Dragon dinner

Cauliflower, mushrooms, water chestnuts, garlic, ginger, salt, sugar, coconut aminos and safflower oil.

Yum.

Morning riches

I posted about my zucchini walnut stir fry over at One Year Four Seasons this morning. Some more Dragon's Way unfolding...

Ear-y

I was chillaxin' watching some tv tonight. After awhile I instinctively began massaging my arms. They've been tight for the past few months. Probably related to my use of the computer mouse, but that doesn't explain all of it...at least the timing doesn't quite fit.

Naturally, as I worked my way up and down my arms, my fingers migrated to my shoulders and neck, and then to my fingers. Working on my fingers felt amazing. I could feel blockages clearing out as some of my fingertips hummed and buzzed, felt numb and then clear. Wow.

Them somehow, my fingers knew to head up to my ears. Oh. My. God. I know the ears are a very good and critical body part to massage. But, I often forget. There were many spots on my ears that were "tight". It was incredibly painful, and relieving, to work along the outer curve of each ear. Slowly, lingering on the painful spots, helping stagnant energy move.

Ouch. It really hurt.

Someone once told me that this outer curve of the ear can be reimagined as the spine. Using this information, I realized that, especially on the left side, the section which felt like it might correspond to my 'female plumbing' was fiercely, rock hard. Mad about not being pregnant and holding a grudge big time?

Once I was done, I felt so much better. Calmer, happier, more alert, warm. My gut is gurgling away as energy releases and courses through.

Thanks, fingers...and intuition, I really needed that.

More Dragon notes

"Week 3 is almost always a pivotal week for The Dragon's Way. This is when a number of things can start to change---your emotions, your eating habits and your desires, and for many people, the body itself...Congratulate yourself. Your body is literally beginning to "wake up". It's very important to conserve your awakening Qi for healing...at this time...Be kind to yourself and rest as much as you possibly can during The Dragon's Way...Try to understand that healing yourself is the most important activity you can do. Then believe it."

I read these words yesterday (I haven't been reading and/or thinking about what I read, from the Dragon's Way book or from any of my current books, nearly as much as I want to be doing these days) and it made me pause.

I'm supposed to be resting?

resting. yes.

My energy really dipped today. I think it was mainly hormonal. But, I also haven't made an 'ADD' agenda for two days in a row now. What's that about? I don't know. I've been on track generally, basically have more to do than can fit on a day's list... In a way, I feel like I've focused on the things I haven't gotten to in awhile, the past two days.

Today, I baked bread and made soup. I caught up on blogging, on the homeschooling blog in particular. I made an appointment for Gem and took him to see Vinny this afternoon because he's under the weather. I listened to the kids' many piano compositions. Kept up with the dishes in the sink. Managed to shower. Did not impulsively go out to sushi with the kids (Vinny mentioned a place he liked and, believe me, Gem and I were ready to drive right on over...and Sag would have had us continuing onto the Lego store where the double VIP points period on Prince of Persia sets ends Friday!!!)

Blah blah blah.

Gem and I watched a movie after we got home. I wanted to do something quiet with him.

While making dinner (we skipped common meal due to Gem's cold) I thought about 'retreating' without really going anywhere. Resting and staying quiet for the next three weeks plus and delving deeper into this program and practice.

Yes, it's a challenge to balance this with homeschooling two kids (aka being with the kids nearly 24/7) and being a full-time homemaker (not an inherent talent, I'm afraid). But, if not now when? If not when I choose to do so, then when?

Hear me roar

The delight of ovulation has turned sour. (Seriously, in the last couple of years proof of TCM healing in my body has been evidenced by the way it practically sings during ovulation.)

It is as if my body is pissed that it's not pregnant. Pissed at me.

I've long felt PMSy around mid-cycle, and this afternoon I had some clarity around how I feel and why my body might feel this way.

What's been happening:

• ate a bar of dark chocolate in a 24 hour period.
• craving animal protein.
• feel knocked down tired.
• carbs, carbs, carbs.
• a bit edgy with the man.

Keeping track of the cycle does have its advantages.

Ponyo

I watched Ponyo today. It was pretty great. Sag walked in and out, Gem pretty much watched the whole thing. Neither child insisted on the dubbed version so I watched it in Japanese with English subtitles.

Gem and I talked about the movie over dinner (we watched it right before dinner). There were a few things he couldn't quite get his head around. It was an interesting conversation.

Ponyo was made by the creator of Tonari No Totoro (My Neighbor Totoro) which was a staple movie in our household when the kids were little (and one we've only ever seen in Japanese).

You can see the official trailer on YouTube here.

When it rains

...it pours.  In what I am now beginning to think of as somewhat ADD fashion, I rode a mood, hyperfocused, and shopped for a bunch of stuff I've wanted/we've needed.

It began at Target.  Danielle, Leo and I drove over this morning.  I like to buy mega packs of big boxes of Kleenex and big boxes of garbage bags and baggies at Target.  So every three months or so, I go to Target.

I usually find other things to buy which is why I don't go more frequently.  The good of it is that you really can find bargains.  The bad of it is that it can be hard to stay focused in a store like that.  ADD heaven...or hell.

I was looking for a Silpat, which they didn't have, but found a Lodge cast iron dutch oven instead.  I've been seriously shopping around for a dutch oven the last couple of years and have been discouraged by how expensive the Le Creuset ones are.  The closest Le Creuset outlet is over an hour away.  If you know me, you know that the fact that I have delayed my dutch oven gratification for this long is...out of character.

We have a Lodge cast iron skillet which we've been very happy with.  Although the dutch oven is not made in the U.S. (as the skillet is), the $60 price tag was most excellent for a brand I knew I could trust.

Funny story: a few minutes ago I searched the web for an image of the dutch oven and found that Amazon has it for $10 less.  So I'm returning the red one to Target and now await the blue one which should arrive within two weeks or so.  (Free shipping on Amazon=slow shipping...)

I look forward to making many things in this pot for many years...soups, chilis, roasts...mmm.

Onto the next thing...  Our car is a mess.  It's 10 years old (we bought it right before Gem was born), has over 150,000 miles on it (many of them 'hard') and I love it, but it's kind of a mess all over.  I've noticed lately that the interior of the car borders on disgusting kind of often.  One time too many, for me.  (It has become commonplace for some form of trash to tumble out of the car when a door is opened.)

I've been researching trash containers and organizers for cars on Amazon and looked at some of them at Target today.  Target didn't have the items I was most interested in checking out (though I did buy a AAA road emergency kit and some of those Armor All wipe thingies), which turned out to be lucky.  Something I've thought about before, but never acted out to completion, was to check Etsy.  And tonight I did!

I am so happy I remembered.  I love things that are handmade...the creativity, thoughtfulness, the unique choices in design, color, prints...and I love the direct relationship you have with the artisan/seller at Etsy.

I ordered a trash receptacle (you can hang off a seat) made out of a cute baseball fabric with a washable liner. 

Then I ordered a car organizer which can be hung off the back of one of the front seats.  It has pockets that can fit books, a Sigg bottle, sunglasses, etc.  (Sag was all over this, Gem was not.  It will be interesting to see if he changes his tne once he sees it in action.)  The shipping on this item was crazy because it's coming from Australia, which is also, really cool :-)

On a roll, I remembered the large pocket organizer Tiina has which I loved (I agree with her that it's a must have for ADD-brainer/homeschoolers like us).  She got hers at a school supply type store.  Her comment that maybe she would make one some day, and my response that she could sell it on Etsy, had remained in my mind, percolating.  I searched Etsy, and found something similar.

And then, because the difference was that it only has large pockets, I found another one with small pockets.  That's really cute.  Which I also bought.  (This is the one item of this spree which was more indulgence than serious practical necessity.)

Once I was done at Etsy, it was time to head back to Amazon.  I deleted the various car organizer things I'd put into my cart and set about finally taking action on a task I've been working on for well over a month: purchasing a rice cooker.  Our rice cooker has been cooking rice so unevenly that Sag has stopped eating rice at home.  Our rice cooker has been with us since our commitment ceremony in 1993.  Our rice cooker was a gift...so buying a new one has been kind of daunting.

I went to a local Asian market last week, but they didn't have any of the models I was interested in.  I've been waiting about a month to go to the super duper Japanese market on the Hudson River (to comparison shop), but it just hasn't happened, with no likely date in sight.  So, tonight, I took the plunge.  And bought the Zojirushi Neuro Fuzzy 10 cup rice cooker, online.  Phew.  I think it's going to rock our world.

While I was at it, I bought two more of these nifty containers (I had picked up two at Target today).  One of my attention strands for the year is delving deeper into living GFCF.  As part of that, I've begun buying some different GF flours like teff, millet and masa harina.  My friend, Lisa, recently sent me some Montina flour.  These GF flours stay fresher for much longer if they are stored in the fridge.  We have some great Tupperware from our Plympton days, but need more for our new flours.  These containers have a nice sealing feature, the plastic is BPA-free, and I've found OXO products to be very durable and functional.  (Cap made some pirakka using the millet flour and the crust was a revelation!)

So, yeah...a lot of money was spent at once.  It helps me to know myself a bit better, and to understand that this is how some people operate...that I am not an isolated freak or loser.  There was a time when I would shop like this, but mindlessly (ie. on books that would that sit unread on my shelves, on clothes I could have gotten much cheaper, on yarn that remains bagged and stored and unknit years later).  It's valuable to be able to discern the difference because it feels almost subtle compared to the 'rush' of activity and the motion of the mood...which feels remarkably the same.

Not to beat a dead horse, but...in the past, I would finish a spree and pretty soon begin to feel sick and really bad because of what I had done.  Tonight?  I feel a sense of accomplishment and quiet satisfaction.  That my purchases were the result of giving careful thought to what I wanted/we needed, giving the process a lot of time and space (and yes, delaying gratification), and following through to the end by spending our money in places and ways that fit our philosophies and needs.

Making room

Drawing up the meal plan this morning (it proved to be too much/not the right time yesterday) I intuitively reached a solution, a simple formula to hold the Dragon's Way and GFCF together.

I'm buying a bunch of veggies and have planned in three evening meals of stir fries for myself, I've confirmed that tofu is on-list and will pay attention to that as a source of protein, I'm making two more pots of seaweed soup this week (I tend to really get into things and enjoy them over and over again: turns out that's called 'hyperfocus' :-), and I'm going to be open to rice and egg whites.

And, I am not planning on making any new recipes on the GFCF side.  For the kids and Cap, on my dinner nights, I will make spaghetti with cornbread, meatloaf, and burgers with sweet potato fries.  Oops, I am planning one new thing, the GFCF burger buns.  But, rather than mid-week, I am going to make those next weekend.  I tend to have more time and space on the weekends.

(As I was flipping through the Dragon's Way book this morning for some specific info, I noticed that this week's chapter's subtitle included the words "transition" and "pushing through".  Yeah, that's what I'm feeling...)

(not sure what the Unicorn is doing there...)

Lush life

The kids wanted out (I cannot blame them).  The weather has been gorgeous.  Sunny, breezy, weaving and waving back and forth from warm-hot to cool-brisk.  Daniel's over, Cap's up at school all day for a conference, I've been tidying and cleaning and preparing snacks and lunch...going off-list, but feeling somewhat productive.

So, when our downstairs neighbor seemed done with her yard work, out we went.

I had a shocking moment when, as I leaned into the wisteria to take pictures, I was suddenly engulfed in intense thrumming buzzing and realized the tree was full of ginormous bumble bees.  I jolted back, my brain and sensory system flooding with adrenalin, and my camera was flung from my hands!  I've had my trusty camera for going on six years.  I dropped it within the first few days of owning it and hadn't dropped it again till today.  It was a doozy of a landing, but luckily, there seems to be no harm done other than some scratches on the body and a small dent in one of the corners.

Buddhist quote

From my "buddhist quote" thingy on my iGoogle:

"We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all."

Blake says

Some new-to-me music. I've been a bit melancholic today and this tune slides right in there... Thanks, Shannon :-)

What's new

Little notebook, update

Filling out the day's things-to-attend-to three to four days in advance doesn't work.  After a day or two, I tuned out my little notebook.  So, I'm going to try to do this every night before to keep my mind fresh to my specific and concrete daily goals.

Thinking

Practicing Qigong this morning I thought:

• when I practice so early, there are certain movements I don't do for fear of disturbing the peace of others as they rest...#6 and #9.  Skipping #9 often leads to skipping #10.

• I could feel my brain/mind bouncing back and forth...I bordered on feeling dismay, but kept pulling myself back into balance from that.  As the Spring green maple leaves danced about with the breeze out the window (I've started practicing facing Eastward to hone in on my Liver...the view is wonderful :-) my mind caught on their beauty and life.  I realized why it feels so good to me to be outside in Nature.

When I am in Nature, my brain relaxes a lot.  The elements demand attention, and I succumb wholly.  And nothing splinters, like it does when I am inside sometimes.  Note to self (again and again...yet more addition and subtraction): get outside more.  It will help me feel more whole more of the time.

Speaking of addition and subtraction, I'm not sure what to do about my food.  Driving home from our wonderful and leisurely playdate, the kids and I talked dinner.  (When they are playing with friends, they often do not eat well.  So, as soon as we hit the car, they realize they are pretty hungry.  And the rest of the day they tend to feel quite grumpy and fragile.  I need to think about this, too.)

I knew making the burger buns as originally planned was out.  They were going to have to rise for 30-40 minutes before baking.  Also, to be completely honest, without my own food "stuff" set, it's hard to not want to eat/share the new, interesting, yummy stuff I make for the rest of the family.

So we went to Whole Foods, were stunned by their expansion construction (the M-town Whole Foods: the little Whole Foods that could!), and picked up some provisions for them.

What I grazed for dinner last night: Alphatots, frozen shoestring fries, a coconut ice cream sandwich and popcorn with soy butter and salt.

How I felt last night: dizzy, dazed, confused (I called Cap to ask him to pick me up some garlic knots* while he was out at the comic book store with the kids and then frantically called him back a minute later saying "no no no that's gluten!"), tired, flat.  I can't tease out whether gluten/wheat has this effect on me (I had some more of the Chinese take-out eggplant for lunch and the ice cream sandwich had gluten in it) or whether my system is overwhelmed by trying to hold too much.

By the time I was going to bed, I felt unwell to the core.  Not sick, per se, but very quietly, deeply, off.

When I meal plan today or tomorrow, I am going to build in a plan for my DW meals.  I need to subtract something to allow for the space to do the DW food prep and the more structured sitting-down-to-eat which remains elusive.

I can feel a flutter of panic as I think about the accounting work which I also really want to add which means two things need to be subtracted.  Well, this is my work for today, to do these figures.  There's something else, which I will simply push to next week: subtracting some tv to make room for an earlier to bed and earlier to rise (I'm thinking a walk around the block first thing in the morning sounds nice...)

* I've been watching a show called Parenthood and a character in an episode I watched yesterday (this is how out of it [though I am beginning to recognize that when I am "out of it", inside, I am actually quite restless and unable to be still long enough to focus on much at all] I was, I was watching tv in the early evening.

Some more to think on: watching tv..."unwinding"...may be a band-aid, may be genuinely therapeutic.  There may be something to my affinity for the tv and computer screens that is related to my type of brain.

Dragon-y dilemma

Sigh.

I just took a misstep.

Holding Dragon's Way, being GFCF, exploring ADD and maintaining momentum with kids and home is proving to be...a lot.  And not completely possible.

So, as I do this incompletely, I observe and tinker...finetune, streamline.

Tonight, I was tired.  In part, no doubt, because of my interrupted night of sleep.  I did practice, which was good.  I added the zoo and subtracted the museum.  By the time we got home from the museum zoo it was raining and the kids and I snuggled down for an episode of Amazing Race (Season 7).

Afterward, we picked up Cap at school and stopped in for an order of Chinese take-out.  Common meal was canceled and the kids had leftovers.  I was feeling uninclined to stir-frying up my own veggies and so opted for the eggplant with spicy garlic sauce.

Sag jumped on the white rice that came with our order.  Our rice cooker has been on the fritz for awhile now and he will no longer eat the rice made in it.  He loves the stuff though, and scarfs it whenever he can get it not made in our machine.

So I had some of Cap's veggie fried rice with my eggplant.

The eggplant dish is fine for Dragon's Way.  The veggie rice is okay.  The problem for me was that neither of these dishes were gluten-free.  I couldn't hold it all.  I ate it.

I'm on the lookout for grouchiness to descend tomorrow late afternoon, we'll see what happens.  The kids and I will be at a play date with friends tomorrow afternoon.

I had what now feels like lofty ambitions for making cookies before the play date and burger buns and burgers in the evening.  But, I'm thinking I need to map out my Dragon's Way food for tomorrow and make time to prepare what I need and to visualize when and where and how I will eat.  I can already feel healing taking place and want to commit more fully to the eating aspect of the practice (I ate lunch standing up again today...sigh.)

Adding things in and subtracting others.  It's simple...but not necessarily easy.

More notes on Dragon's Way

• Breakfast should be your richest meal, lunch your biggest, dinner your smallest.  

Last night I went over to Donna's after Vinny's.  Her son was away and it was a chance for us to hang out sans kids and finish a conversation we'd started last week.  It was amazing.  An hour turned into two and then three.  We talked, listened, shared, watched Lucy play, put on jackets and eventually went inside as dusk turned to night and the balance tipped towards the warmth of the house.

We drank tea, I had some cantaloupe, she had an ice cream sandwich, and then she had more tea and I enjoyed a mug of hot water.

By the time I got home it was 9:30.  I felt hungry.  Not overwhelmingly so, but my stomach had much less in it than it is used to having.  (It is very interesting that my stomach, and mind, have adjusted easily to this transition of having less food to work with.  It has been easier for my stomach than my mind.)

I knew I was going to be up for awhile (it was a LOST night) and felt a stab of fear that it was going to be hard to be up and conscious and feel hunger.  I went into the kitchen, but nothing called out to me.  I made some hot tea with honey, grabbed my herbs (I take them in pill form) and plopped down in front of the tv.

The feeling of hunger, which I think was truly more a feeling of absence...or roominess, passed.  And this morning, I realized that my stomach didn't hurt.  (It is recommended not to eat past 7 or 8pm to prevent digestion of your dinner from taking Qi that could otherwise be storing up as you sleep.)  Usually I feel something in my stomach when I wake up.  An ache, a heaviness, a hardness...some sort of energy blockage with a physical manifestation. 

I think it's actually been a few days since not feeling that way, but I didn't notice it till today.

• "Believe it or not, walnuts or pine nuts are excellent foods, and I recommend that you include them with breakfast each morning.  The walnuts and fruit are suggested to give you a really solid Qi foundation and a good amount of quality energy to begin your day."

• "Your stomach literally hates to receive cold things."

• Inborn Qi vs. Acquired Qi.  The Qi we are born with (Inborn) is like our savings account of life force.  We are born with a fixed amount and when this Qi is gone, we die.  Acquired Qi works like a checking account.  We can add Qi to this account throughout our lives, at any time.  But, if we spend from this account more than we put in, then the Qi automatically begins to be deducted from our savings account.

"Unfortunately, most people don't build up enough Acquired Qi in their checking accounts and must routinely withdraw 'funds' from their savings account of Inborn Qi for the day-to-day expenditures of life's activities.  What are these activities?  They include respiration, metabolism, healing from internal and external assaults, sleeping, eating, digestion, elimination, thinking, feeling, intuition, working, dealing with stress, balancing emotions, and more!  This is particularly true for anyone coping with the demands of today's world and who is constantly on the go, mentally, physically, and even emotionally."

"Your life is like a candle---you can be born with a small candle or a tall candle.  You have no choice in this.  How you protect its flame is now up to you.  If you've been given a long candle and you burn it carelessly, you will not last as long as a shorter candle that protects its flame.  The better you protect your light, the longer it remains lit."

Pushing out from the root

'Tis the season.

My Dragon's Way teacher talked about how during Spring, along with the plants and trees, our Qi pushes stagnant and/or blocked energy, (what I sometimes can't help but think of as old, nasty stuff), up, up, and out.

I saw Vinny yesterday and confirmed that this has been happening for me lately, namely in the form of lower body gas and severe itchiness on the skin of my shins.

For the itchiness he suggested pricking the inside of my big toe, near the top.  This provides the build-up energy to release, literally.

This morning I had a rude awakening just before 5am (as Lung transitions into Large Intestine).  To the front of my left ankle was on fire with itchiness.  I scratched and scratched but it was providing no relief.  I didn't know where my pricking needles were so decided to go to Plan B.  I got up and got my Chinese herbal skin cream.

It's not an insta-cure, but it does the job to soothe the itch and I did, to my surprise, fall back asleep.

I'm a little discombobulated this morning, but grateful.  Our plans are shifting and instead of a museum workshop on "Illustrating A Narrative Using Mixed Media" we'll be visiting the zoo with Danielle and her crew who are off from school this week.

Looking forward to being out in the air and sun.

Antidote

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lee-stranahan/unschooling-how-igood-mor_b_543880.html

Dragon's Way notes

• Last night during our group Qigong practice, I noticed that I wasn't yawning nearly as much as I usually do (in class or at home).

• When I walked into class last night, my teacher noticed immediately that I seemed 'happy'.  I felt a smile burst on my face and felt like the freaking Sun as I answered, "I am happy, thank you."

• It is usual for me to start heating up while I practice.  As I practice with more regularity after a fallow period, I've noticed that sometimes I break a sweat.   Last night in class, I didn't feel a rush of heat till #6.  I haven't been practicing this one at home because I'm not always sure my downstairs neighbor is home/awake.

• I did yawn during this morning's practice.  Getting the lying prone blockages out.

• I did practice #6 because I happened to notice my neighbor leaving for work.  As I practiced, I could feel reverberation all the way up the meridian line along the inside of my thigh.  I did the brush hitting up that line last night in an attempt to alleviate the maddening itchiness on my shins.  I absolutely love feeling the connections, on top of knowing that they're there.

• As I transition more fully in the food aspect, I'm noticing that I don't feel as hungry as I thought I would.

• I am aiming to read more of the book and handouts this time around.  My teacher mentioned the various points of self-healing that comprise this program, and reading/rereading the written material is one which I have not taken full advantage of.

"It is difficult to say how old the practice of Qigong is.  Some believe it goes back far more than five thousand years.  The word Qigong literally means "energy work", but the actual practice is far deeper than its description.  It is a powerful self-healing discipline that is particularly effective for women who want to prevent or alleviate menopausal symptoms.  As we've said, Qigong can help you connect your body, mind, and spirit by allowing you to gain control of and direct your own Qi or life force.  Its biggest benefit is that it can develop your intuition and let you see the world in a different way.  This view is one that can take you beyond the senses."  (from the Dragon's Way book)

Glutenated

I was glutenated (voluntarily yet unexpectedly) over the weekend.  I feel like it had a negative impact on me chemically.  You can read all about it here.