Retreat

Any time leading up and into intentional cleansing has a particular quality.  I usually shut down a bit.  Begin to retreat, a bit, to gather my energy, to rest.

This morning:

Raspberry Earl tea with a dollop of honey and the last of the coconut creamer.  (I'll be moving into green tea and Master Lu's tea mixes over the next few days.)

Quietly contemplating these souls.  There has been so much growth the past few weeks, physical and otherwise.  It's exciting, but equilibrium has been thrown off all about, for sure.

Taking my Master Cleanse herbs, as well as, the ones for my ankle (injured in Japan, but the resulting problems didn't crop up till a few weeks ago).  I wish practicing Qigong was as easy as popping these babies...  (Also began flaxseed/primrose oil and bee pollen...intending to work in fish oil soon.)

Feeling the pull of self-doubt and negative self-image.  Resist, resist.  Looking forward to doing a bit of escaping into A Game of Thrones, the book, when it comes in for me at the book store (the library system is all out, due to the HBO show debuting this week).

Waiting for balance to be restored in my unique-and-I'm-working-on-it brain/central nervous system/mind.  

Example:

I sent my beloved slippers back to Bean for replacement ones (the sheep fleece lining wore down before the rest of the slipper did).  I've been delaying doing this for months, even as the problem worsened, because...well, I couldn't imagine being without my slippers for a week or two.  Then, an opportunity arose.  A pair of Wellies that came for Gem had to be returned on Bean's dime.  I am such a freak when it comes to paying for shipping.  I hate doing it (the dark side of resistance :-)  So, I impulsively popped the slippers into the box with the Wellies and sent them away.

Oh, the nightmare aftermath of being impulsive (truly, feels like it almost never works for me to be impulsive).  I knew I was going to the local outdoor shop to exchange my Barcelona shoes for a bigger size (and different color...madder rose!)  While there, I decided to finally take the plunge and get some Birks to be worn as summer slippers, something I'd been inspired to do by seeing Silke's indoor shoes.

I didn't find exactly what I wanted (the purple ones have been discontinued?!), but I found a pair that will work just fine.  But, you know me, color matters.  Especially if I am plunking down $100 for a pair of shoes I will be wearing for 10 years, into the ground.  So, they had to be special ordered.

And now, I am without house shoes for the time being.

I've tried going barefoot treading carefully, I've tried double socking my feet, I've tried changing my socks as needed multiple times a day.  I am that tactile defensive on my feet.  One drop of water, I feel it seep right to my skin on the sole of my foot and that sock is done.  Each stick of my bare foot to some random sticky spot on the floor and I get the willies.

It's exhausting being in the kitchen right now.  And it shows.  Poor Cap is picking up the slack for me, fresh veggies lie fallow in the fridge.  My Dragon's Way food is slow to get going.  I could use my replacement slippers.  I could use my new house shoes.  I could use a chemical reboot.  I could use a new perspective.

You see, balance needs restoring.  And, maybe, you can understand why I've been feeling as of late, that meds or a lobotomy could feel better than this.

Off to Danielle's.  Time out.  Happy children.  Temporary chemical reboot.  You never know where it all can lead.