Ma(lady)

In lieu of what's in/on my mind which is: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...a pic I took today (the herb garden) and yesterday (me and the kids).

I got my period yesterday and it is forcing my hand: I must embrace irregularity and unpredictability one way or another.  The more joyful I am in the process, the better for me (and those around me).  

@#$%

I am allowing myself a day to feel this way.  To think about chowing down on a bag of potato chips or a slice or two of pizza.  To be borderline fetal.

Yesterday I was distracted by laundry folding and Shameless and became a cocoon.  Part of me resists all this inward-ing.  But it's pretty powerful.  I am dreaming up a storm and sleeping like a hibernating creature.

Peace and love.

Sunday snapshots

I am having one of those days where I woke up talking (after a night of dreaming) and I feel like there isn't a moment to spare.

I am, finally, reading Christiane Northrup's book about menopause and finding it enlightening and a comfort.  I see that it is 41% off at Amazon and am considering breaking my Amazon embargo.  The Faber and Mazlish book for teens (they author the How To Talk So ____ Will Listen books) is 32% off.  Will I sell off a piece of my soul for $14?

Ellie's birthday celebration was delicious and bustling.  I cannot believe this peanut is six.

Danielle, who is not quite two, is a master at delving into and sating her curiosity.  A perfect model for living, if you ask me.  She took this photo:

We dropped my mom off on our way home.  Ninth Avenue was, as usual, car-logged.  But, I caught this shot, which made my moment.

Wishing you a happy weekend, a long weekend for some.

Peace.

Portal

I call this one "portal".  I was walking up the driveway lugging frozen meat and fresh eggs from the farmer's market.  It was quiet at 8:30 on a winter weekend morning.  I glanced and was riveted by the mass of thin branches vaguely green trafficking in what felt deeply like possibility.

In other news, the hot fudge sauce I was making for Ellie's family birthday party tonight "seized".  Sucks.

Oh, and this gem tumbled into my lap this morning.  Not for everyone, like everything else in the world, but to give you a hint, it's a tumblr called My Uterus Is Here, and He Is Pissed.

Peace.

Friday's child

Oh, hormones.  Oh, womanly wiring.  Oh, menopause.  I've been gettin' the blues and it's taking my breath away.  I have felt humbled.  And feel so lucky.  There are so very many of us whose lives and well beings are crippled by powerful and uncontrollable chemical imbalances.  What we call anxiety, depression, etc.  I'd honestly forgotten how intensely bad it can feel (and I've never been to the point of needing medication).

I spent the afternoon with Cap which is always grounding.  We ran an errand that was over a year in the making and then were brutalized by Whole Paycheck.  (We are going to try doing the weekly food shopping at Trader Joe's next week.)

By the time we'd picked up the kids and the groceries were put away, the last thing I wanted to do was make meatballs.  But, the ground lamb really needed to be cooked, which got my butt in gear.  I decided to simplify a logistical aspect of the recipe (the recipe is fantastic and simple) and rather than baking them on a greased wire rack over a foil-lined baking sheet, I baked them right on the sheet (verdict: virtually no difference in the quality of the meatball).

I am so glad I made the meatballs.  I had a serving with roasted broccoli and roasted plum tomato.  It was a truly comforting winter warmer kind of meal.  I am feeling much better, the emotional jag has passed.

I've been enjoying a new show called The Americans.  Alongside the other new show I like, Nashville.  Here are some songs which have tickled my eardrums thanks to the shows...

Peace and love.

Love

Cap made me truffles. Some dusted in cocoa, some rolled in chopped pecan. They are perfection. (Free of all I am avoiding except for a smidge of already incorporated sugar in the dark choco bars.)

Love.

Lull

Things are pretty calm here.  It seems we were exposed to a stomach bug which we are absorbing as a fairly minor bump.  Hopefully, we'll be back to normal tomorrow.

The tuna salad was scheduled for earlier in the week.  Would have foregone it except the avocados were past their prime (had to toss one).  I love how savory this dish is: the mustard, avocado, paprika and fresh and dried herbs combine so deliciously...and the toasted, chopped walnut adds texture and depth of flavor.  The lemon brightens, the scallion adds a touch of crunch.  Yum.

I decided to go ahead and cook up the proteins I'd planned for common meal tonight, which I canceled.  Lady and the Tramp turkey meatballs for the boys (GF bread crumbs the ingredient I am not partaking of right now) and Greek Meatballs for me.  The ground beef was still pretty frozen so I will make those tonight or tomorrow.

Roasted two bunches of broccoli with garlic and macadamia nut oil.  The broc was also meant for common meal.

There are some very ripe bananas hanging about, but my elbow is acting up and my immune system is working out, which is leaving me feeling tired.  Maybe I will bake some banana-coconut cookies...or banana muffins, later.

Wow, I feel like I could take a nap.  Very unusual.  Like maybe I'm pregnant unusual.  (Which I am most definitely not!)

Peace.

Hump day challenge

Stumbling a bit as I try to get my calm on.  One of the kids is either sick again or had not fully kicked whatever was ailing him for 10 days-plus now.  And the other seems right behind him.

Sigh.

We had a winter like this a couple of years ago.  Where we rode a stream of viruses for weeks and weeks.  Cap and I were fine for the most part, and the kids never got intensely sick, but they would pop these little fevers and feel kind of crappy and then it undulated up, down, up, down.

I get motion sick, you know.

We were in the car on our way to gymnastics when the stomachache hit Thing 2.  We turned around, went home, and he got right into bed and slept for an hour. Thing 1's stomach started to hurt a couple of hours later.

I am grateful there's been no vomiting.  And am hopeful that it is not the flu.

I made a yummy batch of sesame kelp noodles this morning, before the day unexpectedly twisted.  The last few hours have been about filling glasses and mugs with Recharge and Chinese tea and making toast.  (Gem claimed he wasn't toast-sick and opted for some baloney between the toast.)

And, for me, having a brief and wondrous meditation while I ate some of the homemade baby back ribs Kelly brought over for me.  Such concentration, such peace.  Thank you, friend.

Here's a fun read about Mrs. Coach, who I completely forgot was in Ed Burns' first movie.

Here's something that I just love love love.

Here's to the return of one of my favorite shows that no one ever talks about.

Peace and love.

Tuesday turn

It's been a strange day.  And I am tempted to leave you with a strange photo I took today.  To unleash any and all connect-the-dots that can happen.

• woke feeling flat and almost surly...surly without the teeth.  would have been happy to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed.

• saved by a text asking if I wanted to go to the mall.  I almost never want to go to the mall, but it was a perfect way to get out of the house and my mood.

• Ellie is turning six this week.  one of our all-time favorite books is, horrors, out of print, so I decided to go in another direction.  the mall is a good place to get some shopping done for a little who loves to get her girl on.  

• had a bit of an adventure going to a David's Cookies outlet in Fairfield (hence the photo) and inhaling nostalgic bakery aromas and receiving such open generosity of spirit from factory workers fielding my unusual request.  (I was lucky, and was able to get what I wanted by chance.)

• went to Vinny's, which was great as always.  discovered that I have been consuming cane sugar this whole time I thought I wasn't because the Magic Ginger contains it but it was not listed on the label.  O.o  the new label lists it plain as day.

• instant food for thought.  clearly, my system is not as addicted to sugar as I thought.  many of what I consider my "bad" food/eating habits decreased during the last six weeks and I was, as it turns out, incorrectly attributing some of that to cutting out cane sugar.

• I was also attributing my stomach/GI issues of the last month to having cut sugar out of my diet.  wrong.

• I am sticking to the TCM herbs and teas.  I know they help, my faith in them is true.  I am continuing to live essentially grain-free and sugar-free except for the odd times they are part of my TCM treatment (one of the herbs I am taking right now contains barley).

• I've told Cap to not kill himself looking for dark chocolate with zero sugar added for my Valentine treats.

• I treated myself and the kids to an easy dinner, going off budget/protocol.  they chose hotdogs over steak and savored some tater tots.  I chose steak.

• my session with Vinny really helped turn my day around.  one of the things we talked about was just being happy.  for most of us, it is very possible...very much within our reach, to live happier.  yet it is hard to do/maintain.  there isn't a magic formula, but planting the seed in our minds, in our belief systems is a place to start.  let it be our mantra: do what makes me happy.  be happy.

Peace and love.

P.S.  Still no Aunt Flo.  Vinny thinks she's coming.  I have my doubts.

Lucky as hell

Oh a dreary, dreary morning here today.  Rain just this side of freezing.  Here are some pics, memories of beauty and love, that cheer me to no end:

...the wisteria, and wild rose twined in it, against a post-storm clear winter sky; lunch with Donna (the curried sweet potato soup turned out to be loaded with clove and was not consumed...the salad, which I loaded with protein and avocado, was delicious); my very own herb garden...a birthday gift from Tiina who remembered my ruing the demise of my backyard chives as I plucked a plastic container of them at Trader Joe's one day.

I am so damn lucky.

Here's a song I heard on the radio yesterday.  Kind of fell in love with it:

Peace and love.

On hold

Groooooan.  I'm in limbo.  Short story, last month I had the oddest period I'd had in a long, long while.  Made me think it might be the beginning of the end (of having periods, not my life).  This month it didn't come early as I thought it might.  In fact, today is day 28 and though I've had some hormonal signals, no flow yet.  (And I have been super regular for a long, long while.)

In other news, we have had some snow.

 last night.

this morning.

Back to a semi-fetal position...

Peace.

Sleepy snowy day

Mister Pond was on Fallon last night early this morning and I stayed up to watch so I am tired.

The day was spent going back and forth from the kitchen to bake/make something and the living room to chill for bits.

I opted to stay in from the snow today and made a kickass hot chocolate for the kids to warm themselves by when they came in.  I also made: Brussels sprouts (I wanted pine nuts but didn't have any so tossed in some sunflower seeds...would not recommend), roasted plum tomatoes, banana muffins, pretty perfect oatmeal, and, for the first time ever, Beef Stroganoff (wow, so good).

(I left out the cream and used 1 can of full fat coconut milk.  Used ghee rather than butter.)

Last night's pork chops.  Pretty, no?

Nothin' like warm 'nana  muffins on a winter morning.

Beef Stroganoff, where have you been all my life?  This was so yummy!

Gonna go let my eyes glaze in front of the boob tube.

Peace.

Thursday bits

Gem and I have some snow envy.  We'll probably get some here, but nothing like what is forecast for our original home.

Met Danielle for chat and eats this morning.  It was, as always, good to catch up.  We continued on to the bookshop where I picked out/ordered some kid birthday gifts. 

Heated up last night's pastured beef sliders and baked up some sweet potato (toaster) oven fries for the kids' lunch.  I love that they love sweet potatoes.  They pack a solid nutritious punch.

Common meal tonight was canceled so I'm making a kid favorite: pork chops (thanks to the freezer gods).  My learning curve with pork chops has been steep.  But, I am finally getting the hang of them and not drying them out too much.  This is the recipe I am following these days.  I sub the cornmeal with coconut flour so I can enjoy some bites, too.

This afternoon, I have my tea (Raspberry Earl) and new (library) book at my side...but meal planning and food shopping are on my mind.  The stores are going to be bonkers tomorrow.  It's going to be an early bird kind of day.

Peace.

Winter textures

I love winter.  From this morning's park outing:

I am keeping this short and sweet.  We are unexpectedly not at gymnastics because Gem's up and down cold is down today.  I want to get some reading in because my hankering for Drift is, also unexpectedly, being sated much quicker than I thought, by the library.

Peace and love.

Gifts

Birthday package!  I think Jamie was disappointed because somehow these gifts lost their way a bit and took longer to arrive than expected.  But, I was thrilled to receive these goodies because 1) they're awesome, and 2) what's not to love about having the celebration stretch for as long as possible?

When Sag spotted the manatees, he crowed: "where did these adorable socks come from?!"

I am lucky and blessed to have such good friends.  People who see me, who think about me and love me.  I also love creativity and adore the gift certificate that Jamie made.  The photo is of me, from my blog.  The illustration of the bookstore is the visual logo of our indie bookshop.  I loooove this so much, I will use it as a bookmark and smile every time I see it.

Thank you, Jamie.

I have a wonderful nest egg for books for the year.  Part of me wants to trot up to the store and buy one right now.  But, I am finding restraint these days.  Between having a clearer financial beacon/set of practices, plenty of books to keep me busy for...a year, at least, on my bookshelves, and being more internally balanced/having a healthier relationship towards the act of shopping to "make" myself happy, I am going to hold onto my book fund for a rainy day.

There are a number of "things to do" calling my name.  The latest load of laundry is folded, a pot roast is in the oven, and my coffee is by my side.  This morning I am going to flip through The Wisdom of Menopause, a book I borrowed from Donna months and months ago.  And, maybe, The Thyroid Diet Revolution, a book I bought months and months ago which I have yet to really sit down with.

I leave you with an interesting blog piece I read this morning...and a quote and a song.

"It won't last, so be bold."

Peace and love.

And a week begins

Had a rejuvenating outing with Cap yesterday.  We lunched at Terra (Niçoise Salad, hold the cheese, and a double espresso, yum) and then saw a production about the life and art of Clementine Hunter up at the university.  The performance moved me to tears a number of times...I felt resuscitated.  (That's Toshi Reagon.  Her and her mom worked on the music side of the show.)  We were in the front row and I got to shake her hand and thank her afterward...yay!

My Super Bowl nosh.  Pastured eggs sunny side up and the last of the roasted plum tomatoes.  The game was engaging enough that I opted to keep watching rather than switch over to Downton Abbey.

I kept it slow and simple this morning and caramelized an onion and a bunch of mushrooms in ghee...with a dash of spilled thyme.

I meant to take a purtier picture...after all the pot roast making for sick friends last week, I thought I'd make one for ourselves this week.  Gem put together the spice rub this morning (where spilled thyme was involved) and it looked really nice in the tiny bowl.  Here's the roast post-massage seasoning in the fridge.  Will toss it in the cast iron Dutch oven in the morning.

 

I've been meaning to take a pic of the fridge for awhile.  It has been looking so nice!  With the organized meal planning and food shopping happening weekly (not perfect, but definitely an improvement), the fridge is staying more organized and light.  It used to be so jammed with stuff that you could never see the light.  Also, things would get "lost" from getting shoved in the back and/or simply forgotten about.  We are still not eating everything we make in time, but food loss has become impressively minimal in a short amount of time.  I am getting a clearer idea on how to plan/cook to shrink waste even more.

By the time I was ready to fix my own breakfast, the kids were ready for a snack.  Smoothies, coming right up!  (Almond milk, banana, frozen strawberries, frozen blueberries, maple syrup, almond butter, and hemp protein powder .)  I nursed my caffè Americano and munched on a banana coconut cookie.

Then, breakfast.  Pastured eggs scrambled with caramelized onions and mushrooms.  With a sprinkle of truffle salt.  Which, frankly, got lost in the meaty mushroom flavor.  I am learning, joyfully, what truffle salt matches well with.  So far, I like it best on my fingertips.

Gem and I drove over to the park and took a morning walk.  It was cold and lovely.  We saw crows, a lone jogger, and chatted with two dogs and their mom.  And we talked about Pokemon.

Lunch was, as is so often the case, something different for each of us.  As much as I'd love to conserve time and energy and nudge more communality via commonality by all of us partaking of one dish, it's what works right now.  I defrosted the leftover half of a butternut squash stuffed with ground turkey and enjoyed 1/3 of it.  The orange color made me especially happy.

Checking math work, washing items piled in the sink, monitoring tooth brushing (someone's teeth have been looking a bit sad lately), working out the logistics of a playdate with friends who have a packed schedule, doing calendars with Cap, getting up-to-date with itemizing spending from the last few days, figuring out how to upload a video from my phone to YouTube...oh my, it all takes time.

I want to read my book, it's so good, but there is laundry to be folded, Qigong to be practiced, and decluttering/organizing to be done.  And it's 4:30!  (At least I finally got my blogging in.)

Peace and love.

P.S.  The video is for a really cool blog Lana started.  Check it out and post bits of your day...or check out my submission, Creaky Branch.

Cold comfort

...literally.

My banana-coconut cookie dough is in the fridge as I type.

I started reading The Twelve Tribes of Hattie this morning.  The first chapter was brutal and galvanizing.  I put the book down and didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  So I made for the kitchen, desperate for comfort.

The truth was, I wanted to do both.  I need to do both.  Also, to scream.  My body is seriously trying to process my emotional life.  Things have been going well and I believe another layer, sedimentary, is rumbling...heating up.  I want to yank, but cannot find any cracks into which I can dig my fingers and pull.

Sheer rock...despite evidence of rock shear.  A challenging in-between.

I hate in-between.

My monthly is coming!

(Lunar) Spring is coming!

Change of season ~ change of season ~ change of season ~ change of season ~

P.S.  Flight Behavior was excellent for any Kingsolver fans out there.  Thank you, Barbra.

P.P.S.  Going to a show today with my honey.  Thank goodness, it will be good to get out of the apartment.

Friday flutter

I am having a quiet day while my immune system works over this cold bug and my body goes from tired to fine to dizzy and back again.

I finished and liked UnWholly and really liked Speak.  (Reviews at Goodreads.) 

I have started Flight Behavior.  Oh.  Be still my heart.  It's a wonder.  (Thank you, B.)

I made these Apricot Power Bars.  Tasty.  As in I-could-eat-the-whole-pan-in-a-day tasty.

Peace and love.

Elbow

I have cooking elbow.  My right elbow and forearm have been issuing communication/protest for a couple of months now.  Vinny thinks it all started with knitting way. way back.  I know that it has been exacerbated by my computer use, recent hair pulling, and more recent, marathon cooking.

This morning I made my third pot roast in three days.  No further roasts are planned.  If more folks get sick next week, I will come up with another dish.  This is very much like me.  When I like/enjoy something I do it obsessively (without thinking).  Soon enough I tire of it and move onto the next thing.

I also made another batch of Brussels sprouts with bacon and kimchee.  And a pan of date walnut bars (half will go to the sickies getting the pot roast).

Sag loved yesterday's pork.  He has been enjoying pulled pork sandwiches with mayo.  Gem is still under the weather.  We have leftovers to cover dinners so I am going to give this elbow some rest and, finally, settle down with a book (never happened yesterday).

Peace and love.

P.S.  Gem wants to read Animal Farm.  I'm picking it up for him at the library in the next few days.  Poignant squeeze of the heart.  This is the first time he wants to read a book I read while at Hunter (for school).

Nom nom

I am learning.  I am figuring out that when I slow cook meat, it does not take as long as the recipes say for the meat to be done.  Tonight's pork was supposed to cook on low between 8-10 hours.  Around the seven hours-plus mark I popped the cooker open and stuck a thermometer in the roast.  It zipped right up to 180º (which was 10º to 20º higher than what I was looking for) so I shut it off.

The meat is tender and succulent.  It may be too spicy for Gem, but I think Sag will like it (seasoned with Chili Powder and Arizona Dreaming).  Since Cap doesn't eat red meat, I am putting half of it in the freezer.

Peace and pork.

Oh my shiva

I have a great appreciation for alchemy.  In life, as well as, in the kitchen (where so much of my life seems to be happening lately).

This afternoon I roasted some plum tomatoes in the oven.  I don't know why, but they were the best I've ever made.  So so so so delicious.

Haven't made it to my book.  The pork was done early, ran the cookies down to Kelly, texting with Donna to catch up...now Gem is feeling cold-y.  It's going to be a quiet evening.

Peace.

P.S.  Looking forward to watching The Americans tonight!