My mind was thinking hard on eggs any and all ways (scrambled! poached! over easy!) and bacon.  Feeling weaker in will with every thrum of desire I started talking out loud, not speaking in affirmations, but something along the lines of speaking affirmatively.  I "put one foot in front of the other" into the kitchen to toast walnuts and make tea.  I also had a Bosc pear from the farmer's market.

I felt better.  This week may be harder than last in terms of the food.  The proverbial honeymoon is over.  Cap is going to be away for a few days which also means I'll be fully back in charge of meal prep for the kids.

A slow Sunday morning.  They love this.  Sag came into the big bed in the early hours and was attached to my back for the rest of the night.  I've realized that I want to approach his continuing emotional intensity and pockets of acute anxiety differently.  I've been expansive and flexible, taking it in and adjusting as necessary moment-to-moment.  I've also given it a lot of slack, thinking it is related to developmental growth (the 9 year change is a major milestone in Waldorf pedagogy).  Sag will be turning 9 next month.

But, something has shifted for me.  It's been a few months.  The fear he experiences is real.  He's living hormonal surges on a regular basis that I'm guessing alters brain chemistry.  It's become clearer to me that he is suffering.  I'm devoting myself to his comfort.  To increase his sense of peace.  To quiet his mind.  (No small task.  The kid's afraid of death.  His own and those of the ones he loves.  But, but, but, this is part of growing up.  He is facing a significant cleaving from his early childhood.  It's natural to experience that as a death of sorts.  He is moving away from certain things as he moves towards others.  Whether he likes it or not. That is a hard lesson.)

This one is safely on the other side of that bridge.  He is now in teen-cusp and as comfortable in his own skin as ever.  (That's his beloved Hippo Pikachu The Hippo.)

For those of you celebrating, Happy Halloween :-)  Me, I have mixed feelings about this holiday, but that's for another post.  I'll leave you with this zombie professor and my other mister singing his Halloween song under a beautiful Florida sky two years ago.