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Burning The Old Year

by Naomi Shihab Nye

Letters swallow themselves in seconds.   

Notes friends tied to the doorknob,   

transparent scarlet paper,

sizzle like moth wings,

marry the air.

So much of any year is flammable,   

lists of vegetables, partial poems.   

Orange swirling flame of days,   

so little is a stone.

Where there was something and suddenly isn’t,   

an absence shouts, celebrates, leaves a space.   

I begin again with the smallest numbers.

Quick dance, shuffle of losses and leaves,   

only the things I didn’t do   

crackle after the blazing dies.

*    *    *    *

Unready in nearly every way, I am moving over to my new blog, A Fire Horse Bearing Water.  Hope to see you over there.  Hope to see me over there!

Peace and love...and thank you.

Saturday snippets

A quickie as I am shifting and shifting and scattered and still a bit of a mess.

• yay for clarity and clear/ed channels through which understanding and communication can flow.  Cap asked me if I'd be interested in doing something next week which I knew would be helpful to him, but I really did not want to do.  I struggled with it for a bit, but then a light shone and the dam that burst turned out not to be holding the flood I feared.  and things sorted out fine.  I faced the internal thing I was resisting facing, which in turn was why I resisted agreeing to help him out.  and it's all good.

• a lovely and sad read.

• a funny and insightful read.

• I am determined to go here before this exhibit leaves.

• I deleted Candy Crush and Bubble Witch Saga from my phone.  that this is worth mentioning is...I don't know...what my life had become, I suppose.

Peace and love.

Stick a fork in me

...'cause I am done.

I am on the brink of overwhelmed.  It's all I can do to muster calm and breath...and see the joy that lies on the edges of where I am.

Sleep, stomach, hair plucking, weather...all rolled up in a big ball of UGH.

Thistooshallpassthistooshallpassthistooshallpassthistooshallpass.

Peace, peace and peace.

Here

I'm still here.

I apologize for the inadvertent absence from my blog space.  I had insomnia three times in the span of a week and have been recovering from that blow.  I am unable to fully accept/embrace sleep deprivation into my life as others have, with grace.

As a family, we are easing into the new home/school year.

Last night I made soft tacos for the first time and they were a smashing success.

More...soon.

Peace and love.

Delinquent

Ohhhhh I have been so negligent.  I am sorry.  The end-of-summer has brought with it a slew of activity: a week-plus in Northern California with the family, an overnight at my sister and brother-in-law's cabin upstate, and tomorrow, a Paleo birthday lunch for a dear friend.

I will be back here, regularly, hopefully tomorrow.  With lots of photos to share...and maybe an insight or two.

Peace and love.

P.S.  Here's an oldie but goodie, delivered to me earlier today from the Woodstock radio station.

Whole30 :: Day 27

I am sorry for my absence!  We went away to visit family in Massachusetts and I decided last minute to leave my laptop at home to more deeply savor vacation mode.  I thought I might blog via my phone Precious, but...I didn't.

We are home now, just past midnight.  I will check in later with my Day 28 post.

Peace and love.

Quipping

Coming to you from...

...the keys of my new Air-y Apple gadget

...the throes of middle-aged menopausal "fat-fuzzy-frazzled" miasma

...super mugginess and daily flash flood warnings

...more sleep deprivation

...explaining, not complaining...as you can see, I am still here...somewhat upright and kind of smiling.

Thinking about this summer season as a time of tackling some niggling things off my life list (mundane and not-so-mundane...but mostly mundane):

• tap dancing

• finishing the lap blanket that has been unknit for nearly two years now

• my Superhero Lunchbox

• homeschool planning

• writing a household budget

• getting back to reading

• getting back to writing

Gawd.  Making the above list is enough to send me crawling back beneath the nearest rock.  It's all a bit overwhelming these days.  (We also have vacationing in MA and CA planned for August.)

Anyhoo, here are a few things to read and listen to:

• a piece about food and Boston

• a yummy sounding egg bake recipe

• a bittersweet rumination of life's twists

• a song I have long loved not knowing it was a COVER. loving up the original.

Peace and love.

What's going on

 shot at dawn sometime last week.

Mucho sleeplessness.  Way too mucho.  Going on ten days or so now, nearly half my nights have seen less than an hour of sleep.

This is not good.

Part hormonal insomnia, part getting out of bed multiple times a night to sit in the kids' room, part circadian rhythm shifting.

: :    : :    : :

A few days ago a local teenager climbed an embankment not far from our place and stood in front of an oncoming train and died.  I have been haunted by this...due in some part to my sleep deprived state.

: :    : :    : :

Sleep deprivation is not good for hair plucking.  My system is a bath of peri/menopausal hormones, my brain chemistry is far from shooting on all cylinders...I'm in a state of restless stasis.  Pluck, pluck, pluck.

: :    : :    : :

My corrected corrective lenses are perched on my nose.  Much better.  I am feeling inclined to read again.

: :    : :    : :

Eleven weeks since my last period, another one came.  It's been qualitatively different.  Not normal is the new normal.

: :    : :    : :

The kids are growing a ton.  Gem is changing inside and outside.  I swear he goes to bed and wakes up and is another inch taller.  He is morphing into a teen.  The countdown to his birthday has begun.

: :    : :    : :

We're in the midst of a heatwave, but I have been so out of it I've barely noticed.  Of course, I am using the air conditioners assiduously.  And drinking lots of iced coffee and tea.

: :    : :    : :

I have been enjoying the game Candy Crush Saga.  It's my first social media tie-in game.  I've been playing it a lot.  On a related gaming note, Gem bought a Wii U.  It all happened quickly and was quite shocking because he has historically been a non-saver/-big spender.  But, he had amassed quite the bundle of coin since his last birthday and so we chipped in just a little bit and the kids have been enjoying the new Wii system thoroughly.

: :    : :    : :

I am entering a non-productive cycle of the vicious kind.  The sleep deprivation is affecting my capacity for stress management.  I am starting to feel bad about things that I can't control...or can't control easily or readily.  I am getting the bare minimum done on any given day...some days with more impromptu and nice flourishes than others.  But there is no rhythm.  Things feel haphazard and chaotic.  I have been okay with that for months, but now, not so much.

: :    : :    : :

Cap decided he wanted to replace our long suffering kitchen trash can before his impending trip to Japan.  We did our due diligence and checked out the selection at Bed Bath and Beyond...but we were not impressed.  The cans that had the features we were looking for were crazy expensive.  I found a great seeming can online at a restaurant supply store made by Rubbermaid in the USA.  Not cheap, but not as costly as the highest end stuff in BB and B.  Waiting for its arrival.

: :    : :    : :

Yep.  Feeling unmoored.  And grumpy.  Called our first, brief, official family meeting a few days ago and proposed a month of seriously increased structure.  I have been feeling quite a bit of tension holding the various strands of "home" together.  Anything that can help increase harmony by paring away missed and/or mixed expectations sounds good to me right now.  The kids were wary of committing to a month so we decided to assess how things were going after two weeks.

: :    : :    : :

The sky is lightening.  It is 5:30.  I cannot believe I've had another night with not a wink of sleep.  I am going to play a round or two of Candy Crush and then head into the kitchen.  My sister and brother-in-law are coming over for dinner and I am braising short ribs.  Yum.

Peace and love.

Glasses gone wrong

Here I am.  Sleepless.  My consolation is that I am not stressed about not sleeping.  I wish I had slept, but it was not in the cards.  Once I realized it was starting to get light out about twenty minutes ago, I knew there was no use staying in bed.  The only times I can sleep in natural light are when I am very sick or just a bit pregnant.

I realized, also, that with Gem asleep, I would have my laptop uninterrupted.  He has been using it more and more, it feels like.  So I got up.

I recently learned that the lenses in my new glasses, which I'd been wearing for over a month, were incorrectly made.  Not enough as to be glaringly obvious...which is why I spent weeks and then some more weeks wondering why my upper back and neck were SO tight without concomitant stressors and why I was starting to experience headaches (unusual for me)...and why I was finding that I could not read things close up and generally feeling eye strain/fatigue (particularly when reading on my phone screen...which I have doing much more of because my laptop has been occupied by another).

Because the onset of my body's messages of protest was gradual, it took me awhile to figure out the problem might be my eyes (it did not occur to me that it might be the glasses...luckily, I brought my old pair with me in the event that, crazily, my prescription had changed in the month-plus since my last eye exam and I would need to temporarily part with the new glasses).

I mention this because I had noticed, and been feeling bad about, the persistent lack of pleasure reading/writing in my life the past few months.  I do believe this is one of the reasons, perhaps the main reason, my blogging has come to nearly a standstill.  It is a relief to have the smoke clear...metaphorically...my revamped spectacles are due back to me sometime this week.  Time will tell whether and how much my newly-able-to-focus eyes will guide me back to reading and writing.

This integrates a whole new awareness and understanding of learning issues/disabilities into me, physically and mentally.  It took a long time for me, an adult who once made her living working with kids with learning issues, to put two and two together.  I can't imagine a kid, or an adult who has never known themselves to be otherwise when it comes to reading and writing, would be able to easily articulate the connection between the complex physical realities and manifestations of deficit (eyes/brain/body) with what may not even feel like unmet potential...

And pretty much on cue, my eyes are straining...my shoulders are tight, and I am going to sign off.  My dreams of luxurious uninterrupted writing time, dashed.  The light outside just seemed to intensify...as if to make it clear there will be no sleep for me tonight.  It being nearly six a.m. and all.

Peace and love.  (Speaking of love, I LOVED Call The Midwife!)

Last week

I guess I am in a non-blogging phase.  Which, for the record, I do not like.

The weekend was very split-personality.  Which, for the record, I do not like.

I seem to be having some period action after 8 weeks of menstrual radio silence.  Which, for the record, I do not like.

Whether I like it or not, life happens and time marches on.

So...

The kids are good.  Gem is on the cusp of becoming a teenager and he is transforming before our eyes.  Sag is experiencing springtime allergies for the first time and it has hit him like a truck.  OTC medication helped for 24 hours but were disrupting his sleep.  We switched him to homeopathic stuff which brought/are bringing symptoms to a level where coping is possible.  

(Interesting aside...for many years, Sag had "terrible (fill in age)-and-a-halfs" (as opposed to the "terrible twos")...we never understood the whys of it but came to expect the few weeks/couple of months during which he raged and roared and just seemed so uncomfortable in his skin.  We chalked it up to developmental growing pains...the unrest that can often precede a firm step forward in growing/growing up.  Then, as suddenly as they came on, these rough patches stopped, about four years ago.  The arrival of this Spring's allergies has highlighted the reality that Sag has been in a somewhat prolonged highly sensitive mode for about a month now.  The timing of it makes me wonder if there is...and was, a seasonal component to his difficulties around the time of his half-birthday.)

Last week we had time with their youngest cousin and with my Dad.  I don't think about it much, but it is really nice for them to be able to have this kind of (almost impromptu) time with extended family...something I did not grow up with myself.

(Barbra that is your travel pillow, by the way, on Gem's head.  I have it "out" to remind myself to mail it back to you!)

Switching back to mostly Paleo (not sweating it if I am eating out or PMSing bad...though even then I flexed just enough to allow occasional rice/corn/dairy...no gluten/sugar) has been pretty delicious.  I so appreciate color in life and forget how well having vegetables and fruit around can enhance one's colorscape.  Coffee has been fine without cream, my appetite has gone down a lot (though my ability to figure out serving size has not, concurrently...that shot of food in a pan is what was left after I took what I wanted and my intention was to cook up one serving!) and I have discovered a super simple way to prepare chicken that I love.

The chicken thing was enlightening because I have long been someone who could take or leave chicken.  It is great timing to have tasty chicken in the repertoire because I am wanting to eat less, generally, and specifically, less meat.  I suspect the cut and quality of the chicken are what makes this "recipe" a stand out.  I am getting boneless, skinless thighs from my meat guy at the Farmer's Market.  Cap has been using the chicken breast from Anthony for months now and I have been aware of the wonderful quality, but never ate much of it because...I thought I didn't really like chicken.  (This is the same farmer from whom we buy our gorgeous eggs.)  Well, despite being a dark meat girl, I never explored the world of dark meat chicken because Cap doesn't like it and the kids are not fans of eating chicken off the bone.  Deciding to follow the "getting started" recipes in Well Fed last week, kind of blindly, I asked for the boneless, skinless chicken thighs at Anthony's stall, not knowing they were a thing, and was pleasantly surprised to have two packages thunked down in front of me.

The "recipe" wasn't much of a recipe at all for anyone who cooks chicken with any regularity/intuition (not me).  It called for grilling the chicken, but had instructions on how to bake it instead, which was perfect for me.  (We have access to an outdoor grill, but living on the second floor, we don't really use it.)  The chicken is seasoned with salt, pepper and granulated garlic, placed in a baking dish and then baked at 400º for 30 minutes.

That's it.

It looks like the pic above (not very attractive, if you ask me) and tastes like gangbusters.  I cooked up 3 lbs. last week and went down to 2 lbs. this week.  (The kids liked it, but didn't ask for it again.)  It's a perfect little protein with veggies or on its own.

I did have way too much food prepped last week.  My brain must be foggier than I think because I thought I slashed items off this week's grocery list, but ended up spending more/buying just as much, it felt like.  Some patience will be needed as the process gets streamlined and sorted out.

Some seasonal stuff that happened last week: the annual film festival in town where Cap and I saw Free Angela and All Political Prisoners (directed by an alum of my high school...followed by dinner out while the kids were happily ensconced with friends) and herbs picked up at one of the annual plant sales in town.

The final pic is just something that caught my eye.  One of our drying racks broke which prompted this:

Peace and love.  (And less Ruzzle...though it comforts me when I am PMSing...and don't have ice cream or potato chips.)

Feast or famine

I try to be more in balance, but feast or famine is a vein that runs through me.  Rituals do not come naturally, I am more of a habits girl.  And being an Air sign, my habits can barely be called habits as they have nothing to stick to.

On Sunday we had a mostly media-free day.  No email, , no social media, no video gaming, no computer/online usage except for homework or research.  We did watch parts of the Red Sox game, the kids and I watched Amazing Race and then I watched Game of Thrones and Mad Men (which I was unsure of until just before I decided to watch both).

Sag loved it and asked when we could do it again (Wednesday).  Gem chafed under it and his misery grew with each passing hour.  I was amazed (and delighted) at how much the day seemed to lengthen and open up.  There was no feeling of pre-commitment to an electronic device/activity (Sag and I, in particular, seemed to be wired to relate this way to screen time).  There was no feeling of having lost time...or its sister feeling of regret at the hour of the day/realization that you haven't done what you wanted to do yet...despite having occupied oneself with what seemed entertaining and even necessary, at the time.  (The brain/nervous system can be tricky.)

I have been trying to (re)form (re)new habits:

• sleep.  sleeping better, more consistently.  dreaming.  but not waking/going to bed early enough to call it a habit yet.  not getting the natural positive reinforcement of waking bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, either.

• Qigong.  it is so working-against-me to call Qigong the bane of my existence.  and overly dramatic.  but I continue to be challenged, vigorously, by my seeming incapacity to develop a habit here.  there is no spark.  when I have practiced, it has felt good, but not good.  interestingly, my occasional Y workouts (30 minutes of elliptical, I have not made it back to a Zumba class) had me believing I was happily healthy inside because I have been able to handle them without aches or pains during or after.  but as the weeks have passed, my body is getting stiffer and every time I practice Qigong I am faced with less, not more.  argh.  I am energetically resisting (re)gaining energetic health.

• tv.  I haven't gone as far as deleting them from the DVR, but I am dropping The Following and Revolution.  some shows have ended (Top of the Lake, House of Lies, Shameless, Spartacus, Southland...the latter two for good), I am picking up Rectify and The Bletchley Circle.  Project Runway ends this week.  Amazing Race ends this week or next.  there is some disentangling...I am feeling more tired at the end of the day, really feeling in and listening to my body, and zoning out in front of the tube less.

• expressing.  I have yet to do the emotional cleansing exercises Vinny keeps prescribing.  yet, I find myself expressing my emotions more organically, bit by bit.  sometimes, I can feel myself separating from myself right after.  still a protective kind of response in place.  pulling away to watch the scene.

• eating/food.  have not made it back to Paleo.  the effects of inflammation (which is tied into everything, but to me feels most connected to this realm) are ever presently evident.  yet, yet.  I am eating simpler, I am eating less.  but I am bloated and heavy.  and I am not willing to completely give up sugar.  my stomach/digestive system has been doing its own cleansing which appears to be of internal workings rather than due to foreign invaders.

And now, here, about an hour has passed.  I can hear one kid stirring, which usually means the other is not far behind.  I have a date to go to the Y and then to Target.  I would like to eat a bit beforehand.

But, one more thought.  (Well, two.  I did not address money/finances.  Another time.)  Spring shoots growth to front and center.  And as I grapple with my issues, I am reminded more forcefully than in any other season (seemingly, but don't trust me...us sensitive types we feel "most"/"-est" quite often and it blots out all else), everything changes.  And where for years and years, I resisted the absolute transience of all, I am grateful to be in a place of accepting it and being truly okay with it, much more often than not.

With that, I leave you with the Japanese sign of the season, the inimitable symbol of the delicate beauty and design of the temporary...

Peace and love.

Lion and lamb

These shots have been taken in the last eight days...essentially spanning the time since my last post not counting the one about the eyeglasses.  This time has been alternately incredibly busy and drop dead still (seemingly by day).  That has been the syncopation.  Post-recovery from the big sick that slogged through, the energy of late winter and a March that has been as alternately lion and lamb.

These are the quiet shots.  The ones that lull and soothe.

There has also been plenty of this:

And, as ever, the food.

I have been processing, integrating, expelling, reeling...and sleeping.  Analysis and reflection have been happening in snippets, but it has not been a time of deep focus.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Peace and love.

P.S.  There was a quietly meaningful lunch out.  A first: the three of us ate the same thing at a restaurant.  Brown rice wraps for Gem and me, a wheat one for Sag.  Tuna, egg salad, and ham and cheese.  With local chips on the side.  It was a moment of simple pleasure and deep gratitude.

Saturday shimmy

The kids are hogging my laptop as they weather this phase of getting better. I started blathering a post last night but it was too long to deal with on the Blogger app on my phone.

I am on my phone again so this will be short and sweet.

Well, not totally sweet. I nearly had insomnia last night which was the upsetting end to an uncomfortable evening. I think my womanly hormones may do me in before this is all over.

Anyway, I woke early after really not getting enough sleep for the second night in a row. Read a chapter of my book and felt comforted and clarified. (How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk)

I had a cup of Raspberry Earl tea and a slice of Udi's toasted with Kerrygold butter.

Nudged the kids into fresh pajamas and into "my" bed, the pullout in the living room, so I could wash the bedding on the big bed where they've been camping out.

Popped down to the farmer's market, surprised and delighted by how cold it was again. Jumped on the chance to buy fresh chicken livers from our pastured meat farmer. Was a little bummed I had no cash to walk over to the Redeye for a latte-to-go.

Made Gem some onigiri (rice balls) which made him so happy. Spiked some box chicken broth with fresh ginger and garlic. Made Sag some toast. Listened to him describe a dish he wants my help to make: a waffle burger. Stay tuned. Had a bowl of broth with leftover rice and a poached egg. Had some face time with Cap who has finally turned a corner.

Transferred the wash to the dryer and headed out to run a few more errands. A&P for an onion (for the chopped liver), CVS for new toothbrushes for all of us and floss sticks for the kids, gas station for a fill-up, and the bookstore for some getting better reading. (Sag's book is actually a great job at the eye doctor and dentist present that he had ordered last week.) I ordered a book for myself, the teen companion book of the How To Talk To Kids series.

I chose the first Hercule Poirot mystery for Gem. He has cracked it open and I think is intrigued because it isn't easy...it's unfamiliar territory in a genre that he likes.

By the time I returned, the bedding was dry. Made the big bed and Gem promptly reinstalled himself. Sag stayed out in my temporary bed. Refilled hydrating fluid glasses (again and again). Caught up on social media. Made chopped liver. (More on that tomorrow.)

Decided I want to see a movie tomorrow, but there isn't much playing at good times. I would actually love to see Django Unchained, but it's only showing at 10:30 pm. I also want to see Life of Pi, but it's only showing at 1 pm which is borderline too early. Maybe the Oscar shorts? Maybe Amour? Quartet? Zero Dark Thirty?

Things will start winding down here soon. The kids were up early and will hopefully retire on the early side. I may pay for Argo tonight. Or I may catch up on Shameless and House of Lies.

That was not short. But it was a glimpse into the day.

Peace and love.

But wait, there's more

I am on the mend.  Plying myself with warm liquids brewed with things like ginger and garlic.  Cap and the boys are now sick.  We've been due a big family sick.  Luckily, we're not about to board a flight to Disneyland or something.  Our immune systems will strengthen and we will keep on truckin'.

Peace.

Right now

Sick.  Later.

Hey

Just wanted to check in because it's been a really lovely day and our evening, in particular, has been full of cozy.  (I am waiting for the sauna---the one my father-in-law built---to heat up...this gal is gonna sleep well tonight.)

I realized my present experience is in such contrast to where I was yesterday/last night.  I felt reassured and wanted to reassure any of you here, in case you were concerned.

I am feeling much better.  Almost unrecognizably so.  Which is kind of scary.  But hormones...chemicals...they can really pack a punch when telling a story.

Peace and love and a big pink hug.

Barely

Hey there.

Sorry for my quiet here.  I have been under the weather...under "life"...in an under-mood.

The lice thing is looking up.  My friend, Kate, combed my hair with her much bosser nit/lice comb.  (As soon as I saw it, I knew the job would be much less tedious than the comb we'd picked up suggested.)  For this kinesthetic learner/being, it made all the difference to have someone guide me through the experience of combing.  I am forever grateful.

Her experienced eye found nothing in my hair.  I went home and combed all three dudes and found nothing.  That was Election Day.  I've been combing the boys and myself once a day since then and we've been "clean".  I'll have our doctor's office check us out tomorrow or Monday and with their official word, hopefully, this episode will be in our rearview.

There isn't much else to say.  I am barely here.  Skimming surfaces.

Music, when it arises, as always, is a balm.



Peace and love.

What it is...at least in this tiny little corner of it

The opposite of eloquent is what I am.  The opposite of elegant is what I feel.  (Though, come to think of it, have I ever felt elegant?  Not sure...)

So, we have had our closest known encounter with head lice.  It happened last Thursday evening and drama ensued.  This Friday, on the advice our family doctor, we'll all go in and get our heads checked. 

It turns out what do to in the interim depends on who you are.  I have received lots of personally truthful experience- and evidence-based advice.  And not only have these stories been all over the treatment map, some of them have diametrically opposed each other.

I have been grateful for the tips and advice, nonetheless.  We didn't have internet the first couple of days after exposure and we felt very much in the dark.  We picked up a special lice comb and some tea tree oil, but I haven't actually done any combing.  (For those of you who don't know me, at my best...which I have not been lately...I am extremely reluctant to perform tasks which my brain red flags as "tedious".  Prophylactic combing was setting off all sorts of tedium alarms.)

For now, I am sitting tight on the lice.  Hoping that we have been spared.  Trying not to let my itchy scalp drive me crazy.  (The mere mention of the word lice is enough to get my scalp going.)  I have a tendency to pull my hair out anyway (googled it last night and it turns out to be a thing) and there has been a spike in that behavior.

Oy.

Sag still doesn't feel great.  We think he may have a cold on top of the strep.  And the antibiotic wouldn't vanquish the cold.  I seem to have a cold, too.  Or, we're just more externally symptomatic of being run down.  I am not sure.

It's hard to post, to share, to reach out, when there are still thousands of households right in our small town who remain powerless.  Temps have really dipped and people are cold and in the dark.  Some are friends, some are elderly, some are mentally ill, some are homeless. Expand the circle outward and there are people in our county and state who have lost homes and loved ones because of the storm.  Our community is small and I feel confident that no one is falling through the cracks.  But, it's a much bigger world out there, even right next door in Newark.  Cory Booker is truly a superhero.  He is working his ass off trying to make sure everyone in his city is safe and warm.

It's all hard to reconcile.

Halloween, which had been "rescheduled" for this afternoon has not happened.  Sag was not well enough to go out (he cried), Gem decided he didn't want to go out once he realized his brother and usual trick-or-treating partner, Owen, could not go.  Gem has been more sensitive to the de-occasioning of the holiday by the change of date and the state mandated trick-or-treating curfew of noon to 5pm.

Schools in town have not re-opened.  You can imagine the mass confused energy.  That's a lot of kids home for a week with no regularly scheduled activity built into their days.  In direct and more subtle ways, routines have been broken.  We are lucky to be maintaining some of ours, yet the undercurrent of chaos is strong.

I don't even know what I am saying here.  This cold is reverting my brain back to a shell shocked state...or maybe I never quite left it.  Cap did make me laugh earlier today which felt like a burst of light.  Holding that memory like a precious ephemeral thing.

Peace and love.

And so it unfolds

I am sleeping. Dreaming nasty dreams.

Waking, alternately moving through a foggy fugue state and doing what needs to be done.

Keeping devastation and crisis at arm's length. What seeps through renders me liquid.

Though we have electricity (which is inconceivably huge), I feel the weight of this surreal bubble atop us.

Everything is still while recovery is furiously taking place elsewhere. But the stillness is a facade.

Hearts continue beating, at times racing. Memory is being made. Process is percolating.

Our unit here is living along. We are holding together with our neighbors. Strands pull together as we go to and receive friends in support.

It is becoming clearer that there are pockets of true that are hardly known.

A report from the East Village (Marcella) of people dumpster diving and bathing at hydrants not a relief vehicle in sight. They have evacuated to Brooklyn down to the last drops in their tub and a kitchen with only rotted food left.

This from a healthy unit of two adults and one young child. I am shaken to think of the elderly, mentally ill, physically disabled, etc. populations in lower Manhattan, NJ, Haiti, and other areas knocked on their asses by this storm and their proximity to the sea.

The stories and moments of not only survival, but grace in adversity are encouraging. But the energy of souls suffering and perishing...I am feeling that, too.

Peace.

P.S. Thank you for your comments and for reading. We don't have internet and I am blogging bare bones using my phone. Not sure how to get to comments to comment back yet. I do receive your comments via email though and am reading them. Thank you.

Oakland oasis

Apologies for my absence.  I wish wish wish I could post some pics.  I have some good ones.

Blogger is acting a bit funny on the iPad.  Also, I cannot seem to upload photos from the camera roll onto Blogger.

I am enjoying my respite from regular life.  The weather has been fantastic.  Barbra and Audrey have been magnificent hosts.  I am wanting for nothing except maybe some solid sleep.  Jet lag is a fickle and slippery thing.

I have been breathing in abundant nature, time with friends and incredible food.  I have watched no tv.  Nor have I cracked open a book.  I have Skyped with the kids.  I have been snuggled by the dogs.  I have been Instagramming, Tweeting and Facebooking.

Two more days followed by a red-eye and I will re-enter home life on Thursday.  I will likely not return here till then.

Peace and love.