Lovely eventide

A day of some challenge and some catching up by telephone and some dealing with 'mood'.  Met with a lovely eventide when Gem and I stepped out for some sushi.  We chatted Pokemon and baseball and hooked into the peaceful energy of one-on-one.

Have decided to hold off on purchasing the elliptical that I want (different brand, rated highly by Consumer Reports, and a much bigger chunk of change).  I test drove it today and loved it.  But, it's really big...too big for the space I'd been thinking of putting it.  It would fit, physically, but it would transform the living room too significantly for comfort.

So, on Monday I am heading down to the Y and plunking down a much smaller chunk of change.  I'll try out the ellipticals there and check out Zumba, something that has intrigued me for over a year now.  They also have a meditation class which is something else that has interested me for awhile.  A class may help jump start a more personal home practice.

Diverging onto a new path...a different way to get to the same place.

Toothsome

Tooled around town a bit with my elder boy today.  I was disappointed that the library was closed.  But, this gave us time to explore KMart which we do once every couple of years and the boy found a small trove of coveted Lego toys.  We also found a Pokemon movie on DVD for $5 to cheer up the recuperating younger brother.  On to Whole Paycheck for chewable grape flavored probiotics.

We had just enough time so I responded to the siren song I'd been hearing the past couple of weeks: The Bread Company Montclair.  I picked up this vegan gluten-free pizza topped with veggies and ginger relish.  I was intrigued by the ginger relish.  It was intense and packed quite the hot punch.

I couldn't resist a slice of vegan gluten-free banana coconut cake with frosting.  Yum.

Shallows

Sleep was experienced much in the shallows last night by the the boys.  They woke many times, wandered into the big bed, only to be turned around by a father who himself has been experiencing sleep in the shallows for some days now.

This morning, Sag is sick.  His tonsils are swollen and he thinks a doc visit would be better today rather than waiting a day.  He has a fever, too.  You can see the flush of his cheek here.

I was already aiming for a quiet day today.  Yesterday got really tense and emotional at times (Gem and I are going through our own Spring things).  This will slow things down even more as Sag won't be going to Tiina's (which made him cry) or to baseball practice (which he doesn't know yet).

Balance sometimes forces the issue.  I am grateful for that.

It's time

My knitting stuff area has been shrinking as of late.  A sign that, indeed, I have not been knitting.  

At all.  

For months.  

Most recently, I grabbed the other knitting basket, emptied it out (part into the yarn bins which reside on a shelving unit in my bedroom, part jammed unceremoniously into this basket here), and filled it with books for homeschooling use.

I have no idea what happened.  I don't know why I stopped knitting.  Right now, I honestly don't care much about knitting at all.  I do have somewhat of a personality that runs hot and cold on things.  Maybe that's it.  I'm not giving up on it completely.  But, I do think it's time to put this last basket away.  

It has become clutter.

Maybe something will stir during the Summer.

Friday Night Lights

Thanks to Julie who has consistently sang its praises and my usual Winter tv watching being pushed into Spring (partly due to being away from home for 3 weeks), I have picked up a new show to watch: Friday Night Lights.  All 5 seasons are available on Netflix.  (I didn't realize, till Sue pointed it out, that the season that just premiered on NBC last week was already aired on DIRECTV, and that this final season is also available through Netflix on DVD.)

I am four episodes into the series and, man, this show is pretty great.  The characters are flawed, but very likable and the many stories unfolding are engaging.  And, the character who anchors the show, Coach Taylor?  He's my new crush.

Have you seen this show?

Peace and love.

Retreat

Any time leading up and into intentional cleansing has a particular quality.  I usually shut down a bit.  Begin to retreat, a bit, to gather my energy, to rest.

This morning:

Raspberry Earl tea with a dollop of honey and the last of the coconut creamer.  (I'll be moving into green tea and Master Lu's tea mixes over the next few days.)

Quietly contemplating these souls.  There has been so much growth the past few weeks, physical and otherwise.  It's exciting, but equilibrium has been thrown off all about, for sure.

Taking my Master Cleanse herbs, as well as, the ones for my ankle (injured in Japan, but the resulting problems didn't crop up till a few weeks ago).  I wish practicing Qigong was as easy as popping these babies...  (Also began flaxseed/primrose oil and bee pollen...intending to work in fish oil soon.)

Feeling the pull of self-doubt and negative self-image.  Resist, resist.  Looking forward to doing a bit of escaping into A Game of Thrones, the book, when it comes in for me at the book store (the library system is all out, due to the HBO show debuting this week).

Waiting for balance to be restored in my unique-and-I'm-working-on-it brain/central nervous system/mind.  

Example:

I sent my beloved slippers back to Bean for replacement ones (the sheep fleece lining wore down before the rest of the slipper did).  I've been delaying doing this for months, even as the problem worsened, because...well, I couldn't imagine being without my slippers for a week or two.  Then, an opportunity arose.  A pair of Wellies that came for Gem had to be returned on Bean's dime.  I am such a freak when it comes to paying for shipping.  I hate doing it (the dark side of resistance :-)  So, I impulsively popped the slippers into the box with the Wellies and sent them away.

Oh, the nightmare aftermath of being impulsive (truly, feels like it almost never works for me to be impulsive).  I knew I was going to the local outdoor shop to exchange my Barcelona shoes for a bigger size (and different color...madder rose!)  While there, I decided to finally take the plunge and get some Birks to be worn as summer slippers, something I'd been inspired to do by seeing Silke's indoor shoes.

I didn't find exactly what I wanted (the purple ones have been discontinued?!), but I found a pair that will work just fine.  But, you know me, color matters.  Especially if I am plunking down $100 for a pair of shoes I will be wearing for 10 years, into the ground.  So, they had to be special ordered.

And now, I am without house shoes for the time being.

I've tried going barefoot treading carefully, I've tried double socking my feet, I've tried changing my socks as needed multiple times a day.  I am that tactile defensive on my feet.  One drop of water, I feel it seep right to my skin on the sole of my foot and that sock is done.  Each stick of my bare foot to some random sticky spot on the floor and I get the willies.

It's exhausting being in the kitchen right now.  And it shows.  Poor Cap is picking up the slack for me, fresh veggies lie fallow in the fridge.  My Dragon's Way food is slow to get going.  I could use my replacement slippers.  I could use my new house shoes.  I could use a chemical reboot.  I could use a new perspective.

You see, balance needs restoring.  And, maybe, you can understand why I've been feeling as of late, that meds or a lobotomy could feel better than this.

Off to Danielle's.  Time out.  Happy children.  Temporary chemical reboot.  You never know where it all can lead.

Five minutes

Five minutes is about what I have right now.  Beginning a slightly modified Dragon's Way for myself today and there's Qigonging to attend to.

Schooling friends have the week off and Daniel will be with us today and Wednesday.  Baseball practice Thursday and Sunday and the kids' first season begins next Monday.  Gem has decided to drop art class feeling overwhelmed by Spring activity.  We three enjoyed Hop with friends yesterday.  Went out to dinner with Sag last night.  If you have more than one kid, I can't over emphasize the import of spending time one-on-one with just one kid.  It's a lot of fun and there's something energizing, and healing, about the focus of attention.

My task of the week will be beginning my personal Dragon's Way (modifications to the program will be slight in the food area).  I have about four weeks till I leave for Spain and my body and mind are ready for the Spring cleansing.

Another task I am setting out for myself is to do some serious thinking about this organizational/storage mess:

Between newly acquired winter boots and rain boots (not to mention cleats which remain out in the common hallway, looking none too pretty, I might add), our shoe storage shelves are clearly overwhelmed.  The mess of "things to go out" on top of the shelves has become an open dump of clutter.  The photo dropped down from the wall and has not been put back up...for a few weeks now.

I look forward to posting an "after" picture sometime in the next few weeks...

Peace and love and cleansing to you.

Today's awesome

It's early yet and there may be more awesomeness in store for us.  But, for now, I leave here in my adrenalin-has-left-the building puddleness (taxes are done, checks are in the mail)...

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Considering

this.

Practiced 1-8 of the Dragon's Way Qigong series this morning.  For the first time in...a long time.  I realize that my response to energy work is nimble.  I begin yawning almost immediately.  Things start to move inside me quickly.  Today, I coughed up some phlegm, too.  Pretty phlegm, not gross.  Clear little pearls.  (Apologies if this is too TMI for you.)

I have movement and cleansing on the brain.  I have considered buying a piece of home exercise equipment before, but the cons have historically stacked up against the idea.  Not so much right now.  This one seems compact enough to store in a corner of the living room if I let go of a piece of truly non-functional (sentimental...and somewhat aesthetically pleasing) furniture from my childhood.  The cost is doable, especially if compared to membership at the Y.

The biggest pros are:

• I am more fully recognizing and embracing my desire to even exercise.

• I could use this tool in front of the tv.

• This tool fits my homebody/introverted personality.

• Recognizing that having a tool like this at home will not lessen the amount of time I spend outdoors taking walks.  This doesn't subtract from the sum, it adds to it.  (Well, of course it will subtract some dollars from the bank account, but in terms of the exercise I am already getting, which is close to zero, there's no going in the "less" direction.)

• Walks outdoors can continue to be meandering and leisurely, cutting down on my itchy skin-frictiony issues.  Also, an indoor, at home tool cuts out all the meddling middling "men": weather, childcare, scheduling, the occasional anxiety about being out alone.

• Cap now uses one of these at the Y so this may get used by more than one person.

Hope things are moving for you.  Peace and love.

Earthing

Take a listen.  And tell me what you feel.  I had an immediate and visceral reaction which manifested significantly in the physical plane.  Wild.  The video description over at YouTube explains the "what" of the video.  The "how" and "why" and "wow" is up to you. Enjoy.

Catching up

Well, that was pretty painless.  The middle, and biggest, stage of the taxes are done.  I'll have Cap give them a look see tonight.  Tomorrow, I will transfer all the rough draft info onto forms in pen, write checks (we always owe because of the consulting type gigs that Cap does), stamp envelopes, and the taxes will be done.

I find myself with a pocket of alone time here.  Cap is up at school and the kids are at Tiina's.  I guess I'll catch up with the blog.  Working backwards...

It is National Poetry Month here in the States.  I am a latecomer to poetry appreciation.  But, I really dig it now.  The little bits here and there that I come across and read (I don't read much poetry...haven't been reading much of anything lately, come to think of it.)  Mary Oliver is a favorite.

I pulled down our poetry volumes (mostly the collections geared towards children) and put them in a basket.  I asked the kids to search for a poem that spoke to them and they both found Shel Silverstein poems they liked.  (Lesson 1: poetry doesn't have to be drab or "old"...it can even make you laugh!)

We'll be reading poems for the rest of the month.

They really do love comics.  A few nights ago they went to the comic book store with Cap.  Their box was empty (they have "subscriptions" to a number of titles).  No worries, once home, they searched out comics already in the house and enjoyed some pleasant night time reading.

Gem loves grape juice.  We've been buying it more often lately and I have been enjoying it, too.  I like mine cut with some seltzer.

These photos just seem a pair.  The kids have been reading Science and Social Studies books and writing them up.  Culling facts, citing page numbers, searching for additional resources on the topic, categorizing which branches the subject(s) of the books would fit on the trees of "Science" and "Social Studies"...  Oh, and also whether they are interested in further study of the topics.  (So far, Benjamin Franklin has gotten a "yes" from Gem and we requested a book about Mr. Franklin from the library.)

The above photo is Gem doing a computer search of additional resources.

The lower photo is Sag doing some free reading.  He was either waiting for me to be done doing something with Gem, or was done for the day and was hanging out.  I took the pic because he was wearing his Pokemon trainer outfit.  He has a favorite trainer (his name is Blue, I think) and has put together an outfit which closely resembles Blue's.  Adorable.

How I wished I had a better telephoto lens when I spotted this squirrel out the front window.  I opened the window and reached my arm out as far as it would go and snapped the shot.  As soon as the window opened, this critter went into, subtle, but high alert.  S/he was gone after the first shot.

Last weekend, I made beef short ribs for my sister-in-law, deviled eggs for my brother, and brownies for, frankly, myself.  I spent most of the morning and early afternoon cooking and baking and ducking out for some book shopping for the girls.  Then we headed into Queens to meet the new baby.

I took these shots because the colors were so strong...almost primal, in real life.

Owen brought over these nifty building thingies last week.  The boys got right down to it.  (Practically in front of the door, glad they took my suggestion of moving into the middle of the room where there was more space :-)

Perfect.  The kids will be home momentarily.  Off to make dinner.  All caught up.

Hearty

One of the things I dig about kids is that I get to experience pure life force when I spend time with and around them.  The distance between what they want and what they do is so short.  They live in a kind of flow that, generally, we adults are trying to get back to by the time one is my age.

Shannon posted this video clip to FB yesterday and I just about fell off my chair laughing with delight.  It's funnier if you are a student of Star Wars, but I think it can be appreciated even if you aren't.  Watch it as big as you can to really see the assured grace of this young girl's movements.

Connection

I said to Vinny today, only half-joking: I want meds or a lobotomy.  My brain and my mind (yes, I do think of those things as fairly distinct) have been swelling lately.  Not literally, but they have been taking up and over a lot of space.  Crowding out light, clarity and peace.

He said something interesting, instant perk-up-my-ears kind of news: until the digestive stuff is taken care of, there's no sense in moving up to the mind.

Huh.

Makes total sense, but somehow, it had never come up in conversation between us (vis-a-vis TCM).  I think, in part, I have not let on to him the extent to which my mind can take over my being.  This Spring, with its own movement, its own upheaval, its own cleansing, he is getting a better picture of this aspect of me.

I am motivated with this new understanding between us.  I've been feeling at a plateau the last few weeks.  I am ready to push through and am finding some energy to do just that.

Here's my post-Vinny happy face:

Peace and love to you, to us all.

Such Singing in the Wild Branches

It was spring
and finally I heard him
among the first leaves---
then I saw him clutching the limb

in an island of shade
with his red-brown feathers
all trim and neat for the new year.
First, I stood still

and thought of nothing.
Then I began to listen.
Then I was filled with gladness---
and that's when it happened,

when I seemed to float,
to be, myself, a wing or a tree---
and I began to understand
what the bird was saying,

and the sands in the glass
stopped
for a pure white moment
while gravity sprinkled upward

like rain, rising,
and in fact
it became difficult to tell just what it was that was singing---
it was the thrush for sure, but it seemed

not a single thrush, but himself, and all his brothers,
and also the trees around them,
as well as the gliding, long-tailed clouds
in the perfectly blue sky---all, all of them

were singing.
And, of course, yes, so it seemed,
so was I.
Such soft and solemn and perfect music doesn't last

for more than a few moments.
It's one of those magical places wise people
like to talk about.
One of the things they say about it, that is true,

is that, once you've been there,
you're there forever.
Listen, everyone has a chance.
Is it spring, is it morning?

Are there trees near you,
and does your own soul need comforting?
Quick, then---open the door and fly on your heavy feet; the song
may already be drifting away.

Mary Oliver

(thanks to SouleMama for posting about this poem today)

Swoon

One of my favorite songs, my favorite matt pond PA song.

Center

Finding it hard to find my center today.

The kids, having kids, helps.  They provide direction.  (I'm hungry!  I need help!)  And grounding.  (Impromptu hugs.)

Low pressure systems mess me up.

Today's personal goal is to get the taxes done.  I've already encountered some attention obstacles.  I'm in luck, though, as I so often am.  A bright orange spot of fun and energy.  Makes me feel like something's in my corner.

Hope you're comfy with your center today.

Baseball and beginnings of barcelona

The kids had a late afternoon practice yesterday under a dramatic sky.  I love watching baseball...I remember going to the neighborhood Little League field to watch games as a kid.  At the time I thought it was for the cute boys, but I realize now I had a true love for the game even then.  I was so in the thrall of the rhythm of pitches, catches and hits, and of the gorgeous open sky, that I never made it food shopping.  (We all went afterward.)

Anna and I went out for breakfast yesterday and did some major catching up before she headed home.  I was glad to have company for some shoe shopping for Barcelona.  After my clog incident in Japan I knew I needed some more stable walking shoes.

Lacing them up this morning I had a major flashback to my first pair of "school" shoes.  These shoes remind me of the pair I had in first grade.  I loved those shoes.  These are Keen Presidios and so far, I love these, too.

Baby D

Yesterday we met baby D :-)  Pre-visit it was a whirl of cooking short ribs, deviled eggs and brownies, and shopping for baby and big sister gifts.  Then a ride over to Queens.  First we met Finn, Sandy and Mike's new dog.  Oh my goodness, what an incredibly soulful dog.  I'm kind of shocked I didn't snap pics of him...but then again, you know those moments when taking pictures are just the farthest thing from your mind?  Being around Finn is like that.  He invites you to completely be in the moment.

Then, we met her.  Baby and mama are both doing well.  The whole family is.  Blessings.

Boys out back

#1 "playdate with Owen" today was really mellow and nice.

#2 "playdate with Owen" happening now.

More pics to follow.  Too wiped right now.  (And bummed that I lost a cute pic of Sag and this Owen...dang it, Ether...)

Peek

Finishing kitchen tidying post-common meal.

Angst.

9yo testing out their new protective cup.  (On a related note, baseball accoutrement is tres cher.)

Rainy, cloudy, cold seeping through the walls.

A bit blue.

Boys humming with contentment.

Something(s) keep threading me back to the past.