A cheeseburger moment

At one point last night I thought a cheeseburger was the answer.  Or, that it would at least be a test.  I was feeling bereft and I was seeking comfort...but also a solution.  And in that moment I was debating whether a boost of animal protein/fat might do the trick.

It's hard to pull back during those fits of hormonal flooding.  As I write now, the morning after, it makes sense.  When I am feeling like I need to fix how I feel, rather than feel it, let it be and move on, I am not in tune.  My head is attempting a decapitation to rid itself from what it perceives to be the body's (unpleasant) reality.

As I was returning to wakefulness this morning I remembered how I was the first to go to bed last night, crawling into icy sheets, but soon grateful for the warmth my body effortlessly generated (and the goose feathers which effectively trapped my heat around me).  I didn't wake happy, but I was a bit clearer.  I thought: I bet I could have helped myself feel better had I done some Qigong last night.

I have been practicing every morning, and have been eating essentially vegan (I am consuming the occasional egg/dollop of mayo) since the new year.  I need to put more intention behind getting outside every day.

And I have my sights on practicing Qigong before bed.  Especially nights like last night.  No, no, not as a special thing...but, as a regular practice.  More practice = more well-being. 

Push through stagnation. 

Because nothing ever stays the same.  Every thing is ever changing.  No matter how badly you feel, how powerless you feel, it is temporary.

Once I am in the grips of emo-vulnerable-animalistic pacing it's hard to do something different.  But, if night time practice is a routine at that point, I could slide into that...much like, in the end, I slid into bed last night.

Sliding into something active...that's going in a new direction for me (phlegmatic/melancholic/introvert that I am).  No wonder it doesn't feel natural.  But, there is an intuitive pull towards it which I deeply appreciate.  I feel like I'm learning something...teaching myself something.

Activating, whether it's a new daily routine or a new way of being, will help keep me "young". 

Keeping the energy flowing and the synapses snapping and the blood pumping and the heart opening and the tendons stretching and the body warming and the soul glowing.

Sounds good.

Cheeseburger forgotten.  (For now.)