Friendly inspiration/room to breathe

Kelly recently inspired me two ways:

She walked into our apartment the other day and exclaimed, "it looks so good in here!"  Very enthusiastic and heartfelt.  My immediate internal reaction was to feel a sham.  How could I receive such positive sentiment when I so often have negative niggling at me when it comes to cleaning and decluttering?  It was a good reminder to, first of all, accept joy whenever possible.

She mentioned that she is finding peace by keeping small spaces tidy and working from there.  This morning I have been sluggish of body and jammed of mind.  I started small with no regard for what would happen next.  And, yes, despite a laundry list of cleaning/decluttering tasks yet to be done in this room, the room we spend the most time in, the room we socialize in, the "big room", if you will...to have small spaces within the room "straightened" does bring with it some peace.

Thanks, friend.

Peace.

Soup's on

Onion, celery, carrot, ginger, garlic, olive oil, bay leaf, vegetable bouillon, water, and the last of the fresh turkey stock (gelatinous gold).  Not for the first time, I wish my blog had aroma-vision.  I'd call this scent Nourish.

The kids are grumpy.  We may go see Wreck-It Ralph.  (Not because they're grumpy, but because they've been wanting to see it and we finally have a free block of time.)

What I really want to do is stay in my pajamas and read all day.  The introvert instinct is strong today.

Peace and soup.

Time and ringtones

I am procrastinating doing one of the things I hate most: waking the kids up.  I am a firm believer in the restorative and healing power of sleep.  Sleep is good, 'nuff said.  But, this morning I must to traffic court.  At least I finagled an early morning playdate for them so they don't have to come to court with me.

Another thing I believe is that time is many things: fluid, elastic, cross- and inter-dimensional...and, yes, linear.  I realized this morning, apropos of nothing, really, that in two years I will have not worked full-time for as long as I did.  Food for thought, for sure.

A Facebook friend posted something about ringtones that reminded me that one of the fun things I can do with my new phone is play with ringtones.  I am adding that to the ever enormous pile of "things to do".

Off to sip some Irish Breakfast tea and wake the kiddos...

Cozy in connection

I am feeling a bit better today.

Ran a Christmas-y errand driving our "sled" through the snow and got lost inside the mall (which still perplexes me).

  

I am sensing, gratefully, a financially calmer holiday season.  I am not being as conscious/intentional/attentional to our finances as I could be, but am having some moments/flashes of clarity which are helping.

I have been more aware of my/our time.

Our cards are made, paid for, and in da house.  Hoping to get to addressing envelopes this week.

Kids' big presents have been chosen, bought and hidden.

The December weekends seem a little less crazy than the November ones.  Just a little.

This afternoon I have delegated and canceled and taken time to rest.  It has been nice to cozy up inside as the snow fell steadily outside.

The internet shared some cozy, too, about reading, knitting, unionizing...and transforming/persisting/inspiring/overcoming odds and naysayers:

Peace and love.

The twelve

I am in my seventh year of living in this town.  A place that chose me by an institution choosing my partner.  A place I came to from a place I had fallen in love with, unexpectedly fast and furious.

(Sacramento.  Yep, Sacramento.  A place most people have never been to/hardly know about, it's a secret gem.)

Lately, in answer to the question, "do you like living in _________?", I'd noticed my response had shifted from vaguely and barely positive to begrudgingly so.  Yes, it has grown on me.  

[Context: I am a very lucky person.  This luck has extended to the places I have lived.  NYC, Hiroshima, San Francisco, Cambridge and Sacramento (the dark horse).  All particularly unique and "known quantity" type of places to live.  Our town came with a pretty solid pedigree, but what it was not (and still isn't) is a city.  It has taken me a long time to realize that I am a city mouse and most unconsciously content when living in one.]

This morning, I hopped in the car in my pjs.  I have a cold, didn't want to get dressed, but was obsessed with borrowing The Twelve from the branch library.  (When I went online to request it through the library system over the weekend, I was shocked to find that: 1) the system is being overhauled and they are not taking requests till mid-December (my literary lifeline!); and 2) there was a copy available at the little branch library in town.  Mind you, if the system was functioning as usual, this copy would have been whisked away by someone's electronic request.  I am sure of it.)

I parked in the quaint little lot, walked up the stone steps into the quaint little historic building, immediately spotted the book on display (this library is tiny), self-checked it out in seconds, paused to take the snapshot above, got back in the car, and was home in no time (super pooped, these colds, they suck the energy right out of you).

Somewhere in there, as the wintery light clarified the edges of my mind and the cold air brushed through my hair and I held a beautiful new book that cost me nothing with hands newly freed from holiday and birthday activity standing on old stone in fleece pajama pants tucked into cozy boots...I thought: I love this town.  

I love this place that gives me moments like this.

Peace and sniffles and rest.

From the kitchen

It was a productive kitchen day cooking down contents of the fridge and pantry.

Turkey hash w/acorn squash; apples sautéed w/onion (in lieu of shallots) and seasoned with thyme and salt; cream of tomato soup using Thanksgiving Day turkey stock and coconut milk; meat sauce w/Anthony's grass-fed ground sirloin.

Had a spot of peach tea with Tiina and now on to dinner and prep for Sag's birthday party tomorrow.

Bday portrait

11

Our "heavenly sound" boy turned eleven today. I am smiling reminded of Spinal Tap thinking this child lives life turned up to "11".

He completed our nucleus. He fills me up every day. Massively lucky and utterly
in love is how he makes me feel.

He shares his birthday with Cap's mom. We had a lovely day together. Turkey, the fixings and birthday cake.

Peace and love.

Hey

Just wanted to check in because it's been a really lovely day and our evening, in particular, has been full of cozy.  (I am waiting for the sauna---the one my father-in-law built---to heat up...this gal is gonna sleep well tonight.)

I realized my present experience is in such contrast to where I was yesterday/last night.  I felt reassured and wanted to reassure any of you here, in case you were concerned.

I am feeling much better.  Almost unrecognizably so.  Which is kind of scary.  But hormones...chemicals...they can really pack a punch when telling a story.

Peace and love and a big pink hug.

D.C.

Most of these pics are unprocessed.  Raw, for what it's worth.  The equivalent of putting something down on paper.

It's been busy.  The weekend in D.C. was great in many ways.  (Unfortunate in only one: dire lack of sleep the first night, only marginally improved the second night.)  Fulfilling.  But, returning has meant diving into getting ready for Thanksgiving.  And Sag's birthday.  He was born on Thanksgiving Day and his birthday falls on it once again.

I'm also PMSing and am feeling, acutely, the effect of Mercury in retrograde.

Not feeling good.  But I am not forsaking flow.  I keep swimming into undertows, but gratefully, am finding reserves and unexpected strength in my limbs as I swim my way out and tread about.

This afternoon I felt self-loathing.  Something I haven't experienced in a long time (but used to, quite often).  A very real sign that things are off in my internal universe.  (This will be dealt with, once this busy-ness lets up a little.)

Enjoy the holiday, if you are celebrating.

Peace and love.

Occupy

Thanks to my friend, Elizabeth, who coordinated a hyperlocal effort to donate to the greater Occupy Sandy relief efforts underway in parts of NY/NJ, I was able to do something to help today. Picked up supplies (pet food, instant coffee, and stuff for bagged lunches) and made some vegan sammies. She is on her way to the Rockaways, her Kia loaded to the gills.

(There was homemade hummus meant for the sandwiches...but it ended up locked inside a house this morning... Whole Paycheck to the rescue...)

The NY nieces came over yesterday.  Exhausting but fun.  (One does forget, survival of the species imperative, like forgetting the pain of childbirth, how much energy is required to care for and entertain a toddler.)  Crazy auntie face or crazed auntie face?

Today is day 2 of gluten- and sugar-free.  More to come, decided to do this in phases.  Asleep by 9:30 last night.  Feel both good and bad today, the good outweighing the bad, for sure.

Peace.

Today's internet awesome

Misao to fukumaru (Misao and Fukumaru)

Stephen sent me a link this morning that is all sorts of wonderful.  Thank you, friend.  Check it out here.  You will not regret it.

Meow.

Barely

Hey there.

Sorry for my quiet here.  I have been under the weather...under "life"...in an under-mood.

The lice thing is looking up.  My friend, Kate, combed my hair with her much bosser nit/lice comb.  (As soon as I saw it, I knew the job would be much less tedious than the comb we'd picked up suggested.)  For this kinesthetic learner/being, it made all the difference to have someone guide me through the experience of combing.  I am forever grateful.

Her experienced eye found nothing in my hair.  I went home and combed all three dudes and found nothing.  That was Election Day.  I've been combing the boys and myself once a day since then and we've been "clean".  I'll have our doctor's office check us out tomorrow or Monday and with their official word, hopefully, this episode will be in our rearview.

There isn't much else to say.  I am barely here.  Skimming surfaces.

Music, when it arises, as always, is a balm.



Peace and love.

& then afterward

A poem I found beautiful, lyrical, haunting...and yet hopeful.  You can read it here.

Tired silly after staying up to watch Obama speak.  He is really quite the orator.

Peace.

From the reader

Some good stuff... here and here and here.  (On writing, a recipe and on politics/the storm, respectively.)

Peace and love.

What it is...at least in this tiny little corner of it

The opposite of eloquent is what I am.  The opposite of elegant is what I feel.  (Though, come to think of it, have I ever felt elegant?  Not sure...)

So, we have had our closest known encounter with head lice.  It happened last Thursday evening and drama ensued.  This Friday, on the advice our family doctor, we'll all go in and get our heads checked. 

It turns out what do to in the interim depends on who you are.  I have received lots of personally truthful experience- and evidence-based advice.  And not only have these stories been all over the treatment map, some of them have diametrically opposed each other.

I have been grateful for the tips and advice, nonetheless.  We didn't have internet the first couple of days after exposure and we felt very much in the dark.  We picked up a special lice comb and some tea tree oil, but I haven't actually done any combing.  (For those of you who don't know me, at my best...which I have not been lately...I am extremely reluctant to perform tasks which my brain red flags as "tedious".  Prophylactic combing was setting off all sorts of tedium alarms.)

For now, I am sitting tight on the lice.  Hoping that we have been spared.  Trying not to let my itchy scalp drive me crazy.  (The mere mention of the word lice is enough to get my scalp going.)  I have a tendency to pull my hair out anyway (googled it last night and it turns out to be a thing) and there has been a spike in that behavior.

Oy.

Sag still doesn't feel great.  We think he may have a cold on top of the strep.  And the antibiotic wouldn't vanquish the cold.  I seem to have a cold, too.  Or, we're just more externally symptomatic of being run down.  I am not sure.

It's hard to post, to share, to reach out, when there are still thousands of households right in our small town who remain powerless.  Temps have really dipped and people are cold and in the dark.  Some are friends, some are elderly, some are mentally ill, some are homeless. Expand the circle outward and there are people in our county and state who have lost homes and loved ones because of the storm.  Our community is small and I feel confident that no one is falling through the cracks.  But, it's a much bigger world out there, even right next door in Newark.  Cory Booker is truly a superhero.  He is working his ass off trying to make sure everyone in his city is safe and warm.

It's all hard to reconcile.

Halloween, which had been "rescheduled" for this afternoon has not happened.  Sag was not well enough to go out (he cried), Gem decided he didn't want to go out once he realized his brother and usual trick-or-treating partner, Owen, could not go.  Gem has been more sensitive to the de-occasioning of the holiday by the change of date and the state mandated trick-or-treating curfew of noon to 5pm.

Schools in town have not re-opened.  You can imagine the mass confused energy.  That's a lot of kids home for a week with no regularly scheduled activity built into their days.  In direct and more subtle ways, routines have been broken.  We are lucky to be maintaining some of ours, yet the undercurrent of chaos is strong.

I don't even know what I am saying here.  This cold is reverting my brain back to a shell shocked state...or maybe I never quite left it.  Cap did make me laugh earlier today which felt like a burst of light.  Holding that memory like a precious ephemeral thing.

Peace and love.

And just like that

...I feel much better.

Monday evening as Sandy bore down on us, I think my brain was fried a little bit.  It did something to my chemistry.  I've been dogged by imbalance for days.  Something shifted overnight (perhaps the sugar in the cookies I indulged in at common meal last night?) and when I woke up this morning I could feel a distinct and happy difference...in my mood, my outlook, how my body/mind felt.

Grateful.

...our phone/internet/cable was restored.

On Tuesday morning I used up nearly an hour of my limited mobile phone minutes on hold with Comcast to generate a ticket for a technician to come out at some point in what I thought would be the distant future.  Because the telephone wires had been brought down by the tree section in the driveway, I knew it was going to take more than flipping a switch to restore service.

The landlord cleared the very large tree section (branch doesn't do it justice, it was a big thing) yesterday afternoon, Comcast came by this afternoon (serendipity) and now we are back online.

Grateful.

...Sag was diagnosed and began treatment for strep.

Late last night he began complaining of a very sore throat.  Honey didn't help, salt water gargle didn't help, ice cream did.  But he had a lot of trouble settling to sleep.  A backrub past eleven pm finally did the trick.

This morning, we discovered that our family physician was providing care with a shivering skeleton crew.  With no power and no phones.  She performed a rapid strep test which came back positive and prescribed antibiotics.

He's already starting to feel better.  He took a 3 hour nap.  We are gently feeding him ewegurt (a locally made sheep's milk yogurt) and toast.  By this time tomorrow, I think he'll be close to back to normal. 

If she hadn't been open, if we didn't have a neighborhood doctor, we'd likely be at an emergency room right about now.

Grateful.

Peace, love and light.

P.S.  I will leave our recent exposure to head lice (by a family who knew they had it) for another post...

And so it unfolds

I am sleeping. Dreaming nasty dreams.

Waking, alternately moving through a foggy fugue state and doing what needs to be done.

Keeping devastation and crisis at arm's length. What seeps through renders me liquid.

Though we have electricity (which is inconceivably huge), I feel the weight of this surreal bubble atop us.

Everything is still while recovery is furiously taking place elsewhere. But the stillness is a facade.

Hearts continue beating, at times racing. Memory is being made. Process is percolating.

Our unit here is living along. We are holding together with our neighbors. Strands pull together as we go to and receive friends in support.

It is becoming clearer that there are pockets of true that are hardly known.

A report from the East Village (Marcella) of people dumpster diving and bathing at hydrants not a relief vehicle in sight. They have evacuated to Brooklyn down to the last drops in their tub and a kitchen with only rotted food left.

This from a healthy unit of two adults and one young child. I am shaken to think of the elderly, mentally ill, physically disabled, etc. populations in lower Manhattan, NJ, Haiti, and other areas knocked on their asses by this storm and their proximity to the sea.

The stories and moments of not only survival, but grace in adversity are encouraging. But the energy of souls suffering and perishing...I am feeling that, too.

Peace.

P.S. Thank you for your comments and for reading. We don't have internet and I am blogging bare bones using my phone. Not sure how to get to comments to comment back yet. I do receive your comments via email though and am reading them. Thank you.