Even just a trim to deshaggify feels good. I loves me my Traci at Bangz. I decided to be fiscally responsible and not color my hair this time. Color this Summer!
The birthday celebrating has begun. I got my first prezzie in the mail. An album memorializing our trip to Barcelona. Love.
Sag has been getting a lot of mileage out of The Encyclopedia of Immaturity. It has been a few years since their Auntie Sandy gave it to them. This is a book he goes back to regularly for entertaining, creative fun.
Gem went back to Pokemon TCG play at the comic book shop yesterday. He is raring to go. There is a pre-release tournament next weekend he is planning on attending and he has dreams of one day making it to the World Championships.
On our way out the driveway, we saw the UPS deliveryman. Gem's long awaited comics had arrived! This Sonic fanboy spent the bulk of his sizable holiday gift money on a big batch of Sonic back issues. 106 of them, to be exact.
And now, off to some girl fun. My annual meeting with the speculum (warmed up, thank you very much :-)
Just one more before I shut Lula down for the night. I was poking around my iTunes today and listened to this...a song that never fails to make me smile.
This caught my eyes at Bridget's place. It made me really happy. She got it at The American Visionary Art Museum, it is now on my list of places I'd like to visit someday.
Vinny is pushing me to practice. More and more intently. My body continues its wacky responses to things stirring in mysterious ways within me. (Sag in the waiting room today.)
We had an impromptu visit with Melody and her family tonight. They leave for northern Cali the day after tomorrow. I was very happy that things worked so we could see them. We will miss them!
My latest semi-obsession: lattes. I have started considering buying an espresso pot so I can make my own. I can get great lattes made with organic whole milk at Terra for $4+tax a pop. If I were to indulge twice a month, in a year, that'd be in the vicinity of $100 spent on high quality lattes. The above espresso pot costs $175. I created a "Want" bookmark folder on Lula yesterday just for the page it rests on in the internets.
If I stopped getting lattes out, this thing would pay for itself within two years. Food for thought. Why does it cost so much? You can read about it here.
I crept out of bed just past 7:30 which is early for us these days. My plans for the morning included getting Beyond Easy Pulled Pork into the slow cooker. The kids and I will be going out this afternoon and I need the timing of turning the heat down to "low" to work for while we're still home.
I didn't have chipotle powder or onion powder so I used the last of my Arizona Dreaming sample from Penzey's as a sub. This recipe is super simple. If the pork comes out as succulent as promised, I will agree that it was "beyond easy". Buy a big ol'pork butt, mix up the dry rub, rub it onto the pork, slice up two onions, put it all into the crock pot, and slow cook it for the day.
It's a quiet, gray morning here. The rest of the family has appeared one by one.
Reproductive rights is something I often take for granted. Commemorative activities, acts of remembrance, are good ways to acknowledge that nothing should be taken for granted because things always change.
I recently heard from someone that she thought she might be pregnant. What surprised me most about our conversation was my hesitance to say out loud a point I found she was not making.
She had a choice.
Don't get me wrong. This, ahem, pregnant pause was not about a shift in my belief that women should have the right to choose. It was about wondering why she wasn't voicing the availability of choice to her. It was about wanting to give someone a wide berth as she shared something with me that seemed to carry with it the shadow of barely articulated. It was about waiting to see if I was being asked for advice or rather, simply, to listen.
It was the first time I thought about choice, as in reproductive choice, in a long time. Yet, it is something that women and girls, boys and men encounter and are affected by every day. The exercise of reproductive choice is highly personal, but it speaks volumes that we live in a society that, for now, protects this choice as a right.
I never did speak my bit. But, I will, if the occasion calls for it. I am grateful for the opportunity to offer support to any girl/woman/couple/family dealing with the issue of what to do when challenged by an unplanned pregnancy.
It then filled and filled and filled. Cooking, cleaning the bathroom, folding laundry, cooking, washing the kitchen floor, minding the kids, cooking.
My mom arrived after dinner and then we drove up to campus. (We landed last minute complimentary tickets, shuffled plans and got my mom to come out to sit with the kids.)
Tonight we saw Bill T. Jones. I loved seeing him. The performance was enigmatic and resonant. His stories were warbles and wails. Words are failing me. Here's a link to a NYT piece describing the show. (Barbra, of course I thought of you.)
Here I am giddy with art and snow outside the theater post-performance.
Bill quoted the beginning of this song in one of his stories. I did not know this artist till he mentioned her name tonight and I thought the lyrics might be from a rap. (They had this prescient/precise feel to them that I associate with rap.)
When I was young I lived in a world of dreams,
of moods and myths and illusionary schemes.
Though now I'm much more grown up,
I fear that I must own up.
To the fact that I'm in doubt of,
what the modern cynics shout of.
They say it's Spring,
this feeling light as a feather.
They say this thing,
this magic we share together,
came with the weather, too.
As I was gathering my thoughts while writing this post, I remembered enough to find the song by Googling. And, boy, was I ever wrong! I am absolutely tickled...about having my mind expanded, about these different genres of music being bridged in my little corner of the world, and about being introduced to a new-to-me musical artist.
Sag calls this The Claw. His big Christmas present from us this year was the Lego Mindstorms robotics set. We also gave him a nifty companion book which is full of ideas and instructions. This is the first robot he has built at home (using a plan from the book).
Our football team, the New England Patriots, are in the NFL play-offs. During the game they played last weekend, I noticed the hat Tom Brady was wearing and thought it looked cozy. I bought one for Cap and when it arrived, Sag and I both loved how comfortable it was. Here is Sag wearing Cap's cap. I got a coupon code from the website yesterday so ordered Sag his very own.
The kids did some storyboarding this afternoon. This is homework they never complain about! We finished Wildwood today, they did their Vinny exercises, and they did Rosetta Stone. Later, Daniel is coming over and he and Sag will go to Robotics class.
It's amazing how quickly a kitchen can get messy when both adults in the household fall behind the eight ball.
I am counting the hours till I see Vinny tonight. Very happy I was able to get an appointment.
The pain stopped after about two hours last night. I am wiped out. Eating carefully. Not much of an appetite, really.
We are expecting snow tonight into tomorrow though the sun continues to shine at the moment.
Bill T. Jones tomorrow night up at the University. Comp tix. Excited!
Not sure I like the new blog template. It is what it is...for now.
Here's a Kathleen Edwards tune that Cap introduced me to awhile ago...before I realized I loved her voice hearing the NPR stream of her latest cd a couple of weeks. Funny how life is.
Within minutes of finishing dinner (a very rare occurrence I only ate two meals today), my stomach/gut started to hurt. It still hurts over an hour later. It's actually worse now that it was when it started. Stop me in my tracks pain. It's a good thing I'm sitting.
At the moment, it feels like there's a baby alien in there trying to bust itself out. o.O
I am in awe of my body. Of all bodies. My body has healed enough in the last four-plus months that ingesting a half of a piece of toast is offending my system mightily. And it is letting me know in no uncertain terms.
I had not guessed that my digestive system was so inured to gluten/wheat that I could experience this kind of pain after eating some.
I had not guessed that eliminating certain foods/food groups could so effectively transform me. (I am, truly, a feeling is believing kind of gal.)
Wow. It's getting so intense I feel like I might throw up. Later.
So...I am having some buggy issues with what I think is the Blogger - Chrome interface. I've been using Chrome since I got Lula and have had no issue other than these glitches that are starting to happen when blogging.
So...please pardon the appearance of the previous post. I don't know how to fix it, and after trying for awhile, don't want to spend any more time on it. I am not even sure how some of the glitchiness happened, which is, in a way, more frustrating than when you know you did something wrong that you can't fix.
I have a feeling using a blog template with a white background would solve this particular issue without figuring it out the actual glitch...more of a workaround.
Blogging with another browser, going back to Firefox or giving Safari a try, is another solution.
I finished my first (non-YA, non-graphic novel) book of 2012! Nocturnes was the perfect way to ease into this process. Thank you to Cap for this collection of stories. I loved the beautiful cover art and totally dug how the brand new paperback felt in my hands. (This kind of tactile love just can't be found with a book borrowed from the library or an e-reader.)
Here's the review I left on Goodreads (you can find me over there as Äiti):
A great first book to ease into my 2012 practice of reading more fiction and non-fiction outside of the YA and graphic novel genres. This collection of stories had interesting structural elements (recurring characters and ties to music theory). And some of the plot lines were unusual and detailed in a way that caught my attention. And some of the narratives paths, both external and internal, resonated with familiar tingles and pangs.
But. (Could you detect the big but coming?) But...there was something of "trifle" which permeated the collection. And imbalance...times when I wanted more, times when I wanted less.Damning bottom line? I don't think this collection would have ever been picked up if it didn't have Ishiguro's pedigree backing it up.
:: :: ::
I have jumped on the Downton Abbey bandwagon. It was hard not to notice, and then ignore, the groundswell. Season 1 is streaming on Netflix now. I've watched the first two episodes and in a word, LOVE. Yes, it's another English period piece about rich people and the servants who work for them...but it works. The writing, the acting, the sets, the clothes...
The combination of incisive verbal zingers contrasting against lush visual eye candy is intoxicating and satisfying. In typical (and admirable) BBC production fashion an hour packs an incredible, dense punch and unlike American telly fare, I have not yet been inclined to watch more than one episode per sitting.
Believe the hype.
:: :: ::
The kids and I are wrapping up our read aloud of Wildwood. It has been a long journey and we have one chapter left. These final chapters have been intense and emotional.
:: :: ::
Met Tiina for a cuppa this morning. Time to hang with friends is so important to me and my sanity.
The eggs were not to my liking and the toast was underwhelming. I had half a piece. It proved to be a most excellent vehicle for the butter. (Maybe it was the butter I was craving?)
The complicated is working with the whole look-smell-taste sensory thing when in an eatery and dealing with an at once more varietal and more limited menu than what I make myself at home and desire.
The simple is that I am realizing my home cooking is more and more to my taste. And what I can get out is increasingly unsatisfying/unsatisfactory.
Which gives rise to another complication...how to adjust my own cultural tendency to view going out to eat as a treat and as a nice break from the mundane. With each new dissatisfying venture out lately, the cognitive dissonance grows. Will I find something new to replace the wilting pleasures? Or will my need for this particular brand of pleasure transform?
If this were a Wordpress blog, it would be going dark tomorrow. Blogger has no such plug-in. I will not post tomorrow, nor will I use the internet tomorrow, in solidarity. You can read this piece which has further linkage/information, if you'd like.
And just like that, I woke up this morning feeling significantly better. Retrospect lightbulb went on: this latest energy dip may have been connected to/exacerbated by ovulation/my cycle/hormones.
Gem was completely shocked when the Starburst he was chewing pulled out a tooth. The molar was loose, but nowhere near the loose his teeth usually get before they fall out (he is not a puller).
One from the vault. I got a friend request on Facebook recently from someone in this photo (my sixth grade birthday party). January, 1978. When the request came through, I did not recognize his name or face. He'd changed his last name and I haven't seen him in over 30 years.
I did some digging on Facebook and Google and discovered who he was.
My first boyfriend, John. My brother is sitting on his shoulders. And for those of you who know Sag, you can see, he really does resemble my sister. That's me with the big, goofy, happy smile. Sitting in front of me is Danielle. Next to her is Lauri and next to Lauri is Karen. They were my besties.
Ahhh, memories. Anyway, now that I have been found by John, my Facebook bucket list is complete. I have reconnected with everyone who I've wanted to. It's all gravy from here.
Sag has been singing this song a lot lately. So sweet. He first heard it in The Simpsons Movie. I truly enjoy seeing and hearing what songs and music catch the kids' fancies as they grow into the age that I was when I began to love popular music myself.
I am caught up on Portlandia now. Here's one more sketch. For me, not as funny as the Aimme Mann one, but close to my heart nonetheless because it's about Battlestar Galactica!
Onto Downton Abbey next...(which I thought was Downtown Abbey till a few days ago!)
A walking hibernation. A waking hibernation. I think it's SAD in full force. I'm not stressing or feeling depressed. But, I feel like I am under the thumb of this thing. Wiped of energy, light snuffed out.
Yesterday I finished reading the last of my library books, Onward Towards Our Noble Deaths, a graphic novel based on the author's own experiences as a Japanese soldier during World War II. It was difficult, but I appreciated the inspiration to bear witness.
Today I started reading Nocturnes, a collection of stories by Kazuo Ishiguro (link to a none-too-positive review from the NYT written by the late Christopher Hitchens). Cap gave me this volume with a beautiful cover for our anniversary last month. I've the first two stories. They strike me, so far, as quirky.
The second story, called, Come Rain Or Come Shine is shaped by and around a Ray Charles rendition of the song. I liked this, theoretically, quite a bit.
This is one of my Books for 2012. I am excited and pleased to be underway.
Bosc pears...mmm. One of my favorite taste sensations. That collection of cardboard and styrofoam behind me? I cringe when I see them. A creative studio space would be nice. Some day.
(I kind of want to go see an apartment for rent a few blocks away. Completely renovated last year, hardwood floors, washer/dryer in the unit... But, it's $500 more than what we're paying right now. $6000 more in a year. Waaah.)
Loving Kathleen Edwards' voice. Beginning to listen to her catalogue thanks to the library.
Loving the library. Always.
Went out to eat last night. Torn.
There is something so nice about going out to eat with your honey. Away from the daily this and that. Without kids, communing with a swath of the outside world. I am a firm believer in the possibilities that come with plunking one's self down in new and different spaces.
But, with what I'm eating and not eating these days, each plate that is placed down in front of me in a restaurant is like a gauntlet being thrown down. I don't like being fussy. Like asking for my cheese steak without bread (which I did last night). I figured I'd eat around the croutons in the Caesar salad I split with Cap. I forgot what a crapshoot salad dressing can be (and ate it).
I've been off all day. I suspect I got some sugar and/or grains in me last night.
But, we had a really nice time and lovely conversation overflowed.
What to do? Move forward with mindfulness and care. Treat one's self to favorite fruit and great new music.
This morning, as Gem and I walked into the cold front edged with bitter, we rejoiced in the flurries.
He used to call this "fluttering". Which made my heart melt every single time.
These flutters haven't been enough to stick. But, we cling strongly to hope.
First Snow by Mary Oliver
The snow
began here
this morning and all day
continued, its white
rhetoric everywhere
calling us back to why, how, whence such beauty and what
the meaning; such
an oracular fever! flowing
past windows, an energy it seemed
would never ebb, never settle
less than lovely! and only now,
deep into night,
it has finally ended.
The silence
is immense,
and the heavens still hold
a million candles; nowhere
the familiar things:
stars, the moon,
the darkness we expect
and nightly turn from. Trees
glitter like castles
of ribbons, the broad fields
smolder with light, a passing
creekbed lies
heaped with shining hills;
and though the questions
that have assailed us all day
remain---not a single
answer has been found---
walking out now
into the silence and the light
under the trees,
and through the fields,
feels like one.
• visited with Tiina for an hour. I learn great things from conversing with friends. today I took a detour into the heart and mind of Sag with her. unearthed some crystalline realizations about both kids and how they have been affected by me. some intense food for thought.
Funny. Now that I am no longer a student or working outside of the home 40+ hours a week, hump day has a different feeling to it. Usually, it doesn't register. Wednesday means common meal. Nothing more, nothing less.
But, every now and again, Wednesday will come upon me and I feel a pang of stress. I think: oh no, it's the middle of the week and I haven't gotten anything done. I had a wisp of that feeling just now when "hump day " floated into my head as a title for this post.
My headache is gone, but its phantom remains.
Some bits and blurbs...
Gem and I had a quiet early morning and then we went to pick up Sag and Cap. A gorgeous day out there.
:: :: ::
This piece came across my virtual desk this morning. It was exactly the kind of post that would send me into a tizzy of excitement a year ago. I love the internet for this kind of sharing. But, coming up on a year of no shampoo/soap/product on my body, I read Design Mom's post quizzically. I appreciated it, but realized I had no use for it.
I've been blessed with foundationally good skin. But, honestly, my skin, all over my body, has gotten a big boost from being sugar- and grain-free (on top of being soap- shampoo- and product-free). It is soft and supple and young.
And I am free of searching for and purchasing and trying products to the nth degree.
:: :: ::
Back together again. They went to Kinokuniya yesterday and brought back some new Pokemon manga. We will ease into 'homeschooling' today...
Meerkat Manor has been a big hit. When Gem turned to me and said, "this is like Warriors, but real life!" I knew he was hooked.
Tonight we marathoned through a bunch of episodes. I think we're going to finish the season tomorrow morning before Sag and Cap return. I want to track down the three previous seasons!
P.S. Plagued by a headache for the ages. Once the pain started stopping me in my tracks while getting something for Gem to eat, I decided to take some Aleve. It took the medicine 90 minutes to fully kick in (usually it takes no more than 20 minutes) and I can still feel it bellowing beneath the surface. Yikes.
As Lumpy Space Princess would say...Oh. My. Glob. Headache, neckache, warm flashes, short fuse...what the heck is going on?!
I knew for sure I was seriously hormonal when we dropped Sag and Cap off at the train station and I felt like half my heart was ripped out of my chest. (That feeling passed.)
The short ribs are done (braised with homemade chicken stock, coconut aminos and honey). I started them at lunch time so they'd be done before leaving for Pokemon. We're not going to Pokemon after all between my headache and Gem feeling overloaded with stuff he needs and wants to do at home.
I attempted bacon fat mayo and it was a fail. (Couldn't get it to emulsify.) Made a crab salad anyway, with non-Paleo mayo. (Lump crab meat, squeeze of lime, Kosher salt, a couple of grinds of Euro pepper and a dollop of mayo.) I topped the crab salad with homemade guac and was very satisfied.
I think part of what is going on for me is that the dishes I made over the weekend both used chicken as the protein. And with running out of dairy (which was my intention), the leaner protein was not enough to satiate me.
I've been eating more at mealtimes in an attempt to "fill up" and I think I may be running into some inflammation issues from the resulting imbalance. Also, I had chicken salad last night whilst desperate for protein/fat and the mayo used to make it was not Paleo-compliant. After a week of being soy- and canola-free, it's possible that my aches and woes are a result of those foods.
The crab and avocado were very satisfying. The beef will be, too, later tonight. I am defrosting some ground beef for tomorrow. I'm not giving up on the veggies, though. Onward!
This morning, Gem turned to me and said, "we picked up Vanessa at the airport two years ago today". Sigh. Time sure does fly. Here we are at Turtleback Zoo on our first afternoon together.
The air was fresh, the light did the best it could. Being out amongst trees with the boys is always good. I was such a bike kid that it has taken awhile to reconcile myself with the fact that they are something else: scooter kids.
Ack. It's midnight again and here I am posting about underwear rather than sleeping.
The good news is that another evening of internet research yielded some positive results. Tomorrow I will be moving on to the next thing. *smile*
It is interesting how you absolutely need to have some stick-to-it-iveness when Googling something that goes a bit deeper than who a celebrity is dating or seeing what's playing at the local cinema. What comes up quickest is not necessarily the best you can do content-wise.
Tonight, I came very close to settling...with a company that was a touch too slick for my taste whose practices were not wholly embracing of the concepts of fair trade...but then found this article from Green America which was short, sweet and packed with info.
It led me right back to a company in Seattle, Decent Exposures, from whom I bought bras, leggings and the bestest two tone baby blankets and wash clothes back in the day. Dealing with them is very personal and since your items are oftentimes made to order, you do need to wait to receive your goodies. (I know, what?!)
If you are interested in "greening" your clothing, intimate or otherwise, go read the Green America article (link above).
Sleepy and satisfied, go green and fair trade! (And, guess what, I don't think this is boring.)
something by Ayelet Waldman (and maybe something by Michael Chabon),
and The Wordy Shipmates (a book Barbra gave me that I started and loved but never finished).
I am happy because I was feeling like my list was skewed slightly towards male authors. I haven't checked, but I am pretty certain it is a predominantly "white" bunch of scribes. For 2012, I'm keeping my eye on the numbers in terms of the gender divide. Maybe I'll feel the need to venture deeper into splits of class, race and beyond in 2013.
("Whiteness" in popular/media culture is on my mind. The ensemble cast of Once Upon A Time, the show I am watching with Sag, is pretty lily white. One of the main characters is played by a latina actress and the character is really evil. The other actor of color is Giancarlo Esposito who must either be loving this gig after Breaking Bad, or wondering what the hell happened despite Breaking Bad. His character has only been glimpsed briefly. There may be more to come for him, but so far, he's a minion/pawn of evil. My sense of having an itch that needs to be scratched stems from watching this alongside my 10 year old boy of mixed race...wondering what his experience is, and will be...not only with this show, but with life.)
I remain open to book recommendations, by the way. Especially if you have an Ayelet Waldman title to suggest.
:: :: ::
I have some good news to report on the 2012 documentary watching front. If you have Netflix Streaming like we do (which costs $8/month...and comes with a free trial month for new folks), then you have access to a motherlode of documentaries! My friend, Shannon, and her daughter, Bridget, e-mailed me a list of recommended documentaries and they are all on Netflix Streaming!
I am very much looking forward to the opportunity for Cap and I to spend separate time with the kids. This is something we'd like to do more often, but is surprisingly challenging to plan for and accomplish.
I am thrilled for Sag that he has the chance to experience something special: the convergence of his passions for film making and music and Buster Keaton. Not to mention we've already planned his dinner: takeout from a Five Guys we discovered very close to Baba's house.
My heart is warm, warm, warm for Cap. He has loved Buster Keaton for a long time. And he gets to share this experience with his boy.
I am making short ribs for Gem and me, a dish we both love. (We may go to the comic book store, he is making a return to Pokemon gaming with a new and focused energy.) After dinner, we'll watch a documentary together. My suggestion was checking out Meerkat Manor. He is not sold.
It is remarkable, in my experience anyway, how much space can open up when spending time with just one of my family members. You end up talking about things you wouldn't have otherwise. And seeing/hearing/feeling things along that same vein. It's a wonderful counterpoint to the more usual group dynamics we enjoy and tumble about in.
Sharing this via Facebook, from my SIL, Amy. One of those things that, to me, makes so much sense that I'm surprised I haven't thought of it this way before.
I don't know if it's because my mood is in disequilibrium like my body is.
Or if it is simply true.
But, lately, I've been feeling boring on the blog.
It's one thing to blithely post the minutiae of one's life feeling comfortable riding a wave of creative buzz...and being boring to others.
But, the moments of faltering, when the buzz fades away and you find yourself googling fair trade underwear in the quiet space just before midnight (rather than tumbling into bed like your body is prodding you to do) and think about blogging about it...awkward.
Things (tend to) look a bit better in the morning.
But, then you realize you are going to post pictures of what you ate...again.
Whatevs. Like I said yesterday, I will keep doing and moving and not think about it all too much.
Breakfast: leftover cauliflower fried "rice" scrambled with a beautiful pastured egg and a side of fresh guac (avocado mashed with garlic powder, kosher salt, European pepper, hand torn cilantro and a squeeze of lime juice). That empty space on the plate is calling out for some sort of lovely garnish...something pickled would have been perfect...
I dug out Mr. Coffee. Whilst cleaning out the fridge yesterday I came across some Irving Farm, hazelnut coffee. Since it was ground for drip and since the truth is that my lazy ass is more suited toward making a pot of coffee rather than futzing with the French press, I unlazily climbed the step ladder to bring Mr. Coffee down, scrubbed a weirdly greasy coat of dust off of him, searched for the filters I knew were somewhere and made myself a pot of hazelnut. It had been so long that I forgot to put in a little extra water. (As it was, I was lucky there were measurement instructions on the side of the bag and that I could muster the brain cells to multiply and divide as needed.)
My morning cuppa had a bit of a bite to it, but it is sweet, sweet hazelnut, yo (elixir to chick nation).
The underwear. Back when we were in Sacramento, I ordered a batch of black organic cotton undies from Maggie's Organics. They were discounted because they were slightly irregular. I have loved and worn these undies to their very last fibers. Now, seven or so years later, I have learned that Maggie's no longer carries them. My cheap labor safe organic high quality comfortable ones are no more. And I am in pretty serious need of new unders. I am vacillating between getting cheap labor questionable quality/comfort questionable ones vs. expensive labor questionable quality/comfort much less questionable ones vs. expensive labor safe/organic quality/comfort questionable ones.
Boring but true. (If I was geekier, I'd slap up a chart to make the above clearer.)
Here are two pics I took while waiting for Daniel on the porch yesterday. Our doorbell can be wonky and I wanted to make sure he was welcomed properly after such a feat as his. (He scootered to our house from his...love him.)
When I sat done to write this morning, I thought I'd take a self-portrait of this boring mind. The universe had a funny plan. I discovered the new effects in the updated version of Photobooth in Lula.
Not boring!
It has occurred to me that "winterness" is settling in. I have had many bouts of/dances with SAD in my adult life (a breather happened during our two years in sunny/warm Sacramento). Though I am in so much of a better place these days than winters past, I think my body may be nudging me to pay some attention. Mornings and waking up, in particular, have been very challenging. Regardless of how much sleep I've gotten, and the generally good quality of that sleep, it has been hard and slow going getting up and awake.
The weekend went fast despite my relatively slow pace during it.
Today I cleaned out the fridge...there were some very old grains taking up valuable real estate. Some of the last of the CSA winter share got tossed. (Some of it is still hanging in there!) Cap is going to give the year old masa harina and teff a go...both have pretty long shelf lives in cold storage.
I made Asian Cauliflower Fried Rice...and made a rookie mistake...stuffed the food processor with too much cauliflower which resulted in something more akin to cauliflower flour (teeny tiny bits). It was an interesting dish. Flavorful and light...with definite notes of 'acquired taste'.
I also made Tom Kha Gai, using the recipe from Paleo Comfort Foods, and boy this soup made my day.
The first time I had Tom Kha Gai was at Plearn, a Thai restaurant in Berkeley. Cap and I ate there a number of times during our early courtship. I'm not sure why we have never made this soup that Cap loves so...and just as mysterious was that inspiration struck from within the pages of my new Paleo cookbook.
I bought chicken breast from the meat guy at the farmer's market for the first time this weekend. I am beginning to suspect that Anthony's agricultural prowess has supernatural support. His meat and eggs are phenomenally good. The chicken was incredibly tender to the touch...I've never handled raw chicken that delectable! And in the soup, the chicken both stood up to the creaminess of the broth and stood back to allow the lemongrass and ginger to shine. Magic.
There was also folding laundry, having Daniel over, and riding some swells as my body adjusts and adjusts and adjusts again. Today I had the strangest sensation of cavernous hunger (as if my stomach fell out of my body leaving a yawning, gaping hole)...ten minutes after finishing lunch. The feeling passed after about fifteen minutes.
I have many thoughts about what I could/should/would do (about: sleep, Qigong, caffeine, dairy, homeschooling, decluttering, financial housekeeping...and all the myriad rest of it) but I am letting those float by me for the most part. Keeping it organic, doing what makes sense.
The four of us are in the living room right now: the Pittsburgh-Denver game is on, Sag is drawing, Gem is reading, Cap is prepping for table activities and I am blogging. Sag and I will watch the new episode of Once Upon A Time once the game is over...the game is now in overtime!
Wishing you a good start to your week with this delightful song that grabbed me in the kitchen tonight.
After bopping down to the farmer's market for incredible pastured eggs, chicken for tomorrow's Tom Kha Gai and some beef short ribs that were just sitting there and roped me right in...I settled into the kitchen to put together some Country Captain Chicken.
I used the recipe from Paleo Comfort Foods. I was intrigued by this dish despite my normally lukewarm attitude towards chicken. The photo was colorful with the reds of the tomatoes and greens of the broccoli. I am a fan of "curry" and currants/raisins in stews...so it had some things going for it.
It was very easy to put together. I did have to adjust the amounts of the dredging mixture and the ghee (I needed double in both cases). It was so simple that I began having doubts about how it would taste, in the end. I kept on though, I am a big fan of braised meats and this recipe had that going for it, too.
It smelled wonderful as it cooked in the oven and after 40 minutes, the instant read thermometer went right to 165º and then crept up to 170º so I deemed it done.
I subbed in Chinese red dates for the currants because that's what I had on hand.
I haven't tasted it yet because I gulped down my leftover goat korma, groaning with pleasure it was so good, while the chicken cooled on the stove top. Cap and I went to Brick Lane for dinner last night for a long overdue date night (we're returning to our various routines here). I have to admit, all cringing over the expense goes out the window once you are tucking into the food there.
Our date time was lovely. Catching up on stuff, both individual and cooperative, laughing, holding hands, so much of it mundane, yet the kind of time that becomes sacred when you are a couple with kids.
Prior to our date, I dropped the kids off at Tiina's and went to Vinny's for the second time in three days. What a treat...incredibly therapeutic. I loved sitting in the waiting room with Louise (my first Dragon's Way teacher) and another longtime student of Master Lu's. I kind of hung on their every word absorbing their years of experience. My time with Vinny was excellent, as usual. He marveled at how "in between" my body felt. Indeed, I had been feeling more and more stuck and in limbo. We talked and he tweaked my herbs. He encouraged me, also as usual, to practice. By the time I was sitting in the car in the parking lot calling Cap to let him know I was on my way home, I had decided to let go of the honey-free and maple syrup-free.
And, instantly, I felt so much better.
For me, for now, going deeper into being sugar-free by eliminating honey and maple syrup is a no go.
Cap and I watched some episodes of Portlandia (Season 1) last night. It's streaming on Netflix for you other Netflixers out there. Funny stuff.
Despite temps hovering at 60º today, deep down inside, Winter resonates. My sleep continues to crash down on me when my head hits the pillow and waking in the morning is so slow despite the sun filtering in through the shades.
Off to read Forever. Have you heard that bookstores now have sections called "Teen Paranormal Romance"? Yep.
Restless. Pent up. Keep moving. Blinders. Oh, my brain, my chemicals, my nervous system. Jumpy, jumble, jelly.
Is this a result of cutting out honey and maple syrup? Is it my body adjusting? Is this my body's way of saying keep the honey and maple syrup? Or is this the last bit of residual grain from the end of 2011 processing through?
What the hey.
Maybe he's caught in the legend, Maybe he's caught in the mood, Maybe these maps and legends, Have been misunderstood. R.E.M.
Food shopping is done, lunch with Donna was a lifesaver, heading to Vinny's soon and then date night with Cap.
P.S. Read Linger the second half of yesterday (it's a very good sequel to Shiver, I liked it better), watched Project Runway All-Stars, felt quiet and low...woke up this morning feeling hit by a truck.
Curling up into a small ball today. Dropping the honey and maple syrup, going deeper into sugar-free is proving to have its ups and downs.
When I went off white sugar and grains in August, it felt like being hit with a ton of bricks. I was nearly immobile with aches and dullness and irritability for four straight days. And then I was fine.
This time, going deeper, I am generally fine, but experiencing pockets of things that make me go hmm, here and there.
• Yesterday afternoon, Vinny noted that my neck and upper back were super tight (I hadn't realized). It also turns out that sugar acts in concert with the stomach system to promote healthy digestive flow. Things have definitely shifted in the poop department since going sugar- and grain-free. Cutting out the honey and maple syrup has led to a wobbly balance being tipped to the negative.
• Last night I slept like a log...I woke fine. Not bad, but not good.
• This morning I headed out to run errands with a shopping list in my hand for my new recipes. While I sat in the car warming it up, I realized I couldn't go food shopping...there simply wasn't enough funds in the account in case our landlord decided to cash our rent check today. This wasn't a big deal and I was grateful for the clarity. Cap gets paid tomorrow.
• But, something about it still made me sad. I ended up going to Ikea with Danielle and Leo, happy for their company. It was actually liberating being in a store like that (lots of visual candy) knowing I couldn't spend any money. And I got a free coffee, which I truly appreciated.
I think I'm going to uncurl just enough to pull in a book read this afternoon. I want to protect myself during this time of change. I know this will pass. I surrender.
My new book, ordered through our local indie bookstore and not Amazon (my boycott continues), arrived today! Just in time to help me move forward into a more full and balanced repertoire of Paleo meals. (Grain-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, legume-free, corn-free, potato-free.)
The one dish I already know I am making is creamed spinach. I am intrigued by a recipe called Country Captain Chicken. The remoulade sauce recipe had my mouth watering. And the coconut flour tortillas looked amazing. Comfort foods...they're not kidding.
