Last night as I snuggled with my 9yo I don't know why but I asked him if he felt bad a lot of the time. He said yes without hesitating. I wasn't surprised. And of course I felt sad. I prodded a bit and we came to understand that it's not a lot of the time but sometimes. And my nerves dialed down.
I thought, though, wondered...if he will be vulnerable in adolescence...more than average. As I gazed at this beautiful sensitive soul filling the soft yet solid body alternately folding into me and rolling away from me.
During this time where night is longer than day I connect naturally to the dark.
This morning I decided to go for it and catch some light. Outside the tall old trees sway and buck as rain and wind pelts down and around. Inside, I reverted to the original plan and used the big head of cabbage to make Cole slaw.
I was going to make it yesterday so it would have the time it likes to season overnight in the fridge. Didn't happen. After a lengthy session with Vinny which revealed just how tight my back and body is, and a solid 90 minutes at the comic book store, I was beyond done by the time the kids were fed dinner and the 50+ pounds of veggies were carried upstairs and stored in the coldest-spot-in-the-apartment linen closet now also root cellar.
I'll just braise the cabbage, I thought as I finished off the mint choco ice cream. That's more wintry anyway. (Eating ice cream that has chocolate in it at 10:30 pm, while comforting, is really a bad idea. I didn't fall asleep till after 2am...)
This morning I am seeking light where and how I can. So I made Cole slaw after all. I look forward to its cool crunchy tang as I sit down at common meal tonight. I look forward to the taste of summer it will bring to the table in a warm well-lit room keeping pitch black 5pm at bay.
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