.

And so, almost as if in a trance, I walked into the kitchen, warmed some eggs, pulled out the almond meal and coconut flour and golden flaxseed meal...and baked a loaf of Paleo Bread.

I hope you are finding ways to be soothed and to soothe during this naturally chaotic time.

Peace and love.

Fun in the sun

We got together with homeschooling friends at the zoo today.  Bridget spotted this hornet's nest.  I find these so beautiful.

 

The boys were eager to sit on the elephant sculpture.  They have fond memories of sitting on this guy every time we visit.

Here they are on the elephant in January of 2010 when we brought Vanessa to the zoo.

Another favorite is the zoo train.  It was fun being there with a crew of friends.

None of my photos did this justice.  There were eight kids running and jumping an intricate pattern of momentum and balance, crowing heartily.  The leopard was tucked way away in a far corner of its habitat...so no animals were harmed during this spontaneous burst of "out" energy :-)

Cute face, ginormous claws...a red panda.

Angela and M mulling over the boy vs. girl markings of their feathered friend.

We spent an unexpected and wonderful long time in the new aviary.

They were so happy and deeply engaged and really stuck to figuring out how to invite the birds to, and keep them on, their "bird sticks".

What a great day.  Thanks, Shannon!

Mongolian marvels

Cap and I caught AnDa Union last night up at the university.  We were both interested in attending this show and were thrilled when he received complimentary tickets for his involvement in The Matter of Origins last season.

It is a rare and wonderful experience when not only are you transported by music and art, but when a performance invites you, deeply, to learn more about the culture, to visit its originating source, because you have instantly fallen in incredible love...well, that is something just a bit more.

(Apparently, there is some dispute now over the relationship between the Finnish, Estonian, Mongolian and Japanese languages.  The similarities to both Finnish and Japanese traditional songs heard last night in various traditional Mongolian pieces were to our ears, unmistakable...and moving.)

Locals, there is a matinee show today.  I urge you to go.  At $15 a seat, it is truly a bargain.

Morning light

Early to bed, early to rise, 20 minutes of Qigong to ease into the day.  Sweep the kitchen floor, touch base with mom who is coming over later, enjoy the last of the Paleo bread with pastured butter.  Kiss partner rushing out the door off to a day's work, feed children, flip through recipes with an eye for meats to look out for.  Snag a good space for the car, ramble amongst the colors and smells of early Fall farmer's market, be the sun around which two planets dart and bounce and dance.  Stop by to see Max, decide to give it a try after all, stride into a new chapter.

Light and love to you.

Paleo spiced nuts

These protein morsels are dangerously tasty.  You can find Elana's recipe and much prettier picture, here.  This morning I subbed cashews for almonds because I had cashews and no almonds.  These babies were so quick and easy to prepare, I highly recommend.

I flipped through my library copy of a paleo/primal cookbook this afternoon and it looked perfect for my needs (I still don't know what differentiates primal/paleo, by the way).  I am getting bored with my ground meats routine, am finding I am not getting in enough veggies into my routine, and am feeling "done" with dairy (cheese and yogurt are quick and easy protein fixes, but they are no longer satisfying me...this is so interesting...and surprising!)  

Now that Cap's first paycheck of the Fall has come in (yay and thank you, Cap!), I've ordered the book and a stovetop cast iron grill/griddle.  Living on the second floor, it is not convenient for us to grill outdoors.  (Not that either of us has learned how to use a grill of any kind in the 20+ years we've been together.)  I think this cast iron grill will quickly become a useful and distinctive tool in the kitchen.

I also ordered some new seasonings.  One thing I have noticed since sharply decreasing my intake of highly processed foods (a natural by product of going grain- and sugar-free) is that my taste buds have woken up a bit.  Spices and herbs are a wonderful way to impart layers of flavor into any dish and I have been enjoying these flavors immensely, lately.

Inspired by new recipes-to-come, I've decided to take the plunge further into Penzey's Spices.  Penzey's is a well respected company within the gluten-free world because their individual spices, as well as, many of their blends, are gluten-free.  But, it has taken me awhile to embrace buying all my spices from Penzey's.  

Generally, I prefer to buy local over online.  (They are expanding their brick and mortar locations, so there may be one close to you.  And we may be getting one fairly close, soon.)  Also, it felt kind of shi shi...or precious...to do my spice shopping from a specialty shop.  But, like all things good in this world, Penzey's is kind of undeniable.

My friend, Karen, gave me some of their cinnamon a few years ago, and for cinnamon, I have never looked back.  I was an instant believer and firmly converted.  Earlier this year, when my love affair with my new pepper grinder was in full swing, I decided it deserved only the best and bought some peppercorns from Penzey's (got some garlic and chili powder, too).  Yum, yum, and yum.

This week, when I made the chili for common meal, I used up what we had of dried basil.  I decided to give Penzey's basil a try.  Inspired by some of the recipes I saw in the primal cookbook, I also ordered thyme, cracked rosemary and saffron.  A current promotion also got me a free jar of a new seasoning blend called "Forward!"  How apropos.

Things have been feeling kind of chaotic.  It's a change of season time, so it makes perfect sense.  During the pushes and pulls and whirls and dips, it is nice to find some grounding...to make choices that are meaningful, to find awareness moment-by-moment, to remember to breathe, to love, to smile.

Peace.

The weather

In between games of Blue's Clues Memory (one of Gem's childhood faves) and Carcassonne the kids and I stepped out for some fresh air.  The sky was darkening and I got a headache from the pressure system bearing down.

It's okay, though, because the air has been getting cooler and drier with each passing hour.  Ahhhh...

We started a new read aloud book today.  Wildwood by Colin Meloy (of The Decemberists), illustrated by his partner, Carson Ellis.

Peace and love.

Cusp

I am eagerly awaiting the change of weather due to come today/tonight.  It has been so humid for about a week.  Temps have been lower, in the 70s and 80s, but still truly not my kind of weather.

This is a quickie.

My body has been craving sleep, but I haven't managed to get into bed "early" (10pm for me these days...past me would often be asleep by 10!) for various reasons.  Last night, I got sucked into the movie Conviction.  I haven't seen a movie in awhile and so was happy about that.  And, it was an engrossing story, well acted.  And, Sam Rockwell.

Made Chili For A Crowd for common meal and it was a hit.  This is a great recipe that I have never followed exactly (I always use ground turkey and sake, for example.  And I always add my Donna touch, a dash of cinnamon, as well as, a bit of honey.  Oh, and I skip the olives, too.)  The combination of spices and herbs are unusual and terrific.  The ingredient list is long, but it's actually a straightforward recipe that is not difficult to execute.  I always make it the day before, it tastes amazing after having time to meld.

Off to try to get out from under my cloak of blah.  Breakfast, working with the kids, and then the art museum for a homeschool class.  Late start!

Paleo-friendly bread

I am brimming with gratitude and good spirit.

A gluten-free blogger I've been following for a few years now, is also paleo-ish.  She recently posted a paleo-friendly bread recipe and I was intrigued.  I had all but the golden flaxseed meal in my fridge or pantry which I took as a sign to proceed.  So I ordered the recommended pan.

By the time the pan arrived, I was entering a phase of thinking about and wanting bread.  But, not "regular" bread.  My sense of commitment to remaining essentially grain- and sugar-free remains intact.  The recipe became exponentially interesting.  I bought some flaxseed meal on Sunday while food shopping.

This morning, I woke early.  It was still dark just before 6am.  By the time I was walking into the kitchen around 7:30, I realized I had plenty of time to bake a loaf of bread.  Almond meal, coconut flour, golden flaxseed meal, baking soda, salt, eggs (I warm my eggs in very warm water before using them to bake), honey, apple cider vinegar...some coconut oil to grease the pan and a food processor to pulse the ingredients together.  30 minutes at 350º.  A simple and quick bread.

The dough was more like a batter (and honestly, the loaf had a cake-like quality to it without being cake-y at all).  It baked up beautifully and smelled delectable while in the oven.  It was a tad tight in the pan, but did come out very cleanly with some nudging.

We shared a sliver of a piece (it sliced easily while warm) since we had all eaten breakfast by then.  I am pleased as punch and very happy.  Gem was reminded of other homemade loaves from the past and thought it would pair well with butter or jam.  Sag didn't care for it.

It has a nice weight to it...a lovely honey-nutty flavor...it is moist.  Love it.

Here's the recipe.

Paper

Did you gaze upon the harvest moon last night or this morning?  I woke in the final strokes of dark this morning and was lucky to notice the beautiful orange-pink orb shining through the silhouette of trees out my computer window.  It was gorgeous and comforting and wonder-full.

::

I love paper. 

When I was a kid, I loved to draw and work with paper.  Between reading (I was incredibly prolific as a child and adolescent) and making art, I spent hours upon hours upon hours happily being with, and learning from, paper. 

As an adult, I enjoy perusing a good stationery shop.  I love notebooks, I love decorative paper, I love handmade paper.  I love postcards and cards.  I loved getting my kids personalized stationery last year.  Someday, I hope to get a box of my own.  (Tangentially, I love fonts and pens, too.)

I saw a wonderful post this morning about paper sculptures that have been left in spots pertaining to books around the city of Edinburgh this year.  They express an appreciation for books, writing, art and libraries.  The artist(s) are unknown.  The pieces are remarkable.  And have made many people quite happy.  Me included.  I urge you to take a look.

Yesterday, Leo came over.  He is super into paper crafting.  Our boys have not quite jumped onto that bandwagon yet.  However, these three have begun a magazine called Kitty Magazine.  When they get together, they spend part of their time working on a new issue.

I love paper...and what it invites us to do.

Bits

Had a lovely lunch with Donna.  My favorite local eatery, Terra, has moved to a new space in the library.  Their outdoor seating area is much improved and I thoroughly enjoyed my bowl of roasted potato and fennel soup (organic, locally sourced, vegan and grain-free).  I also had a small pot of Raspberry Earl tea.  Yum.

Picked up a book sale book for Mummu and one for the kids.  Up on the children's floor I found some Roald Dahl, I Spy (Gem is revisiting them as he has been wistfully remembering days past), and Calvin and Hobbes books.

Came home and found Cap had broken out the easel and chart paper!  I found this very exciting.  The easel was over 57% off (free shipping) at Amazon and is magnetic and a dry erase board, in addition to having flip chart holder capabilities.  It is easy to shorten and fold the legs for quick storage.  This piece is a great match for our space and needs.  The chart paper is 80% sugar cane waste and part of Staples'  Sustainable Earth series of products.

This is going to be a great tool for learning!