Why we suffer

"When we look deeply at the nature of things, we see that in fact everything is impermanent.  Nothing exists as a permanent entity; everything changes.  It is said that we cannot step into the same river twice.  If we look for a single, permanent entity in a river, we will not find it.  The same is true of our physical body.  There is no such thing as a self, no absolute, permanent entity to be found in the element we call "body".  In our ignorance we believe that there is a permanent entity in us, and our pain and suffering manifest on the basis of that ignorance.  If we touch deeply the nonself nature in us, we can get out of that suffering."  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

No comment.

Other than to say that in my mind, human "pain" and "suffering" are very political.  The chasm between the nitty gritty realities of life on our earth and the power of spirituality to "get out of" the suffering manifested by atrocity and disaster...I won't say it cannot be bridged.  But making smooth sense of a whole that integrates these two ideas would require a level of concentration and study that I do not have right now.

So I resist.  A bit.

Let's look at some pretty pictures of food.

I love a breakfast plate like this.  A selection of leftovers plus scrambled eggs.  Yesterday's kale with the Miracle Sauce, rutabaga oven "fries" from the other night (no one else cares for them, I love them!), and a single pastured egg scrambled with pre-cleaned pre-sliced shrooms from Trader Joe's in Spanish olive oil (also from Trader Joe's) with Penzey's Sunny Paris seasoning sprinkled in.

Lunch made me happy, too.  So many meals during the Fall devolved into hotdogs and tater tots, endless beef baloney sandwiches and quesadillas.  I did not let myself get down, at the time.  I knew I was doing my best, what I needed to to get through those weeks...and that life is impermanent and change was to come.

Leftover Carrot-Tofu Scramble, leftover Hungarian Goulash, over piping hot rice with side salads of Romaine lettuce and Persian cukes.  Strawberry lemonade for Gem, pineapple juice for Sag.  I had my salad with a dollop of leftover tuna salad.  Yum.

(I offered up beef baloney as a lunch choice but they didn't want it.  Not with what else was available.)

Peace and love.

Concentration

"When you contemplate the big, full sunrise, the more mindful and concentrated you are, the more the beauty of the sunrise is revealed to you.  Suppose you are offered a cup of tea, very fragrant, very good tea.  If your mind is distracted, you cannot really enjoy the tea.  You have to be mindful of the tea, you have to be concentrated on it, so the tea can reveal its fragrance and wonder to you.  That is why mindfulness and concentration are such sources of happiness.  That's why a good practitioner knows how to create a moment of joy, a feeling of happiness, at any time of the day."  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

An interesting thing about these meditations...when I start to read them, I sometimes think it is not relevant to where I am...but by the time I am finished and give it a moment, something unfolds in my mind and a connection is discovered.

I set intentions to create four new daily "habits" with the new year: practicing Qigong, eating Paleo, taking a gentle walk, and playing piano.  The eating Paleo has maintained through the first week of 2013.  The other three have been spotty, no habits formed yet.

Reading this meditation made me realize that the four "habits" are actually all expressions of the same thing.  A striving towards mindfulness...requiring a formidable amount of concentration.

I have not been beating myself up, but I have not been thinking clearly about it, either.  If I were a monkette in a mountaintop retreat hut, I'd more easily incorporate new daily intentions to my life.  Since I am not, I am making adjustments.

This week, maybe next week, once eating Paleo no longer requires the full on concentration it has the first week (the physical/chemical adjustment---today's the first day I felt pretty great; the organizational demands of meal planning, food shopping, trying new recipes/preparing Paleo meals plus just-in-case meals for other tastebuds in the family), I will shift the bulk of my concentration to the next intention: practicing Qigong.

The Paleo eating is going very well.  I learn best through experience/doing and because this isn't my first foray into dropping sugar/grains/legumes/dairy/most oils, everything has come together well.  The fridge is packed with food and ingredients (ever present gluten-free flours need to be refrigerated; veggies take up more space than meat/dairy; nuts need to be refrigerated).

Today's lunch was leftover turkey stuffed butternut squash with a side of kale dressed with Leon's Miracle Sauce (with capers and anchovy). Yum.  (I love love love Trader Joe's pre-washed pre-cut organic kale in a bag...for $2.49!!!)

After a session with Vinny (my first of the new year), I was relaxed and energized.  If I was a monkette, I totally would have hopped into bed for a nap.  But, the rest of the day beckoned, specifically thoughts of the evening meal.  I checked the avocados which had been too hard yesterday and they were ripe (putting them in a brown paper bag with a ripe banana works every time...yay chemistry!)  So I made a recipe I've had since 2008, unearthed in my recipe cache reorg, and it was sooooooo tasty.

This Creamy Tuna Salad With No Mayo, Eggs, Soy or Dairy is the shizz.  It was so savory, textural, rich and satisfying that I completely forgot to put it on something other than my fork.  It is, truly, a meal unto itself.  Also shocking, it was so satiating that I did not finish my bowl.  If you know me, you know that's pretty dang unheard of...me, eating something I find delicious, and stopping because I have simply had my fill and am completely satisfied.

It's a thoughtful, lovely recipe.  I rarely eat canned tuna because I find the tang that remains in the can, the sink, and sometimes in the tuna itself, overpowering and fairly unbearable.  I don't gag, but come pretty close to it.

Well, this tuna salad annihilates any and all fishy odor.  If it weren't for the distinct canned tuna texture, which does remain, you could forget that you were eating tuna.  So, if you are an omnivore, give this recipe serious consideration.  It is really incredible.

I have put together a second binder of recipes for the kids.  Gem, especially, has a selection of go-to meals that he loves.  This evening, factors coalesced in such a way that I made him one of his faves, Carrot Tofu Scramble.  My plan is facilitate the serving of food that makes the kids happy...beyond the hot dogs and sliders which I tend to rely on when my concentration lapses.

This recipe is easy and quick if you have a food processor.  And, look at those colors.  It makes me happy every time I make it.  Mostly because I know Gem will be thrilled and nourished, but it gives me some personal thrills, too.  (I will be forever grateful to my sister for passing the recipe along to us so many, many moons ago.)

Peace and love.

Walking meditation

"We have to awaken ourselves to the truth that we are here, alive.  We are making steps on this beautiful planet.  This is already performing a miracle.  But we have to be here in order for the miracle to be possible.  We have to bring ourselves back to the here and the now.  Therefore, each step we take becomes a miracle.  If you are able to walk like that, each step will be very nourishing and healing.  You walk as if you kiss the earth with your feet, as if you massage the earth with your feet.  There is a lot of love in that practice of walking meditation."  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

This meditation comes at a good time.  Today I voiced out loud the dipping of my happy chemicals.  I have an intuition that it is tied to lack of dairy.  But, I have not been taking my gentle walks, nor have I been practicing.  Or playing the piano.  Any and all of those could give me a boost.

I've been waking bone tired.  And I've been preoccupied with cooking.  There are three stacks of cookbooks needing attention for organizing/decluttering...since Saturday evening.  But, the day's duties call to me, too.  Playing Risk for the first time.  Feeding kids.  Getting back to Math.  Folding laundry.

Tomorrow, I walk.

Now, some photos...

Gem is my salad spinner spinner.  Hoping to gain the habit, in 2013, of washing and drying lettuce on the weekend to have on hand for the week.

A friend gave me a set of four little ceramic bowls for Christmas.  Perfect for mise-en-place, of which I am a strong supporter.  I wish I had figured this out for myself sooner.  Seems exactly the sort of thing my mom likely tried to teach me and I did not get.

Nom Nom Paleo's take on Leon's Caper and Anchovy Miracle Sauce.  This was easy and quick to put together.  It has two of my new best food friends (anchovies and capers) and I like it.  I've had it so far with chicken and with raw red bell pepper.  Definitely better with the chicken.

I love a hot breakfast.  A bowl of Melissa Joulwan's Moroccan Meatballs with bonus pastured egg poached while reheating the meatballs.  Next time I make this dish, I will reduce or eliminate the parsley in the meatballs.  I am finding it overpowering.  I know, overpowering lamb.  This should never happen.  The meatballs are not tender.  I am certain this had to be due to my lack of finesse.  We shall see.  The tomato sauce is lovely.  Truly.  The egg added all sorts of wonderful.  Gem did not like this dish.  Sag thought it was okay.  (He likes the Hungarian Goulash, they both love the Rogan Josh.)

Risk has been on Gem's radar ever since he played it once at a homeschool library gathering.  We finally got it together and had Cap's mom give this to Gem for Christmas this year.  We started playing last night and finished this morning.  It's an interesting game.

About once a season, we make a trip to the big Japanese supermarket on the Hudson River.  We stock up on key staples like rice and Pokemon gum.  Gem fell in love with these grilled rice crackers when we went to Japan a couple of years ago.  We buy bags and bags of them on our Mitsuwa runs.

Peace and tasty tidbits.

Miracles

"Around us, life bursts forth with miracles---a glass of water, a ray of sunshine, a leaf, a caterpillar, a flower, laughter, raindrops.  If you live in awareness, it is easy to see miracles everywhere.  Each human being is a multiplicity of miracles.  Eyes that see thousands of colors, shapes, and forms; ears that hear a bee flying or a thunderclap; a brain that ponders a speck of dust as easily as the entire cosmos; a heart that beats in rhythm with the heartbeat of all beings.  When we are tired and feel discouraged by life's daily struggles, we may not notice these miracles, but they are always there."  ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

What a great meditation to wake up to.

I woke up feeling dull and thirsty.  It's cloudy.  The (drying) heat has been cranking because it has been so cold outside.

I felt hungry.  The Paleo shift has my system in a tizzy.  It literally seems to be confused.  I have spells of feeling very hungry and then not at all and then hungry and then not again...in the span of a few minutes.

(Overall it has been a smooth transition.  Barely any headache, no body ache...in fact, my overall stiffness is receding quickly due to diet change and the little bit of walking and Qigong, and deeper sleep...though I am not falling to sleep easily yet.)

Thinking of food got me thinking about another job for me: putting together a binder of Paleo recipes.  I bought the Nom Nom Paleo iPad app the other day, but I still lean heavily towards paper recipes and cookbooks.  I've bookmarked a ton of Paleo recipes in the last year that I have not tried.  I think that I would if they were in paper form in a handy organizer.  Also, food planning, would be made easier.

(Another job: decluttering food planning and food shopping protocols and practices.  A needed first step towards writing a new household budget...which brings us to job number seven?)

So, within a quick few minutes of waking up, alive and well, this morning, I was blah this blah that.  I had a nice message back from a friend on Facebook, but it was the tail end of a "talk" (through typing) we had last night because she had been blindsided with some news that had her feeling really bad...

Then, the meditation.  A simple reminder about miracles.  Gratitude bloomed within me.  I was filled with deep breath.

Peace and love.

P.S.  The meditations come from Your True Home by Thich Nhat Hahn.

One hundred percent

"Be there truly.  Be there with 100 percent of yourself.  In every moment of your daily life.  That is the essence of true Buddhist meditation.  Each of us knows that we can do that, so let us train to live each moment of our daily life deeply.  That is why I like to define mindfulness as the energy that helps us to be there 100 percent.  It is the energy of your true presence."  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Before I had kids I did not think about things like mindfulness.  Of course Buddhism and its tenets have existed for millenia, but pre-"new millenium" words like mindfulness were not bandied about amongst non-disciples like they are today.

So I cannot speak to my natural predisposition for being there with 100 percent of myself.  Maybe Cap could.  What I can tell you is that since I became a parent it has become quite impossible to do so.

I have attempted to end run myself into thinking that I am being there 100 percent at all times because not only am I mother, I am an attachment mother.  Ergo, all of it, all of me, is wrapped up in motherhood.  Motherhood = personhood.  A quid pro quo, at least till the kids become adults.

Which is it?  Maybe both.  Likely simply a process.  Moment-to-moment is all there is.  One can tap into the eternal juice in a variety of forms within a single physical lifetime.

This a mere scratch on the surface.  We could go all day.  Or, for days. 

I finished a dazzling graphic novel last night about a mother and daughter, motherhood, infant psychology (Donald Winnicott), analysis, memoir...it was dense but so connective (Virginia Woolf and Adrienne Rich were both used as touchstones throughout the narrative).  It seemed so much about this particular daughter-mother pair, but had, I thought, deep and broad universal reverberations in the end.  I loved it.

Off to go be there 100 percent with the next thing.

Peace and love.