365 : : 3

(shot yesterday)

Moomin's gear shift knob.  Shot with my phone camera during a brief few moments of alone time while I was waiting for Daniel to get out of his last day of elementary school.  Processed a bit: cropped, tilted and color faded.  I remember the "B" was mentioned in the manual (which I never finished reading), but I don't recall what it stands for.

Whole30 food : : 3

A pretty plate, for sure.  And it was yummy.  

What was interesting: I wasn't that hungry.  I fell asleep around 10pm and woke up around 6:30 (my sleep was disturbed by a child climbing into bed...I am guessing around 6:00).  I was very sore, physically.  But, my headache was nearly gone (I could feel it deep in my skull...an echo).

My gut felt a bit battered from the apricot gasworks.

In the kitchen, I went to work on a grapefruit. (The Whole30 "best" fruit choices: apricots, blackberries, blueberries, cherries, grapefruit, kiwi, melons, plums, strawberries and raspberries.)  I didn't necessarily want to eat it, but I like to get food prep things done in the morning when I am at my most energetic.

I spotted the half an avocado beginning to brown in the fridge and decided to eat it sooner rather than later.  I decided to go with eggs for my morning protein.  Before I knew it, I had a very full plate of food for someone who wasn't that hungry.

(The eggs were prepared exactly as they were on Day 1.  I like what I like and I like to use up what I have...but I do also get bored quickly.)

Peace and deliciousness.

Whole30 food : : 2

(posting on day 3)

Dinner for me last night: ground lamb (pre-cooked with olive oil, salt, pepper, onion flakes and granulated garlic) scrambled with one pastured egg, sauerkraut and half an avocado with Kosher salt.

This was a little too much food (the lamb in particular), but I was trying to compensate (in retrospect) for how crappy I was feeling.  I think my body is having a hard time withdrawing from sugar.  (My body is having a hard time, I think it's from the sugar.)  I had a headache most of the day which got progressively worse.  By evening I was in a mostly vegetative state.

I had kind of forgotten that apricots put my GI system through the wringer.  I was so desperate for the "sweet" that I ate more than a handful yesterday.  It's going to be a week of adjustment foodwise.  I have CSA veggies in the fridge, but I am so tired, and today sore, that I don't have the energy to prep and cook.

I rely on the kindness of ground meat, eggs and avocado.  I'm sure I'll be eating this again, today.  I have defrosted the last of the chicken stock.  Today is going to be about 100º...I can't imagine I'll be making soup.  The weather should break in a day or two.  Then, soup.  With veg and seaweed.

Peace and love.

365 : : 2

I think hope today is going to be the toughest day.  I am so tired, in every way, Photobooth to the rescue.  (I chuckled at my naïvely energetic self of yesterday glancing at the posts...reading, food, photography, Whole30!)

I slept about nine hours last night.  (Cannot remember the last time I slept that much.)  

Not having something to watch on tv was a huge mental burden lifted.  I didn't realize how much cache food and tv have on my mental space/energy.  As in, "tonight I will watch/eat ____", "in a few hours I will watch/eat ____", "in a few minutes I will watch/eat ____", "now I will watch/eat ____".  The core starts with something I enjoy/have enjoyed in the past, but then it spins itself into something much larger and less real...quite powerful and disconnected.

I started getting tired in the late afternoon.  I decided not to caffeinate myself because I wanted to be able to sleep unencumbered.  I enjoyed some dried apricots after dinner (my "sugar" fix) and talked myself down from eating the whole package.

Slept well.

This morning, I am moving very slowly.  I don't feel as bad as I did the first time I removed grains and sugar (was I doing dairy at the time?  cannot recall.)  I have a bit of a headache.  I feel very leaden.  The bags under my eyes...oy.

I took a bunch of shots and I look dead in some of them.  I liked this one because I can see the black under my eyes, but I can also see a spark of life in them.

Pest control will be here soon to talk mice (Cap has been doing some big cleaning in the kitchen moving the stove and fridge to get into normally dark tight spaces...no evidence of mice activity, which is a relief).  After that, I am clearing the day.

Peace.

Reading

On top of,

alongside of,

because of,

despite of...

or maybe completed unrelated to...

everything else I am attempting to do right now...

I am rejuvenating my reading life.

(please Universe, don't strike me down for being so all or nothing)

Mindy Kaling's book was frothy (except for when it wasn't) and enjoyable.  I have moved on to finishing The Bloggess' memoir.  Cap brought me back a bunch of Japanese manga.  I do not wont for books.  And, again, I recommit to not buying books for awhile...for the rest of Summer (which starts tomorrow night).

I don't like to say this out loud because I love watching tv so much...but watching tv really does kill a lot of reading time.  And, for me, knitting time.

365 : : 1

My eye was caught and inspiration flooded my system.  I took a few shots, rearranged something for the last one.  This, the first, is the one I liked the best.

I'm thinking one-a-day.  Spontaneous life shots.  We'll see won't we?

Whole30 food : : 1

Two pastured eggs scrambled with ghee, garlic scape and cherry tomatoes.  It was delicious and satisfying.  Thank goodness for ghee.

Lunch was leftover salmon patty cakes with cucumber and sauerkraut on the side.

Dinner will be something with pastured ground lamb.

My Chinese herbal tea without honey is proving to be a revelation in flavor.

I've got some macadamia nuts in the fridge if I should feel peckish for a snack.

I am not feeling deprived.

And so it begins

Here I am again at the first day of the rest of my life.  A post by Gluten-Free Goddess resonated yesterday...I appreciated what she mused about time.

I've been eating sugar and not only grains, but gluten, like a lunatic.  To "party" before the change.  (Lunacy = continuing to party even though it makes you feel like crap.)

On the precipice, here I am:

• grouchy (just ask my suffering partner...he's the one that gets lashed with my acid tongue).

• mucousy.

• teary eyes (not from crying).

• fuzzy mind.

• during butt punches I could feel my butt getting warm from the outside yet felt no internal heat.  I'll call this: wall of non-feeling very impermeable.  in other words, energy channels are blocked and/or stagnant.  in other words, internal inflammation flourishing.

• weight: 164 lbs.  (the least of my problems, really, but the return of the pendulum is hard to ignore.)

Changes afoot:

• deleted my e-mail inbox from 800 to 700.  by end of week down to under 100?  10?

• good time for a tv break.  the kids and I are watching Next Food Network Star but most of my shows are on hiatus.  True Blood was kind of a dud last night.  but I may watch it for Tara.  Breaking Bad starts July 15.

• last day of Whole30 will be July 18.  so yes, quieting down the tv screen for the next 30 days.

• perhaps the computer screen will quiet down, too.

• pushing myself to practice Qigong and go outside every day, even if it is just for 20 minutes or a walk around the block.

• specific work for the family: create a new budget by July 1, continue declutter, plan out summer homeschooling.

• specific personal work: get started with highly sensitive reading and modules, push to really consider a knitting project.

Peace and love.

Floral notes

I've never thought of myself as a flowers kind of person.  My longtime loves of the natural world have been: the ocean, the wind, trees and animals (especially whales).  Lately I have noticed that I gravitate towards flowers, camera in hand.

This morning, I whisked Barbra to Bluestone for breakfast for two.  A final chance to heart-to-heart before her early afternoon departure.  Afterwards, we picked the kids up and headed to the garden behind the library to reshoot footage of the movie they've been making with Barbra, The Potatonator.

Sometime I will go back.  We were in a rush today (the kids wanted to finish editing the movie before we took Barbra to the airport) and my main job was to shoot the movie.

Our time with Barbra was lovely.  We miss her already!

Peace.

'Twas sunday

The weekend is quieting.  Cap sits across from me catching the Red Sox on his laptop (The Killing and Next Food Network Star are both recording.)  The kids are chatting in the dark as they usually do before falling asleep.  Barbra is catching up with Audrey on the phone.  The night air wafting in the windows is almost chilly.

Anna came today to visit with Barbra.  We went to a new café in town and I liked it very much.  The latte was fabulous.  (The owner was the longtime barista at Café Eclectic.)  The food was inventive and yummy.  The service left a bit to be desired, hopefully, it will improve as they find their groove.

We had a bit of time before Anna needed to head back to Vermont.  My two friends obliged my hankering for a trip to the bookstore.  I love our bookstore and wanted some comfort.  I am gearing up for chaos upon chaos.  The book goddesses came through for me...more inspiration to shore up my quaking boots.

 

 

Cap made a delish dinner for us and then we ventured out for Rita's.  I debated and then plunged further into the sugar abyss.  The sprinkles were pretty to look at.  The portrait of my four looks like an awkward family photo!

 

 

Barbra leaves tomorrow.  The kids are hoping to film and play Carcassonne.  I think the original plan of going out for a quiet breakfast may be dashed.

 

Peace and love.

It starts with food

Okay people.  My new book arrived today and the praise I've been seeing/hearing has merit.  Flipping through it has inspired me deeply.

Barbra leaves Monday and on Tuesday I am going to plunge into a Whole 30.  The pendulum has been arcing back the last six weeks or so.  I've been feeling pretty mentally clear/emotionally well, but physically, the pounds have been returning.  And I have been tired.  Consistent and high-quality sleep has been elusive and energy nearly non-existent.  Sugar and grains have been reincorporated onto my plate and into my body more and more.

I am curious to see whether a Whole 30, which will not only eliminate white sugar, but honey and maple syrup, as well, might more thoroughly reset my system.  (I couldn't do it when I went "sugar-free" last August.  It felt so bad.)

I'm as scared as I am excited.  I think this is going to be really hard.  It's hardcore.  But, I am driven by a deep a desire to dig deeper and truly heal.  Total transformation?  Dare to dream.

Belated birthday portrait

I was disappointed that in the whirlwind of activity on Gem's birthday I did not take a birthday portrait of him.  My sister sent me her pictures from the day and suggested this one might serve as a birthday portrait.  Yes.  And thank you.

Quiet

When I was with Barbra in Barcelona I had a "day 2" of my period and missed Girona.  My "day 2"s are defined by an undeniable need to rest and be quiet.  Today I will miss Hoboken.

Soothing myself with local cherries (the season is so very very brief) and a hot latte.

Peace and love.

Kid love

There are many adults in our kids' lives who they perceive of as their friends.  Will their feelings about these relationships change with time (I'm looking at you adolescence)?  Is it because they have been homeschooled and are relatively atypically socialized?  Does it correlate directly to how each of these adults have taken the time and care to cultivate their relationships with the kids?

What I do know is that Sag and Gem consider their time with Barbra just as precious as I do mine.  They have been keen to catch her up on their latest passions.  We have already made a movie.  (Written/directed by the boys, acted by the boys and Barbra and filmed by me.)

Cap took us all out for breakfast yesterday morning and the kids were not thrilled they'd be losing Barbra to the city (and me) for the rest of the day.

I am so grateful that they have such richly loving lifelong relationships in their lives.

NYC w/B : : 2

The phone pics.

Lunch was at Otto.  A scrumptious meat board a simple salad (baby spinach, ricotta salata and truffle honey) and sublime gelato (olive oil, caramel) and sorbet (grapefruit campari).

A stroll of about a mile (still love walking in the city...thirty years strong) to the New Museum.  A nifty building with some exhibits I truly enjoyed.

Dinner was at Veselka (Bowery location).  Cara joined us from Brooklyn.  I had beets in my soup (skipped the bread), beets in my pierogies (did not skip the dumpling dough) and beets in my dessert (chocolate beet brûlée).  All beet-a-rrific...in an earthy fabulous way.

NYC w/B :: 1

In retrospect it seems dreamy.  At the time my feet were firmly planted and my senses were grounded.  It was a wonderful day in and of the city.

Staycation of sorts

My Oaktown girl is in the house.  I am very happy to be in this time.  Today an outing with the kids, tonight dinner and a movie!  Tomorrow we head into the big city for Batali food, art and Ukranian with Cara.  Saturday a trip to Hoboken to visit with family.  Sunday Anna comes down for a visit.  Monday some q-time in the morning and she heads home in the afternoon.

Last year Barcelona, this year New Jersey, baby!  Next year...California dreamin'...

Peace and love.