Today

Kinder in particular is REALLY into Photobooth. He and Malik had a blast playing with it at Kate's during the Fiber Arts holiday party last week.

Karen and Brent have it on their computer (we stayed with them for a night two nights ago (we stayed up till 1 am to watch Superbad---the perfect antidote to the slurry flurry of holiday pitch). This photo was one of a batch in my e-mail box this morning.


First started the 600 piece puzzle from Wendy, last night. As you can see, Baba and Jiji love a good puzzle, too.

My parents came over to discuss our financial predicament and were incredibly supportive. I wish I could have bottled whatever essence it was that permeated our talk because there was no stress, at all.

2008 will be an experience to simply live through in terms of money. We're having to cut expenses by about $1700/month in order to put a stop to our debt incurring ways (with the gift of a no-interest loan and the realistic and compassionate support of our lenders who really want to see us get out from under the net of the capitalist heavyweights).


My barber's chair was open for business this afternoon and the three guys in my family got shorn. The kids always look older when they get their hair cut. Kinder hated his new look and comforted himself with a good long bath afterwards.


The kids and I went to the toy store to pick something out for Cameron, whose fifth birthday we will be celebrating tomorrow in CT. Kinder and First had some Christmas money to spend and selected some Playmobil toys. They've been getting into these with Anna and Lukas lately.

The figures in the picture are rollerblade kids that came with a ramp and boombox. Once Kinder had them put together (their tiny golden roller wheels and the cap snapped into place), he turned to me in delight and said, "look, Äiti, the Indigo Girls!"

Whew

It has been an intense week or so. Moments of panic, anxiety and stress. But with lots of love and peace in between brought about by children and friends and siblings and Cap.

Last night a breakthrough. It's amazing what it feels like to finally let go of something. The morass suddenly clearing and seeming so simple. Being so simple. Instead of so fracking complicated and impossible.

It wasn't easy and that is acknowledged. But truth is quite lovable when you can make it appear.

So moving on. Loan secured (no interest) and debt due to be wiped out (with high interest). Austerity is locking down. Aiming for more purification and less angst.

Expanding the diaphragm

Trying.

One of the things I'm dealing with these days is keeping a focus on our financial health. And breathing. Because it's really hard to breathe through this sometimes.

Keeping my head out of the sand is so hard, the muscles in my neck and my eyes are not used to working this hard, keeping themselves trained on a posture of perseverance, calmly, with hope.

I'm negotiating the emotional waters of asking family for help, facing huge credit card debt, and remaining positive despite even huger feelings that are so negative.

But, I can do this. And there is a calm and strength. But, the inability to breath deeply, the feeling of weightedness on my limbs and of choking on not enough air, it's scary at times.

Making cards

I decided no 200 holiday picture cards this year. Money is tight in a new way as I try to be more fiscally responsible. It's something we started because that's what my parents did (and still do). People will survive if they don't get one from us this year though I don't know if I'll survive the deep pangs of shame (kidding, kind of).

My all or nothing attitude has mellowed in the days since and yesterday, following an
intense bit of restlessness (literally prowling and pacing the livingroom), I sat down and made some cards.


The kids immediately came over and helped with the stamping. Kinder was into it and explored variations of design.


Then this morning, Kinder sat and made some more pictures (he is insisting they are not cards).


Then he made a flag.

Winter books

There is a basket of seasonal books that is kept within easy reach in the livingroom. The kids and I have been adding to the winter collection the past week or so.

• Christmas in Camelot (Magic Treehouse #29) by Mary Pope Osborne

• Winter of the Ice Wizard (Magic Treehouse #32) by Mary Pope Osborne

• Sunset of the Sabertooth (Magic Treehouse #7) by Mary Pope Osborne

• Polar Bears Past Bedtime (Magic Treehouse #12) by Mary Pope Osborne

• Magic Treehouse Research Guide Polar Bears and the Arctic by Mary Pope Osborne

• Harold at the North Pole by Crockett Johnson

• The Backyardigans #5 Rescue Patrol

• Nora and the Great Bear by Ute Krause

• Carl's Christmas by Alexandra Day

• Nutcracker Noel by Kate McMullan

• Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Day by Robert Frost

• Winter Poems selected by Barbara Rogasky

• Latkes, Latkes Good to Eat by Naomi Howland

• Snowflake Bentley by Jacqueline Briggs Martin

• Christmas Trolls by Jan Brett

• The Wild Christmas Reindeer by Jan Brett

• The Twelve Days of Christmas illustrated by Jan Brett

• Who's That Knocking on Christmas Eve? by Jan Brett

• The Night Before Christmas illustrated by Jan Brett

• Snow by Uri Shulevitz

• Babar and Father Christmas by Jean De Brunhoff

• Santa Calls by William Joyce

• Can You See What I See? Night Before Christmas by Walter Wick

• The Shortest Day by Wendy Pfeffer

• Blue's Clues Chanukah

• A Charlie Brown Christmas by Charles Schultz

• How The Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss

As I type this, I am reminded that we have a Kwanzaa book somewhere...

I have exercised restraint and only bought one new book this season. The Shortest Day was recommended here and I couldn't resist. (Incidentally, it was fun to get a glimpse of another family's seasonal reading basket.)

We have a lot of books. I started collecting and buying children's books way before I ever had kids. It's been a longtime personal interest. Back in the days of public school teaching, I got great deals through the Scholastic book club orders that would come through each month. I also inherited quite a bit from Eleanor when she went from first grade to fifth grade.

Holiday train

I snapped this picture as my brother and I headed into the city with the kids to see a holiday train exhibit. Then the battery out symbol started to flash.

It had been one of those mornings. We woke to snow (see previous post---it wasn't November, it was actually December---it's all coming back to me) and of course, it was irresistable. So we had our morning of playing in the snow followed by the requisite hot chocolate. I kept an eye on the forecast because we were due at my brother's where Cap would be meeting up with us after flying home from Texas.

As lovely as the train exhibit sounded, I wasn't optimistic about our actually making it there.

But, the boys' spirits and motivation persevered. They have a quiet confidence that life will happen as their thoughts and wishes unfold and become consciousness. A powerful and simple reminder for me who has feeling not very much that way lately.

Cap's flight was delayed, but not enough to abandon the afternoon with my brother followed by an evening with Lisa, Ellie, Sandy, Mike and my mom. Our drive was just under an hour (very good), though we didn't avoid the inevitable trolling for a parking spot.

We walked into their apartment, the kids said yes they still wanted to see the trains, we figured we had enough time before the rest of the family arrived and so off we went.

The kids really liked the train set. Lots of Lionel trains moving through scenes of Manhattan, the North Pole and a winter wonderland. It was cool just walking through Grand Central terminal, for me. I hadn't been there since my highschool reunion and was eager to be struck by the beauty of the station's interior, again.

We took the 7 train back because First had selected a replica of the 7 train as his souvenir. That was fun, too. I hadn't been on the 7 in many, many years.

Kinder really wants to get back there. Hopefully, we'll make it back there with Cap before the year is up.

First real snow

A couple of weeks ago we had our first real snow. In November, First points out.

The three of us were quiet and pensive for the most part. Our small patch of the world was quite hushed.

Thank you cards

Ahhhhh. That's a sigh of self-criticism.

Generally, it's a challenge to get Kinder's birthday thank you cards out in a timely fashion. His birthday is right around Thanksgiving and a flurry of activity and often, time away from home (at the very least, time away from any semblance of routine).

This year, the kids got five cards made which have already been distributed, and I fear that that's going to be it.

I'm not giving up...yet.

Calendar

It has become a ritual for First to change over the wooden and magnetic calendar at the start of each new month. He looks forward to it.

Mom

When we go to the Japanese supermarket a special treat is the Japanese "botan" candy. I loved this candy growing up. It's soft, sweet, and wrapped in an edible paper which is totally cool.

Part of the fun (but, wait, there's more!) is that you get an "omake", along the lines of the prize one would find in a box of Cracker Jacks.

This is what Kinder got in a recent box of botan candy.

Gettin' the job done

Their spirit and motivation, particularly First's, is what got the tree up yesterday morning. They worked hard and it was really nice to see many of the ornaments and bathe in the memories.

Mmm rice and beans

This is courtesy of Anna who feared they were not kickass, but they totally are. I wish I had a picture. They were so good!

Rice
Basmati in the rice cooker. In the water add two garlic cloves and one cup of
chicken broth, one cup of water (for one cup o' rice). Remove cloves before
serving in order to not freak out kids. If you want to do it the Brazilian way,
you can saute the rice in a saucepan with the garlic and a bit of oil for a
couple of minutes. Then pop it in the rice cooker.

Beans
One large can of black beans. Before you put them in an iron skillet to cook,
saute 1-3 garlic cloves in a little oil. Drain the bean water and keep it. Put
the beans in the skillet. I like to mush some of them, not all. Add about one
teaspoon of cumin. Simmer until you need them, adding bean water as needed.

I did the Brazilian way and then used the same pan to cook the beans in.

I used more garlic and kept all cloves in because I knew my kids were not going try this (at least not this time...they will likely try it after seeing me eat it 20 times).

I also added some salt to the beans while they were simmering. I considered topping with cheese and am glad I didn't. It doesn't need it at all.

I did sprinkle some torn up fresh cilantro on top just before sitting down to feast.

Yum.

So easy and simple and delicious! Abrigado Anna!

Rainy home coming

Yesterday afternoon the kids and I ran a bunch of errands and then I dropped them off at Danielle's and did some more on my own. She and I shared some chocolate cheesecake when I got back over there and my soul soaked up the roasted chicken goodness of the dinner she was making.

The kids reluctantly left with me around 5:30, headed for yet another dinner of salmon rolls for First and Amy's frozen pizza for Kinder (they don't mind our equivalent of fast food---it's me that sometimes feels guilty).

As we got out of the car, Kinder stood still, looking up into the light that had flicked on due to our motion, mesmerized by the falling rain. "Äiti, Äiti, do you have your camera?" he asked.

I grabbed the camera upstairs and was only able to get this one shot before the battery out symbol started flashing (the batteries are barely keeping a charge---is two to three years about how long these batteries last?) I don't know that this captures the wonder he felt.

But, it will serve as a reminder of my wonder.

2007 cd

Completed it today in order to get one in the mail for Holly with the ornaments. Couldn't print the notes for her because we're out of ink in the printer. Here's the songlist and the accompanying notes.

Jump Around (Original Mix)/House Of Pain
Beautiful Enemy/Dar Williams
From Debris/matt pond PA
The Picture/Son Volt
Crazy/Gnarls Barkley
Phantom Limb/The Shins
Asleep On A Sunbeam/Belle and Sebastian
Building A Mystery/Sarah McLachlan
Honestly/matt pond PA
Shine On/Rani Arbo & daisy mayhem
Box of Rain/Grateful Dead
Rhode Island Is Famous for You/Erin McKeown
Locate The Pieces/matt pond PA
C'mon C'mon/The Von Bondies
Hard to Explain/The Strokes
Emblems/matt pond PA
Superior/Girlyman
The Boy Who Never Cried/Steve Earle
One Little Song/Gillian Welch
You're Nobody 'Til Somebody Loves You/Dean Martin
Joyful Sign/Girlyman

Jump Around...this song was featured in a hilarious and unforgettable bit on an episode of My Name Is Earl involving Cap’s new gf, Catalina.

Beautiful Enemy...Dar Williams is the only act left on my must-see-live list at the moment. Bopping to lyrics including the word hegemony brings a smile to my face every time.

From Debris...mpPA has dominated my music scene this fall. Cap and I saw them live at Maxwell’s and I was baptized. Within weeks their new cd was in constant rotation and t(he)y were completely under my skin. (I love the cello.) As I was making this cd I finally realized who the beginning of this song reminded me of: Big Country!

The Picture...Cap and I saw Jay Farrar at Maxwell’s this year, too. He performed a stripped down version of this song (it was a solo set) and when I heard this version with the horns, I flipped.

Crazy...this is a song that Cap turned me on to. I love it.

Phantom Limb...The Shins didn’t do anything for me vis-a-vis Garden State, but seeing them on SNL earlier this year, did. I love that these guys are as old as I am.

Asleep On A Moonbeam...this song was on Ben’s 2006 cd. I’d always wanted to hear Belle and Sebastian and was not disappointed. Sunny, seaside driving tune.

Building A Mystery...a throwback. Not my favorite Sarah McLachlan song, but I had a blast singing karaoke to this at Julie’s house this summer during Mike’s 40th b-day party.

Honestly...my favorite song on mpPA’s new cd. It reminds me of The Queen And The Soldier by Suzanne Vega. One of the things I love about mpPA’s songs are that they are set in and reference the natural world.

Shine On...I briefly met the singer and drummer (singer's husband and fellow Wes alum) at Di and Seth’s wedding last summer. The band popped up on an e-mail from Joe’s Pub (I saw Stew’s show at The Public, their sister theater, this summer with Anna based on Barbra’s highest recommendation, which put me on the Joe's Pub e-list automatically) and I took a listen to one of the embedded songs. This one I liked the best.

Box Of Rain...this song was used in an episode of Freaks and Geeks. It gave me my first appreciation of The Dead. Jay gave me the complete series dvd of this show years ago. I plowed through them obsessively, laughing and crying, earlier this year. This year was the year of Apatow if ever there was one.

Rhode Island Is Famous For You...Jay is to thank for this one, too. She mentioned this song during the height of the kids’ interest in the states and state quarters this year. One listen will have you hooked!

Locate The Pieces...my other favorite song from Last Light, mpPA’s new cd.

C’mon C’mon...the perfect opening song to Denis Leary’s great tv show, Rescue Me.

Hard To Explain...another song that Cap turned me on to that I can’t get enough of when I’m listening to it.

Emblems...la la la da da da da la la la da da da...

Superior...this song didn’t move me until Cap and I saw them live last December for our anniversary. The show was actually underwhelming, but their performance of this song stood out. Simple and poignant storytelling with an unassuming glow.

The Boy Who Never Cried...every now and again I’ll go to the cds to pull out stuff I don’t usually listen to for a marathon cooking or cleaning session. Steve Earle is someone who inevitably ends up getting picked. I appreciate his courage and art.

One Little Song...now, Gillian Welch is not someone who inevitably gets picked. But, on one fateful afternoon this year I did pick her and discovered this song anew.

You’re Nobody Till Somebody Loves You...oh my god. Freaks and Geeks. James Franco. An episode that will break your heart.

Joyful Sign...I downloaded this song when their new cd came out this year. The song was a highlight when we saw them live. This Little Light Of Mine is a song that Kinder loved and I used to sing it to him every night.


And here's the cover art.

Ornaments

The kids and I made some ornaments for Lucia, Holly and Nick today. They have been making their own during their Parisian holiday season and we're doing an exchange with them.

Kinder pulled out Yoko's Paper Cranes by Rosemary Wells and tried his hand at folding a crane. He soon enlisted my help and I had to pull out an origami book because the instructions in Yoko had my eyes spinning. It took awhile, but I finally staggered to the finish.

First's muse was Ben 10 and he made an Omnitrix ornament and a Diamondhead ornament. He wanted to keep them both, but with some gentle suggestion decided to send off the Diamondhead to Lucia.

I've been thinking and visualizing various ornaments and ended up going very simple. I wanted to do wreath-shapes, to represent the cycle of life, and remembered I had some sheets of origami in traditional Japanese patterns. And voila.

Tomorrow, a trip to the post office.

(After we were finished, Kinder pulled me aside and stated that he will only decorate the tree with "beautiful" things. So he's not going to make any Ben 10 ornaments, but lots of cranes. Yummy enough to eat, these creatures...)

GI bug

First it was First. Remarkably, he slept for 3-4 hours yesterday afternoon and when we awoke he stated his stomach didn't hurt anymore and has basically been fine ever since.

Cap has been hit much harder. He was up all night losing it from both ends. He just canceled his class today, the last regular meeting of that class. He is sick.

First has been craving apple sauce. I just offered to make him some, but he says he likes the store bought better :-)

Kinder sleeps and sleeps this morning. Makes sense. It is grey and wet, again.

I guess I'm off to the store for some apple sauce.

A picture worth all the words

I wish I had one.

Karen, Brent and the kids came down for the weekend. Karen came to see Vinny with me on Friday, after a pot of tea at the wonderful fair trade tea salon. Kinder just blows me away in drumming class. We had cake and ice cream for Brent's birthday and reveled in the kids' peals of laughter during AFV. On Saturday, we all drove into town and Karen and Will went to see Alvin Ailey. Then we merged into the mass of humanity surrounding the tree in Rockefeller Center. We couldn't even bear getting close enough to watch the skaters. We perused the soon-to-be defunct original Kinokuniya store drawn in by the 1/2 price books. By the time we came out, the tree was differently luminous because dark had fallen. My mom treated us to Thai food from downstairs and it was yummy. This morning, an unexpectedly early departure as First is sick with a GI bug.

Went to a counselor this weekend and though the feeling of absolute...traction....had begun to subside beforehand, it was still quite helpful to dislodge some stuff. Relief and clarity feel good.

The sun is unbelievably low. I am much more aware of it this year. Last year there was excitement about being back in the northeast for the holidays which may have buoyed me.

This year there is a starkness to the red numbers that look back at me when I close my eyelids. I'd decided no holiday cards this year, but am feeling guilty about it now.

...

I'm here, but quiet, quiet, quiet.

The kids and I have had a couple of "screen-free" days here which have added depth to the slowing down and enjoying of our selves and togetherness more.

I've started a new knitting project. We played the Ben 10 board game last night.

Anna and Lukas came over yesterday and the four of them were like peas in a pod. Hide and seek, Playmobil, and trains followed by soccer and chive harvesting out back.

Dentist appts for First (with a new pediatric dentist) and Cap this morning.

First then came food shopping with me. Buying for co-op meal with some thoughts to Will and co. who will be with us this weekend, there were a lot of groceries. First got some learning in: how to navigate a big, heavy cart and how much food costs!

It's been very windy the last 24 hours. I love it. Some light flurries today.