Quickie

We have a young friend coming over at 11am so this will be quick.

• Really sleepy and tired by 10pm but Sag was up and asking me to stay awake.  He fell asleep by 11pm (after agreeing with Cap that Cap could stand in for me) and I fell asleep soon after.  I could feel a second wind coming on as I got into bed, but I made it.  Phew :-)

• Woke around 4:00am when Gem crawled into bed (Sag was already in).  I had to pee (another sign of deregulation/change...normal for me, for decades, has been to go through the night without having to go to the bathroom) and tried to fall back asleep in the bed, but moved to Sag's bed after awhile.

• Fell back asleep till 8:00 when Gem woke me up.  I didn't feel as crappy as I did yesterday morning, but I felt tired and like I could have slept for another couple of hours.  I wondered, as I lay there with my eyes barely able to open, will I ever wake up with a bounce in my soul and my step, ever again?

• Once up, I remembered my promise to myself and went into The Dragon Stands Between Heaven and Earth as soon as I stepped into the living room.  Gem was in front of me asking me something within a minute.  This is something I need to work on.  Establishing with the kids that when I am practicing, much like when I am on the phone, to stop and consider whether their need for me is critical, and to hold off, as much as possible, on interrupting me.

• My body was tight and heavy in the pose.  With the interruption, I realized I was still too tired to practice.  Having eaten a bit, I see that relaxing on my own ideas of "practice first thing", leting go of the "should" is in order.

• The increased mental clarity I felt yesterday afternoon continued into the evening.  I did notice my impulsive/compulsive iPhone solitaire playing continued, but to a lesser degree.  I was even able to recognize how restless I felt before I started playing at one point in the early evening.  I was waiting for Donna to arrive to pick up Daniel and didn't want to start cooking Sag's omelette for dinner because I didn't want to be interrupted.  I was literally circling the living room trying to figure out what to do while I waited and felt too "jazzed" for reading and didn't want to sit at the computer.  So I played Solitaire.

• I definitely spent less time at the computer yesterday.

• Sag called me a slacker yesterday and I felt really called out even as I knew in my heart that he didn't mean it the way I was taking it.  (He was pissed over a very particular incident.)  I have a definite pool of guilt towards the kids and Cap as a result of this foggy/tired person I have been.  As I progress away from these states of being, I really look forward to letting go of the guilt.

• Mood-wise, I am definitely working with a shorter fuse and have had a few bursts of irritability.  Mostly with the kids.

• I kept getting hungry yesterday and needed to refuel frequently.  I was surprised when after dinner I didn't feel hungry anymore.  My tea was enough.  The first time I didn't eat something post-dinner in...forever.  Helps with sleep and weight gain.

• I started taking my Chinese herbs and drinking my Chinese tea again yesterday.  I see Vinny on Saturday for the first time in about two months.

• Yogurt and fruit was too cold for me this morning.  Literally.  Drinking tea to warm myself back up.

• Note to self and the world: interruptions really derail me.  (This is by far, the trait that makes me ADDish.)

Well, this wasn't so quick, but I want to try to get it all down...off to shower and hosting our little friend!