Small moments

Taking in the nourishment of small moments:

• the spontaneous and emotional hugs and kisses from my children.

• discovering at check-out that every single item I bought was on sale ($12 and change for three skeins of chunky yarn and a big roll of wrapping paper...holiday shopping that jingles my bells).

• local florists who deliver meadow flowers in Ball mason jars.  (my friend is heading home today *big smile*.)

• cold salami sandwiches with mayo and mustard on Udi's bread.

• Les Revenants/The Returned.

• realizing that my immune system is one tough and fiery broad.

• Earl Grey tea with honey and milk.

• munchkins and moon rocks (with my little man, Leo).

• the joy of The Killers and a great cover.

Peace and love.

Tuesday 10

• combining my interests in Finland, aging and nature, this photo series rocks my world.

• I've been on a documentary kick and have loved this, this and this.

• Hyperbole and a Half has so entranced Sag he rued not bringing his gift cards to the bookstore yesterday when he spotted it on the shelves.  oh, and the shop was having "Cider Monday" with a warm cider station and mulling spices greeting you as you walked in!

• speaking of which, this article helped clarify my issues, critically, with the frenzy of consumerism associated with this time of year.  the underbelly of the beast is incredibly ugly, the beast a force of destruction.  I have taken a step back and am considering my purchases (and how I purchase) even more carefully.

• speaking of which, I do rely on an online vendor for our holiday photo cards.  I grew up with my mug smiling out of a Kodak photo card, every Christmas, literally since I was born.  Kodak is no more and we rode the tide over to Shutterfly (who took over Kodak customers) a couple of years ago.  long story short, this year's card arrived (all 150) and the text of the message was difficult to read.  I gave them a call, the rep took a look on her screen, agreed immediately and issued us credit for 150 more cards and their most express level of shipping!  excellent, excellent customer service.  (because I am a flibbertigibbet I realized as soon as I clicked "order", when reordering, that the edited cards look Halloween-y because I went with the thickest font in black (overcompensation for the original delicate font in white) on an orange background.)

• the Hubble Space Telescope Advent Calendar!

• some really lovely illustrated children's books and picture books.  I used to collect them in my life before kids...some of these are quite enticing.

• I follow National Geographic photos on Instagram and Facebook.  if you are not on social media, check out their "Photo of the Day" on the website...you won't regret it.  their photos are stunning.

• "because when I am tired and frazzled, what I'm missing most is my own attention."  read that line recently and it hit a chord.  the author was Jennifer Louden and I now have two of her books (one borrowed from a friend, one from the library) waiting to be perused.

• I kind of can't get enough of this shot I took from the car and processed in Instagram.  it's a Plympton cranberry bog in late afternoon Thanksgiving Day light.

Peace and love.

Paring down to simple

I was pleased that we made it through the week without dipping into our savings account.  Yesterday, mostly because we had barely anything typically breakfast-y left in the fridge and pantry and partly because "daddy got paid", the kids and I went out for breakfast.  (Cap opted to catch a few more winks.)  I had some coffee with cream and a quintessential Garden State breakfast sammie: Taylor ham, scrambled egg, jack cheese on a buttermilk biscuit.  'Twas yummy.

The kids and I chewed on thoughts and ideas, as well as, food.  Sag shared some memories of preschool.  Gem recounted something he read recently about how children have friends of both genders till about age 3 and how after that, we humans tend to make friends of the same gender.  I did a mini-lesson on economics, comparing different activities/things we buy/do that cost the equivalent of what our breakfast tab was.

The depressive state of earlier in the week has given way to something hard to describe...I'll call it muddle-brained...with emotional spikes.  All chemical, all the current soup of perimenopause + the season.  All ephemeral...if not in the actual how it feels, certainly in its inevitable passing on.  I saw Vinny (after a brief break during which he traveled to the Grand Canyon for the first time) and that always helps.  He gave me some new herbs to hone in a tiny cough that has developed inside me.  I also picked up some vitamin D + fish oil and evening primrose + flaxseed oil.  Vitamin D and evening primrose are mood supporters.

It's hard not to think about the level of dismantling I am doing to my days as a devolution.  As regressive, as backwards.  The reality is that reality is very much shaped by perception.  Think about this linearly and I get one thing, think about it non-linearly and I get another.  Honestly, I am not thinking about it that much, at all.  (Which I actually think is a positive.)

I have noticed I am happier out of the apartment, possibly because the apartment is physically harder to be in than usual (the dust factor, which is fairly high already has been exponentialized by my system reacting to the seasonal mold outdoors, ironically).

On my mind:

• what will I read next?

• $10 lunch special with my sweetie

• The Oranges (which we watched last night and I have mixed feelings about)

• if you can believe it, knitting

• Qigong, walking, the Y, tap...I am at the nexus of "barely"

• the seeming black hole of budgeting/financial competence

• becoming more one with the Dragon as we head into the final two weeks of class

Peace and love and keeping it real and simple.

Library loot (and love)

I have very fond memories of lugging dozens of library books the half mile home, on foot (my mom probably did most of the heavy lifting in our trusty metal shopping cart), when I was a kid.  When I picture it in my mind, it is always the trip home, full of joyous anticipation and delight over treasures found.

We have a wonderful library in town, which is part of a fantastic consortium of libraries, which in turn, has given us access to just about any book/cd/dvd.  My recently re-raised consciousness about our finances has turned me away from my old-habits-die-hard habit of buying books.  

I love buying books.  I love the feel of a new book.  The virgin pages.  I love our local bookstore.  The smell as you step in, the warm "hellos" of the staff who we have become friendly with, the depth of their collection in a cozy space...

But, I do also love the library.  I am grateful for technology and social media.  I love having a list of books I want to read over at Goodreads (many of the books have come by way of authors, bloggers, NYT  and NPR interviews, etc.)  I love being able to cross check my list with the library consortium database.

Today, it took maybe 15 minutes to ascertain that my local library had a number of books on my "want to read" list, on its shelves.  I had to go over anyway to pick up some books I'd requested that had come in, as well as, our Friday night "classic" movie for tomorrow night (The Red Shoes).

Once there, in what really does feel like a home away from home in some ways, I gathered my pile, checked everything out, had a cup of tea with my sweetie, and brought my loot home.

Happy.

Here are links to the books:

Survival Lessons

Life As We Knew It

Transcendence

You Know When The Men Are Gone

Relish My Life In The Kitchen

The Lake

A Tale For The Time Being

The Moon By Whale Light

The Havana Room

Calling Dr. Laura

Chez Panisse Vegetables

Peace and love.

Heel getting all up in my grill

As most of you know, I am not good with money.  It is, my Achilles' heel.  I have worked to raise my awareness of this critical weakness of mine over the last five years and though progress is being made incrementally, it has also been inexorably slow going.

In August, we took a family vacation to California and I made the mistake of not constructing a vacation budget.  I kind of kept my eye on our spending and we spent roughly 50% above what my vague ceiling was.  Not good.  Some would say stupid.  Irresponsible, really, when you consider the fact that we are a single income family with two kids living paycheck-to-paycheck.

September was a blur.  On top of the usual seasonal surge of expenses (signing up for classes/activities, sorting through, discarding and purchasing cooler weather clothes for the kids, back-to-school expenses for Cap), a virus put three of us down for the count.

By the time I came up for air in October, I knew we were in a spot of trouble.  I very clearly realized that we were spending more than "we" were earning.  Our "cushion" (which normally expands and contracts throughout the year because Cap's consulting earnings, which typically go straight into the savings account, are irregular) was not bouncing back to normal levels after the vacation expense debacle.

So, it's back to the drawing board.

• an immediate moratorium on buying books.  (my intention is set for at least one year.)  (most of you know this will not be a hardship for me.  I own dozens of books I have not yet read and access to an incredible consortium of libraries.)

• we are attempting a zero sum budget until the next pay check (Friday).  barring extraordinary circumstance(s) we are aiming to get through the week without dipping into our savings.  meals are planned, a skeleton crew of groceries has been bought, time to hunker down yet stay loose (for creativity and positivity).

• time to track our spending again.  for the month of November I am itemizing all spending, and going deeper than I have in the past.  I am noting the cost of individual items on the grocery bill, for instance.  this will help me to shop a little smarter: I can develop a cheat sheet at some point of staples to facilitate comparison shopping.

[tangent 1: I am grateful to see my process in play here, clearly.  by tackling this lifelong Achilles' heel in steps, concretely, as well as in a spiral progression, what once felt sickeningly overwhelming now feels much more manageable.  I can acknowledge that some people will read this post and wonder how/why it has taken me so long to get to where I am...and I am okay with that rather than stressed about it.  progress on both the emotional and mental fronts rocks!]

[tangent 2: I've recently gleaned two organizational tips from cookbooks which I plan to implement.  one involves making a kitchen inventory sheet for tracking shopping needs/spending.  the other, which builds on the first, is a shopping list sheet which is organized by mapping the grocery store(s) you shop in, creating a most efficient "flow" for shopping/spending.]

• creating a budget for the next few months will be interesting because...  November has Sag's birthday (gift and party) and Thanksgiving (special occasion dinner and travel).  December has our anniversary (gifts) and Christmas (holiday cards/postage, gifts and travel).  January has Cap's birthday (gift), my birthday (gift) and a family trip to Peru (travel).  we are heading into the most overwhelmingly spendy time of year for the manatee household!

Call me crazy, but I am kind of enjoying this.  For some reason, I feel not only up to the task of figuring some shit out, but I am looking forward to it.

Stay tuned.

Day of the dead

I do not celebrate Day of the Dead.  But, I woke up feeling half dead.  Actually, I went to bed last night feeling half dead already.  I decided not to set my alarm, to let myself sleep in.  And I did.

And what the frak, weather?  We have a low pressure system hovering and Gem and I have been feeling the doom and gloom of it.  The windows are open for the high of 70º.  On November 1.

They say holidays can trigger anxiety/depression because of unresolved emotional issues which have gone psychologically awry.  I guess maybe Halloween is one such trigger, for me.  I certainly have had mixed emotions about it as an adult and parent.

We have missed two Halloweens in a row due to severe storms...then this year, the kids' longtime trick-or-treating partner decided he was no longer interested in going.  The kids decided not to go trick-or-treating, but late yesterday afternoon we received a query about going, from another good friend, and they changed their minds.  Sag dressed as a hobbit (what Gem went as last year very belatedly once the town deemed it safe post-Sandy) and Gem dressed as a birdwatcher.

They had a good time, overall, but received a couple of negative comments about being "too old" and, I kid you not, "pathetic".  (Apparently the person who called them pathetic was "joking" and Gem did not take it personally...but, Sag, who has a very tender heart and, at 11, is still very much a kid, found these attitudes/words hurtful and confusing.)  No one refused them candy, though, and once they returned home, they ate sweets and snuggled in bed with America's Funniest Home Videos, and had a grand time.

I, was pissed.  And though I try to keep my Facebook complaint-free, I brought my feelings to my tribe over there and the ensuing conversation, which drew friends from many areas of my life, helped me see the bigger picture and showered me with warm words of support.

Parenting kids through seasonal events, like most things, is a mixed bag.  There are the many positives which come from sharing and co-creating a history over years...but nothing stays the same and change can bring with it new and unexpected challenges.

When I was their age, trick-or-treating became less fun because of the neighborhood hooligans who ran about chucking eggs at innocent bystanders and rumors of Nair flinging.  I had quite a primal reaction to the kids' first brush with (Halloween related) "loss of innocence" when my own memories and stored emotions came flooding back (were these unresolved feelings?  I don't know.)

Sleep, weather fronts moving on, and big mugs of Irish Breakfast tea with honey and cream all help.  And I am feeling much better now.

My most pressing concern of the moment is tackling our money situation.  I am feeling quite compelled to "zero sum" the next week.  We have less than what we typically spend for a week's groceries left in the account.  Can we get to next Friday without dipping into savings?

Stay tuned.

Peace and love.

Hello again

Sorry to drop out there, but Precious the Larger my laptop was acting funny so I took her to the local Genius Bar and, gasp, had to leave her there for a couple of days!  She is back home now, we'll see how she does...

I have been off cane sugar and gluten since Monday.  I am sleeping well and my stomach doesn't hurt.  I continue to wake up ache-y and wiped out.  Some days this passes, some days not so much.  My mood, which had gotten pretty bad before I finally stopped it already with the gluten and sugar, has been slowly improving.  I am starting a Dragon's Way on Monday and look forward to the Qigong push.  I'll also cut out dairy, grains and meat, at that point.  Holding onto eggs, at least theoretically, for now.

I have been spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about and buying clothes.  I tend not to shop regularly for clothes for myself.  I rely on items that are/were made well and therefore last, seemingly a lifetime.  I also purchase pieces impulsively because I am bored with what I have (and they just won't die) or I happen upon something super on sale.  Every now and again I'll buy a bunch of things all at once (things I think of as staple-ware) and then they all fall apart at the same time necessitating restocking.  Then there's my Oprah-esque body weight pendulum swinging.  Because I go back and forth, I try to keep things "just-in-case" when they are too big, but also tend to celebrate by buying when I am "smaller".  (Meaning: I have more clothes than I actually do or can wear.)

Right now, I'm in a restocking place...but also am anticipating/hoping to swing to a smaller place.  This kind of pondering is so...dull and dull-making.  But, as the cooler weather hit and I found myself with not much to wear other than my sweatpants...


As unappealing as it was, I needed to do consider new clothes.  Ordering online, returning much, trying things on in stores, not liking anything, making time to get to stores, taking time to check prices and find free shipping coupon codes...yuck.

I think I'm almost done.  Today I went to an L.L. Bean store and to make a long story short, they didn't have what I thought they would, I discovered that sometimes what's discounted online is not necessarily so in the store, and, seeing and feeling something can really change one's impression.

This sweater, which I can't remember ever noticing in their catalogue, drew me like a moth to a flame, in the store.  It was so cushy and comfy and the color was fantastic...more orange and less coral.  If it had fit me better, I would have snapped it right up, full price.  As it is, I am considering ordering it online despite my suspicion that I fall right between two sizes...but can't quite justify it.  They have three items I want more than I need, but they are all full price.  I suppose I'll wait till I get notification of their next sale.  But, they tend to run out of stock.  But, but, but.

Oh. My. God.  Just...stop.

Here's a lovely poem.

And a link to new music.

And one, two, three books I just requested from the library.

All free because I am trying NOT to spend money!  Go away thoughts of a pretty new sweater!

Peace and love.

GFCF pizza

It's a quiet day here.  Gem seems to be moving away from the mystery virus as a more garden variety cold settles into his system.  Sag is reluctantly going about his homeschooling responsibilities as his brother continues to take it easy.

I slept (yay!) and also seem to have a slight cold.  Cap left early to pick his Japanese charges up and host them for the day.  We don't expect to see him for dinner (or much of him at all, really) till the weekend.

I did not make it to the Y or to practicing Qigong at home, but I did make the kids oatmeal for breakfast.

After breakfast, I did some online shopping.  Without realizing it, shopping for clothes and footwear for the kids and myself has become a Fall ritual.  It feels akin to collecting and burying acorns while it also seems, upon the slightest glance of thought, to be just the opposite.

(I measured the kids' feet and their growth never ceases to astound me...size 8, people, men's 8!)

Here's a preview of the insane robe I ordered for myself.  I have been looking for a robe for years...like, five, six, seven years.  Until I spotted this one, I never saw a robe that appealed to me, or, felt worth the money I was being asked to spend.  There were aspects of this robe that drew me immediately.  I liked the color (though I am not typically a blue girl).  It looked exceedingly comfy and warm.  It was undeniably unique/vintage.

But, it took me awhile to decide to click "purchase" because...well, see for yourself...

I am fully open to the possibility that, in person, this robe will be untenable.  But, also, it may be so much awesome.

On another shopping note, I have been both impressed and suspect of the great deals I've been snagging online.  Land's End strikes a balance between feeling economical and providing a product that looks good and holds up well enough not to be offensive.  I still think of them as L.L. Bean's lesser sibling, but my esteem of Bean keeps going down with their bait and switch moves.  And if you live near a Land's End store, the ease and convenience of returns increases to bonus levels.

I found a staggering deal on eBay that confounded me so much that I decided to shut my brain off completely and go for it.  A sweater that I could only find at the full retail price of $130 (at REI and the Smartwool websites) was selling for $54 including free shipping.  New with factory (but not retail) tags.  Whut?

This morning, with some googling, I was able to reduce the cost of my order at Sierra Trading Company and get free shipping.  Their prices are discounted already, so the additional $50 reduction was super sweet.

Alright, enough with all that.  Pics to follow as things arrive.  After shopping, I headed into the kitchen to make some pizza.  The kids did not need me much and I was feeling inspired.

I used M.A.G.'s recipe.  The first order of business was to put together a batch of her High Protein flour blend.

There was flour blend left over so I pulled out my beloved labeler and stored the good stuff in the fridge.

Handling this pizza dough was moving.  It was simultaneously damp and pillowy and felt so damn good.

While the crust pre-baked I fried up some on-the-edge pancetta, pulled out a jar of marinara and the opened bag of cheddar-style Daiya.  While the pizza baked with its toppings, I cut up some cuke and grabbed the leftover cooked carrots.

Voilà.  My first GFCF pizza.  (I probably made one years and years ago, maybe in Sacramento, but honestly don't remember.)  Making this was remarkably simple and straightforward.  Sag, the gluten-eating pizza-loving kid loved this pizza.  Gem was lukewarm on the cheese.  I promised to make it with mozzarella-style Daiya next time.  Also, he tends to like the Daiya cold, after it has been melted.  We'll see if he likes this better cold, as a snack.

I was very happy.  I found the crust pleasing...it hit the sweet spot between soft and substantive.  I have some pastured ricotta from the farmer's market and would love to make a white pizza for myself with garlic and roasted zucchini.  Mmmm...

Peace and love.

Sweet saturday sigh

I can practically feel the yeast colonizing in me...I have been consuming much sugar.  The time to stop is right around the corner.

Cap and I had a nine o'clock appointment with our accountant this morning.  I loooooove having an accountant.  As you know, understanding money is not a forte and my consciousness has been unburdened of much stress thanks to forging this new relationship last year.

I read a terrific graphic novel today, The Voyeurs, by Gabrielle Bell.  It's not so much a novel as a collection of memoir vignettes in comic form.  I liked it a lot.  It was kind of mesmerizing to recognize myself in some of her self-characterization.

I have been focusing on getting more sleep (successfully though not so much on the falling sleep earlier thing) and cutting out gluten.  I'm in a hormonally indulgent phase and have been eating quite luxuriously.  (That's popcorn popped in coconut oil and drizzled with Kerrygold butter and sprinkled with truffle salt.)

Next week, bringing Qigong fully back into the picture and cutting out sugar.  And hopefully reading some more.

Peace.

Not meant to be

I am sorry for the absence.  I've been preoccupied with "in real life" stuff.  Not that blogging is not real life, because it is, to me.

Here is a self-portrait I shot today.  Wearing spectacles I really dug and was all set to order...till I found out how much.  And I just couldn't.  So I went with the getting new lenses (the lower half of my bi-focal script had changed yet again) in an old but very gently used pair of sunglasses frames I have held onto.

Sigh.

These frames were purple.

Sigh.

Peace...and more soon.

Some change is afoot

We are on a roll with the redesign/rearrange of the kids' room.

We'd noticed in the last few months that they were much more inclined (unconsciously) to distract each other while working at the big table in the living room. Surprisingly, it took a relatively long time for this to become an issue.

In order to get a desk into their room, we needed to create more floor space. We explored getting a loft bed, but with the input of the kids, we realized bunking their current beds would work better.

While at Ikea checking out loft beds and mattresses last week, a neat desk caught our eye. It was kind of ugly (a glossy plastic-y finish on particleboard), but its side-by-side design with single slim drawers underneath, also side-by-side, was simple and sleek. It had less of a footprint than most desks, especially for something that would seat more than one person.

We bunked the beds Saturday night and the kids and I have been working steadily the last couple of days decluttering and reorganizing and dusting and dusting and dusting.

Last night I realized that a space Cap and I thought untenable for a work space was worth giving a shot...and furthermore, this would mean we could move a second desk into the room and create a two-person work space in the same area that we were considering the new desk for. (At the tune of almost $300 not including chairs.)

This afternoon, I moved the desktop computer into the kids' room and they have been very pleased with the set up. The second desk (my brother's childhood desk which has been the computer desk for a few years in the living room) will be moved in as soon as the ceiling is fixed. It should fit nicely against that wall...though I haven't actually measured that. Guess I know what I'm doing after I finish this post!

The kids are not letting go of nearly enough to make storing all they have easy. This part of the saga will continue with some angst and pain, I think. But, they are happy with the changes, so far.

Cap and I have noticed with cautious optimism that our spend-y ways seem to be evolving. We are taking our time to figure out logistics rather than plunging ahead with our debit card in hand. (We got rid of our credit cards years ago. We have one now but only use it for very big purchases to earn frequent flier miles and pay the balance in full, monthly.)

It feels really good to hack our space with what we already have, as much as possible. It feels really good to not be making decisions with an undercurrent of desperation/sense of rushing.

Peace and love.

Sunday snapshots

I am having one of those days where I woke up talking (after a night of dreaming) and I feel like there isn't a moment to spare.

I am, finally, reading Christiane Northrup's book about menopause and finding it enlightening and a comfort.  I see that it is 41% off at Amazon and am considering breaking my Amazon embargo.  The Faber and Mazlish book for teens (they author the How To Talk So ____ Will Listen books) is 32% off.  Will I sell off a piece of my soul for $14?

Ellie's birthday celebration was delicious and bustling.  I cannot believe this peanut is six.

Danielle, who is not quite two, is a master at delving into and sating her curiosity.  A perfect model for living, if you ask me.  She took this photo:

We dropped my mom off on our way home.  Ninth Avenue was, as usual, car-logged.  But, I caught this shot, which made my moment.

Wishing you a happy weekend, a long weekend for some.

Peace.

Friday's child

Oh, hormones.  Oh, womanly wiring.  Oh, menopause.  I've been gettin' the blues and it's taking my breath away.  I have felt humbled.  And feel so lucky.  There are so very many of us whose lives and well beings are crippled by powerful and uncontrollable chemical imbalances.  What we call anxiety, depression, etc.  I'd honestly forgotten how intensely bad it can feel (and I've never been to the point of needing medication).

I spent the afternoon with Cap which is always grounding.  We ran an errand that was over a year in the making and then were brutalized by Whole Paycheck.  (We are going to try doing the weekly food shopping at Trader Joe's next week.)

By the time we'd picked up the kids and the groceries were put away, the last thing I wanted to do was make meatballs.  But, the ground lamb really needed to be cooked, which got my butt in gear.  I decided to simplify a logistical aspect of the recipe (the recipe is fantastic and simple) and rather than baking them on a greased wire rack over a foil-lined baking sheet, I baked them right on the sheet (verdict: virtually no difference in the quality of the meatball).

I am so glad I made the meatballs.  I had a serving with roasted broccoli and roasted plum tomato.  It was a truly comforting winter warmer kind of meal.  I am feeling much better, the emotional jag has passed.

I've been enjoying a new show called The Americans.  Alongside the other new show I like, Nashville.  Here are some songs which have tickled my eardrums thanks to the shows...

Peace and love.

Tuesday turn

It's been a strange day.  And I am tempted to leave you with a strange photo I took today.  To unleash any and all connect-the-dots that can happen.

• woke feeling flat and almost surly...surly without the teeth.  would have been happy to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed.

• saved by a text asking if I wanted to go to the mall.  I almost never want to go to the mall, but it was a perfect way to get out of the house and my mood.

• Ellie is turning six this week.  one of our all-time favorite books is, horrors, out of print, so I decided to go in another direction.  the mall is a good place to get some shopping done for a little who loves to get her girl on.  

• had a bit of an adventure going to a David's Cookies outlet in Fairfield (hence the photo) and inhaling nostalgic bakery aromas and receiving such open generosity of spirit from factory workers fielding my unusual request.  (I was lucky, and was able to get what I wanted by chance.)

• went to Vinny's, which was great as always.  discovered that I have been consuming cane sugar this whole time I thought I wasn't because the Magic Ginger contains it but it was not listed on the label.  O.o  the new label lists it plain as day.

• instant food for thought.  clearly, my system is not as addicted to sugar as I thought.  many of what I consider my "bad" food/eating habits decreased during the last six weeks and I was, as it turns out, incorrectly attributing some of that to cutting out cane sugar.

• I was also attributing my stomach/GI issues of the last month to having cut sugar out of my diet.  wrong.

• I am sticking to the TCM herbs and teas.  I know they help, my faith in them is true.  I am continuing to live essentially grain-free and sugar-free except for the odd times they are part of my TCM treatment (one of the herbs I am taking right now contains barley).

• I've told Cap to not kill himself looking for dark chocolate with zero sugar added for my Valentine treats.

• I treated myself and the kids to an easy dinner, going off budget/protocol.  they chose hotdogs over steak and savored some tater tots.  I chose steak.

• my session with Vinny really helped turn my day around.  one of the things we talked about was just being happy.  for most of us, it is very possible...very much within our reach, to live happier.  yet it is hard to do/maintain.  there isn't a magic formula, but planting the seed in our minds, in our belief systems is a place to start.  let it be our mantra: do what makes me happy.  be happy.

Peace and love.

P.S.  Still no Aunt Flo.  Vinny thinks she's coming.  I have my doubts.

Gifts

Birthday package!  I think Jamie was disappointed because somehow these gifts lost their way a bit and took longer to arrive than expected.  But, I was thrilled to receive these goodies because 1) they're awesome, and 2) what's not to love about having the celebration stretch for as long as possible?

When Sag spotted the manatees, he crowed: "where did these adorable socks come from?!"

I am lucky and blessed to have such good friends.  People who see me, who think about me and love me.  I also love creativity and adore the gift certificate that Jamie made.  The photo is of me, from my blog.  The illustration of the bookstore is the visual logo of our indie bookshop.  I loooove this so much, I will use it as a bookmark and smile every time I see it.

Thank you, Jamie.

I have a wonderful nest egg for books for the year.  Part of me wants to trot up to the store and buy one right now.  But, I am finding restraint these days.  Between having a clearer financial beacon/set of practices, plenty of books to keep me busy for...a year, at least, on my bookshelves, and being more internally balanced/having a healthier relationship towards the act of shopping to "make" myself happy, I am going to hold onto my book fund for a rainy day.

There are a number of "things to do" calling my name.  The latest load of laundry is folded, a pot roast is in the oven, and my coffee is by my side.  This morning I am going to flip through The Wisdom of Menopause, a book I borrowed from Donna months and months ago.  And, maybe, The Thyroid Diet Revolution, a book I bought months and months ago which I have yet to really sit down with.

I leave you with an interesting blog piece I read this morning...and a quote and a song.

"It won't last, so be bold."

Peace and love.

And a week begins

Had a rejuvenating outing with Cap yesterday.  We lunched at Terra (Niçoise Salad, hold the cheese, and a double espresso, yum) and then saw a production about the life and art of Clementine Hunter up at the university.  The performance moved me to tears a number of times...I felt resuscitated.  (That's Toshi Reagon.  Her and her mom worked on the music side of the show.)  We were in the front row and I got to shake her hand and thank her afterward...yay!

My Super Bowl nosh.  Pastured eggs sunny side up and the last of the roasted plum tomatoes.  The game was engaging enough that I opted to keep watching rather than switch over to Downton Abbey.

I kept it slow and simple this morning and caramelized an onion and a bunch of mushrooms in ghee...with a dash of spilled thyme.

I meant to take a purtier picture...after all the pot roast making for sick friends last week, I thought I'd make one for ourselves this week.  Gem put together the spice rub this morning (where spilled thyme was involved) and it looked really nice in the tiny bowl.  Here's the roast post-massage seasoning in the fridge.  Will toss it in the cast iron Dutch oven in the morning.

 

I've been meaning to take a pic of the fridge for awhile.  It has been looking so nice!  With the organized meal planning and food shopping happening weekly (not perfect, but definitely an improvement), the fridge is staying more organized and light.  It used to be so jammed with stuff that you could never see the light.  Also, things would get "lost" from getting shoved in the back and/or simply forgotten about.  We are still not eating everything we make in time, but food loss has become impressively minimal in a short amount of time.  I am getting a clearer idea on how to plan/cook to shrink waste even more.

By the time I was ready to fix my own breakfast, the kids were ready for a snack.  Smoothies, coming right up!  (Almond milk, banana, frozen strawberries, frozen blueberries, maple syrup, almond butter, and hemp protein powder .)  I nursed my caffè Americano and munched on a banana coconut cookie.

Then, breakfast.  Pastured eggs scrambled with caramelized onions and mushrooms.  With a sprinkle of truffle salt.  Which, frankly, got lost in the meaty mushroom flavor.  I am learning, joyfully, what truffle salt matches well with.  So far, I like it best on my fingertips.

Gem and I drove over to the park and took a morning walk.  It was cold and lovely.  We saw crows, a lone jogger, and chatted with two dogs and their mom.  And we talked about Pokemon.

Lunch was, as is so often the case, something different for each of us.  As much as I'd love to conserve time and energy and nudge more communality via commonality by all of us partaking of one dish, it's what works right now.  I defrosted the leftover half of a butternut squash stuffed with ground turkey and enjoyed 1/3 of it.  The orange color made me especially happy.

Checking math work, washing items piled in the sink, monitoring tooth brushing (someone's teeth have been looking a bit sad lately), working out the logistics of a playdate with friends who have a packed schedule, doing calendars with Cap, getting up-to-date with itemizing spending from the last few days, figuring out how to upload a video from my phone to YouTube...oh my, it all takes time.

I want to read my book, it's so good, but there is laundry to be folded, Qigong to be practiced, and decluttering/organizing to be done.  And it's 4:30!  (At least I finally got my blogging in.)

Peace and love.

P.S.  The video is for a really cool blog Lana started.  Check it out and post bits of your day...or check out my submission, Creaky Branch.

More bday

A slice of nut and seed bread with olivada and the remote.  Last night's Downton was eventful and really sad.  Lots-of-tissues sad.  Last night's episode of Girls was fantastic.

I love that Kate thought this green bread was beautiful.  But, I just can't...I mean, I can, I'm eating it, but...ugh.

He woke up with a sore throat.  Today's a mellow out day, but it's also a screen-free one for the kids.  There's been some pissing and moaning, but there have also been moments of rediscovery and peace.

His "corner office".  On the one hand, I know that no amount of budgeting and tightening up the purse strings will bring about our dream space with which to do what we want (not in this region of the country, anyway)...but on the other, I refuse to give up.  Every penny, every effort, can count towards something.

Please ignore the broken window shades that populate these rooms/pics.  We pretty much do.  The wet ceiling is still there.  The plumber is coming back out tomorrow.  But, today, today is a quiet day in my honor, and I appreciate it.

Peace.