Two days ago I started a second post about flow that I couldn't finish. Maybe I will later today.
Yesterday was supposed to be a beach day (celebrating a common meal friend's birthday), but Sag had a stomachache and fever so it turned into a quiet, healing day.
Gem caught up in his Math (he expressed satisfaction and pride in a way that, upon reflection, he doesn't often get the opportunity to) and scored an 89% on the chapter test (I joked with him that that was an 'Asian F'...he didn't get it...anyone else watch Glee? ;-)
I finished
100 Cupboards, a YA novel that Daniel recommended. I loved it. I have put in a request to the library for the second book (it's a trilogy). I nursed some GI difficulty myself later on in the day.
Sag took it easy. He played on the iPad, he played Minecraft (it took some perseverance, but we figured out how to upload the latest pre-release update), and he strummed on his electric guitar (a child size one we gave him a few years ago).
We enjoyed a cozy evening watching Ice Age for the first time. It was funny and delightful.
This morning we have already been food shopping and are nestling in for the rest of the day. Sag's almost completely better, my gut showed itself to still be sensitive while we were out and Gem's system seems to be holding it together for now (after a slightly fragile evening).
It's tough to really sink into Dragon's Way while tending to two kids sans partner. But, I have continued with the walnuts and honey breakfast, have cut out coconut juice entirely and am drinking only herbal tea with honey. I've been finishing off the leftovers I've had in the fridge that don't conform to the guidelines (ie. the chimichurri is raw, the ground pork I cooked up mid-week).
Tomorrow, I will transition more completely to Level 1 food.
I mentioned I was hungry in my last post. I realized later on that day that despite feeling "hungry" (and, really, just the awareness of hunger feels like "hunger" to me because I am so unaccustomed to that feeling...) I had plenty of energy. I went about my morning and was very productive, very much in flow. No weakness, no dizziness, etc.
After eating a more substantial lunch, I was tired!
It's almost as if I also don't recognize this more quiet energy as "energy" yet. The more frenetic, buzz of energy that I recognize, is an ultimately tiring kind of energy... Interesting...I am relearning what it is to feel certain, authentic and primal things.
One of the things I've never quite gotten my head around is how Master Lu talks about eating until 70% full. The ability to sense this accurately feels completely foreign to me. People can do that?! But, this time (I think this is the third time I am doing DW), I am beginning to see that I can feel something between "hungry" and "full"...and that I can achieve this after eating.
I don't eat slowly enough to really feel it while I'm eating yet. But, I can definitely manipulate how much I eat, visually and mentally, to put me on course to eat till I am 70%ish full. I can still feel the pulling on my mind that what I see on my plate is not "enough" food. But, the calm in my mind is stronger now and I eat and then I feel...satisfied.
When the calm is pushed into the background and I have my mind on things like finishing food off, like the loaf of Paleo bread that finally came out without being undercooked in the center, which I do not want to throw away, but I don't want to freeze it either...or my mind is whirled about in a dance of creative fantasy and I think the leftover ground pork needs to be nestled in sautéd shallots and softly scrambled pastured eggs...as they say in Project Runway, my editing skills are railroaded...and I feel stuffed...I go over the top.
And, as I mentioned above, I feel tired afterward. (As my digestive system churns up my energy to work on the overload of food.)
Things are better, though. When I'm tired, I am not tired for as long as I used to be. I am also not as completely tired. It can feel global, but after some rest, I am able to move on much more quickly than before.
I am sleeping so much better.
My moods, which can still pop up or down unpredictably, regulate much smoother and quicker after those rushes or dips.
I am keeping an eye out on the numbers on the scale. I don't need the number to tell me whether I am feeling good or not, but dropping the number on the scale has been a part of this experiment for me from the start (the numbers of my blood work, too...for my next birthday, in January, I am planning on having a meeting with our family doc to see where all my numbers are).
The plateau is over and I have dropped five more pounds. Breaking the 160 barrier was something. I was about 160 when I became pregnant, both times. I've been in close vicinity of 160 most of my adult life. Times I've traveled above that have been stress times, times I've sunk below that have been stress times, too.
When I began this latest experiment of modifying what I eat/do, I was above 160 (by 15). My blood numbers (most recently taken three+ years ago) were elevated, too.
Going to Barcelona, in May, opened my eyes to the fact that I was, at core, stronger than I would have expected. I withstood ten days of international travel (crossing time zones, very little sleep/jet lag, lots of walking despite normally being sedentary, different eating/food routines) with no issues. No aches or pains, no GI problems.
When I turned 40, I embraced the beginning of the rest of my life. Now, at 45, I am grabbing consciousness close and sculpting myself...inside and out, to better enjoy the rest of my days.
I am grateful to be experiencing some very real changes. Thanks for being a part of it, with me.
Peace and love.
