Monday music

Let It Be - Nick Cave

I love this cover which I discovered on my sister's iPod ♥

Tea for two

 

K and I went out for tea today.  And talked and talked and talked.  And had delicious raspberry Earl Grey tea.  And ran into my upstairs neighbors.  And ate wholesome and delicious food.  And basked in the glow of each other's majestic presence.  Ah.

Thanks to Terra Tea for being such a peaceful, intentional and delicious space.

Feeling good

Things have been really good around here.

I have been practicing Qigong every day.

I have been right on top of the money work.

We're settling into a routine with Cap which will change somewhat when classes resume for him, but not so much.  He will still have his times with the kids (table activities 2x/week, a sports class at the Y 1x/week and Family Swim 1x/week).

Meal planning and grocery budgeting went well this week.  There were some moments of excitement for me, where we cooked or ate what we had rather than what we wished to eat, that were less exciting for the other members of our family.  But, we did it, and though we still need to pick up fish for tomorrow night's dinner, it is looking like we will come in under budget for groceries for the week :-)

Cap and I watched a movie last night, The International, and we're in a groove of doing this together once a week.  (The movie was good...kind of a throwback to the gritty American movies from the 1970s.)

The kids are happy.  Lots of humming while they draw and play, building excitement about our almost-definitely-happening trip to Chicago this Spring, and laughter...lots of laughter.

Decluttering and home organizing continuing...our teenaged house guest, V, arrives next Saturday from Lima.

Helping the R-W family prepare for their upcoming family adventure in Japan.  It feels good to give...to share experience and knowledge...makes me look forward to our own family trip to Japan scheduled for next February (my father is organizing a 7 year memorial event for my grandfather's passing and we will be attending...feeling so much gratitude.)

I had an intense PMS flare this week, which with Mercury in retrograde riding side saddle, led to an acutely uncomfortable 48 hours or so.  Very emotional, very hormonal, I felt under the thumb of it all and like I could barely breathe.  It was stormy gales followed by lonely enervation followed by more stormy gales.  Over and over.

I was waiting for my port of call.  My appointment with V.  Counting down the minutes.

But, then, I found my North.  I was right where I needed to be.  He was right there with me.  And what felt like the most arduous journey in recent memory came to an end.  I was home.

Bday scarf

Are you sitting down?  Yes, it's a knitting post.

Our good friend W turned 10 this week.  In celebrating him, I began my first knitting project of 2010.  A simple chunky scarf using Wool-Ease that I had in my stash.

This is a kid who likes to be active and outside.  A lot.  So I needed a yarn which would withstand not only snags in trees and tumbles on the ground, but also washings.  And more washings.

I had some of the green leftover from nephew T's birthday hat, so decided to add stripes...which breaks up the black nicely, I think.

I have 10 stripes going on the end I started with.  Will see if there is enough yarn to do 10 more stripes at the other end.  Of course I realized too late that I could have done 5 and 5 and that would have equaled 10 with no drama of running out of yarn.  But I only unravel when absolutely necessary.

Sigh.  I'm just like that.

More from the kitchen

When I opened the carton I immediately noticed how non-uniform the eggs were in size.  And smiled.  Pastured eggs from a local farm...not one size fits all.

I am now buying eggs, chicken and jam from a local farm associated with our CSA.  Deliveries are every other week. 

I'm looking forward to making stock with the chicken...maybe tomorrow if it defrosts by then.  The meat we usually use for chicken salad.  I'm thinking I'd like to try chicken enchiladas with the kids, too.

Our jam this delivery was organic strawberry.  Yum.

We still have some veggies left from our last, big, CSA winter share.  There will be some soup-making next week :-)

From the kitchen

I recently tried a new cooking tip.  Baking a squash whole.  Just wash it and place it on a baking sheet and bake it at 350º for an hour.  No wrestling with it to cut or peel it beforehand.

It comes out of the oven ready to be sliced into, scooped out, and mashed or puréed.  Easy.

I am not a big French toast eater.  My mom used to make it for us pretty regularly and I'd eat it willingly...but it never grabbed me like some other foods have over the years.

Until now.

Cap has been making French toast with the amazing sandwich bread I've been making in the bread machine.  Sag and Cap are the French toast eaters in our household.  But, Sag was not enamored of the French toast using the homemade bread (he likes this bread toasted and spread with soy butter and jam...he still prefers the store bought bread for his grilled cheese sandwiches and French toast).

It looked and smelled really good, so I decided to finish his plate for my breakfast.  Yum.  Cardamom French toast.

A cheeseburger moment

At one point last night I thought a cheeseburger was the answer.  Or, that it would at least be a test.  I was feeling bereft and I was seeking comfort...but also a solution.  And in that moment I was debating whether a boost of animal protein/fat might do the trick.

It's hard to pull back during those fits of hormonal flooding.  As I write now, the morning after, it makes sense.  When I am feeling like I need to fix how I feel, rather than feel it, let it be and move on, I am not in tune.  My head is attempting a decapitation to rid itself from what it perceives to be the body's (unpleasant) reality.

As I was returning to wakefulness this morning I remembered how I was the first to go to bed last night, crawling into icy sheets, but soon grateful for the warmth my body effortlessly generated (and the goose feathers which effectively trapped my heat around me).  I didn't wake happy, but I was a bit clearer.  I thought: I bet I could have helped myself feel better had I done some Qigong last night.

I have been practicing every morning, and have been eating essentially vegan (I am consuming the occasional egg/dollop of mayo) since the new year.  I need to put more intention behind getting outside every day.

And I have my sights on practicing Qigong before bed.  Especially nights like last night.  No, no, not as a special thing...but, as a regular practice.  More practice = more well-being. 

Push through stagnation. 

Because nothing ever stays the same.  Every thing is ever changing.  No matter how badly you feel, how powerless you feel, it is temporary.

Once I am in the grips of emo-vulnerable-animalistic pacing it's hard to do something different.  But, if night time practice is a routine at that point, I could slide into that...much like, in the end, I slid into bed last night.

Sliding into something active...that's going in a new direction for me (phlegmatic/melancholic/introvert that I am).  No wonder it doesn't feel natural.  But, there is an intuitive pull towards it which I deeply appreciate.  I feel like I'm learning something...teaching myself something.

Activating, whether it's a new daily routine or a new way of being, will help keep me "young". 

Keeping the energy flowing and the synapses snapping and the blood pumping and the heart opening and the tendons stretching and the body warming and the soul glowing.

Sounds good.

Cheeseburger forgotten.  (For now.)

10 Things (for mamayou...and for you...)

01. I took this photo tonight.  Through the window I look out of when I am sitting at the computer.  Before I took the picture, I was "captured" by the colors of the sky and clouds.  When I'm captured (most often when I am taking a walk or when I am listening to music), time and space compress to nothing.  I become one with what I am experiencing thanks to my senses and I am flooded with LIFE.

02. I am turning 44 this month.  I'm looking forward to my birthday.  I'm having people over.

03. I can no longer choose which I would lose if I had to lose one and I could choose which: my sight or my hearing.

04. Oftentimes I find it hard to do things in moderation.  (Another form of "capture"?)

05. I wonder if I will ever again spend a whole day/weekend reading a book...stopping only to stretch my legs and get a little something to eat.

06. Some of my favorite things to taste: avocado, chocolate, pesto and honey.

07. I enjoy giving and receiving massages.

08. Some of my favorite things to smell: grapefruit, musty basements, indie bookstores and sun-dried laundry.

09. I have many friends and yet sometimes I am so alone.  (Not necessarily in a bad way.)

10. I still hope to play the cello someday.

The Year of the Flood

I popped into the library today to drop off a cd and pick another one up.  A copy of The Year of the Flood, Margaret Atwood's latest, caught my eye.  Margaret Atwood rocked my world when I read The Handmaid's Tale...right around the time I started college, I think.  I loved it and was electrified by it.

These days, finding time...making time...to read is tricky.  I am much more likely to pick up a graphic novel or watch some tv at the end of my day.

Therefore, I'm not sure why I decided to borrow The Year of the Flood, but I did.  It has gotten great reviews, and turns out to be related to a novel of Atwood's called Oryx and Crake, which I read at Berkeley M's behest.

I linked to a NYT review of the novel written by Jeanette Winterson.  You can find that "In My Reading Basket" on the sidebar.

What are you reading/wishing you had time to read these days?

Common meal

 

 

 

 

 

Tea challenge

What the tea basket typically looks like.

I've been inspired by my friend, S.  She recently took inventory of her pantry, cupboards and freezer.  And figured out that she has enough food to feed her family for awhile, which will allow for a significant decrease in grocery spending over the next few weeks.

 

This morning, when I saw the tea basket, I sensed an opportunity.  I dumped the contents out.  21 boxes, tins or bags of tea.

My tea challenge: do not buy anymore tea until the tea I already have is consumed.

 

I'm starting with this bright green bag which contains loose bags of tea collected from the bottom of the basket.

Wordless Wednesday

Going high tech

A year ago, I made a typical (though much less frequent) cringe-inducing move and filled my "black book" (a Filofax I bought probably 10 or so years ago at Bob Slate) with Filofax brand week-at-a-glance and month-at-a-glance calendar paper bought at a local and independent stationer rather than something cheaper at Staples.

To the tune of $60 or so.

It's just part of who I am.  I'm smart, but I'm also dreamy.  And, yes, I have issues.  I'm working on that.

At the time, the reality that $60 was 1/3 the price of a new iPod Touch smacked me upside the head as the ring of the cash register was still bouncing off the bits of wall space it could find in the cluttered-in-the-best-way stationery shop.

But, by that type of return-to-reality moment, I feel a surge of heat...of shame and embarrassment and need to get out into fresh air as soon as possible.  The deed is done and it feels irrevocable.  I guess it can be called self-sabotage, but I deem it irrevocable.

Entering 2010, I realized that the Google Calendar feature I've been using on my computer for the last couple of  months will become my personal calendar this year.  It won't be mobile, but I spend so much time at home that it should work as smoothly as it has since I started using it.

And it's free baby, free!  One less expense these days is a really good thing.  Gaining new freedom by being more grounded in my financial reality and embracing new choices is even better.

Another sign

My shoulders are starting to ache.  My body is communicating to me and I should move away from the computer, but there's one more post in me here.  Something that's been percolating in my mind.  Nothing deep, but kind of "now".

I recently saw two movies.  *spoiler alert

and

They were similar enough that comparisons were inevitable.  Both have cute white male protagonists and the movies tell the stories of their trials and tribulations in the romantic love department.

One notable difference was that DM is about a guy who is in his thirties and 500 is about a guy in his twenties. 

The guy in DM (Ryan Reynolds, who I am calling the Cary Grant of the aughts :-) is divorced and has a kid.  There are three relationships he's chronicling in the course of the movie.

The guy in 500 (Joseph Gordon-Levitt who has come a long way from 3rd Rock From The Sun) is single, meets a girl, falls hard, loses girl, is upset, but then experiences an uptick in life as an effect of their relationship despite its brevity/ending.

Both movies were enjoyable and well cast.  Both movies showed how the random connections we make with each other can shape our lives, our feelings, our thoughts (which I dig). 

I was surprised to realize that I liked DM more than 500.  Partly because 500 is a more "indie" movie and I tend to favor those over mainstream fare.  And so I've been kind of thinking about that.  And realizing that I probably liked the movie more because I could better relate to and appreciate the situations that the 30 somethings were experiencing more than the 20 somethings.  There was a difference in the resonance in the watching.

This aging thing...it's so interesting.  At late 43, I am understanding in ways that I haven't up till now, that, yes, I am getting older.  It's not unpleasant.  But, it is a new feeling for me.  I have always just felt "myself".  These days, I feel aging infringing on this self-conceptualization.  Whether it's liking DM more than 500 or whether it's confronting new and clear synaptic breakdowns (as highlighted in the NYT article my sister sent me), I find "myself turning corners and coming upon different aspects of "myself" who are unexpectedly unfamiliar.

Blankets

A great read.  I highly recommend it.  A memoir of childhood, family (especially the relationship with brother), and first love.  There's an immediacy to the story telling and art work that drew me right in and kept my emotions high.

iPod

My sister gave me an iPod.  A hand-me-down of the best sort.  It was loaded with her music so I have been enjoying listening to new music, choosing to keep what I like and deleting what I don't need.

My favorite discoveries du jour are The Mavericks and their amazing Hot Burrito #1 cover (Raul Malo's voice...mmm...I wanna marry it) and Mozart's Salzburg Symphony in F Major, the 2nd movement (like the most wonderful bath of romance ever).

I can't convey...quantify...how much joy having this little gadget has brought me.  We finally bought a new boom box for the kitchen and so now I can play my music in there.  Jai Ho as I made lunch had me twirling and whirling about with a big happy grin gracing my face.

Jai Ho - A.R. Rahman

Chilly stroll

The kids wanted to play out back (Cap is obliging them now) so I got a solo walk this afternoon. Very chilly, but so refreshing.

Photographing this kind of tall grass is become a bit of an obsession.  They like to bob with any kind of air movement...  There's something tricky about capturing the essence of a single stalk amongst the beauty of the whole lot of 'em.

There was something appealing about the color and texture-to-the-eye of the bark (not well captured in this shot).  Kind of velvet-y.  I took a few shots and chose to show this one because I like the lines and play of light and dark.

The season whorls to an end.

To my dear sister...I freakin' love having an iPod!!!  Thankyouthankyouthankyou.

 

Saw this.

Made this.

Tried to capture the majesty of this tree whose block I live on.  I couldn't.  It is a wonderful tree.  A tree that could tell stories if you wanted to sit awhile and listen.

Middle aged brain

My sister sent me a NYT article which came at just the right time.

I have noticed in the last few weeks, more acutely, that I am having short term memory challenges. Stuff along the lines of walking into the kitchen to do something, doing a few things, leaving the kitchen, and then remembering that I never did the thing that had brought me into the kitchen in the first place.

Check it out, if you think this article may be for you :-)

Monday music

These are some songs that have really been doing it for me as I settle into this Winter and our new year.

God Made The Automobile - Iron...

Hot Burrito #1 - Pat Flynn, Ra...

Divertimento in F major, K. 13...

What's moving you, musically, lately?

Is it the Qigong?

I was going to post something else, but this picture of me is begging for a post.

At first, I thought, oh good, a decent picture.  And I slapped it onto my sidebar and also onto my FB profile.

Now, I'm looking at it and marveling because I got very little sleep last night.  I went to bed around 10:30 and could not fall asleep.  Maybe it was the gusty, gusty wind (I am an Air sign after all, maybe my soul was communing with kindred spirits as they blew around and past), maybe it was the handful of TJ's dark choco almonds I had pretty late in the evening, maybe I was just due for some insomnia.

I fell asleep around 3am and was awoken once when Sag came in after a nightmare and then for good around 7:30 when Gem came looking for Sag and crawled in, too.

I've been moving slowly all day, taking it easy because I'm tired.  Cap and I have been working diligently on rearranging and reorganizing.  I meal planned and he went food shopping (he freaked out the folks at Whole Paycheck because he was walking around with a clipboard...he told them the truth, that he was comparison shopping, and he was told he couldn't do that.  But he did.)

There's been quite a bit of dust and the air purifiers are working overtime.

So why do I look so relaxed in this picture?  How is it that I am kind of glowing?

I think it's the Qigong.  I have been practicing every day for the last three days and though I haven't been practicing for long periods, I think just the little bit of consistency is already making a difference.

(I haven't gone out in two days so it's not fresh air/exercise...and I have been eating mostly vegan, but not totally.)

I do like rearranging, too.  It gives one's space a new look and feel, which can be uplifting and internally transforming.  It has been good to realize that the "stuff" that so often feels like an albatross 'round my neck is comprised of some useful items.  Now that we're scaling back on spending, it's good to discover things we'll be able to use to make our own fun.