Brandi Carlile

Check her out, she's a lovely talent. I love her voice and how she uses it.

I've been contemplating taking an online break, which I do from time to time.  But, I am way too plugged in for that right now :-)  Yes, there is an argument for doing it precisely for that reason, but, well, I'm a-gonna go with the flow for a bit while longer.

Big time (sensuality)

The gays posted about Björk today.  It's a concise interesting read and truth be told, I flipped for that cover shot.

They linked to this video which I cannot recall ever seeing.  Watching Björk I smile and laugh.  I think she might be a 3 too.

Oh, and P.S. : being in a bad mood when decluttering makes for much easier, rampant tossing of items into the garbage bag!

Spiraling back

I'm feeling a bit better.  The slope, gentle as it may be, is upward.

Then, I feel a sudden compression.  Whole body.  Head down, tailbone up, ears in, shoulders in, hips in.  Blood starting to pound as veins narrow and tighten.  Everything becoming a wall, and because I can't get very far from Star Wars raising these boys, for some comic relief, the image of the gang in the trash compactor comes to mind.

Pressure.  My brain gasps, my heart skips a beat.

Then, I remember my childhood recurring nightmare.  Walking along a driven snow white picket fence, entering a house that contains a bloody, wet, red organ, pumping and pumping.  It's a heart with vines of veins so dark they appear black. 

The house is dark as a moonless night and the heart is so very red.

It's grotesque.  The sight is deafening.

The end of history

I feel your sorrow chasing tomorrow
There is no distance in your absence
If you call the monsters they will appear
Like I disappear
Blackout
There is resistance behind enemy lines
There goes the hatred bursting through the fabric
If you call the monsters they will appear
Like I disappear
Blackout
You are here
You are here
You are here

A song by Fionn Regan.  No good video clip so just lyrics today.  Wish sound could be shared as easily as images in this world wide web of ours.

Blue

My healer had a serious health crisis and has been out of commission for over a month now.  I think I thought he was invincible.  Because I still can't quite get my head around the fact that he almost died.

It seems totally unreal.

During this time, the effects of my repro hormonal spikes and drops have been intense and hard.  

I first thought it was a coincidence.  As I approach menopause (I think?  I hope?), things have gone unpredictably loopy from time to time and I chalked it up to that.

Then, I thought that the tough intensity was explained by my tuning into the 'disturbance in the Force', if you will, in my energetic connection with my healer.

Now, I am thinking that not getting my weekly tune-ups, combined with the dwindling of my Chinese herbal intake, Chinese tea consumption, and Qigong practice, are all increasing the power of the vortex sucking me down.

'Cause baby, I feel blue.

And hazily dazed.

Barely tethered in the ether.

Mad men

This season of Mad Men is killing me.  The writing is lean and lyrical, the visuals are rich and engaging, the performances are nuanced and layered...  I cannot say enough about how deeply satisfying these episodes are.  So much payoff for folks who have been watching from the start.

I'm brimming with arty hormonal emotion.  Off to pick up the kids and then on to a me-included play date.

Alan's War

Stunned and breathless.  This book is amazing.  Run, do not walk, and read it.

Miles two ways

Trying to pare down my Slipping Into September playlist.  Two Miles Davis pieces are speaking to me and I think they will both stay. The other one, Just Squeeze Me, is not available via YouTube clip.

Numerology

Who knows anything about numerology?

image pulled from web.

My destiny number is 3 and look what I found:

A Destiny number of 3 shows that you are meant to utilize creativity and optimism in life. Part of your job in life is to help other people realize the power of joy, laughter, and imagination. By helping others who may have lost the joy of living learn to appreciate life and live it to its fullest (and most joyful) you will find your own joy and fulfillment. Expressing yourself creatively is key to making this happen.

Interesting...

Are you out there

Seeing my (fir)e in the dark when I lay my head down for the night.  My breath can't reach and contracts back supertight.  The day's flavor is called Inspiration or Illusion depending on the ingredients available for the cellular chemical cocktail.  (Perhaps I am a miscreation...)

After hibernating my soul for a week in favor of scraping away at the detritus clinging to my space yesterday hours in Tiina's sunny kitchen and today lunch with Elizabeth.  A walk amongst the gusts while converting Vitamin D sounds heavenly.

Tonoharu was like stepping back into a memory bath.  Not every experience is the same for an AET, but there sure is a common thread.  Started Alan's War in the quiet before anyone else was out of bed.  Could have easily spent the day with this book.  Later.

To-reads

I haven't been reading much lately.

Two more graphic novels have come into the reading basket via the library.  The long weekend signaling the change of season seems a good time to take a pause and curl up on the couch some (even if said couch has a cover that could really use a wash).

I love graphic novels.  

They pack no less of a punch than their non-illustrated counterparts when done well (and, of course, a novel can suck...not being a graphic novel is no guarantee of potential 'betterness'), they take less time to read/are easier to read more quickly, and if you connect with the artwork, on top of the story, the alchemy is amazing.

Clint comes to mind

The Good:

The kids hanging out on the phone with Malachi and talking at length about Pokemon.  They haven't spoken in about a year.  They haven't seen each other in four-plus.  There's nothing like the instant reconnect of old friends.

The Bad:

It has barely rained today, Earl is too far east of us.  The air hangs heavy with moisture and heat.  I'm assuming this is low pressure I'm feeling.  Weighed down big time.

The Ugly:

My language becomes foul as I deal with the children of dregs.  Al.  most.  done.

Got student loans?

Go here for a stunning account of what it means to have a student loan (or know/love someone who does).

Redwood love

I've loved trees for as long as I can remember.  The redwoods found in the northwest U.S. are very special.  Donna gave me this card for my birthday.  It was one of my favorite gifts this year.  Every time I hold it, part of me falls right into the photo and I connect to a direct line of strength, peace and breath.

photo taken by Larry Ulrich.

I don't know why I've never thought of using card photos for my blog banner before...

For you

I love this dude's voice.  Raul Malo is his name.  Been listening to the studio version of this song lately and it's unstoppable. I can understand the "rough" quality of this video. I would not have been able to stand still while they were performing this either!

Holy dna!

I'm trying not to get too distracted by the old photographs and nice cards I am sifting through.  

But, when I saw the one above, of the kids with Malachi, I had to scan it and upload it to Facebook so Erika and Jerry could see it.  The kids are finally going back to Sacramento for a visit in February (their first time since we moved four years ago) and we are really looking forward to seeing old friends.

Once the flurry of initial emotion died down, I did a double take.  Sag happened to join me at the computer just then and I asked him: do you think you look like someone in that photograph?  His already wide smile (he really can't wait to see Malachi again) grew even wider and he said, "Cousin L".

Can't explain it

...I just love this tune.

The good

I'm lucky.  Good things have been happening as a result of my end-of-summer cleaning and despite the evolutionary rate of my development in this area.

•  I've been listening to my 2000+ song iTunes library on shuffle and have (re)discovered some gems.  They're being compiled into my 'Slipping Into September' playlist which looks like this so far:

I Should Have Known Better / She & Him

While You Were Gone / The Combinations    

Brother Lee / Citizen Cope   
We Get Along / Let's Go Sailing

A Donde Sea / Julieta Venegas  

Trane's Blues / Miles Davis

The Trapeze Swinger / Iron & Wine

Dulce Compañía / Julieta Venegas

For You / Raul Malo

When Will I See You Again / Marcia Griffiths

• I found my iPod Shuffle.  The one I thought I had thrown away because I could not for the life of me get it to work about a year ago.  I played with it for a bit and, lo and behold, got it to work again.  I have no idea how or why other than to think that the latest version of iTunes had something to do with it.  Good thing I hadn't thrown it away!

• I am modeling to the kids that sometimes you just have to do things that are tedious.  And that good things can come from it.  Once a season, I make them empty their bins and they trash/recycle things they no longer want.  It's almost exclusively personal artwork that they keep in there.  Yesterday afternoon they got in on the action with me.

• I'm making real progress.  Even a year ago, I would not have had the mental strength/stamina to go like this for three days running.  Something would have tripped me up and I would have re-dumped things into new bags and bins and abandoned the project.  (That's how I had stuff from 2007 still hanging about.)

 

I've gone through all the bags and boxes.  The first round of trashing/recycling is done.  I am now clearing out drawers and shelves.  And then, as I reorganize the space I now have, round two will begin.  As long as the space allows, things with function/meaning will stay, borderline things will go.

we made the first cut.

• New corners like this one:

• Opened up space like this:

The Hallowell article

I've had an article by Ed Hallowell in my things since graduate school.  When I first read it, nearly 20 years ago, I saw the piece as something special.  It was just so damned practical, clear, non-judgmental, and written for and about a (still) under-diagnosed population: adults with ADD/ADHD.

The article has survived numerous moves, my personal exit from the field, and my gradual shedding of my 'professional' collection of books and articles pertaining to special education.

The piece is that good.

And it has found its way before me again.  This time as I flicked open old files one manila folder after another and the kids' "reuse" paper basket level rose and rose.  I started reading and came to a shuddering halt when I read this (from the 'Insight and Education' section):

"Understand that you are drawn to high stimuli.  Try to choose them wisely, rather than brooding over the "bad" ones."

I'm keeping this article handy.  And hope to take another look at those books I ordered awhile ago.  It's remarkable reading things about one's self that turn on a light of warm understanding :-)

You can find 50 Tips On The Management Of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder online, here.

When will I see you again