I am sorry for the absence. I've been preoccupied with "in real life" stuff. Not that blogging is not real life, because it is, to me.
Here is a self-portrait I shot today. Wearing spectacles I really dug and was all set to order...till I found out how much. And I just couldn't. So I went with the getting new lenses (the lower half of my bi-focal script had changed yet again) in an old but very gently used pair of sunglasses frames I have held onto.
What I did not confess yesterday: I was slightly horrified at the thought that my time at the Y wiped me out for the rest of the day.
Turns out, I have entered the part of "the change" that is signaled by my periods being irregular. I thought I might be ovulating, but...no.
I'm a bit pale and tired, but, man, did the workout mellow out my chemicals. I have been so calm and clear-minded...even as I shoveled in a bunch of PMS-y foods in my craw last night. I have plans tonight to have dinner with friends followed by a dance party. I am taking it easy during the day...tackling the disordered piles around me (you can see some of it in the background of the pic) one piece at a time.
Enlisting a buddy in this process was critical. I would not have made it out of the cozy confines of home today if not for the plans I'd made with Danielle.
We were early for Zumba so we hopped onto the elliptical machines for 20 minutes. Wow those things are virtuous yet boring.
Zumba was hard to describe. I appreciated many things about it, including the instructor, who was quite inspirational. It was a small class due to the snow and I was grateful for the space and the unobstructed view of the teacher.
I was surprised that I did not hurt myself or feel any pain doing these two activities back-to-back. Also, that I did not have to rest from exertion.
I was less surprised that my mind managed to wander during these activities...but still surprised. Especially during Zumba, which was as much brain gym as body one, the things that popped into my head...
When it was all over, I had so many questions. Such as, how do people not spend hours and hours at the gym? There is so much to do! I so wanted to jump into the pool after Zumba.
My predominant emotion/mental state was confusion. I was tired but energized. Calm and not grumpy. I smiled more than a few times during Zumba, but also regretted going pad-less with all the jumping I was doing.
Once home, I have wanted more than anything to curl up in a blanket. After feeding the kids and myself, going over some Math work, and a long, hot shower, I finally snuggled down with a mug of hot tea at hand.
A few hours later, I am feeling something in my knees, in particular. I will down some Advil with my Americano before heading out to play with/babysit my young friend, Leo.
Since I have plans to go dancing tomorrow night, I have already nixed my plans to go to Athletic Conditioning at 9am. I will return to the gym Sunday for some more Zumba.
I took the kids to the local zoo yesterday. I thought we might see some energetic critters as a storm system moved our way. We were rewarded with wolves who were eager to commune.
Hacking and updating our tired old spaces. These three new pieces in the bathroom are all from Ikea. The large bath rug I bought at Amazon started unraveling after the second wash. That's being returned, it was really nice and expensive. A shame.
We're still not sure about the new slipcover. We thought it was going to be padded, but it is not. It is a 75/25 cotton/poly blend and feels like a stiff linen or hemp (which I don't mind). Unfortunately, as you can see, it has that easy-to-wrinkle linen quality, too. It is, also, dry clean only. And, it was expensive.
Two of our older cushion covers are still drying. I spent an hour watching John Carter and plucking off very small feathers from the inside of these covers.
The landlord finally sent over a contractor to patch up the hole in the ceiling. It needs a coat of paint, but we went ahead and set the desk up in there.
Things are coming together nicely in the kids' room...till you get to the pile of stuff with nowhere to go. We are keeping the red dresser (from my childhood) for now, as well as, the blue egg chair. But all those other bins/containers need spaces to fit onto somehow somewhere...or there will need to be more vetting of stuff. Sigh.
Went to bed late and was pushed around quite a bit by a sleeping eleven year old. But, woke surprisingly rested.
Returned some stuff and bought a new slipcover for the sofa. Brunched at Ikea. Spent the morning with Danielle.
old becomes new.
Shopped for "workout" gear. I have yet to go to the Y with all the being sick/taking care of the sick/recovering. But, I am mapping out classes and thoroughly enjoyed shopping today.
barefoot shoe.
Brought back to balance by Vinny. He taught me something new, I am restocked on herbs and tea. Ahhhh.
writing on the wall.
Relished some time alone in the bookshop. Decided to use some birthday money to buy Quiet and Drift.
thank you, Jamie.
Popped into the hardware store for a combination lock and other sundry items. As I walked back to the car, I felt hungry and remembered a positive review of a Korean place that opened last year. Since I was walking right by, I stepped in for some takeout.
Yipee! The chopped liver is delicious. It is flavorful, tender and packed with goodness. The alchemy is stunning.
After I made it yesterday, I was resigned to having made some rookie mistakes and determined that the next batch would be better. It was too salty, tasted more of ghee than liver, and my preparation of the livers themselves had not been pristine. I almost followed the instructions in the recipe to a "T" but at the last second decided to follow my instinct and finish mashing with a potato masher rather than just a fork.
Early this morning a thought flickered: perhaps the chopped liver would not be awful. The ghee would have solidified some, saving the texture which was plain weird yesterday. Maybe the saltiness would be remedied by "rest". Magic can happen with a night of refrigeration, this I know.
Wow. So glad I gave it space and that I didn't spend a night fretting about what I perceived as a "fail".
Happy and grateful today for a local farmer who sells fresh livers from his truly free ranging chickens, for my cultural roots within Jewish foods, and for having a life where I can nourish my body with healthful and tasty sustenance.
The kids are hogging my laptop as they weather this phase of getting better. I started blathering a post last night but it was too long to deal with on the Blogger app on my phone.
I am on my phone again so this will be short and sweet.
Well, not totally sweet. I nearly had insomnia last night which was the upsetting end to an uncomfortable evening. I think my womanly hormones may do me in before this is all over.
Anyway, I woke early after really not getting enough sleep for the second night in a row. Read a chapter of my book and felt comforted and clarified. (How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk)
I had a cup of Raspberry Earl tea and a slice of Udi's toasted with Kerrygold butter.
Nudged the kids into fresh pajamas and into "my" bed, the pullout in the living room, so I could wash the bedding on the big bed where they've been camping out.
Popped down to the farmer's market, surprised and delighted by how cold it was again. Jumped on the chance to buy fresh chicken livers from our pastured meat farmer. Was a little bummed I had no cash to walk over to the Redeye for a latte-to-go.
Made Gem some onigiri (rice balls) which made him so happy. Spiked some box chicken broth with fresh ginger and garlic. Made Sag some toast. Listened to him describe a dish he wants my help to make: a waffle burger. Stay tuned. Had a bowl of broth with leftover rice and a poached egg. Had some face time with Cap who has finally turned a corner.
Transferred the wash to the dryer and headed out to run a few more errands. A&P for an onion (for the chopped liver), CVS for new toothbrushes for all of us and floss sticks for the kids, gas station for a fill-up, and the bookstore for some getting better reading. (Sag's book is actually a great job at the eye doctor and dentist present that he had ordered last week.) I ordered a book for myself, the teen companion book of the How To Talk To Kids series.
I chose the first Hercule Poirot mystery for Gem. He has cracked it open and I think is intrigued because it isn't easy...it's unfamiliar territory in a genre that he likes.
By the time I returned, the bedding was dry. Made the big bed and Gem promptly reinstalled himself. Sag stayed out in my temporary bed. Refilled hydrating fluid glasses (again and again). Caught up on social media. Made chopped liver. (More on that tomorrow.)
Decided I want to see a movie tomorrow, but there isn't much playing at good times. I would actually love to see Django Unchained, but it's only showing at 10:30 pm. I also want to see Life of Pi, but it's only showing at 1 pm which is borderline too early. Maybe the Oscar shorts? Maybe Amour? Quartet? Zero Dark Thirty?
Things will start winding down here soon. The kids were up early and will hopefully retire on the early side. I may pay for Argo tonight. Or I may catch up on Shameless and House of Lies.
That was not short. But it was a glimpse into the day.
I am on the mend. Plying myself with warm liquids brewed with things like ginger and garlic. Cap and the boys are now sick. We've been due a big family sick. Luckily, we're not about to board a flight to Disneyland or something. Our immune systems will strengthen and we will keep on truckin'.
We are on a roll with the redesign/rearrange of the kids' room.
We'd noticed in the last few months that they were much more inclined (unconsciously) to distract each other while working at the big table in the living room. Surprisingly, it took a relatively long time for this to become an issue.
In order to get a desk into their room, we needed to create more floor space. We explored getting a loft bed, but with the input of the kids, we realized bunking their current beds would work better.
While at Ikea checking out loft beds and mattresses last week, a neat desk caught our eye. It was kind of ugly (a glossy plastic-y finish on particleboard), but its side-by-side design with single slim drawers underneath, also side-by-side, was simple and sleek. It had less of a footprint than most desks, especially for something that would seat more than one person.
We bunked the beds Saturday night and the kids and I have been working steadily the last couple of days decluttering and reorganizing and dusting and dusting and dusting.
Last night I realized that a space Cap and I thought untenable for a work space was worth giving a shot...and furthermore, this would mean we could move a second desk into the room and create a two-person work space in the same area that we were considering the new desk for. (At the tune of almost $300 not including chairs.)
This afternoon, I moved the desktop computer into the kids' room and they have been very pleased with the set up. The second desk (my brother's childhood desk which has been the computer desk for a few years in the living room) will be moved in as soon as the ceiling is fixed. It should fit nicely against that wall...though I haven't actually measured that. Guess I know what I'm doing after I finish this post!
The kids are not letting go of nearly enough to make storing all they have easy. This part of the saga will continue with some angst and pain, I think. But, they are happy with the changes, so far.
Cap and I have noticed with cautious optimism that our spend-y ways seem to be evolving. We are taking our time to figure out logistics rather than plunging ahead with our debit card in hand. (We got rid of our credit cards years ago. We have one now but only use it for very big purchases to earn frequent flier miles and pay the balance in full, monthly.)
It feels really good to hack our space with what we already have, as much as possible. It feels really good to not be making decisions with an undercurrent of desperation/sense of rushing.
The viruses continue to stalk and stake claim. But, we have been paying them less heed. Interestingly, it seems to not have made much of a difference...but there is an element of "ragged" coloring itself in with more force than is pretty.
So, though I sent the kids off to swimming class, I think the rest of the day will be a quiet one. For them. Me, I have a date with a friend for tea.
What's been happening:
• went to Ikea with Sag and Cap to flesh out this idea we've been brewing to possibly put a loft bed in the kids' room.
• decided to go back to bunking the beds we have. one of the things Sag loves about his bed is the mattress and we realized that mattress probably cost as much, if not more, than the loft bed frame. it's a good quality mattress.
• something ephemeral reached out to me from the spirit of the woman working the register at Ikea and I struck up a conversation with her. above and beyond my usual: how are you doing? it turned out she was going to a wake after work for a co-worker who died suddenly of a heart attack. she was 28 and left an 8 year old. we were gripped in such a moment of truth and sadness. I asked her if I could give her a hug and she said yes. and we hugged. it was a really interesting moment. I think both of us behaved in ways we normally wouldn't have, but it worked and felt right and was gratifying and connected.
• our 25th college reunion is coming up. we had a long conversation about whether we wanted to go or not last night. I have yet to attend a college reunion. I kind of feel like if it's going to happen, 25 is it. I bet it would be pretty fun. but we have a summer vacation plan percolating and I am not sure it will be in the budget to bookend the summer with not usual fiscal events. we shall see.
• fell off the Paleo wagon. it literally does not feel good: super itchy skin, bloating, aches and pains, brain fog, irritability. but, man, the draw is incredible once off. off gluten again as of today, off everything else Monday.
• not a coincidence that my interest meter ran out around the time I fell off the wagon. made it 7 weeks before I started feeling bored with my food options and routines. also interesting: the bits of non-Paleo food I've been eating have not been very satisfying. last night's white pizza with fresh garlic from Whole Foods was. that was very tasty.
• I'm getting tired of meat.
• feeling loved. as I so often do. I am one lucky creature.
• wearing my manatee knee-highs, which I love. as most of us who grew up in the 70s, I wore knee socks a lot. but once I was became a young adult, I ditched them because I was not a fan of my calves and felt knee socks accentuated the calves. here I am decades later and I pulled on my birthday manatee socks with some trepidation because they were the dreaded length. I LOVE them, Jamie! they are so warm and cozy. and, frankly, I think my calves appreciate the freaking support! I am officially, again, old middle-aged.
• Anna sent me some books. the ones I was hemming and hawing about over at Amazon. thanks, babe. I am very happy to have the big old menopause doorstop of a book to peruse at my leisure over the next few years. my stack grows and grows. as Gem says, wish the could be 48 hours instead of 24.
• this has been cracking the kids and me up:
• and this woman just continues to inspire me and make me smile:
My gorgeous, gorgeous progeny. They can be quite photogenic. We had fun shooting some pics and video as they finished lunch.
My red tent days are over. Till next time. Back to feeling like there's not enough time, that I lack a solid organizational system...but happy to take it one moment/task at a time.
Hope you had some moments ring true today.
Peace and love.
P.S. Had gluten yesterday and today. Can feel it in my brain and gut.
Cap made me a batch of salmon cakes this weekend. For breakfast, I heated a couple in a pan and then topped them with homemade olive oil mayo (still good, this stuff lasts a long time!) and Melinda's hot sauce. Nourishing.
(I had some popcorn last night...popped in coconut oil and drizzled with Kerrygold. A bit of Paleo off roading.)
Lana posted a video clip of a moment on Ocean Beach yesterday, over at the 60 Seconds blog. Watching it made me feel dead. In a good way, if that makes sense. Going to the beach when it's cold out is one of my most favorite things to do. Yet I have not done it in a long time. A very long time.
One way to fully live is to do the things that truly make you happy. I am not doing that. I am bogged down by my body, my temperament, my sensitivities, my thoughts.
This is a familiar song. I know I have felt this, recognized this, before. It is, I realize as I sit here in February, part of my seasonal "stuff". A partial shift awaiting completion.
In lieu of what's in/on my mind which is: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...a pic I took today (the herb garden) and yesterday (me and the kids).
I got my period yesterday and it is forcing my hand: I must embrace irregularity and unpredictability one way or another. The more joyful I am in the process, the better for me (and those around me).
@#$%
I am allowing myself a day to feel this way. To think about chowing down on a bag of potato chips or a slice or two of pizza. To be borderline fetal.
Yesterday I was distracted by laundry folding and Shameless and became a cocoon. Part of me resists all this inward-ing. But it's pretty powerful. I am dreaming up a storm and sleeping like a hibernating creature.
I am having one of those days where I woke up talking (after a night of dreaming) and I feel like there isn't a moment to spare.
I am, finally, reading Christiane Northrup's book about menopause and finding it enlightening and a comfort. I see that it is 41% off at Amazon and am considering breaking my Amazon embargo. The Faber and Mazlish book for teens (they author the How To Talk So ____ Will Listen books) is 32% off. Will I sell off a piece of my soul for $14?
Ellie's birthday celebration was delicious and bustling. I cannot believe this peanut is six.
Danielle, who is not quite two, is a master at delving into and sating her curiosity. A perfect model for living, if you ask me. She took this photo:
We dropped my mom off on our way home. Ninth Avenue was, as usual, car-logged. But, I caught this shot, which made my moment.
Wishing you a happy weekend, a long weekend for some.
I call this one "portal". I was walking up the driveway lugging frozen meat and fresh eggs from the farmer's market. It was quiet at 8:30 on a winter weekend morning. I glanced and was riveted by the mass of thin branches vaguely green trafficking in what felt deeply like possibility.
In other news, the hot fudge sauce I was making for Ellie's family birthday party tonight "seized". Sucks.
Oh, and this gem tumbled into my lap this morning. Not for everyone, like everything else in the world, but to give you a hint, it's a tumblr called My Uterus Is Here, and He Is Pissed.
