Thing that makes me go hmm

I find the concept of living/being goal-free very appealing and intriguing...yet untenable.  I continue to be inspired by reminders like this one which illuminate the possibilities.

The good, the bad and the ugly

camp making in the backyard.

:::

Noting to self the unreliability of online shopping during the holidays.  Truly one more reason to shop local.  So far, I've had two online orders canceled (after my money was taken, natch) for gifts for the kids.  So much for thinking I was done with their shopping last week.  (This dovetails nicely with my growing desire to reconfigure future Christmases to make them less consumeristic affairs.)

:::

The Kalua Pig was way overcooked/dry.  I salvaged what I could out of the center of the cut.  Big disappointment after waiting 16 hours.  I'll go back to the recipe and read the comments to see if others had this problem.  I'm not giving up on the recipe yet.  I will try to figure out how much to shorten the cooking time.  The inexpensive cut of meat will allow for experimentation.  On the upside, it was not too salty.

Big ol' pork butt

...has begun its 16 hours in the slow cooker.  You can find the recipe here.  I am looking forward to some succulent Kalua Pig tomorrow.  I am hoping it's not too salty (I tried to restrain myself, but it was hard...I am such a kinesthetic learner...it runs deep!  The recipe explains that when something cooks for as long as this piece of meat will, the salt gets really concentrated.)

Peace and love...oink.

2012 Book List (a work in progress)

Here is my as-of-yet-incomplete list of books I'd like to read in 2012.

So far, it's all fiction.  I did not include graphic novels/YA fiction (aka as quick and satisfying reads) as I imagine these will get read regardless of whether I set out to or not.

I did aim for balance in terms of the gender of the author.  Of the seventeen books on the list so far, seven already reside on our shelves.  Most of the others will be available through the library.  I am thinking of having a collection of 25 on this list.  If you have a recommendation, I would love to hear it.

(I am purposely not linking to Amazon in this post.  My own relationship to this vendor is being challenged once again.  I rely on them to save money, especially at this time of year.  But, I am thinking seriously, again, of committing more completely to our wonderful independent bookshops in town.)

(Wow, providing shots of the book covers was time consuming.  But, I love book covers.  Enjoy.)

The Year of the Flood by Margaret Atwood

The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz

Blue Nights by Joan Didion

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

The Plague of Doves by Louise Erdrich

An Elegy for Easterly by Petina Gappah (stories)

Nocturnes by Kazuo Ishiguro (stories)

A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin

The Stones of Summer by Dow Mossman

Let The Great World Spin by Colum McCann

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger

The Tenderness of Wolves by Stef Penney

Nine Simple Patterns for ComplicatedWomen by Mary Rechner

The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss

Once The Shore by Paul Yoon (stories)

Cold couture

Way back when, I did not search out a new winter coat for Sag while I could find one on sale.  He loved his coat (bought on sale a couple of years ago at Hanna Andersson) and I thought he'd be able to get through this Winter with it, albeit under the wire.

Turns out, I was wrong.  (The kid is growing, growing, growing.)

It was the first week of December and I noticed his wrists were sticking out of the end of his coat sleeves by a lot.

So I hopped online looking for something in his favorite color, blue.  He has loved blue for as long as I can remember.  Bright blues.  (Gem loves red/orange/yellow.  I love pink/purple.  Cap loves black and white.)

I found something interesting and something straightforward (and navy).  Sag opted for interesting.  The coat arrived yesterday just as he was getting ready for common meal.  The temperature was starting to drop so he shrugged on the coat...and it looked great on him.

rockin' the plaid.

This is why

...I am happy eating sugar- and grain-free.  I present to you my breakfast, leftover lamb stew and two pastured eggs fried over easy in grass-fed butter.

My oldest friends can attest to this: I've always been happy to have non-breakfast food for breakfast...perhaps especially of the protein type.

A warm and satisfying start to the day.

Plop

Dropping in.

 seen while running errands around town with Sag.

at Vinny's.

I have Indian lamb stew (Rogan Josh) in the oven and it smells heavenly.  

Vinny noticed my upper back actually has some give now.  It hurt in new and different ways when he worked on it.  Progress.  Good news.

I am being outvoted on the tree.  I wanted to try a live one this year.

Started Shiver (a Julie pick) yesterday and picked up a Paleo book at the library today.  I'm concocting a reading challenge for myself in 2012.  Have you ever done something like that?

Almost went to the yarn store today...but thought better of it.  I may have yarn in the stash perfect for whatever it is I may knit for Moms.

Have dropped 30lbs. since going sugar- and grain-free in August.

Peace and love.

To occupy

I think a break from the blog may be imminent.

I am feeling the pinch of the Season.  I am Seasonally sensitive this time of year...the shorter days, the stress of holiday-related consumerism...  Even my menses is acting out-of-sorts.  I spotted a few times this cycle which I don't think has happened since being pregnant (...which I should most definitely not be...)  My digestion has been really challenging at the stomach point.

I spent money unwisely today.  Nothing too dramatic...just not with the thoughtfulness/patience I've been having for what feels like a solidly long time.  I feel plunked down into chaos...but that the chaos is one of many spaces which can be occupied.

I keep thinking about Qigong.  And learning that piano piece.  And knitting something.  And spending more connected time with the kids.  (And Cap when he can disconnect from the rest of his life, too.)

And I keep not bringing that stuff into the realm of doing.

Something about not occupying the spaces that are available to me, that I want to occupy...but I somehow don't....can't...won't.

Nudging myself to shift.

The kids, the dog and I had a good week last week.  Gem and I miss Baxter already.  He's been gone for two hours now.  Cap is home and we are on the cusp of the home stretch...of the semester, of the holidays...I have a chance to turn my experience around yet.  Maybe not sweepingly, but incrementally and definitively.

Here are some pics.  And a promise that if I go, I will be back.  Because occupying this space is important to me, too.

Today began with Pokemon

In this digital age, a "bad" photo like this is a rarity.  I had a nanosecond before the kids piled into the car, I saw a decent souveniring backdrop, I did not realize how blinding the sun was in their eyes.

I played with the image a bit and now I love it.  By processing it, I've hit upon a nostalgic snapshot feel.

We all enjoyed the Pokemon movie.  My favorite part was hearing various kids' sigh or exclaim throughout the hour and a half as favorite Pokemon appeared larger-than-life, onscreen.

I also liked the lyrics to the theme song.

Fast work

Mole out of the hole

illustration by Adelaide Tyrol.

What an unpleasant night.

Realized I didn't receive a Xmas package ordered from a retailer "delivered to the front door" by UPS.  (This happened twice last year.)  The issue was resolved painlessly this morning (retailer is sending out a replacement "express" which should arrive by next Thursday...I guess "express" slows down during the holiday season...)

I am in my PMS week (never quite know how/when it's going to strike).  But, also, I am not built for dealing with this kind of commercial/commerce crap.  I run high/empty during the "holiday season" and I have not yet figured out how to more truly-to-my-Self be in it and with it.

I was shaky and had a stress headache...which set my bedtime back a bit.  And...I actually had the thought, which I briefly believed, that the Universe was getting back at me for feeling so good about getting so much of the shopping done quickly and early.  What?!

Before I hit the hay, I encountered a posting issue on Blogger.  This was one of those things that felt significant and insignificant at the same time.  More dissonance.  I wondered if I should take it as a sign to get offline for the month like I thought about doing a couple of weeks ago.  (Not really feeling that way anymore, as you can see.)

I noticed this glitch because I was trying to post a personal advert for someone else's blog in order to promote a XBox Kinect giveaway (and hopefully win one).  Again with my ties to the commercial realities/aspects of this season.

By this morning, a tip someone posted in a help forum worked for me.  So here I am composing, hoping when I hit "publish", the post will go through.  If any of you are having this issue (the blogs are remaining readable and commentable, it's just not new postable), the fix that worked for me was to be signed out of Gmail, sign in only to Blogger, then hit "New Post".  (A bizarre work around since Gmail and Blogger are both owned by Google.)

I did sleep in, which helped my body...which has actually been achey lately!  (A true sign of imbalance and the need for restoration.)  Sag woke early and alone to continue building his Lego and Gem and I slept (usually Gem wakes up first and then wakes me up...Sag stays in bed for up to an hour more.)

Once we were up, Sag and I took the dog out.  I really do love how the dog gets me/us out of the apartment and into fresh air, no matter how short the outings are.  Gem stayed home cozy in his robe "reading his daily Wikis" on the iPad.  His version of the ritual of reading the morning paper.  I didn't make a big deal of this...but it was a first.

Growing, developing, learning...sometimes it is such a quiet moment that it could steal right past you without your notice.

Lego love

birthday booty building begins!

Aloft

Maybe because Cap is away.  Maybe because Solstice fast approaches.  Maybe because of hormones.  Maybe because of lunar rhythms.

I feel a bit ungrounded.

The morning was spent in the kitchen.  So, at the very least, various ingredients did not go to waste (a dark secret of mine for sure, how much food I waste).  And, the kids and I will be well nourished for the next couple of days...that stands for something doesn't it?

I loved seeing the hearts in the butternut squash...this beauty is from the farm.

I couldn't quite capture the energy, the vibrancy, of the orange.  But, it caught me.

My brunch plate: kale salad with anchovy-date dressing, flank steak and ranch dressing I whipped up late last night to balance out the potato chips I ate while catching up on Boardwalk Empire.  (Yup, hormones...and no, chips are not Paleo/Primal!)

I did not have all the ingredients, like fresh dill, I ended up subbing in Penzey's Sunny Paris and using a good 1 1/2 Tbs. of it.   This herb mix is the bomb, by the way.  I have been all over it and a Penzey's spice mix called Arizona Dreaming, too.

Last week, I had some bananas that were quite ripe.  The kids love banana bread, but I don't love how time consuming it is to bake.  (Our tried and true recipe calls for lots of ingredients, etc.)  I did a quick search and decided to make some 'nana pudding.  There were issues in securing the needed silken tofu, the bananas went too ripe, but now I had an itch needing to be scratched.  I bought more bananas, had another tofu issue (the recipe, rather than stating 1 and 3/4 blocks of tofu, called for 25oz. of tofu...I don't read recipes that carefully so foud myself short quite a bit of tofu...), and finally, was ready to make the pudding.  Once the tofu was blitzed in the food processor, I realized we were out of vanilla extract!  Luckily, I was able to scrape off the last teaspoonish from the bottom of the powdered vanilla.  The pudding tasted promising...it was so quick and easy to prepare (if you have all the ingredients handy :-)  It is chilling now.  (Soy is also not Paleo/Primal...I'll be eating this sparingly.)

I don't know why I keep trying, but this dish is so delectable, that even though it doesn't look like hot stuff in photos, I keep taking them and posting them.  When I cooked up the meat last night (I had to convert the ground turkey from raw to cooked...this was the good stuff from the farm and I did not want it to go to waste), I noticed that serrano chile is an optional ingredient.  I don't cook with chiles (yet...?) so I decided to toss in some Arizona Dreaming with the garam masala.  Quite the melange that could taste like a party-gone-wrong-on-acid in one's mouth.  But, it tasted pretty good!  I liked the heat imparted by the Arizona Dreaming (ground ancho, onion, garlic, paprika, citric acid, lemon peel, chipotle pepper, red pepper, jalapeño, cocoa, natural smoke flavoring).

Chicken salad.  I love chicken salad.  I love roasting a chicken, or simmering one for stock, and having a batch of meat to shred or dice up for chicken salad the next day.  Gem likes his pretty straightforward.  So this is just chicken (mostly breast) seasoned with salt and pepper, mixed with a few dollops of mayo.

There was a lot of chicken.  So I dug out the homemade and boxed broth from the back of the fridge, sautéed leek, garlic, ginger, celery and carrot, poured in the stock, tossed in some chicken, a big ass bay leaf and a vegetable bouillon cube...brought it all to a boil and then let it simmer for about 30 minutes.

Normally, I would feel pretty satisfied and content after a morning of cooking.  This afternoon, not so much.  Observing...and knowing that this...ennui with an edge of agita...that seems ironically rooted in feeling like my head is floating far above my body...this too shall pass.

Addendum

The cheese was wonderful..  Light, but with punch.  And salty (in a way fellow salt lovers will appreciate)...while never veering into too salty territory.  Sag loved it.

The salad: so good.  I forgot to mention that I subbed sherry vinegar for the red wine vinegar.  I bought a new bottle of red wine vinegar recently to make cilantro chimichurri...and found it really unpalatable.  (It was an "optional" ingredient that I tried for the first...and last time.)  The sherry vinegar tasted pretty perfect in this salad...though it may have less tang than red wine vinegar, which may explain why the dressing tastes more sweet than savory.

I also used my "good" olive oil for the dressing.  Worth it to have something special for when the flavor of the oil will shine.

I didn't taste any lemon!  Next time, I will use the zest of two lemons.  (The orange was lovely...combined with the anchovy, it approached sublime.)

Much like the roasted broccoli with bacon and garlic, this dish poses the problem situation of eating way more veg in one sitting than one's body is used to.  (When my parents were here, I roasted two bunches/four heads of broccoli and we finished every last delicious floret between the three of us.)  Nothing to worry about, but, it will lead to a more vigorously "active" GI system.

And, a big thank you to Gem.  He dried the kale leaves for me by hand.  Exactly the kind of tedious task that tends to drive me nuts/I cannot bear to do.  (I would have done it today because I knew excess water would dilute the flavor of the dressing and affect the texture of the salad...but am so glad I didn't have to!)

A kale salad and some cheese

This recipe and its ingredients have been hanging out and/or withering in our kitchen for awhile.  I'd originally planned it for Sag's family birthday celebration.   I thought I'd make it again when my parents were here on Sunday.  Happily, the latest bunches of kale held up well, so I was able to make the salad today without another trip to the store.

I've only taken a bite, and it was tasty.  I thought it would be more savory, less sweet.  Maybe it just depends on the bite.  Between dates and anchovies the flavors are strong in both directions.  I decided to use the zest of 1 lemon instead of 2.  I like lemon, but often find things too lemony.

I have this new cheese coming to room temp.  After hearing Lana rave about New Zealand dairy recently, I asked for some at Whole Paycheck (the new cheese guy is so personable!), but they didn't have any.  I sampled some Aussie cheddar and then some of this stuff.  English cheddar with sea salt on the rind.  Yummy!

Off to take the temp of my bigger-than-usual bird which looked a bit underdone after two hours...and to a late lunch of kale salad and cheese.

Doings

Buzzing from caffeine.  I've been enjoying Golden Chai lately.

Hanging and folding laundry.  Pulling items gently out from under the dog who loves sleeping on large soft piles of clothes.  Long undies special ordered from Japan arrived with Jiji.

Roasting a pastured chicken from the farm with salt, onion, garlic, thyme, lemon and olive oil.  It smells heavenly.

Trying to appreciate that the dishwasher is finally fixed.  And not waste energy being pissed at the landlord.  Amount of time landlord knew there was an issue downstairs with a slow leak: almost a year.  Amount of time we went without using the dishwasher: 1 month.  Amount we asked landlord to take off our rent as compensation for exceeding "reasonable" amount of time to repair the dishwasher: $75 (he declined).  Amount of time it took for Angelo to fix the leak: under an hour.

Listening to Cat Power and waiting for some old school Aretha to arrive for me at the library.

Looking forward to dinner tonight with common meal friends.

Waiting for gifties to begin arriving in the mail.  (Not a strong suit of mine, this waiting thing.)

Pondering what to present my mom at our family Secret Santa.  I'm thinking of knitting something...it's hard to get started after such a long hiatus.

Working and reworking the holiday card over at Kodak gallery.  Stamps are bought...hope to get them in the mail before 2012...consensus is a worthwhile but time consuming process.

Procrastinating on learning Sweden for Sag...I promised I'd play it for him as a Christmas gift.  Must practice!

Organizing local homeschooling Minecrafters for a gathering here...because my kids don't have laptops which would allow them to meet out somewhere (as had been initially suggested by a mom whose kid is looking for other kids into the game).  Hoping for a good time.

Reeling from the latest twist from Dexter.  Wow.  In the very best way.  (Sorry if that was too spoilerish.)

Wishing you peace and love wherever you are, whatever you've been doing.

Out breath

It was a mad rush to get Cap to the airport bus, but he made it.  Check.

The post office was a cake walk. Birthday presents sent, ornament stamps bought.  Check.

Enjoyed the quiet gathering of treats at the library.  Check.

Demanding change

If you've been reading this blog for awhile, then you know I am a Mac user (have been my whole computer life).  I love Apple products.  My devotion has been unconditional...despite my normal wariness towards things institutional.

I read this piece today about "The Agony and Ecstasy of Steve Jobs".  If you want to keep drinking the Apple-flavored Kool-Aid, don't read it.  But, if you want to know the hard truth about Apple's failings in the integrity department, then check it out.

I am still hoping for a new (MacBook Air) laptop for Christmas.  But, I am also going to write to the new Apple CEO to express my dismay over the company's utter disregard for fair and ethical labor practices in their Chinese factories.

Blue

When I changed my blog template a few weeks ago, I wanted something blue, but couldn't find anything I liked in blue, so I went with...deep red.  It actually felt somehow right at the time.

Tonight I am roiling a bit inside.  My unhappiness over the impending departure of partner is increasing.  And I am PMSing.  The former feels more pertinent, but perhaps it is the latter which is.  I am also feeling tired some moments and really tired at others.  And protein.  PROTEIN.  The need is strong and like clockwork.

I came to the blog to make an announcement and felt so bogged down by the red all of a sudden.

It had to go.

Happily, I found something in blue...something instantly soothing and light.

My announcement?  Another sign that things are better.  Christmas shopping for the kids is almost completely done.  It took two days.  Not only have I really increased my organization (and we have increased our financial stability), but the degree to which the bar has been raised in terms of matching up what we are gifting to what they want and have it all be meaningful to us all...really nicely done, I think.

Yay.

Many good things (and one melancholy one)

:: no back-to-Monday for us.

:: leisurely breakfast with Donna this morning...lots of unpackaging and unfolding.

:: good start to Xmas shopping.

:: coconut water.

:: promising art school offering for Sag at the museum.

:: homeschool frisbee group forming.

:: Gem singing out loud.

:: how DIY TCM feels in the very best way, at times.

:: this song.



Cap takes off for the Sunshine state tomorrow...I'll miss him!