A bit of light

Another night, another dream.  Some tension in the story, but no anxiety.  Adventure with a feminist flavor that began during a night and ended with the breaking of a new day.

Knit well into the night.  I could feel the pull of winter dark crowding in.  I may finish the shawl today.

Practicing Qigong was distinctly easier today.  I was less tight, more open.  Time did not bog down as much.  There was more flow.

I always forget about the release of water.  The prescribed foods for Dragon's Way all serve a function in the self-healing process.  One of the properties that some of the foods have is to help the body release excess water that the body is retaining unnecessarily.

For me, this step towards balance comes quickly.  Within the first 24 hours I start peeing this extra water out and the process continues for days.  I saw Tiina yesterday and she noticed right away that I looked as if I had lost weight.  I'm pretty sure that I probably had more pounds on me than when I had last seen her, about a month ago, but it is likely that I was retaining less water and therefore looked less puffy all around.

(Another interesting aside.  It is often my experience that people express surprise that I am overweight.  They could be skilled liars, but for the most part, I believe them in their perceptions.  I do "carry" my excess weight pretty well, and since I don't think of myself as "fat" in a negative way, I think I generally appear content.  But, the reality is that I am about 25 pounds over weight.  Maybe this will surprise some of you: I am 5'4" and weigh about 160-165lbs.)

One more thing before I go.  I've been thinking about the vision of a baloney sub dancing in my head.  I stripped it down to this: the act of eating is not the comfort I thought it was.  The act of eating something really delicious gives me pleasure.  Eating for comfort is comforting because I am attempting to increase my chances of experiencing pleasure.  In actuality, it's a gamble and more often than not I am left feeling worse because what I ate was not only sublime, but not even satisfying.

So, when I start thinking about food...fantasizing about it, really, part of it may just be me.  I have a pretty rich interior life.  But, part of it may be that in that moment my body is experiencing a chemical and/or emotional and/or energetic dip.  And as a direct result my brain gets and sends the message to up the pleasure.

Oh, one other one more thing.  I remembered while practicing this morning that there is a passage in Master's Lu Dragon's Way book about the importance of rest during the first weeks of Dragon's Way.  I've been feeling this need for rest, intuitively, but mostly as an afterthought.  I'm kind of wiped.