Solstice greetings

Cap and I used to have Winter Solstice parties back in the day.  A tradition that fell by the wayside when the kids came along and we moved away from Cambridge.

Here in Enn-Jay we began a new Solstice tradition with another family.  On each Solstice and Equinox we go to a local pond and hike around it.

This Winter Solstice, I am marking the season without Cap and without our friends.  (Cap made it safely to Massachusetts where he is spending time with his mom who is in hospital.  Our hike was relocated since the kids and I were car-less.  Then I had to cancel our participation because Sag spiked a fever last night that traveled to near 103º 'round 2am.)

I had a magical couple of hours this morning watching not only the lunar eclipse, but the bright twinkling stars that came out for the occasion.  I still feel a nearly overwhelming sensation of love and gratitude.  I felt very connected and energized looking at the stars, my brethren, craning my neck at the bedroom window.

I sky gazed in between tending first to Sag for an hour and then Baxter for an hour.  Restless boys in the wee hours.

Today I have a golden soup simmering on the stove and am catching the Sun where I can.

Peace, love and light to you this Winter Solstice.  Here's to celestial kindred twinkling and shining upon us all this day and season.

Run to the stream

Run To The Stream by Nina Violet

Frogs and snails and puppy-dogs' tails

he loves calendars...which makes Advent particularly special.

this year there's Mummu's annual Advent calendar plus a Lego City one.

birthday gift from Auntie Barbra.

she remembered a very short conversation and hit a homerun.

he finds the best spots.

Solstice eve

Life is shaping differently since learning dear mother-in-law is in hospital.  There are few details, but those few contain promise.  For now, she is relatively comfortable in a nice room.  Cap will head up later today.  We will all be up for a visit right after Christmas.

Something to cheer the spirit.  Penzey's Spices.  If you appreciate how lovely pinches and dashes of herbs and spices can not only enhance, but completely transform a home cooked meal, then check them out.  They are popular in the gluten-free community.

Last night I ordered the China Tung Hing Cinnamon (formerly known as the China Cassia Cinnamon).  I finally went through the big bag that Karen gave me a couple of years ago.  Potent, lovely stuff.  I can't go back to any other cinnamon.  I'm not even a big fan of cinnamon, but this stuff, I could huff it in the kitchen all day.

I've been happy with the smoked paprika I picked up at the start of the year (at Grand Central Station where they have a shop), so I decided to take the plunge and added some high rotation spices to round out my order: garlic granules, European peppercorns (a mix of Tellicherry and Sarawak white), and "regular" chili powder (little heat).

They have a deal going now which gets you expedited 2 day shipping at the regular shipping price.  (Their online "catalogue" has no photos and is simply a list of their items, which is unfortunate.  Check out this blog post with some nice pics and information about the company.)

And here's a song.  A good one for taking the edge off.  Let's take it one moment at a time.

P.S. Lunar eclipse tonight.

Blessings

Yesterday we spent the day at Sandy and Mike's cabin in the woods.  We celebrated Christmas with them and my mom and my brother's dog who is staying with us for a week while he and his family visit with best friends in Florida.

I am feeling deeply the blessings of the season and our life.

happy lap dog.

beta testing their new game.

rustic festive.

functional fiber fun.

evening feast simmering on the wood stove.

treetop angel.

ice flow.

wonder-ground.

shimobashira (needle ice in English).

he was the odds on favorite for ending up in the frigid water (he didn't).

double-fisted.

even this city dog was drawn in.

bridge-building.

fading light.

what's up is down.

found.

playing with ice.

garland (crochet on plastic bottle rings).

post-presents pre-dinner recreation.

Uncle's boy.

Sleeping bag as coat

The coat has arrived.  Thanks to Danielle for the 40% off tip and thanks to my moms for the early Xmas/bday prezzie.  I tested out Big Pink walking Baxter this morning.  It was a beautiful: sunny and 19º.  Under the coat I had on two layers of t-shirt and a fleece vest...and I stayed quite toasty.  Love the length to keep my legs warm.

It's official

The smile of a man who now has tenure.  My excitement over possibly getting a shot of a full-on smile made for a blurry portrait :-)  We are very, very happy here.

Bunch of love

anni-tulips.

Any day someone gives me tulips is a good day :-)  These pink beauties from Cap are adorning the bedroom because there are some pretty purple ones already out in the front room courtesy of Donna.  It's been a very long while since I've placed fresh flowers in the bedroom.  I think I'll be doing it more often.  They are so lovely.

I've been dealing with some anxiety this week waiting for packages to arrive and worrying about timing.  Late this afternoon, almost as if to justify the anxiety which I've been deeming "silly" trying to shrug it off, I discovered that three packages, from three different companies, were all "delivered" to my front door by UPS on Tuesday.  I never received them.

Mistakes happen...and so does petty theft (my gut tells me it was a delivery error, but we do live on a wide and somewhat busy street and it's possible someone saw the delivery being made to the edge of the porch, as opposed to right to the door, and could not resist what they saw as an opportunity.) 

As a matter of fact, community indifference happens, too.  In our case, I attribute it to living on a wide street with driveways, lawns and yards bordering and surrounding each house.  It's possible that our being renters on a long block of mostly owners comes into the equation.  It's possible that everyone is simply on the shy side.  I have never felt an open and/or intimate neighborhood vibe here.  So, it's possible that someone nearby received our packages by accident and...decided for whatever reason to not bring them over.

Whatever it was that happened, it was a hassle to get in touch with each company and get the processes of "what next?" going with each of them.  But, very far from being the end of the world.  If you've even made it this far, thanks for reading.  This has been a good reminder to me to "shop local"  :-)

P.S.  None of the packages contained Christmas gifts for the kids.  Phew :-)

Happy anniversary

Happy anniversary Cap!

21 years ago today, our first kiss.  It led to the rest of my life.  21 years of unbelievable love and the family I dreamed of as a girl, teenager and young adult.

For loving me no matter what, for hanging on when I pushed and pushed, for letting me be me as I blindly broke through the walls of chrysalis fighting for what waited on the other side...

You are a true mate-for-life/partner-in-living.

Here's to another 21, my love ♥

Hey hey he-e-e-eey

Gem's expressive melodic self bloomed this year, inspired by the Pokemon theme song. It's been there receptively all along, but he hasn't been one to sing out loud. (Though occasionally you might hear some quiet humming.)

Now there's another song that has caught his ear and voice. What a gift. I feel as if I'm hearing the song for the first time as the melody comes to me through his vocal chords, sung with his spirit.

The ghost of a sabertooth tiger

Lullaby of our times...I'm off to bed. Thanks to my Capricorn.

The heligoats

Listening to this right now and truly enjoying it.  The kids are Pokemoning behind me as the night settles.  I am keeping my eyes on the prize of a 10pm bedtime.

Things I want to share are gathering in the wings. Perhaps tomorrow.

Peace and love.

Indie candy

from Indie Candy's homepage.

Thanks to a tip from Gluten-Free Girl and the Chef, I scampered over to the site of Indie Candy this morning.  What a perfect array of sweet treats for the allergen-free family to find in their stockings come Christmas morning...

Home aglow

Jingle Jangle

Our bellies are full of Cap's latkes...  And now, on to Christmas decorating en famille ♥

Brooklyn Tweed

Excuse me, while I kiss the wool...

 pic from the Knitch blog.

I have long admired the work and aesthetic of Jared Flood.  Also known as Brooklyn Tweed.  I've been following his knit design work on his blog for years.  He is also a photographer.  I think he used to have a day job, as well, but am not sure he's kept it.

Because, this year, Brooklyn Tweed introduced to the world his own line of wool yarn.  He has started a line of 100% wool skeins using fiber from sheep born and bred in the United States.  The mill where the wool is made is also in the United States.  (Details abound much more eloquently at the link below the photograph.)

As if that weren't enough to get my heart to go pitter pat, the colors of his yarn are incredible.  They surprise you.  They seem kind of plain initially (at least for a Noro and Malabrigo lover like me), but as your eyes settle and rest on them, the skeins begin to take on subtle yet depthful complexity.

Alchemy.

And passion.

And peace.

I spent some time at Brooklyn Tweed's online shop tonight.  I had good reason to celebrate someone dear who loves to knit.  Finally, I could justify making a purchase.  (My own fiber consumption has gone way down as I've tightened my money belt.)

I realized as I moved through the shop and completed my transaction, that I felt very peaceful.  It was lovely.

If you'd like to check Brooklyn Tweed out, you can do so, here.

Peanut butter

not my image.

I rarely eat peanut butter.  

But, there's always some in the apartment because Cap loves the stuff.  He doesn't eat red meat and doesn't care much for beans or nuts or tofu.  He gets regular doses of protein from tuna and peanut butter (and chicken and turkey to a lesser extent, as well as, the occasional plate of scrambled eggs).

I don't dislike peanut butter, it simply is not a food that calls to me.

Until it does.  Like it did a few minutes ago.  I was in the kitchen putting a black bean sauce together on the stove top and unloading the dishwasher.  Gem was preparing himself some toast with peanut butter and strawberry jam.  We were marveling at what we could see (through the dark) of the enormous pile of dirt and debris under the window (the landlord is putting in new steps down to the basement).

The peanut butter caught my eye and before I could say "whatever", I had grabbed a salad spoon and onto my tongue plopped a gob of peanut butter.

Oh my goodness.  Manna from heaven.

It was so rich and unbelievably satisfying.  I tossed my spoon into the sink and turned back to the table to see Gem holding out his knife which was ready for its own airborne voyage to the sink.  I dipped the knife right back into the jar and had another party in my mouth.

Simple pleasures.  Wonder-full.

Tupperware

Many many many many moons ago I bought some Tupperware.

We were living with my father-in-law and were sharing a kitchen with him and his partner.  Gem was a toddler recently diagnosed with celiac disease.  We learned about the tricky evilness that is gluten cross-contamination and began the process of keeping, essentially, a separate kitchen within a communal kitchen.

There was a Tupperware kiosk at the local mall and I spent a small fortune on a set of kitchen storage containers.  In a way, it was money we didn't have.  I was years away from figuring myself out financially.  This was back in the days that we had credit cards and bought a lot of stuff.  (We cut our cards a few years ago and have never looked back.)  (Some of you may be thinking you bought more stuff than you do now?!  Yes.  Yes, we did.)

The dopamine ding I get from shopping isn't mindless.  I don't shop for the sake of shopping, per se.  I like nice stuff.  Quality matters.  I do remember, though it was nearly ten years ago when I bought the Tupperware, thinking that Tupperware was well made and that it would pay off later to spend a bit more in the present.

Well, you know the money story and so one could argue, no no no it didn't pay off later because I'm living under the shadow of massive debt.

But, in terms of pantry/fridge storage in a gluten-free kitchen?  It really has.

Rubbermaid items have come and gone.  Reusable/disposable plastic items (like Gladware) we are no longer buying.  For food storage, like leftovers, we are going the way of Pyrex and glass.  But, for storage of flours (and when you're gluten-free and kind of into cooking/baking like I am, there are a plethora of flours in your fridge at any one time), the Tupperware has stood strong.

We have some of the Oval and Square series with the dark blue lids.  One of the things I really like about Tupperware (and things in general) is their well thought out design.  These pieces are stackable and can be mixed and matched to suit your storage areas whether in the fridge or pantry.

Way back when, when we bought the Tupperware, kitchen space was at a premium.  So this design aspect really appealed to me.  The pieces are also strong.  They use a stronger plastic than less expensive brands and their seals are better designed.  Lids that are firmly closed stay closed.  No errant motes of flour are going to get in or out.

So, why am I blathering on about Tupperware?

Well, this year I bit the bullet and decided to give Authentic Foods' Superfine line of flours a try.  I'd read about the legendary quality of these flours (in the GF community, at least), how the grittiness that you sometimes get with baked goods using rice flours is completely smoothed out.  But, I am a bit of a stickler when it comes to paying for shipping, and the only way I could buy the flour was to pay for shipping, so I simply didn't try it for years.

With the attention I have been focusing on cooking and baking GFCF since the Spring, as I explored new recipes and broadened my experiences, I decided to plunk down the coin for shipping and gave these flours a go.

Wow.  For me, there's no going back.  These flours are superfine in more ways than one :-)

I will now be buying these flours in three varieties: brown rice, white rice and sweet rice, for the next ten or so years.  The smallest bag they come in is 3 lbs.  Our tall oval Tupperware, the #4 is a good size for this bag.  And it fits well on the bottom shelf of the fridge.  But, we only have one.

Google led me to eBay and there are two new #4s heading our way as I type.  I love history.  I love a story.  I love the connection that the internet can bring.

Stream of consciousness update

• not doing holiday cards this year.  it came to me about a month ago maybe.  it is, simply, something I no longer want to do.  if you know someone who might care, please pass the news along.

• my long coat saga came to an abrupt end this morning.  I'd decided I wanted one of those coats that basically looks like you're wearing a sleeping bag.  in my middle aging I've discovered that I do not like being cold.  I guess my blood is thinning or something because I feel colder more easily than ever before.  there has been a chain of events involving my mom and Xmas and bday gifting and my own debating over colors and style vs. comfort.  and a bit of comparison shopping which led to a long night last night of online shopping the one-day sale at Macy's.  (something I have never done, online or at a brick and mortar store...but I must say it worked out well...saved 50% on many random items we have needed for awhile (and just a couple I've wanted as opposed to needed).  plus my favorite, free shipping.  it was slow going checking all the prices against Amazon to make sure I was really getting a bargain.  anyway, when I went to L.L. Bean to finally take the plunge this morning, the coat was no longer available in my size and the color I wanted.  it was there last night when I decided not to order it till I confirmed for sure with my mom that I could order it before Xmas.  so it goes.

• spent hours yesterday at the computer processing photos for two projects.  one was my mom's birthday gift.  her bday was in July.  it felt good to check that off the list.

• low level colds pervade our household.  it's been that kind of Fall.

• saw The Girl Who Played With Fire this week and thoroughly enjoyed it.  Lisbeth is really quite a character.  the movies are well done...despite having to carve away so much detail of the story structure and content of the novels, the spirit of the story and characters, the author's vision, really shines on.  I will not manage to see the third movie in the theater as I had hoped.  there is one local showing left tonight...if Cap were going to be home I'd venture out, but he teaches tonight.

• speaking of Cap...I am anticipating reporting some very good news here tomorrow.

Dopamine

I'd say Dopamine plays a role in my life. Love this kind of food for thought about brains.

Toad the wet sprocket

They are back together again after a 13 year hiatus.  To celebrate, they are sharing a holiday song for free.  Enjoy.



Who are they? Their song All I Want is one of my all time favorites.

Piver on discipline

I really dig her.  Read here.

Enjoy the silence

So...yesterday was the first day in a long while that I didn't post anything.  Perhaps a signal of the quiet shutting down that accompanies the approaching Winter Solstice and season in the northern hemi.

Don't do more during this time (hard, I know, in this culture we live in), do less.  Much less.  Allow yourself to rest and relax and reflect.  Let go of the stress of perceived needs and uncover the true ones.  You may be surprised by how few these are...how doable...how peaceful.

Enjoy the silence...

Umbreon

I have a favorite Pokemon.  Her name is Umbreon (this Pokemon has no gender differences so she can be a he, as well :-)  In Japanese, she's called Blacky.  She has proven quite powerful/resilient in the games I've played with the kids today.  I want to play more, but they are now watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, not to be distracted by my pleas for a playing partner...

You can read all about Umbreon here at Bulbapedia, "the community driven Pokemon encyclopedia".

Cap comes home tonight.  I am looking forward to a return to life as a foursome, a lovely state of affairs.

Pokemon tournament

I took the kids to their first Pokemon tournament today.  We were in the comic book store for nearly five hours.  It was only by chance that I had eaten a substantial breakfast and was wearing shoes with good support.  I had no idea we would be there for so long.  (I had no snacks/water and Sag had not eaten breakfast.)

Pokemon gaming culture is fascinating.  I learned today that most Pokemon card gamers come from three states: Washington, Florida and New Jersey.  (There were world champs present in the room today!)  I found it refreshing to see girls, boys, men and women, with an unexpected diversity in age and ethnicity.

I am too drained to go into much else.  The kids enjoyed themselves despite the incredibly long periods of waiting.  I bought myself some cards.  I'd like to learn the game to be able to play the kids.

Here are some pics:

Registering at 10:30 am having no idea what we're in for...

Sag trading with a "Senior" before the tournament started (an hour late).  (The boys are both in the "Junior" division.  Gem will move into "Senior" when he turns 11.)  Here you can see the visor Sag decorated with some Pokemon stickers on the brim.  He made his own tournament gear...how freaking cute is that?!  In the pic above you can see one of the judges wearing a handmade hat, too.  A space where one is free to get their geek on.  I love it.

Gem doing some trading.  He has made the observation that playing Pokemon has made him braver about talking to people he doesn't know.

Commence Round 1!!!  (The "Juniors" played four rounds today before breaking for "lunch" at 3:30...)

Want to smile?

Gettin' my braise on

I love braising.  'Tis the season.  Braised beef short ribs or pork butt?  Exponentially yum.  

This afternoon I kind of braised the shit out of some daikon.  The recipe called for a micro braise leaving the daikon "crisp-tender"...the thought of which didn't appeal.  I texture-tested at the time called for and did not find it to my taste.  So I braised it for longer and then got distracted, so now the daikon is really quite soft.  I'm sure there's a happy medium somewhere.

I have been inspired though.  I'm going to make some "nimono" sometime soon.  Daikon, tofu, mushrooms, maybe some meat, hard-boiled egg, greens, shirataki...everything braised in a broth with soy sauce and sugar...

Celebrating light

Happy Chanukah!

Love louie

Everything's amazing and no one's happy...

Sweet

I tried another new recipe...Erin's GFCF Sweet Potato Biscuits.  The Spinach with Chickpeas were hers, as well.  As you can see, they were enjoyed.  If Cap had been home that plate would have been empty, no doubt.

When the kids came running into the kitchen for dinner, Gem asked what we were having and what were "those", as Sag asked what "that disgusting smell" was.  Sag, like me, has a very sensitive nose.  Before I could consciously process an answer for him (I remember distinctly thinking, really? something smells bad? what could it possibly be?), my brain went into intuitive mode.

"Those are biscuits," I proclaimed, "biscuits are a type of bread."  Something blocked my usual often bordering on TMI honesty (another trait Sag and I share...see above) and left out the sweet potato part.  Nice move, I told my brain.  So, the kids didn't know that there was sweet potato in the biscuits.  (I think that's what Sag had smelled when he walked in, the sweet potato mash pot that was still on the stove.)

And they loved them.

Sweet.

P.S.  As Erin states in her post, the crumb of these biscuits is lovely.  And they are light and simultaneously substantial.  I thought they were tasty and easy to make (you just have to allow for the extra time of cooking a sweet potato or two...I peeled, cubed and boiled mine, but next time will bake them).

Burst

If you've got blueberries from the summer in your freezer, these muffins will inject your winter-bound system with a wonderful burst of bright light.  (Our blueberries are local and organic...yum, yum, yum.)

I subbed 1 cup of white rice flour, 1/2 cup of garbanzo flour and 1/2 cup of tapioca starch for the 2 cups of all purpose flour called for in the recipe.  My muffins were very sweet (I used 3/4 cup of sugar).  In part, because the blueberries were so sweet and juicy, but also, I just don't need my sweets to be that sweet.  Next time, I will decrease to 1/2 cup of sugar.  I used rice milk and safflower oil.  I subbed orange extract for the lemon extract because I had it and didn't have the lemon.  I'd be interested in trying it with lemon extract sometime.  I used the dregs of my apple cider vinegar...and wondered how it would taste with rice vinegar, which is my usual go to vinegar.

The batter was extremely liquidy.  The muffins baked up nicely in 22 minutes at 375º.  They were a bit challenging to remove from the muffin tin cleanly.  The crusty edge was a bit sticky.  I think the same issue would arise using paper liners...

Gem didn't like the muffins, Sag hasn't tried them yet.  Cap is missing out on these this time around.  Me?  I loved the one I had which was still warm.  The burst blueberries inside were luscious.

Dusting off

the ugly.

the pretty.

Some day when my life looks like the photos in a glossy magazine (grin/grimace) I wonder if I'll be mortar and pestling my spices, creating only what I need.  The spices off the tray in the pic above have expiration dates from 2009 and early to mid-2010.  Look at how nasty the tops get when stored next to the oven and alongside bottles of oil and vinegar...for years.

When do you chuck your spices?  This situation is such an argument for more mindful purchasing and using of spices.  Mortar and pestle or dedicated coffee grinder, I'm looking at you.

I made the fabulous brownies for common meal tonight.  It's been ages.  I'd stopped making them because the moist dark chocolate crumbs would get tracked around the carpet and ground in pretty good (and this is in a home where no shoes are allowed...festive eating by a group begets a mess, what're you gonna do :-) 

As we enter the season of celebrating light, these brownies are a must.  They will light you up from inside.

Light

We seek it in different ways.

Last night as I snuggled with my 9yo I don't know why but I asked him if he felt bad a lot of the time.  He said yes without hesitating.  I wasn't surprised.  And of course I felt sad.  I prodded a bit and we came to understand that it's not a lot of the time but sometimes.  And my nerves dialed down.

I thought, though, wondered...if he will be vulnerable in adolescence...more than average.  As I gazed at this beautiful sensitive soul filling the soft yet solid body alternately folding into me and rolling away from me.

During this time where night is longer than day I connect naturally to the dark.

This morning I decided to go for it and catch some light.  Outside the tall old trees sway and buck as rain and wind pelts down and around.  Inside, I reverted to the original plan and used the big head of cabbage to make Cole slaw.

I was going to make it yesterday so it would have the time it likes to season overnight in the fridge.  Didn't happen.  After a lengthy session with Vinny which revealed just how tight my back and body is, and a solid 90 minutes at the comic book store, I was beyond done by the time the kids were fed dinner and the 50+ pounds of veggies were carried upstairs and stored in the coldest-spot-in-the-apartment linen closet now also root cellar.

I'll just braise the cabbage, I thought as I finished off the mint choco ice cream.  That's more wintry anyway.  (Eating ice cream that has chocolate in it at 10:30 pm, while comforting, is really a bad idea.  I didn't fall asleep till after 2am...)

This morning I am seeking light where and how I can.  So I made Cole slaw after all.  I look forward to its cool crunchy tang as I sit down at common meal tonight.  I look forward to the taste of summer it will bring to the table in a warm well-lit room keeping pitch black 5pm at bay.