Day of the dead

I do not celebrate Day of the Dead.  But, I woke up feeling half dead.  Actually, I went to bed last night feeling half dead already.  I decided not to set my alarm, to let myself sleep in.  And I did.

And what the frak, weather?  We have a low pressure system hovering and Gem and I have been feeling the doom and gloom of it.  The windows are open for the high of 70º.  On November 1.

They say holidays can trigger anxiety/depression because of unresolved emotional issues which have gone psychologically awry.  I guess maybe Halloween is one such trigger, for me.  I certainly have had mixed emotions about it as an adult and parent.

We have missed two Halloweens in a row due to severe storms...then this year, the kids' longtime trick-or-treating partner decided he was no longer interested in going.  The kids decided not to go trick-or-treating, but late yesterday afternoon we received a query about going, from another good friend, and they changed their minds.  Sag dressed as a hobbit (what Gem went as last year very belatedly once the town deemed it safe post-Sandy) and Gem dressed as a birdwatcher.

They had a good time, overall, but received a couple of negative comments about being "too old" and, I kid you not, "pathetic".  (Apparently the person who called them pathetic was "joking" and Gem did not take it personally...but, Sag, who has a very tender heart and, at 11, is still very much a kid, found these attitudes/words hurtful and confusing.)  No one refused them candy, though, and once they returned home, they ate sweets and snuggled in bed with America's Funniest Home Videos, and had a grand time.

I, was pissed.  And though I try to keep my Facebook complaint-free, I brought my feelings to my tribe over there and the ensuing conversation, which drew friends from many areas of my life, helped me see the bigger picture and showered me with warm words of support.

Parenting kids through seasonal events, like most things, is a mixed bag.  There are the many positives which come from sharing and co-creating a history over years...but nothing stays the same and change can bring with it new and unexpected challenges.

When I was their age, trick-or-treating became less fun because of the neighborhood hooligans who ran about chucking eggs at innocent bystanders and rumors of Nair flinging.  I had quite a primal reaction to the kids' first brush with (Halloween related) "loss of innocence" when my own memories and stored emotions came flooding back (were these unresolved feelings?  I don't know.)

Sleep, weather fronts moving on, and big mugs of Irish Breakfast tea with honey and cream all help.  And I am feeling much better now.

My most pressing concern of the moment is tackling our money situation.  I am feeling quite compelled to "zero sum" the next week.  We have less than what we typically spend for a week's groceries left in the account.  Can we get to next Friday without dipping into savings?

Stay tuned.

Peace and love.