Retreat

Any time leading up and into intentional cleansing has a particular quality.  I usually shut down a bit.  Begin to retreat, a bit, to gather my energy, to rest.

This morning:

Raspberry Earl tea with a dollop of honey and the last of the coconut creamer.  (I'll be moving into green tea and Master Lu's tea mixes over the next few days.)

Quietly contemplating these souls.  There has been so much growth the past few weeks, physical and otherwise.  It's exciting, but equilibrium has been thrown off all about, for sure.

Taking my Master Cleanse herbs, as well as, the ones for my ankle (injured in Japan, but the resulting problems didn't crop up till a few weeks ago).  I wish practicing Qigong was as easy as popping these babies...  (Also began flaxseed/primrose oil and bee pollen...intending to work in fish oil soon.)

Feeling the pull of self-doubt and negative self-image.  Resist, resist.  Looking forward to doing a bit of escaping into A Game of Thrones, the book, when it comes in for me at the book store (the library system is all out, due to the HBO show debuting this week).

Waiting for balance to be restored in my unique-and-I'm-working-on-it brain/central nervous system/mind.  

Example:

I sent my beloved slippers back to Bean for replacement ones (the sheep fleece lining wore down before the rest of the slipper did).  I've been delaying doing this for months, even as the problem worsened, because...well, I couldn't imagine being without my slippers for a week or two.  Then, an opportunity arose.  A pair of Wellies that came for Gem had to be returned on Bean's dime.  I am such a freak when it comes to paying for shipping.  I hate doing it (the dark side of resistance :-)  So, I impulsively popped the slippers into the box with the Wellies and sent them away.

Oh, the nightmare aftermath of being impulsive (truly, feels like it almost never works for me to be impulsive).  I knew I was going to the local outdoor shop to exchange my Barcelona shoes for a bigger size (and different color...madder rose!)  While there, I decided to finally take the plunge and get some Birks to be worn as summer slippers, something I'd been inspired to do by seeing Silke's indoor shoes.

I didn't find exactly what I wanted (the purple ones have been discontinued?!), but I found a pair that will work just fine.  But, you know me, color matters.  Especially if I am plunking down $100 for a pair of shoes I will be wearing for 10 years, into the ground.  So, they had to be special ordered.

And now, I am without house shoes for the time being.

I've tried going barefoot treading carefully, I've tried double socking my feet, I've tried changing my socks as needed multiple times a day.  I am that tactile defensive on my feet.  One drop of water, I feel it seep right to my skin on the sole of my foot and that sock is done.  Each stick of my bare foot to some random sticky spot on the floor and I get the willies.

It's exhausting being in the kitchen right now.  And it shows.  Poor Cap is picking up the slack for me, fresh veggies lie fallow in the fridge.  My Dragon's Way food is slow to get going.  I could use my replacement slippers.  I could use my new house shoes.  I could use a chemical reboot.  I could use a new perspective.

You see, balance needs restoring.  And, maybe, you can understand why I've been feeling as of late, that meds or a lobotomy could feel better than this.

Off to Danielle's.  Time out.  Happy children.  Temporary chemical reboot.  You never know where it all can lead.

Hold the shampoo and soap

A few weeks ago, I read this piece and was inspired and intrigued.  And now it has been over two weeks since I last used shampoo or any other hair "product".  It has also been over two weeks since I last used soap on my body.  I do use soap on my hands before preparing food for others (usually) and on the rare occasion that my hands come into contact with noxious bodily excretions (mine or others').

Results so far have been interesting:

• I am realizing my borderline OCD around handwashing/germ phobia.  I had no idea how compulsively I have been washing my hands.  I'd always thought of my hand washing practice as a benign holdover from my days of being a special needs preschool teacher.  Easing off on the use of soap has made me aware not only of how much soap I've been using on my hands, but how freaking much I have been washing them.  I say "borderline" because it hasn't been difficult to downgrade my soap use.  I still wash my hands frequently, but have been comfortable with washing with water.  In fact, I am now tickled by the moisturizing properties of whatever leftover peanut oil from peanut butter, for example, provides the skin of my fingers while I wash up.

• I noticed within the first few days that my hair was tamer.  Once I stopped using shampoo, the pouf-y "sproing" that, even my straight hair would get, disappeared.  My hair felt softer almost immediately.  I no longer had to wear a hat after showers to keep my hair "down" as it dried.  A couple of weeks into my experiment, I am coming to think of my hair as pelt-like.  When I wash it I can feel the natural oils have formed a protective shield.  The hair and scalp are working as one with my own internal system.

• The area of skin I have noticed the most dramatic change in is my feet.  The skin on the bottom of my feet and around my heels has softened and is a lovely "normal".  No dryness, no whiteness, no toughness.  Just regular skin.  Balance has quickly been restored in terms of color and moisture and feel.  Amazing.

• The skin on my hands and legs, the worst areas of my skin in terms of dryness and damage, are recovering, but at a slower rate.  My hands won't recover completely as long as I continue to use soap.  That's clear.  But, I am enjoying the improvement in the skin on my legs.  I am still experiencing some itchiness on them, but that is connected to stuff happening inside, I think.  (The skin is connected to our digestive system among other things.)

• Body odor has not been an issue.  It rarely is for me anyway, but I did have a cheeseburger last week (meat and cheese tend to make me stinky) and nothing.  It will be interesting to see if my hormonally induced body odor is kept in check, too.  I don't remember what time of the month the uptick happens, but in a few weeks this experiment will have been going on for a month so time will tell.  I don't often use deodorant, but I have stopped during this experiment time.

• I am lip balm dependent (Burt's Bees forever) and have not stopped applying as needed.  I am noticing though that the need is decreasing.  I am no longer applying daily/nightly.

So, what am I doing if I'm not using shampoo/soap?  I am simply scrubbing, rubbing, washing with water.  The handheld shower head is key for getting to all parts of the body, especially those nooks and crannies.  I love a hot shower and now that I am washing with more awareness, I am noticing the potentially harsh effects on my skin when it comes to hot water.

In the kitchen, I am realizing that for most washes of the hands while preparing a meal, warm water, vigorous washing and a good rub with a dish towel is totally workable.  I'm using soap after handling raw meat and my nemesis, tuna fish can oil/water.

My hair definitely looks "oily" in spots, sometimes.  But, it's not dirty.  A few strokes with my brush and the natural oil is redistributed and smoothed out.  It feels really good.  And, I've been getting compliments on how my hair looks.  For real.  I am wondering if over the next few weeks my hair will reach more equilibrium on its own.

This has been fascinating and fun.  I love healing part of myself in this simple way.  I have a feeling I will never go back to shampoo and soap!

Unwritten

Apparently this singer as nominated for a Grammy in 2007 for this song.  I had never heard of Natasha Bedingfield or this song, Unwritten, until my friend Mali shared it with me on Facebook as a song that makes her happy.

All signs should have pointed to my prompt dismissal of this song.  But, I love it.  It's one of those pop tunes that burrowed right to my brain to a sweet spot.  (A reason why I keep in mind to not cling too tightly to any "should"s.)