Artifact uprising

I am happy to have my first Instagram-friendly photo book which I made over at Artifact Uprising.  It has a lovely hand feel to it, and there is something very pleasing about seeing the photos in this format.  I'm looking forward to making more over the years, giving thought to themes and connections amongst the many, many photos that I take.

Peace and love.

True stories

Wow.  This graphic novel was amazeballs.  It was an unflinching look at aging and dying, parental and familial ties, and the gifts and challenges of the passage of time.  There were moments of incredible joy and wonder, true rewards for sticking with often heartbreaking and difficult terrain.

I am feeling slightly depressive.  I think, mostly, due to the time change.  As I mentioned yesterday, I am sensitive to the decreasing light this time of year,  The shift of daylight savings takes a bit of a toll on me.

I've noticed lately that I seem drawn, inordinately, to consuming art that is on the dark side.  I am not questioning it, there is, as they say, no accounting for taste.  It would be more accurate to say that it's occurred to me lately that perhaps if I sought out lighter fare, it might help tip the balance of my mood and/or perspective...which has felt a bit on the raw/rough/harsh side of things.  

But, I love what I love and so I recently watched a documentary about The Donner Party.  It was riveting and I learned a lot.  It says something when the most shocking aspects of a real life story had nothing to do with the consumption, by humans, of human flesh.

I have Blackfish on tap.  I have a feeling this one is going to gut me so I have been waiting for "the right moment" to watch it.

There is an empowerment that comes with bearing witness.

What are you reading/watching?

Peace.

Embroideries

I was going to post an image of the book cover, but came across this portrait of the author and loved it.  I found Embroideries on the library shelf when I was looking for Marbles.  I'd read Marjane's Satrapi's other graphic novels, but Embroideries, published in 2005, flew below my radar.

It clocked in at under half an hour, making it a very quick read.  And what a gem.  A friendly invitation to perch at the perimeter of a gathering of Iranian women "ventilating their hearts".  This book made me feel part of a large, warm, very much connected tribe.

Peace and love.

Themes

rhythm.

Every November, for a number of Novembers now, I feel a spark and a twinge when I am reminded of NaNoWriMo.  I think, how cool would that be, to write a novel?  Or a solid first draft of one?  And then I quickly dismiss the idea because how dare I disrespect the art form by even dreaming I could do something like that?  I am hardly a writer.

Today, a blogger I follow posted saying she will post daily for the month of November (unrelated to NaNoWriMo).  And I whispered-thought, hey, that, I can do.

Going to the farmer's market with Kelly on Saturday mornings has become a lovely routine.  The company of a good friend, being a step closer to the rhythm of the season, the genial contact with local farmers, fish mongers and culinary artisans...it all fills me with anticipation and gratitude.

This morning I picked up cider from a local orchard (where we get our weekly fruit share from) and eggs and ground sirloin from Anthony.

moments.

The berries were red and because of the cloudy light, had a wonderful matte quality to them.  I couldn't angle my shot properly to catch the color, but liked the silhouette well enough to appreciate the image for itself.

flow.

Something clicked for Gem this afternoon and he worked on some comics with an unusual fervor.  We talked about how cool it is to feel and be one with that flow.

arts.

I read Marbles today.  It was an incisive and funny memoir chronicling a journey from diagnosis to successful treatment (after four+ years!) of bipolar disorder.  It had a lot of heart and I am glad I read it.  It was featured in this piece highlighting graphic novels by women that Sherman Alexie turned me onto via his blog.

I have been enjoying American Horror Story: Coven in its many aspects, and, as a whole.  I am a sucker for wonderfully utilized music and have been riveted by their application of Fleetwood Mac, and Stevie Nicks, in particular, for Misty's storyline.

Peace and love.

Hello again

Sorry to drop out there, but Precious the Larger my laptop was acting funny so I took her to the local Genius Bar and, gasp, had to leave her there for a couple of days!  She is back home now, we'll see how she does...

I have been off cane sugar and gluten since Monday.  I am sleeping well and my stomach doesn't hurt.  I continue to wake up ache-y and wiped out.  Some days this passes, some days not so much.  My mood, which had gotten pretty bad before I finally stopped it already with the gluten and sugar, has been slowly improving.  I am starting a Dragon's Way on Monday and look forward to the Qigong push.  I'll also cut out dairy, grains and meat, at that point.  Holding onto eggs, at least theoretically, for now.

I have been spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about and buying clothes.  I tend not to shop regularly for clothes for myself.  I rely on items that are/were made well and therefore last, seemingly a lifetime.  I also purchase pieces impulsively because I am bored with what I have (and they just won't die) or I happen upon something super on sale.  Every now and again I'll buy a bunch of things all at once (things I think of as staple-ware) and then they all fall apart at the same time necessitating restocking.  Then there's my Oprah-esque body weight pendulum swinging.  Because I go back and forth, I try to keep things "just-in-case" when they are too big, but also tend to celebrate by buying when I am "smaller".  (Meaning: I have more clothes than I actually do or can wear.)

Right now, I'm in a restocking place...but also am anticipating/hoping to swing to a smaller place.  This kind of pondering is so...dull and dull-making.  But, as the cooler weather hit and I found myself with not much to wear other than my sweatpants...


As unappealing as it was, I needed to do consider new clothes.  Ordering online, returning much, trying things on in stores, not liking anything, making time to get to stores, taking time to check prices and find free shipping coupon codes...yuck.

I think I'm almost done.  Today I went to an L.L. Bean store and to make a long story short, they didn't have what I thought they would, I discovered that sometimes what's discounted online is not necessarily so in the store, and, seeing and feeling something can really change one's impression.

This sweater, which I can't remember ever noticing in their catalogue, drew me like a moth to a flame, in the store.  It was so cushy and comfy and the color was fantastic...more orange and less coral.  If it had fit me better, I would have snapped it right up, full price.  As it is, I am considering ordering it online despite my suspicion that I fall right between two sizes...but can't quite justify it.  They have three items I want more than I need, but they are all full price.  I suppose I'll wait till I get notification of their next sale.  But, they tend to run out of stock.  But, but, but.

Oh. My. God.  Just...stop.

Here's a lovely poem.

And a link to new music.

And one, two, three books I just requested from the library.

All free because I am trying NOT to spend money!  Go away thoughts of a pretty new sweater!

Peace and love.

It's friday

Windows are open for the first time in forever and it feels so good.

And potato salad is more delicious the second day.

yukon golds, avocado oil mayo, rice vinegar, salt/pepper, scallion, summer savory.

The fruit salad yesterday was pretty to look at, but, frankly, only serviceable in flavor.  I'm getting spoiled by super fresh local produce!

The green salad rocked and I made my best vinaigrette yet using: local blueberry patch honey, Dijon mustard, garlic powder, salt/pepper, ume (plum) vinegar and Spanish olive oil.

a mix of lettuces, cuke, cherry toms, orange bell pepper, toasted pecans, summer savory.

Cap chose the summer savory as our herb this week and using it has been a delight.  I was previously unfamiliar with this ingredient and really like it.  It even gifted me a tiny blossom.

I don't know if it's post-growth spurt plateauing or summer heat shut-in slow down, but the kids have been skipping lunch, fortified with snacks or nothing at all mid-day.  On my better days I am a happy snack cart wending my way through Minecraft-land.

I am super behind on paper work.  Realized this morning that two books I have out of the library were a week overdue...best make sure there are no bills overdue!

But all I want to do is read my next book!

Peace and love.

Pupa

I've entered the next pupa phase.  Gettin' back on the Paleo path.  Today is going to be a quiet day of feeling chemically-induced crappy (this withdrawal is not the hardest its been, but tougher than the last time) and watching episodes of The Newsroom.

We had a lovely time at a family wedding near the water in Rhode Island over the weekend.

I dig this photo evidence: my hair is a hot mess (I believe more and more the plucking is due to peri/menopausal hormonal/chemical shifts), my body is like sausage...but I am radiating positive vibration.  My smile comes from a deeper well of contentment than a year ago.  I am part of this unified, happy and playful family.  The Spring was so chaotic...something inside me unstoppably tuned into the churning energies of new life and growth, of spinning momentum.  I feel I have been released into Summer.  There is relief (presently ironic given how much I have historically hated the type of hot and humid weather we have had for weeks), there is a blinking-into-light-like-a-mole, there is serenity.

I read Beautiful Ruins.  Loved the first half and the ending, felt it was kind of meh in between.  An entertaining and fast summer read, though, if you are looking for fiction.  A lot of people loved this book.  Maybe you will, too.

I am feeling like I have my Reader back with InoReader.  Here are some recent bits which resonated:

• What's In Prince's Fridge?

• Gluten-Free Goddess talking about FODMAPs and probiotics

• a recipe for dark chocolate truffles grain-free, vegan, sweetened with honey and stevia

• perhaps the most succinct clarion call I have ever seen regarding the lunacy of war and the lives and deaths of American soldiers

• I love this guy's writing...honest and vulnerable, thoughtful and intelligent

I leave you with my latest iTunes purchase...peace and love, people!

Monday, monday

The leaf has turned.  To the Paleo side.  Lunch was roasted rutabaga and sweet potato, haricot vert and baked chicken (in lieu of grilling outdoors).  I followed Well Fed's recipe for grilled chicken and it was delicious.  The kids liked it, too.  I cooked the chicken while working with the kids this morning.  Easy.

The fridge is packed with pre-cooked/prepped meal components:

• steam-sautéed red cabbage

• steam-sautéed Brussels sprouts

• steam-sautéed bell peppers (green, red, orange, yellow...I love my colors)

• roasted plum tomatoes

• roasted sweet potato and rutabaga

• steamed haricot vert

• sunshine sauce

• browned ground beef/lamb

• grilled turkey sausage

• baked chicken thighs

I also have a tub of baby spinach and plenty of eggs.  Cap is swinging by Trader Joe's tonight and will pick up basil (for a pesto sauce for which I will also need some homemade mayo) and some veg for raw consumption (Persian cukes, grape toms and snap peas).

I think this is going to be too much food.  There will be an easing in period of figuring out what (variety and balance) and how much (quantity and perishability).  One of the things I am curious to see is which meal components the kids will dis/like.  In the meantime, yum.

Had rare-for-me scary dreams last night involving scenes of personal danger.  Yuck.

Early morning quiet enabled an hour of listening to a This American Life podcast while practicing Qigong and squatting.  Very nice.

Peace and love.

 

Sweet saturday sigh

I can practically feel the yeast colonizing in me...I have been consuming much sugar.  The time to stop is right around the corner.

Cap and I had a nine o'clock appointment with our accountant this morning.  I loooooove having an accountant.  As you know, understanding money is not a forte and my consciousness has been unburdened of much stress thanks to forging this new relationship last year.

I read a terrific graphic novel today, The Voyeurs, by Gabrielle Bell.  It's not so much a novel as a collection of memoir vignettes in comic form.  I liked it a lot.  It was kind of mesmerizing to recognize myself in some of her self-characterization.

I have been focusing on getting more sleep (successfully though not so much on the falling sleep earlier thing) and cutting out gluten.  I'm in a hormonally indulgent phase and have been eating quite luxuriously.  (That's popcorn popped in coconut oil and drizzled with Kerrygold butter and sprinkled with truffle salt.)

Next week, bringing Qigong fully back into the picture and cutting out sugar.  And hopefully reading some more.

Peace.

Thursday bits

Gem and I have some snow envy.  We'll probably get some here, but nothing like what is forecast for our original home.

Met Danielle for chat and eats this morning.  It was, as always, good to catch up.  We continued on to the bookshop where I picked out/ordered some kid birthday gifts. 

Heated up last night's pastured beef sliders and baked up some sweet potato (toaster) oven fries for the kids' lunch.  I love that they love sweet potatoes.  They pack a solid nutritious punch.

Common meal tonight was canceled so I'm making a kid favorite: pork chops (thanks to the freezer gods).  My learning curve with pork chops has been steep.  But, I am finally getting the hang of them and not drying them out too much.  This is the recipe I am following these days.  I sub the cornmeal with coconut flour so I can enjoy some bites, too.

This afternoon, I have my tea (Raspberry Earl) and new (library) book at my side...but meal planning and food shopping are on my mind.  The stores are going to be bonkers tomorrow.  It's going to be an early bird kind of day.

Peace.

Winter textures

I love winter.  From this morning's park outing:

I am keeping this short and sweet.  We are unexpectedly not at gymnastics because Gem's up and down cold is down today.  I want to get some reading in because my hankering for Drift is, also unexpectedly, being sated much quicker than I thought, by the library.

Peace and love.

Elbow

I have cooking elbow.  My right elbow and forearm have been issuing communication/protest for a couple of months now.  Vinny thinks it all started with knitting way. way back.  I know that it has been exacerbated by my computer use, recent hair pulling, and more recent, marathon cooking.

This morning I made my third pot roast in three days.  No further roasts are planned.  If more folks get sick next week, I will come up with another dish.  This is very much like me.  When I like/enjoy something I do it obsessively (without thinking).  Soon enough I tire of it and move onto the next thing.

I also made another batch of Brussels sprouts with bacon and kimchee.  And a pan of date walnut bars (half will go to the sickies getting the pot roast).

Sag loved yesterday's pork.  He has been enjoying pulled pork sandwiches with mayo.  Gem is still under the weather.  We have leftovers to cover dinners so I am going to give this elbow some rest and, finally, settle down with a book (never happened yesterday).

Peace and love.

P.S.  Gem wants to read Animal Farm.  I'm picking it up for him at the library in the next few days.  Poignant squeeze of the heart.  This is the first time he wants to read a book I read while at Hunter (for school).

Cook cook cook

A quickie because I have been in the kitchen all day and want to read for an hour before things start back up for dinner.

Bone broth with ginger and garlic.  Sag has a cold but he didn't like this.  Too oily, he said.  Crap.  Plying him with other fluids.

The flu is knocking down our friends left and right.  I'm making three pot roasts in three days...recovery from these particular strains is slow and appetites are returning before the strength to cook.  Tucking desserts into the care packages, too.  Today, banana-coconut cookies.

I am trying to eat more fish...I made Sally's tuna salad again.  This is such a great recipe.  Yum.

There's a pork roast coming out of the slow cooker in a couple of hours.  I can't remember if the kids like this iteration or not.  Trying to get better about writing notes on recipes...though I cannot rely on my brain to remember to read the notes.

(On the tuna salad recipe I made a note that I used 1/2 a lemon rather than the 1 called for.  Totally missed it today, used the whole lemon and it's edible, but it really was too much lemon for me.)

Off to my book, UnWholly.

Peace.

The loot

My sweet partner knew exactly what I would love: my first jar of truffle salt and a debut novel which has been quite the critical sensation.  He also made us latkes for dinner.

Peace and love.

Yesterday

Yesterday marked one week of my lower back-pelvic-abdominal "issues".  Last night and this morning I have not needed to take pain medication.  Progress!

24 hours ago I took an Aleve on an empty stomach and learned why you may or may not want to do that: I spent most of the morning feeling stoned.  (I was desperate with pain and sleep deprivation and not in my right mind to start with.)

I spent much of the day reading (and finishing) a gripping and well written YA novel, Unwind.  

I had my first "food" craving since the new year, definitely hormonal, and it was interesting because no image of a particular food popped into my mind...I found myself mentally inserting former heavy weights like onion rings and ice cream onto the craving throne.  But, there was a distinct disconnect in muscle memory...in the chemical neural pathway.

What finally stirred a flutter of movement was the thought of chocolate.  Which, again, was interesting because in the last 6-12 months I have noticed a definite downturn in my chocolate cravings.

Thankfully, there was leftover skirt steak, rutabaga fries and guacamole in the fridge.  The flavors and fats of the beef and avocado were happily and totally satisfying and satiating.

I ended the day with episodes of two great tv shows: Parks and Rec and American Horror Story: Asylum.  I also watched the Project Runway All-Stars finale and was bored.  (Which was worse than being incensed watching this week's Top Chef.)

The day was also, as usual, punctuated with good food.  

I made this chicken tomato soup for dinner (this is what it looked like right after turning the cooker on low for 6 hours...I opted to partially thaw the chicken overnight in the fridge), which may get the nickname "pizza soup" in our house because to Cap and me its flavors were very reminiscent of pizza.  I tweaked the recipe here and there and next time will tweak it more.  The soup was hearty and flavorful, but there wasn't enough "soup" for me.  Next time I will add more liquid/reduce the amount of chicken.  I used Anthony's pastured chicken breast and his birds are very plump and meaty.  Gem did not care for it, Sag thought it was okay and finished his bowl.

I really love Nom Nom Paleo's recipes.  For lunch I had leftover Curried Cream of Broccoli Soup and following her cue, plopped in a piece of protein (leftover pot roast).  This was such a nourishing, satisfying bowl.  The delicately flavorful soup and the rustic chunk of beef complemented each other nicely.  (Our powerful new stick blender scared me a bit so the soup was not as smooth as smooth can be...next time.  With one of their ubiquitous coupons, we got it for less than the Amazon price at Bed Bath and Beyond.)

My breakfast plate.  As you may have noticed, my food pics tend to be shot before I tuck in.  And I do have a "before" shot of breakfast yesterday.  Three pastured eggs (one was tiny) scrambled with a handful of organic baby spinach in Spanish olive oil.  With a dollop of Basil Salad Dressing on top.  What you may not know (and this will come as no surprise, likely) is that more often than not, I do not eat my meals in one sitting.  This is particularly true of breakfast.  Lately, I tend to start breakfast for myself first and then the kids drift in.  They are learning to do more for themselves in the kitchen, but it takes guidance.  This was my plate after it had been sitting for about twenty minutes.  Still tasty, a little more real.

Peace.

One hundred percent

"Be there truly.  Be there with 100 percent of yourself.  In every moment of your daily life.  That is the essence of true Buddhist meditation.  Each of us knows that we can do that, so let us train to live each moment of our daily life deeply.  That is why I like to define mindfulness as the energy that helps us to be there 100 percent.  It is the energy of your true presence."  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Before I had kids I did not think about things like mindfulness.  Of course Buddhism and its tenets have existed for millenia, but pre-"new millenium" words like mindfulness were not bandied about amongst non-disciples like they are today.

So I cannot speak to my natural predisposition for being there with 100 percent of myself.  Maybe Cap could.  What I can tell you is that since I became a parent it has become quite impossible to do so.

I have attempted to end run myself into thinking that I am being there 100 percent at all times because not only am I mother, I am an attachment mother.  Ergo, all of it, all of me, is wrapped up in motherhood.  Motherhood = personhood.  A quid pro quo, at least till the kids become adults.

Which is it?  Maybe both.  Likely simply a process.  Moment-to-moment is all there is.  One can tap into the eternal juice in a variety of forms within a single physical lifetime.

This a mere scratch on the surface.  We could go all day.  Or, for days. 

I finished a dazzling graphic novel last night about a mother and daughter, motherhood, infant psychology (Donald Winnicott), analysis, memoir...it was dense but so connective (Virginia Woolf and Adrienne Rich were both used as touchstones throughout the narrative).  It seemed so much about this particular daughter-mother pair, but had, I thought, deep and broad universal reverberations in the end.  I loved it.

Off to go be there 100 percent with the next thing.

Peace and love.

Coming together

I think this is the last leftover Xmas pic.  This art figure came in a stocking and has been in various states of Gangnam Style ever since.

A jar that will (hopefully) fill with notes of good happenings in our lives this year.

The candied pecans squeaked in at the tail end of the season.  Xmas pecans as New Year pecans.

Oshougatsu, Japanese New Year's Day, is like American Thanksgiving in many ways.  My mom always makes a feast of traditional and symbolic food.  So delicious, so nourishing, so vital.  (Can you see niece requesting more fried chicken?)

Picked up a strategy over at Nom Nom Paleo, attributed to Jerry Seinfeld.  To aid in creating a new habit, put up a year-at-a-glance calendar and "x" off each consecutive day that you practice the habit.  The idea is to create a visual chain that strengthens as it grows.  I found some free printables and have taped four up around the apartment for: practicing Qigong, eating Paleo, playing piano and going outside.

Grace, over at Terra, really knows her tea.  This Darjeeling Second Flush was tucked into my stocking and I finally tried it today.  It is delectable.  So layered and satisfying and delicate.  Yum.  I am starting the new year with a graphic novel.  I got as far as reading through the cast of characters of Wolf Hall and fatigued.  If I hadn't seen The Tudors already I would have been completely overwhelmed!  I'll get back to it, just need something a bit more ease-y at the moment.

Gem and I took a stroll around the block after lunch.  The air was wonderfully bracing.  Loved it.  I also loved the wee nubbies on these branches.

My first selection for the piano this year is Across The Universe, a Beatles tune.  I did a tiny bit of research and decided to buy a subscription to Scribd.  I had never heard of it before.  It's the YouTube of documents and it is where I found the sheet music for the song.  With the subscription, ($59 for a year), the download was "free".  I look forward to seeing what else the site will offer this year.  But, in the meantime, I wanted to simply get started plunking the keys.

P.S.  I quit Instagram and am now using Photo Studio and Hipstamatic.  It is interesting how these photo apps seem similar and yet are not the same.  (I miss Instagram's filters...)  

P.P.S.  I am realizing that I need to figure out organizing my photos.  I've had my laptop for a year now, the iPhone for a couple of months, and it is time.  It's a big task and soon enough it will become overwhelming.  Fellow shutterbugs, please share what you do, what you use, how you do it, etc.  If you will.

Peace and love.

Light

It is a great day when you stagger out of bed (it having been a challenging night of sleep) and you open your email to find a sweet note from Kelly offering to take Sag to gymnastics because she saw your blog from the evening before.

Thank you, friend.

So, yes, I was up twice, I think in the same hour (lung time according to TCM) between 3 and 4 am.  This was unusual.  But, what made it even stranger was that both times I was jolted awake by some sort of nasty dream.  The details of which I don't remember.

Taking it slow today.  Right now I am mesmerized by the light and its warmth.  On the table are the holiday newsletter (printing out as I type), a comic Gem made yesterday, my large latte...  Gem is a bit under the weather, Sag is at gymnastics, Cap is up at work (after running some holiday errands this morning and running some more after work)...  Chuckling at the Best TV Lines of 2012 hashtag tweets coming through my feed...  Wanting to start my next book...before diving into the book after which I just learned is waiting for me at the library...

Cycle-enforced slowdowns don't have to be hard.  I am lucky and so grateful.

Peace.

Celebratory

A celebratory day today...my name day, Sag's belated name day and Sag's family birthday party.  Things are quiet for a bit right now post-clean up and pre-tree trimming.

The nisu Cap made was lovely to look at and even more yummy to eat.  He was unsure as to what would explain this loaf's incredible success.

Our traditional name day gifts are books.  I insisted he not get me a hardcover book but he got me one anyway.  This book is topping many year-end lists, I even saw a list today that didn't include it because the listmaker felt it stood in a class by itself and ventured to describe it as best of the decade.  I am looking forward to reading it, needless to say.

Our nephew dog got into the singing action.  He is so sweet and special.  (My sister knit her sweater...she got the skillz.)

The littlest little enjoying her ice cream.  It was an entrancing lesson watching her eat.  So intent and careful...giving the process her total attention and concentration.

Peace and joy.

States of being

Huh.

I did not plan or intend to be away from the blog for so long.

Insomnia (perimenopause related, methinks) has reared its bigass head this week.  3 out of the last 6 nights I have had trouble falling asleep.  As in lying in bed for hours upon hours.  I am getting a handle on things with Vinny's help.  Saw him Tuesday and am going again Saturday.

I am bewitched.  But not bothered (too much) or bewildered.

I am also...

stabbed with melancholy : : the light this time of year kills me...the low slant at 1:30pm momentarily breaks my heart.  daily.

intrigued by my latest book : : I tend to drink my fiction in big gulps, but The Wind-Up Girl, so far, is well-suited for a sip here, a sip there.

pulling my hair out : : literally.  this is not a big deal...yet.  but it's something.  (think bewitched.)

indulging in inspiration : : Kate herself is very inspirational.  but I am also inspired by her writing, her designs, her aesthetics, her pedagogy, her photography...I was going to put her new book on my holiday wishlist, but then went ahead and treated myself (I thought it might sell out!)

brought back to bliss : : seeing beauty in the midst of the tedium of doing/correcting math.

soothed by song : :

Peace and love.