Finn and food

He is just so sweet.  I love having him over for long visits.  So handsome and adorable.  Except when he wakes me up because he is barking at the neighbors tiptoeing home late at night.  Then I don't find him so adorable.

All is forgiven in the morning, though, when I open my eyes to this:

"good morning, I was waiting for you."

I have likely mentioned this before, but I have a very strong and wonderful food association with Japanese eggplant.  My maternal grandmother had an amazing vegetable "field" (they are not called gardens in Japan) and I loved her "fried" eggplant (not deep fried, but stir fried in a wok).  I have tried to replicate her eggplant for years, especially since joining the CSA and having Japanese eggplant come through my kitchen fresh from the farm.

Finally, finally, I figured something out yesterday.  Add a bit of water during sautéing.  I have no visual memory of her adding water, and so my m.o. has long been to keep adding oil during cooking to prevent the eggplant from sticking to the pan.  Inevitably, the eggplant would be disappointing because it was undercooked (having reached a point where I just could not add anymore oil without tipping the veg to oil balance) or it was soaked in oil (and not tender like my grandmother's anyway).

I don't know why it finally occurred to me to try adding water, but it worked like a charm.  Unfortunately, by the time I thought of it I had added too much oil, but it still tasted so good because each bite was like communing with my grandmother and our love for each other and vegetables and food.

Japanese eggplant, fresh garlic, olive oil, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, coconut aminos and a splash of H2O.

Peaches and pears.  The pear, especially, was delicious.  Dinner last night was this bowl of fruit and the eggplant.

Breakfast.  I thought it was funny that my eggs landed lopsided on the plate.  But then I liked the empty space which I thought looked for all intents and purposes where the "bread product" would go.  I liked feeling no "lack" seeing that space.

It has been an excellent year for lettuce on the farm.  I picked up two more heads at the farmer's market this morning.  It is just so lovely, to look at, and eat.

Lunch was a nectarine and hazelnut coffee at Tiina's.  We had not hung out all summer and had a great time catching up and klatching.  By the time the kids and I got home, I was ready to eat dinner.  Though not before having a really good conversation (which was initially difficult) with Sag about screen time and health and knowledge and understanding and process (Gem listened in but ultimately decided, rightly, that this was more something Sag needed to unpackage).

The kids weren't quite ready for dinner so I had the kitchen to myself and set about making a big salad.  Deviled ham with avocado mayo (I realized very late that the ham had "less than 2%" sugar in it and decided to eat it anyway), lettuce, tomato, cuke, red onion, apple (all from the CSA farm/orchard), and toasted cashews.  Drizzled with my current favorite vinaigrette.  Yum.  So yum.

Peace and love.

P.S. Thank you to Cap who made the avocado mayo for me.  His mayo came out much thicker than mine.

Whole30 :: Day 17 (actual)

Wow.  Waking up early in order to take the dog out (he is getting up in years and cannot hold it as he once could) and the breezy gentle summer weather we've been blessed with the past week have combined to bring me to 3 o'clock in the afternoon with most of my commitments for the day DONE.

Cutting out sugar and grains has certainly played a part in my mental clarity and calmer nerves.  (Calmer nerves = better sleep, for one.  A big one.)  (I am not sure about dairy.  I don't think it has any clear detrimental effect on my system, but it is a fairly potent gateway food group.)  I have been having thoughts of staying sugar- and grain- and dairy-free into the near and far future, past the 30 days.  It feels good enough not to be denied.

Today's CSA contestants:

Mystery melon.  In the farmer's newsletter, he just says "melon".  I let last week's Korean melon sit out too long (it had begun its ripe-y collapse on its underside...doh!) so I have been watching this one like a hawk.  It wasn't giving off sweet melon scent yet, but it sounded ripe-ish upon tapping so I decided to cut it open.

It looked a lot like a cantaloupe on the inside.  The flesh was a lovely grapefruit pinkish orange color...and not so ripe closer to the rind.  Oh well.  Still refreshing.

I had beets from last week and newer ones from this week.  I love beets.  But, I do not love how stain-y their juice is.  After today, I think I am officially over that.  I loved how Nom Nom Paleo guided me through preparing these beets.  I have not tasted the final product yet, looking forward to doing that at dinner.

Total color therapy.  I felt peaceful energy wash over and through me while gazing at these beautiful gems.

The peaches are being very cooperative, this week.  They are ripening one by one and waited until the sugar plums were all gone.

My delicious lunch plate: baked pastured chicken thigh (boneless/skinless seasoned with salt, pepper and garlic powder), baba ganoush and almost caramelized peppers and onion.  All veg from the CSA share and the chicken from the farmer's market.  Love.  And, yum.

Gem and I stepped out to take Baxter on his mid-day walk.  Gem likes to hold the leash which freed me up to snap this shot.  (And bag the poop.  Baby steps.)

Wishing you a good weekend.

Peace and love.

Fat and happy

My cousin, Koko, took a picture of me at the family wedding we attended in Rhode Island a couple of weekends ago.  I think it perfectly captured my most prevalent recent state: fat and happy.

I've woken from the chaos of Spring and found myself, well, pretty fat and pretty happy.  And sleep deprived.  I am tackling the sleep first.  I know in my bones that until I am consistently getting more sleep, not much else can happen.

How am I doing this?

• watching my caffeine intake/timing.

• going to bed as early as I can (midnight these days...shooting for 10:30/11:00).

• taking my Chinese herbs/practicing Qigong (herbs I am good at, Qigong is still not happening much).

• putting my sleep needs ahead of the kids' and Cap's without totally abandoning them.

For me, being fat/overweight is both a natural and unnatural state.  I identify very much with Oprah in terms of being someone for whom the pendulum between "optimal" weight and "natural" weight swings back and forth frequently...and seemingly without cease.

"Number" weight isn't all encompassing, but I find it a useful way to talk about weight because it is a language easily accessed by most.  I am very physically "dense".  I have no idea whether it's the proverbial "big boned" thing or what, but even at my "thinnest", I've been heavier than anyone would expect.  (For example, fitting into size 4 jeans and weighing 130-something pounds.)

After this Spring I have swung to the heavier side of the spectrum.  172 for anyone keeping track.  (Which, of course, is no one.  That was me being semi-defensive against a random voice in my head.)  Funny story, my eyes are really starting to go (on my third or fourth bi-focal scrip and most people only require two), and for a few days I thought the scale was saying 167.  I'd marveled to Cap that despite a Spring of going off Paleo I'd only gained two pounds.

I have some issues with "looking" fat.  But, as I age, I am finding my focus has shifted less from concern over how I look and more towards how I feel.  There is no denying it.  When I go off the Paleo rails, eventually, I start to feel physically old.  Aches and pains galore flare up and it takes some will not to pop an Advil or two.  I have long (long) flirted along the outskirts of various chronic-type modern maladies: fatigue, anxiety, depression...all of these settle down on me quite firmly when I am not eating Paleo.

Actually, depression has not come back easily.  I have been happier in the last year.  I will insert here that the label/diagnosis "depression" has never sat well with me when it came to me.  I know I have "presented" that way a number of times in my adult life, but there was always a small whisper inside that said, "really?"  I never quite believed it.  (I think my mood/energy are affected by various factors including: hormones, chemicals, food, digestion, movement, time outdoors, the weather, the emotional weather around me, sensory input/overload...in a nutshell, my tends-toward-higher sensitivity.)

Anyhoo, this is all to say that I am starting a Whole 30 tomorrow.  I've pulled out my Whole 30 book and some cookbooks.  Our weekly CSA share arrives this evening, tomorrow I will hit the kitchen full force.  I will finish the Whole 30 right before our trip to California...during which time I intend to eat whatever I want...but have fancied ordering my super burrito on a plate sans tortilla...we'll see.

I've also pulled out Master Lu's hormone-free menopause book.  And I have been visualizing a return to the elliptical machine at the Y...waiting for that one to manifest as my sleep makes a firmer, truer shift.  I practiced Qigong a tiny bit this morning.  A re/start.  (Our CSA farmer's report, which was in my inbox this morning, stated that there is no high heat in the longterm forecast after this week till mid-August, which will help get me outdoors for walks around the block...though he also said this current heatwave was not predicted...)

In the meantime, the things I read add nourishment to my moments here on Earth:

• some words from Pema.

• on refrigerator blindness and how to cure it.

• mung bean dosa recipe.  (Gem and Cap loves dosas.)

• and the following, which Ane Axford posted on Facebook.  it's something I've considered for myself but have not been able to successfully integrate.  which has resulted, over and over again, in "avoidance or unhealthy withdrawal".  during this "rebuilding" Summer, I am tossing this idea, a "space of my own", into the mix.

I haven't met an HSP yet who doesn't need a space of their own to be alone in a predictable way. It's important to have your own sacred space with protective boundaries to allow you alone time and solitude when and how you need it. It is important to inform anyone who needs to be informed about what these protective boundaries are so that they can intentionally be observed. This is much different that avoidance or unhealthy withdrawal. This is time with yourself away from stimulation. When your nervous system is always taking in and processing, you need quiet protected space to be with you and you alone. 

We are each different with the time we need and the type of space we need to be alone. Some like the forest or a long walk, others like an altar in a special room in your home. Some like an hour a day and others like a day a week, and some can only get 20 minutes (parents!). Given your lifestyle and your circumstances, imagine what time with yourself would feel good right now where you are. You don't need to get anything new, just arrange what you have in a new way. And, maybe it does feel important to you to get something new. Listen and trust in what your sensitive body tells you when you ask it what all-one time looks like for you. If it feels like a big relaxing sigh and you can breathe easier when you think of it, you have it!

~ Ane Axford

Peace and love.

Pupa

I've entered the next pupa phase.  Gettin' back on the Paleo path.  Today is going to be a quiet day of feeling chemically-induced crappy (this withdrawal is not the hardest its been, but tougher than the last time) and watching episodes of The Newsroom.

We had a lovely time at a family wedding near the water in Rhode Island over the weekend.

I dig this photo evidence: my hair is a hot mess (I believe more and more the plucking is due to peri/menopausal hormonal/chemical shifts), my body is like sausage...but I am radiating positive vibration.  My smile comes from a deeper well of contentment than a year ago.  I am part of this unified, happy and playful family.  The Spring was so chaotic...something inside me unstoppably tuned into the churning energies of new life and growth, of spinning momentum.  I feel I have been released into Summer.  There is relief (presently ironic given how much I have historically hated the type of hot and humid weather we have had for weeks), there is a blinking-into-light-like-a-mole, there is serenity.

I read Beautiful Ruins.  Loved the first half and the ending, felt it was kind of meh in between.  An entertaining and fast summer read, though, if you are looking for fiction.  A lot of people loved this book.  Maybe you will, too.

I am feeling like I have my Reader back with InoReader.  Here are some recent bits which resonated:

• What's In Prince's Fridge?

• Gluten-Free Goddess talking about FODMAPs and probiotics

• a recipe for dark chocolate truffles grain-free, vegan, sweetened with honey and stevia

• perhaps the most succinct clarion call I have ever seen regarding the lunacy of war and the lives and deaths of American soldiers

• I love this guy's writing...honest and vulnerable, thoughtful and intelligent

I leave you with my latest iTunes purchase...peace and love, people!

Last week

I guess I am in a non-blogging phase.  Which, for the record, I do not like.

The weekend was very split-personality.  Which, for the record, I do not like.

I seem to be having some period action after 8 weeks of menstrual radio silence.  Which, for the record, I do not like.

Whether I like it or not, life happens and time marches on.

So...

The kids are good.  Gem is on the cusp of becoming a teenager and he is transforming before our eyes.  Sag is experiencing springtime allergies for the first time and it has hit him like a truck.  OTC medication helped for 24 hours but were disrupting his sleep.  We switched him to homeopathic stuff which brought/are bringing symptoms to a level where coping is possible.  

(Interesting aside...for many years, Sag had "terrible (fill in age)-and-a-halfs" (as opposed to the "terrible twos")...we never understood the whys of it but came to expect the few weeks/couple of months during which he raged and roared and just seemed so uncomfortable in his skin.  We chalked it up to developmental growing pains...the unrest that can often precede a firm step forward in growing/growing up.  Then, as suddenly as they came on, these rough patches stopped, about four years ago.  The arrival of this Spring's allergies has highlighted the reality that Sag has been in a somewhat prolonged highly sensitive mode for about a month now.  The timing of it makes me wonder if there is...and was, a seasonal component to his difficulties around the time of his half-birthday.)

Last week we had time with their youngest cousin and with my Dad.  I don't think about it much, but it is really nice for them to be able to have this kind of (almost impromptu) time with extended family...something I did not grow up with myself.

(Barbra that is your travel pillow, by the way, on Gem's head.  I have it "out" to remind myself to mail it back to you!)

Switching back to mostly Paleo (not sweating it if I am eating out or PMSing bad...though even then I flexed just enough to allow occasional rice/corn/dairy...no gluten/sugar) has been pretty delicious.  I so appreciate color in life and forget how well having vegetables and fruit around can enhance one's colorscape.  Coffee has been fine without cream, my appetite has gone down a lot (though my ability to figure out serving size has not, concurrently...that shot of food in a pan is what was left after I took what I wanted and my intention was to cook up one serving!) and I have discovered a super simple way to prepare chicken that I love.

The chicken thing was enlightening because I have long been someone who could take or leave chicken.  It is great timing to have tasty chicken in the repertoire because I am wanting to eat less, generally, and specifically, less meat.  I suspect the cut and quality of the chicken are what makes this "recipe" a stand out.  I am getting boneless, skinless thighs from my meat guy at the Farmer's Market.  Cap has been using the chicken breast from Anthony for months now and I have been aware of the wonderful quality, but never ate much of it because...I thought I didn't really like chicken.  (This is the same farmer from whom we buy our gorgeous eggs.)  Well, despite being a dark meat girl, I never explored the world of dark meat chicken because Cap doesn't like it and the kids are not fans of eating chicken off the bone.  Deciding to follow the "getting started" recipes in Well Fed last week, kind of blindly, I asked for the boneless, skinless chicken thighs at Anthony's stall, not knowing they were a thing, and was pleasantly surprised to have two packages thunked down in front of me.

The "recipe" wasn't much of a recipe at all for anyone who cooks chicken with any regularity/intuition (not me).  It called for grilling the chicken, but had instructions on how to bake it instead, which was perfect for me.  (We have access to an outdoor grill, but living on the second floor, we don't really use it.)  The chicken is seasoned with salt, pepper and granulated garlic, placed in a baking dish and then baked at 400º for 30 minutes.

That's it.

It looks like the pic above (not very attractive, if you ask me) and tastes like gangbusters.  I cooked up 3 lbs. last week and went down to 2 lbs. this week.  (The kids liked it, but didn't ask for it again.)  It's a perfect little protein with veggies or on its own.

I did have way too much food prepped last week.  My brain must be foggier than I think because I thought I slashed items off this week's grocery list, but ended up spending more/buying just as much, it felt like.  Some patience will be needed as the process gets streamlined and sorted out.

Some seasonal stuff that happened last week: the annual film festival in town where Cap and I saw Free Angela and All Political Prisoners (directed by an alum of my high school...followed by dinner out while the kids were happily ensconced with friends) and herbs picked up at one of the annual plant sales in town.

The final pic is just something that caught my eye.  One of our drying racks broke which prompted this:

Peace and love.  (And less Ruzzle...though it comforts me when I am PMSing...and don't have ice cream or potato chips.)

Monday, monday

The leaf has turned.  To the Paleo side.  Lunch was roasted rutabaga and sweet potato, haricot vert and baked chicken (in lieu of grilling outdoors).  I followed Well Fed's recipe for grilled chicken and it was delicious.  The kids liked it, too.  I cooked the chicken while working with the kids this morning.  Easy.

The fridge is packed with pre-cooked/prepped meal components:

• steam-sautéed red cabbage

• steam-sautéed Brussels sprouts

• steam-sautéed bell peppers (green, red, orange, yellow...I love my colors)

• roasted plum tomatoes

• roasted sweet potato and rutabaga

• steamed haricot vert

• sunshine sauce

• browned ground beef/lamb

• grilled turkey sausage

• baked chicken thighs

I also have a tub of baby spinach and plenty of eggs.  Cap is swinging by Trader Joe's tonight and will pick up basil (for a pesto sauce for which I will also need some homemade mayo) and some veg for raw consumption (Persian cukes, grape toms and snap peas).

I think this is going to be too much food.  There will be an easing in period of figuring out what (variety and balance) and how much (quantity and perishability).  One of the things I am curious to see is which meal components the kids will dis/like.  In the meantime, yum.

Had rare-for-me scary dreams last night involving scenes of personal danger.  Yuck.

Early morning quiet enabled an hour of listening to a This American Life podcast while practicing Qigong and squatting.  Very nice.

Peace and love.

 

Sliding into sunday

My eyes are drooping but I wanted to check in before tomorrow's scheduled media-free day.  Here are some pics...

In a fit of...self-care?...self-love?...pushing to get closer to finishing something I started?...inspiration?  I decided to move my personal work/inspirational books to the top shelf.

The fantasy is me curled up reading poetry...some day.

Sweet blooms are studding our hyperlocal landscape.

Went to a community swap today at an elementary school gym in town.  It was sobering to see folks who clearly needed the respite of picking up things they need without having to pay for them.  I felt a little guilty taking anything...but things were pretty picked over by the time I was poking around.  My very interesting find was this this old chopper thingy.  I was completely intrigued having never seen anything like it.

Shifting the old diet back to sugar- grain- and dairy-free on Monday.  Stocked up on animal protein at the farmer's market today and pre-cooked some veg.  Tomorrow I will roast some more veg (sweet potato and rutabaga) and if I have time, brown and grill some meat.  Oh, and hard boil a dozen eggs.

Peace and love.

Photofall

Another photo "fall" (like waterfall)...random order computer generated.

We have had tiny pockets of warmer temps here and there, but the trees are still quite bare.  I am happier for the longer days, but do love a shot of stark branches against sky.

Cap records and then watches Japanese programming late at night after the rest of us have gone to bed.  So when one of the rest of us turns the tv on the next day, we sometimes catch a glimpse of Japan.  This program brought my paternal grandfather rushing back into my consciousness.  Not only was he a lover of classical music, but in the years preceding his passing, he would often while away the time watching classical concerts on NHK on his widescreen.

Last week, Cap and I met my sister and her one and only for dinner in the city.  The hellish two hour trip in was well worth the precious time communing over one of the few cuisines we can't enjoy in our restaurant haven of a town.  (Our trip home?  Under thirty minutes.)

Snow in March.  Again.  For Cap and me it's a lovely reminder of the day in 2001, another snowy March one, that we discovered we were pregnant with Sag (which felt as wondrous as the "spring" flurries).

Windows.  At the library.  Shot during a leisurely Sunday lunch with my sweetie.

There is something eternally yummy about seeing a kid read while walking.

We had lunch and hung out with my dad and then he stayed with the kids while we went into the city to have dinner with my sister and Mike.  The kids were happy to have time with their granddad.

Endorphin face.  Did the elliptical with Danielle this week.

Leo and me.  He turned four in January and is less and less a "little" boy every time I see him.

The mystique of the red velvet cupcake.  I get it...and I don't.  This one was delicious.

Snow again.  This was shot at night out a front window.

I have a thing for window seats.  Since I was a little girl and wanted one so bad.  I have created them ever since, in every space I could.

This morning we celebrated Gem's name day.  It was delicious.

This afternoon, while Sag and Cap were at gymnastics, Gem and I hit the library.  He needed books about potatoes for his latest research project.  He found others, as well.

My breakfast plate this morning was a veritable United Nations: Ethiopian coffee, Irish butter, and Finnish cardamom bread.  Yum.

When my favorite eatery moved from its cozy and seemingly perfect original location to the café space in the library a couple of years ago, I thought it was a death knell of sorts.  I have been so pleasantly surprised by how they have transformed this institutional space into a warm and welcoming haven.  Not only have I continued my patronage, but I do believe I drop by even more.

Striving to get more veggies back into the rotation post-GI bug recovery.  A duo of bacon: Brussels sprouts with kimchi and roasted broccoli with garlic.

Another shot from the library.  This place is the source of such varied inspiration.  I love it.  I call this one: Twenty Face.

Peace and love.