Where I'm at...

• bumping into inspiration and laughing out loud and welling up while reading On Writing, loving Stephen King. (have loved his writing since I was a teenager)

• loving each incredibly savory drop of my Williamsburg souvenir. a (big) bottle of Falconero extra virgin olive oil (scroll down the link to read info). purchased at A Chef's Kitchen (where the grown ups had a delightful dinner while Uncle Takai hung out with the kids one night), bottled in western Sicily where my parents happened to be before they returned to NY for our trip.

• noting the resistance I feel to spending too much time in the kitchen. I've fed the kids frozen shoestring fries twice in a week. the CSA veggies mock me every time I open the fridge.

• realizing the toll (it's absolute) of not getting enough sleep for over a week takes. a week later I am just about recovered.

• feeling too tired to practice Qigong, which is one thing I know will restore energy...a bind I began to loosen this morning.

• this Summer has been frakking hot. did I hear correctly the other day that it is one for the record books?

• feeling that back-to-school energy beginning to flow through the veins. an unschooling mom who loved school growing up. makes me smile. looking into swimming lessons, instrument lessons, concocting a writer's workshop with Cap...

• maintaining visual on the need to keep up with accounting.

• thinking about this quote from the book cover of On Writing: "If you don't have the time to read, you don't have the time or the tools to write." considering increased diligence in this area.

• knitting mojo perking up. looking forward to the arrival of my first cone of yarn. received an e-mail coupon this morning from Stix (they turn 5 today) and thinking of going yarn shopping. (I've had a bday gift certificate waiting in the wings.)

• getting my hair cut today and am thinking colorful tips.

• hanging with woman friends tomorrow, heading into the city to see some dinos on Sunday.

• supporting my man while he deals with a cast put onto his right hand/forearm. his thumb needs to be immobilized and the hope is that the (10 week old) torn ligament will heal. this is his writing hand and he needs to write, a lot, between now and handing in his tenure packet at the end of August. the situation is very "gulp" worthy, but he's taking it all in stride, admirably.

Peace and love my friends, have a great weekend.

The Sparrow

Wow.

What a great book.

I bought it to bring with me to Virginia. (Lolly put it on my radar...she is another Knitting/life blogger who I feel quite connected to despite never having met her and mostly lurking on her blog. We have many shared interests and similar tastes.) I started it there and finished it at home.

It's futuristic, very character-driven, and one of those novels where you know there is so much research/knowledge behind it, yet the prose flows effortlessly off the page.

I highly recommend checking it out.

On deck: On Writing by Stephen King.

Vacation pics

I'm here

The kids and I are back from our vacation, which was a blast (see photo :-)

However, my body has been in serious post-vacation blues mode. I have been resting, a lot.

Will be back, hopefully by week's end with updates and photos.

Peace and love.

It all began (again) with a list

I made a list this morning. I hadn't done that in awhile. I made a list of things to do today.

The good part of making such a list is that I truly gain distinct feelings of satisfaction during the day as I check items off, or think about checking items off. And those heady sensations of accomplishment, they vibrate deep. They feel really good.

The bad part is that I realize, clearly, that I have too much to do...that I want to focus on too many things. I didn't put "blog" on the list today. That I am choosing to blog right now, well, that means I will take something off the list. (Something I learned from one of my ADD books...which sit primly on my shelf waiting, patiently (oh, they get it), for me to finish them someday.)

It may be that it wasn't realistic to have the list I had. I am okay with having 'goals' on my list, but I also like (and think it's important) to have a list that is, essentially, doable. It's not a wish list, more a beacon to shine light on my path, to help me stay focused.

My list:

• Qigong
• a grid meal plan of breakfast, lunch and dinner for me and for the kids
• packing tape
• accounting
• computer desk
• thank you cards
• library
• Tiina and kids
• Qigong p.m.

The thank you cards are the only thing on the list left completely untouched (well, the night time Qigong, too, but that's for right before bed). The accounting is a work-in-progress (seemingly) always, as is the clutter on the computer desk. But, I did work on both those things for periods of time. So, thank you cards come off, and go onto the list for tomorrow. (I need Gem for this task anyway, and he's not home.)

I am particularly happy that we spent a few hours with Tiina and two of her kids which included going to the library together and continuing on to the park. We often manage to have great conversations and today was such a time.

Also thrilling: requests from both kids for "more Swiss chard, please"! Having a list and meal plan for the day trumps the 'best of intentions' which, honestly, have a less than 50-50 chance of my getting a well-rounded meal on the table which includes the choice of two vegetables.

When the kids and I returned home from the park, Cap was home from work. The kids vegged out to 'screen time' and Cap and I chatted about work and whatnot. I was much more relaxed during this late afternoon/early evening time than usual because I had a much better internal sense of what I had done during the day which translated to a calm I don't usually possess as I face what often feels like the onslaught of dinner and the rest of the evening.

I felt free to chill out was much more present with my partner than I usually am. One of the topics that came up was my giving haircuts to all three boys. I was able to communicate clearly that since I had forgotten to put that on my list, I needed to take something off. Which led to Cap deciding that we could put it off till tomorrow afternoon. No stress, no anxiety, no defensiveness, no heightened feelings of not being heard or understood.

This all sounds so good, I realize as I'm writing. And it is :-) But, there is something to the 'too much' thing. Yes, being a grown up, especially a grown up with kids, there is no end to the "to do" list. There is an inevitability to that. I believe that there's plenty of cultural conditioning to that, too, though.

I miss knitting. I miss reading. I want to spend more focused time with the kids on their interests and push them to expand their skill sets in order for them to accomplish all the things they want to do. I want to dig deeper and practice Qigong every day and eat even more mindfully than I already do. I want to think more about and explore more freely the ideas floating in my head around aging, beauty, the body and the mind.

But, the things that take up my time I also value: cooking (cooking and eating with the flow of the CSA has been very rewarding), decluttering/organizing, playdates/socializing, blogging, my techie stuff (e-mail, Google Reader, Facebook), cleaning, accounting, reading to the kids, etc.

So, yeah, I don't have enough time for everything. Recognizing there is a problem is the first step to solving the problem, right? Figuring out ways to increase happy chillaxing time and less personal sturm and drang around feeling like I'm not doing or being enough? That would be awesome.

locally grown sugar plums (they're bite-size!)

Is seeing believing?

I enjoyed a talk with one of my local mama friends while our kids played this afternoon. She said something interesting which totally hooked into something I've been thinking about (a complete coincidence).

She made the observation that her husband, because he is overweight, has stopped seeing himself. The implication was that he is not happy about his weight, and therefore his appearance, and so his brain has brought down the shutters. Out of sight, out of mind.

A couple of weeks ago, while Barbra and I were staying at my mom's in the city, I was stopped in my tracks, in total shock mind you, when I happened to see my mostly undressed body in a full length mirror.

My reality and my reactions, when it comes to my weight and how I look, are a tangle of ideas, thoughts, and feelings. Not clear, not linear, not consistent. Lately, there's a healthy dose of facing aging thrown in there, too.

I don't want to parse all that right now.

But, it did occur to me, as the echo of my friend's words faded away in my mind: maybe some of us don't see in the same way to start with and that is how they "let themselves go" in ways that they didn't choose.

Hot, hot, hot

I may try to eat seasonally, but I sure don't 'be' seasonally. As the mercury hit 'bout 100º today, I made home fries. Gem's been jonesing for them for awhile and well, he could no longer be denied.

This morning, the kids and I headed out to the post office where I shipped a bunch of the books I've sold. So far, I've made about $125. It took awhile at the P.O. because I was filling out address labels and figuring out which envelopes were for Priority Mail, etc. and there was, of course, only one window open. But, the kids were chillaxed for the most part and we were soon out of there.

We then strolled to the bookstore where the kids searched for 'vacation' books. Sag ordered some Pokemon books and we'll be going back to pick them up Thursday.

I finagled a short trip to the library out of the kids and dropped off Rufus M. (which we finished last night) and picked up some more books about Jamestown and colonial Williamsburg.

Once home, while the kids ate lunch, I made the base for blueberry ice cream I'll have the machine crank out tomorrow.

We headed back out to pick up our CSA share and then Cap (who as up at school having completed his first day of camp). As we drove past one of the town pools on the way home there was much excitement and longing.

Cap took the kids to a free Lego mini-build at our local Lego store (neither of us grown-ups was in the right frame of mind to head out to a pool) and I put away the veggies, cleared out the fridge some, e-mailed book customers, had some solo dinner (nice when I can catch it :-) and prepped the basil from today's share to make pesto only to realize we have no fresh garlic.

Everyone's home now. The Red Sox game is on, Sag is drawing, Gem is relaxing on the couch, Cap's tying away on his laptop... I'm off to make the kids' dinner.

The headache that played peek-a-boo with me all afternoon has abated. I'm thinking it was related to dehydration...

Weather-wise, more of the same for the rest of the week.

Äiti's intuition

Something kept me up tonight. I wasn't sure what it was, but I understood, simply and for sure, that I was to stay up despite the latening hour.

So I chose a catch up episode of Treme which would take me past 1am and began to watch. (It's a great show, worth checking out on DVD when it comes out if you don't have access to HBO.)

Then, just past 1:00, Gem came out of his room, tousled and mostly asleep. I walked him to the bathroom where he did his business, he asked me to turn on the sound machine, and he crawled back up into his bunk.

Seconds later, he was full on back to sleep.

You never know when something is going to click into place. Whether it's staying dry at night or staying up late for no apparent reason. I say, be open and relaxed...trust and be okay with not knowing everything.

Vega sings gypsy

Pulled on a thread and this is what came down to me.

Wheeling and dealing

I was not made for this.

My maternal grandmother came from a merchant family and grew up in her family's shop. I wish I could activate some of that DNA.

I'm doing the right thing. Re-selling books I bought mostly while living in Sacramento, to a small but ardent community (Waldorf-inspired homeschoolers). My family can use the coin. But, man, my shoulders are so tight right now.

Hours spent on the computer listing the books and composing e-mails that are polite, specific, not wordy, and clear. About quality, shipping, handling, sales that are pending, sales that are final.

I'll be making multiple trips to the post office this week. And trying to keep track of names, addresses, Paypal transactions, and the rest of my life packing the kids and myself up for our week away next week (among other things).

Time to take a breath. And remember the good parts of this: the books will be going to people who truly want them and will use them, and, these sales will generate a bit of income where there otherwise would have been none.

Word

"It does not require many words to speak the truth."

--Chief Joseph, Nez Perce

Bresson's brie

Brie, France. 1968

During her visit, Barb and I saw the Henri Cartier-Bresson exhibit at MoMA. I loved many of the images and learned some things. Their postcard selection was very limited. But, I did like this one. Made me stop and take a look.

"In photography, the smallest thing can be a great subject. The little human detail can become a leitmotif." —Henri Cartier-Bresson

Lucky

My sis and bro-in-law came over today so Cap and I could go out for a bit. While the kids played baseball and soccer with their aunt and uncle, we went out for lunch. Time was of the essence (the blueberry pie took a bit longer than expected) so we nixed Indian food in Jersey City and cruised down Bloomfield Avenue to see what our options were.

The Indian place was closed. Mesob was not. Ethiopian it was.

vegetarian sampler for 2.

he loves his Miser Wat.

seasonal, local, organic yum.

I am a lucky girl in many, many ways.

Fab fotos

Barbra sent me some lovely pics, taken when she and Cara and I went out for lunch at Terra. We had a lovely time catching up. ♥

Inimitable insomnia

Woke at 4am, got up, went back to bed, tossed and turned, finally got out of bed at 5:30.

Threw open windows to take in the last of the cool breeze before a bank of hot and humid air comes and sits on us for a week.

Ingredients tossed into trusty bread machine. Chicken prepped for roasting. Brain tickled by panes revealed. Soul soothed in glow of early morning screen lemon aromatherapy fingertips pressed on face.

Yesterday. Fed dear friends who are now back in Germany for the Summer. Was fed by dear friends in celebration of their oldest turning 10. Hugged by Finn-ness ran out of time to take a sauna.

Last night. Finished reading aloud a chapter that found Rufus in a desolate amusement park as heavy fog rolled in. Sag burst into tears deep-seated fear of getting lost unlocked. He expelled his emotion, (was) held (by) Cap, drew a picture of himself hitting a homerun on a self-adhesive label and stuck it to his forehead (a literal visualization), and returned to bed spent and satisfied.

Today. Blueberry pie (our 20 lb. shipment of local organic berries arrived this week). Fresh bread and roasted chicken. Sister and brother-in-law. Lunch out with Cap may have to be rethought due to insufficient funds. Breathe in the cool and fresh till the cool and fresh are no more.

Namaste.

Vibram Five Fingers

Gem wondered why they are not called Five Toes. He also noted that people will likely laugh when they see my new shoes.

I've always had a soft spot for shoes. I remember vividly my back-to-school shoes for first grade. They were an earthy saddle shoe with bands of red and tan leather. In high school I loved and wore both American Indian moccasins and cowboy boots. My first pair of Birkenstocks. The wondrous red suede shoes made in Germany I bought with my first public school teacher paycheck. My first Danskos.

The comfort of my feet and body have always been a critical part of my shoe experiences. I wore Pro-Keds all through elementary school, but once I began traipsing about Manhattan in junior high, suddenly they didn't offer enough support and I stopped wearing them. Once I started wearing Birkenstocks I only wore Birkenstocks for nearly a decade because they elevated the combination of functionality and foot comfort to a new level.

The Keens I bought in Sacramento have always been 'fine'. Recently, I had some weird pain that was clearly connected to them, albeit not debilitating. I bought my Danskos last year and went for the snazzy frosty blue 'snakeskin' which, as predicted, doesn't really 'go' with much of my wardrobe. (This was after I wore my old ones into the ground...the soles were so thin they started taking on water when it rained. I then waited about a year to find just the right pair to replace them with.)

As I rediscovered while walking the streets of the Big Apple with Barbra last week, I have foot twisting issues with clogs. And I began to think about the upcoming trip to Virginia which is going to involve some serious walking and standing around.

My friend, Lisa, swears by her Vibram Five Fingers. They've been on my radar for a few months. They seemed like good candidates for travel shoes. I visited the website and realized a store in town carried them. I went down, tried on two different styles, liked what I felt...

Voilà.

They're wacky looking. No way around that. :-) They feel completely natural and surreal. Trying to put them on, I was amazed and humbled by how unused to experiencing my toes as individual digits I had become. Apparently, wearing and walking in these shoes strengthens muscles otherwise not used.

I'll let you know how it goes :-)

Awesome of the day

Have a great long weekend, my peeps!

Along for the ride

The kids and I are going to Williamsburg, Virginia with my side of the family in a couple of weeks. (Cap can't come because he will be working one of his camps that week.)

This is exciting for many reasons. We've never vacationed en extended famille before, we'll be bunking in some fancy digs (three pools! a kitchen! whirlpools! a jacuzzi in the room! a washer and dryer!), the area is historically interesting, there is a Whole Foods and a Trader Joe's within a couple of miles of the hotel, and one of the best restaurants in town has a gluten-free menu.

My parents are gathering us together to celebrate my mom's 70th birthday. It's going to be really nice.

Last week I lugged home a bunch of library books about Jamestown and colonial Virginia. My big Bean tote was overflowing. I also borrowed a book for myself. The Birth of Black America by Tim Hashaw. I started reading it tonight and am loving learning about the context and content of the first African Americans. Did you know that they were here before the Pilgrims first laid eyes on Plymouth Rock?


Are you taking a vacation this Summer? Where are you going?

A glance

Hey nature lovers

I am thrilled to post a link to my friend Erica's online shop. She is an amazing artist and a dear friend from university days. Go check it out!