Someone knit me something!

Our NYC family came over yesterday for a belated birthday and early Christmas celebration.  Us adult siblings no longer exchange gifts, so I was surprised when my sister produced a present for me.  I love it!  A neck cozy that warms me perfectly, in my favorite yarn: Noro.

Peace and love.

Us-ness

Plymouth, MA.  very early 90s.

Together 24 years today.  We won't have time to do anything "celebratory", but I plan to hold close my feelings of gratitude, love and joy.

Peace.

Walking the walk

This morning, son #2 was having a hard time.  He was hit with the quick bug I had and is feeling occasionally overwhelmed in its aftermath.  (Son #1 is feeling under the weather today.)

Fortunately, I had resumed meditating and practicing Qigong (the routine was thrown by my getting sick), and my calmer and clearer mind was able to feel compassion and assist in problem solving.

We did some talk processing, but the clincher was making a list.

Once he was squared away, I tripped over some of my own feelings of overwhelm.  Then, I made a list.

Things to be completed by Sag's family birthday party/Christmas gathering on Sunday:

• knit a hat, weave in ends of two hats, wrap two hats

• make candied pecans

• put a dent in the holiday cards (at the very least, the three for family members gathering)

• deep clean kitchen (it. is. so. nasty.)

• deep clean the bathroom

• dust all rooms

• vacuum all rooms

• pick up and wrap nephew dog's gift

• clean and organize my "desk" (still so much loose paper!)

• bake Christmas cookies: these and these

• put up tree and decorations

• prep party food: appies (hopefully the farmer's market will persevere pre-snowstorm), deviled eggs, steamed carrots, onigiri, cream cheese frosting.  (Cap is baking the cake, my mom is bringing meatballs, and we're bringing in a couple of pizzas.)

Breathe in, breathe out.  And smile.  And feel grateful.  My mantras.

train crossing at night.

found tucked in library book.

candied pecans o'clock.

curly Su?

I hope it's a happy Friday for you.

Peace and love.

Time waits for no one

This one is turing 12.  I am laying low...I finally felt 100% back to normal this morning, at least mentally, but my body has let me know that, nope, not 100% yet.  Trying to relax so I can participate in all the festivity and celebration of Sag's birth on the morrow!

Peace and love.

Portraits and reviews (people and books)

Portraits of each of us in the throes of the season.  Cap's can use an explanation: he was taking the air conditioners out.  I was enjoying the open windows, freer light and his beautiful hands (which do so much for our family).

I am reading Men We Reaped.  I did not know anything about this book except that Roxane Gay recommended it.  It's going to gut me, the question is to what degree.

Finished The Ocean At The End Of The Lane.  It was stunning.  I loved it unequivocally and suspect it will be my #1 book read this year.  Here is my Goodreads review:

Stunning. A story that felt fresh while seeming utterly familiar and constant. A moving tapestry of profound moments gorgeously rendered and grounded in effortless accessibility.

Absence results in avalanche

I promised myself to post today to not let it go longer than a week since my last post.  And I do hope it won't be as long till my next one.

I was going to pick one photo to save time (which I only wanted to do in order to facilitate the actual happening of writing a post), but looking at my photo stream made me warm and fuzzy and I could not pick just one.

I am delighted by an unexpected turn of events.  This Fall has been defined by a surge in cooking and baking as I have mused about it here in this space.  The development in the last week or so is that I have made some food which has made me go "hmm".  And I find myself very curious and wanting to learn more about the science behind the alchemy of cooking.

I have requested Ratio and Gluten-Free Girl Every Day from the library.  Both authors are proponents of using ratios to develop recipes and deepen one's understanding of how recipes work.  I cannot imagine I will ever be creating my own recipes...but am kind of thrilled to be exploring cooking and baking in a new way.  Maybe I do like it, after all.

And now, the pics...

local intersection.  I had just stepped out of Anthropologie, a store I go into maybe once a year.  I like it every time, but then forget about it until someone or something reminds me and I go in again.

sweet rice flour!  we've started using it, but I have not batched "my" all-purpose flour mix yet.  (I need a snazzy name for it.)

Chinese lump candy (aka rock candy).  the kids, particularly Gem, have been loving it.  some less processed sweet for the stomach system.

pumpkin chocolate chunk bars.  the first of three items I baked in the last week that came out vastly differently than I thought it would.  it tasted good, but the texture was very wet.  it was like a pumpkin pie without the crust.  the recipe poster's photo shows a much cake-ier looking bar so I was disappointed...and wondered what went awry.

we returned upstate for pumpkins.  the kids enjoyed our trip to Gill's Farm last year so we made a day of it with auntie and uncle.

boys on rock in woods.

beautiful birches.

more often than not, lately, all I want for breakfast is a piece of toast with Kerrygold and a big ass mug of black tea (English or Irish Breakfast) with honey.  must be the bits of stardust in me that hail from the British Isles rallying for some recognition.

pumpkin bacon scallion biscuits.  the greatest of expectations dashed upon a cruel and rocky shore.  these were a shocking bust.  and I am fairly certain it was me...and that I can tweak my performance to turn out a better product.  these were soft on the inside, bordering on mushy.  the outside was crusty...but I was seeking a flakey experience throughout.

I made something a couple of weeks ago, it was the oatmeal raisin cookies, and I questioned the use/quality of nutmeg (an ingredient I normally dig, especially in savory dishes).  well, I finally checked the date on the jar and, oops, it was way past expiration.  at the market, they were out of "regular" nutmeg so I decided to get a jar of whole ones.  I enjoyed the "return to a simpler time" aspect of grating the nutmeg...and, not surprisingly, the wonderful aromatherapy.

apple cider donut hole.  making these was a mixed bag.  I guess you could say the hype (in my head and heart) could not quite be lived up to.  the logistical pain of frying donuts for the first time will never be as challenging as it was yesterday and so I can envision myself making these again and having the total experience be a happier one.  the donut "holes" themselves were really good.  I mean, a warm and crispy fried dough ball?  what's not to like?  these were light and pleasing.  they were not cooked well through, though.  next time they need to be smaller.  and I need a working candy thermometer for next time.  I really had no idea what temperature the oil was.  and speaking of oil...Cap is our resident fryer and being a kinesthetic learner, I had to experience frying to understand the ins and outs of how/how much dang oil is used to deep fry.  it's a frakking lot.  and...honestly, it felt like a waste.  so, next time, I guess I'll make more donuts.  but it would have to be for a crowd because, really, they are best still warm from frying.  see?  my complicated mixed feelings.  also disappointing: Cap didn't want one (he wasn't feeling well) and the boys did not like them.  I am usually not invested in the rest of the family loving, or even liking, what I make, but this one made my heart twinge a bit.

pumpkin tea cake with cream cheese frosting.  sometimes, I will change what I call something to reflect a shift in ingredients.  for example, the pumpkin bacon scallion biscuits were called pumpkin bacon chive biscuits in the original recipe.  but, this one, I could not call these pumpkin bars, not with this frosting, which elevated/transformed the final product to more of a cake.  I am now using coconut crystals or honey or maple syrup as substitutes for cane sugar when I bake.  but, for this frosting, I decided to use the powdered sugar called for because the thought of a brown cream cheese frosting made me sad.  this came out wonderfully.  the cake was dense and it had a rustic, hearty quality that paired nicely with the sweet, sticky frosting (which was way too sweet for me...and raised the burning question: how much can you decrease the sugar in a frosting without negatively impacting the texture of it?)  I froze half the cake and plan on serving it at a brunch this weekend.  I am going to make a non-dairy frosting for it using vegan cream cheese and will use less sugar.  I may make a tiny test batch using coconut crystals to see how unsightly the resulting brown is.

celery root, sweet potato and red onion.  I adapted this Martha Stewart recipe to use up the celery root from last week's CSA share.  I thought the apple, even a tart one, would make it sweeter than I wanted...but the celery root had more of a kick to it than I expected and next time, I will put the apple in.  this was pure CSA goodness.  we are very much entering root vegetable season here and I will be making variations of this kind of peel, cube, par boil and skillet fry for weeks and weeks to come.  Martha Stewart's website is becoming a reliable source of recipes for me.  (another thing that makes me go hmm.)

we are in the midst of a delicious and bountiful apple season.  the simple pleasures of gazing upon Mother Earth's color spectrum, inhaling the delicate and unadorned scents and biting into juicy, crunchy, sweet, flavorful apples has been incredibly happy-making.

I have also been amassing tabs in my Google Chrome...of things I wanted to share here...

• homemade mosquito spray.

• coconut white chocolate recipe.  I have ordered the cocoa butter and am stoked to make this!

• apple honey "lemonade" recipe.  "aid digestion and boost immunity"?  yes, please.

• daily rituals of creative minds.  this reinforced things I already strive for and think highly of.

• 8 fascinating facts about anxiety.  5,6 and 8 were the ones that surprised me (both because I recognized myself in them and I never made a connection to these experiences and anxiety).

• re-Sendakify Sendak.  thanks to Lana for this one.  a must for fans of kid lit.

• a lovely poem.

• making lemonade out of lemons.  if by lemonade we mean gorgeous and haunting black and white photos...and by lemons we mean a frightening and destabilizing medical experience.  this one is from Lana's photo blog.

• 15 Peruvian foods you have to try.  I don't want to jinx anything by saying we're going to Peru in a few months, but that is the plan.  one of the things making me anxious about this trip is wondering what Gem is going to eat/how to feed him.  I was pleased to see that apart from the desserts on this list, most seemed gluten- and dairy-free.

• another lovely poem.

• GO: A Kid's Guide To Graphic Design.  looks like a cool book.  Kidd's first novel, The Cheese Monkeys, blew me away.  this one is not a novel, it's about graphic design and aimed for humans 10 and up.

• gorgeous and stunning nature photography.

• headspace.  a meditation app I am thinking about trying.

• pumpkin muffins on my to do list.

• pumpkin truffles on my to do list.

• raw almond butter cups on my to do list.

• my latest percolating obsession: stuffing.  of the 25 on this list, I'm going to try the Kitchn one first.  (gluten-free, of course.)

• I am wanting meat less these days and was delighted to see this come across my virtual desk this morning: 37 vegetarian dishes for Thanksgiving.

Phew.  Okay, that was a lot.

Peace, my loves. 

Weekend

There was time with grandparents.  There was a Baba dinner: steaks (beef and salmon), potatoes, broccoli and rice.  There was a football game.  There was a massage.

There was time in the pool.  There was a serious workout due to being the only kid present.  There was backstroke, breast stroke, butterfly, freestyle, diving and practicing flip turns.

There was Comic Con.  There was catching up with a favorite artist (who was impressed with the depth of Sag's knowledge of his oeuvre).  There was a trip to Kinokuniya.  There was a late lunch of Carnegie Deli.

There was homework.  There was too much homework and not enough time.  There was pouting.

There was a birthday breakfast out.  There was catching up, good coffee and Sunrise Quesadilla.

There was a drawing throwdown.  There was a really nice camaraderie and respect fest between birthday buddies (born 36 years apart).

There was time with a dear friend.  There was catching up and the jolt of realization that this friendship was born in 1989.  (There was a smile for a photograph!!!)

There was a long awaited, hotly anticipated release of two Pokemon video games.  There was leaving the house at 8:40 to get to the early opening at Gamestop.  There was hours of playing.  There was much joy.

There was coffee on Donna's front steps.  There was sweet, sweet Daisy.  There was drenching sun and long conversation.

There was more...it was a weekend full to the brim.  

(Cap lost his keys Saturday and, thankfully, I found them on Monday.  Turns out replacing Prius keys costs an arm and a leg.)

(I got to tour Tiina's in-the-midst-of-renovation house.)

(I drove Gem and myself into Manhattan.  It went well, but I hate driving on highways and the anticipatory anxiety was an ass.)

(The Red Sox lost a nail biter Friday night and won a nail biter Saturday night.)

(I have not been able to settle into the first of my three library books.)

(I have a ton of tv piling up in the DVR.)

Peace and love.

Baxter

Heartbroken.  Baxter, our nephew dog, died tonight.  He had undergone surgery to remove a tumor from his liver, earlier in the day.  The veterinary team believes he developed a blood clot which got into his lung and caused respiratory arrest.  They tried to save him, but death came quickly.

Rest in peace, sweet pup, I hope you weren't scared.  I will miss you so much and am so grateful to have known and loved you.

Peace and love.

Finn and food

He is just so sweet.  I love having him over for long visits.  So handsome and adorable.  Except when he wakes me up because he is barking at the neighbors tiptoeing home late at night.  Then I don't find him so adorable.

All is forgiven in the morning, though, when I open my eyes to this:

"good morning, I was waiting for you."

I have likely mentioned this before, but I have a very strong and wonderful food association with Japanese eggplant.  My maternal grandmother had an amazing vegetable "field" (they are not called gardens in Japan) and I loved her "fried" eggplant (not deep fried, but stir fried in a wok).  I have tried to replicate her eggplant for years, especially since joining the CSA and having Japanese eggplant come through my kitchen fresh from the farm.

Finally, finally, I figured something out yesterday.  Add a bit of water during sautéing.  I have no visual memory of her adding water, and so my m.o. has long been to keep adding oil during cooking to prevent the eggplant from sticking to the pan.  Inevitably, the eggplant would be disappointing because it was undercooked (having reached a point where I just could not add anymore oil without tipping the veg to oil balance) or it was soaked in oil (and not tender like my grandmother's anyway).

I don't know why it finally occurred to me to try adding water, but it worked like a charm.  Unfortunately, by the time I thought of it I had added too much oil, but it still tasted so good because each bite was like communing with my grandmother and our love for each other and vegetables and food.

Japanese eggplant, fresh garlic, olive oil, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, coconut aminos and a splash of H2O.

Peaches and pears.  The pear, especially, was delicious.  Dinner last night was this bowl of fruit and the eggplant.

Breakfast.  I thought it was funny that my eggs landed lopsided on the plate.  But then I liked the empty space which I thought looked for all intents and purposes where the "bread product" would go.  I liked feeling no "lack" seeing that space.

It has been an excellent year for lettuce on the farm.  I picked up two more heads at the farmer's market this morning.  It is just so lovely, to look at, and eat.

Lunch was a nectarine and hazelnut coffee at Tiina's.  We had not hung out all summer and had a great time catching up and klatching.  By the time the kids and I got home, I was ready to eat dinner.  Though not before having a really good conversation (which was initially difficult) with Sag about screen time and health and knowledge and understanding and process (Gem listened in but ultimately decided, rightly, that this was more something Sag needed to unpackage).

The kids weren't quite ready for dinner so I had the kitchen to myself and set about making a big salad.  Deviled ham with avocado mayo (I realized very late that the ham had "less than 2%" sugar in it and decided to eat it anyway), lettuce, tomato, cuke, red onion, apple (all from the CSA farm/orchard), and toasted cashews.  Drizzled with my current favorite vinaigrette.  Yum.  So yum.

Peace and love.

P.S. Thank you to Cap who made the avocado mayo for me.  His mayo came out much thicker than mine.

Pupa

I've entered the next pupa phase.  Gettin' back on the Paleo path.  Today is going to be a quiet day of feeling chemically-induced crappy (this withdrawal is not the hardest its been, but tougher than the last time) and watching episodes of The Newsroom.

We had a lovely time at a family wedding near the water in Rhode Island over the weekend.

I dig this photo evidence: my hair is a hot mess (I believe more and more the plucking is due to peri/menopausal hormonal/chemical shifts), my body is like sausage...but I am radiating positive vibration.  My smile comes from a deeper well of contentment than a year ago.  I am part of this unified, happy and playful family.  The Spring was so chaotic...something inside me unstoppably tuned into the churning energies of new life and growth, of spinning momentum.  I feel I have been released into Summer.  There is relief (presently ironic given how much I have historically hated the type of hot and humid weather we have had for weeks), there is a blinking-into-light-like-a-mole, there is serenity.

I read Beautiful Ruins.  Loved the first half and the ending, felt it was kind of meh in between.  An entertaining and fast summer read, though, if you are looking for fiction.  A lot of people loved this book.  Maybe you will, too.

I am feeling like I have my Reader back with InoReader.  Here are some recent bits which resonated:

• What's In Prince's Fridge?

• Gluten-Free Goddess talking about FODMAPs and probiotics

• a recipe for dark chocolate truffles grain-free, vegan, sweetened with honey and stevia

• perhaps the most succinct clarion call I have ever seen regarding the lunacy of war and the lives and deaths of American soldiers

• I love this guy's writing...honest and vulnerable, thoughtful and intelligent

I leave you with my latest iTunes purchase...peace and love, people!

Last week

I guess I am in a non-blogging phase.  Which, for the record, I do not like.

The weekend was very split-personality.  Which, for the record, I do not like.

I seem to be having some period action after 8 weeks of menstrual radio silence.  Which, for the record, I do not like.

Whether I like it or not, life happens and time marches on.

So...

The kids are good.  Gem is on the cusp of becoming a teenager and he is transforming before our eyes.  Sag is experiencing springtime allergies for the first time and it has hit him like a truck.  OTC medication helped for 24 hours but were disrupting his sleep.  We switched him to homeopathic stuff which brought/are bringing symptoms to a level where coping is possible.  

(Interesting aside...for many years, Sag had "terrible (fill in age)-and-a-halfs" (as opposed to the "terrible twos")...we never understood the whys of it but came to expect the few weeks/couple of months during which he raged and roared and just seemed so uncomfortable in his skin.  We chalked it up to developmental growing pains...the unrest that can often precede a firm step forward in growing/growing up.  Then, as suddenly as they came on, these rough patches stopped, about four years ago.  The arrival of this Spring's allergies has highlighted the reality that Sag has been in a somewhat prolonged highly sensitive mode for about a month now.  The timing of it makes me wonder if there is...and was, a seasonal component to his difficulties around the time of his half-birthday.)

Last week we had time with their youngest cousin and with my Dad.  I don't think about it much, but it is really nice for them to be able to have this kind of (almost impromptu) time with extended family...something I did not grow up with myself.

(Barbra that is your travel pillow, by the way, on Gem's head.  I have it "out" to remind myself to mail it back to you!)

Switching back to mostly Paleo (not sweating it if I am eating out or PMSing bad...though even then I flexed just enough to allow occasional rice/corn/dairy...no gluten/sugar) has been pretty delicious.  I so appreciate color in life and forget how well having vegetables and fruit around can enhance one's colorscape.  Coffee has been fine without cream, my appetite has gone down a lot (though my ability to figure out serving size has not, concurrently...that shot of food in a pan is what was left after I took what I wanted and my intention was to cook up one serving!) and I have discovered a super simple way to prepare chicken that I love.

The chicken thing was enlightening because I have long been someone who could take or leave chicken.  It is great timing to have tasty chicken in the repertoire because I am wanting to eat less, generally, and specifically, less meat.  I suspect the cut and quality of the chicken are what makes this "recipe" a stand out.  I am getting boneless, skinless thighs from my meat guy at the Farmer's Market.  Cap has been using the chicken breast from Anthony for months now and I have been aware of the wonderful quality, but never ate much of it because...I thought I didn't really like chicken.  (This is the same farmer from whom we buy our gorgeous eggs.)  Well, despite being a dark meat girl, I never explored the world of dark meat chicken because Cap doesn't like it and the kids are not fans of eating chicken off the bone.  Deciding to follow the "getting started" recipes in Well Fed last week, kind of blindly, I asked for the boneless, skinless chicken thighs at Anthony's stall, not knowing they were a thing, and was pleasantly surprised to have two packages thunked down in front of me.

The "recipe" wasn't much of a recipe at all for anyone who cooks chicken with any regularity/intuition (not me).  It called for grilling the chicken, but had instructions on how to bake it instead, which was perfect for me.  (We have access to an outdoor grill, but living on the second floor, we don't really use it.)  The chicken is seasoned with salt, pepper and granulated garlic, placed in a baking dish and then baked at 400º for 30 minutes.

That's it.

It looks like the pic above (not very attractive, if you ask me) and tastes like gangbusters.  I cooked up 3 lbs. last week and went down to 2 lbs. this week.  (The kids liked it, but didn't ask for it again.)  It's a perfect little protein with veggies or on its own.

I did have way too much food prepped last week.  My brain must be foggier than I think because I thought I slashed items off this week's grocery list, but ended up spending more/buying just as much, it felt like.  Some patience will be needed as the process gets streamlined and sorted out.

Some seasonal stuff that happened last week: the annual film festival in town where Cap and I saw Free Angela and All Political Prisoners (directed by an alum of my high school...followed by dinner out while the kids were happily ensconced with friends) and herbs picked up at one of the annual plant sales in town.

The final pic is just something that caught my eye.  One of our drying racks broke which prompted this:

Peace and love.  (And less Ruzzle...though it comforts me when I am PMSing...and don't have ice cream or potato chips.)