More words to live by

...especially good for me to remember...I have patience for others and life in general, but not so much for myself.

"The best teachers have shown me that things have to be done bit by bit. Nothing that means anything happens quickly - we only think it does."

---Joseph Bruchac, Abenaki

Hey

I'm here...kind of fuzzy, kind of mulling, kind of going with the flow.  More tomorrow...I'm pretty sure.

More method, less madness

I've been keeping track of our expenses and income for nearly two years now.  (The first year's data helped me to create a budget based on our real life expenses.)  I recently created a table which breaks down our expenses by month and category.  I used this information last week to figure out that from January through July of 2010, we were in the red about $2500.  (We spent $2500 more than we made.)

Knowledge truly is power.

So, I've set the goal to reduce our expense overage by 50% for the period of August to December 2010.  More would be great, but unrealistic at the moment.  It would be cool to check in at the 3/4 mark, the end of September, and if we were successful, to make a push to reduce the overage more for the last quarter of the year.  We shall see.

I decided to start very concretely and relatively small (not so much in amount of money, but in amount of mental space).  Our groceries budget is $1000 for the month, $250 per week.  From January through July of this year, we went over budget by an average of $343 per month or $86 per week.

This morning I filled in a meal plan (I have a template that I photocopy), made a shopping list and went food shopping by myself (it is always nice to have time at home on the weekend to do things like meal plan and then food shop without kids...FYI, after dinner on Saturday nights/early on Sunday mornings supermarkets tend to be pretty empty).

I went off-list for three things: two staple items I hadn't thought of while making my list, and a coconut water for myself to rehydrate after a particularly nasty food binge last night.  I made an effort to stick to the items on the list.

At the register, I used my debit card to pay.  I waited to see what the total was, figured the difference between our groceries budget for the week and today's total (there isn't always going to be a difference, but there was one today), and took that amount out of our checking account as cash back.

Once home, I put the cash in one of the pockets of my ADD organizers (see photo above...I pushed the cash down once the pic was taken :-)  That is now the amount we have left for the week, for any grocery items.

It feels good to have some strategies come together...progression with awareness feels good, too.

Early morning

Did some brain stretching over at Every Day Eclectic inspired by a blog post at Seth's Blog.

Porch shots

The light was amazing while I waited for my friend this evening.  Motes of latter summer.

The Kids Are All Right

Loved it.

Check out Lisa Cholodenko's films: High Art, Laurel Canyon and The Kids Are All Right.  Each interesting and really good, sayeth this reviewer :-)

TGIF

(Not really...  My reality is not heavily tied into the days of the week.)

At the moment, I am happy that it is Friday because I have plans to see The Kids Are All Right with friends tonight (Mark Ruffalo on the big screen?  Yes, please.)  We'll be going to Terra for food and drink beforehand.  I still have a gift certificate, a birthday present from Kate, that I will try to remember to bring with me.  I'm feeling the urge to buy a piece of jewelry.  A memory-piece to remind me of what is important when I see it.

To breathe, to love, to keep moving, in peace.

Cooking fun

Do you know about Cooking with Dog?  (Not as in eating the dog...there's a cute gray poodle who hangs out while the cook does her thing :-)  Check it out on YouTube.  I love this and can't wait to spend time watching and adjusting for GFCF and dishing up some yummy Japanese home cooking.

Mossy moment

angles, textures and shadows.

Oh

Just had a thought: lately, if I am bothered by someone (as opposed to something though if the something is making me all flustered then the thing would be considered, too), there is a pattern: I'm PMS-y...my system is experiencing some sort of hormonal surge or drop.

Because I am a female of a certain age (I'm assuming here...maybe it has more to do with the years long process of recalibrating I am undergoing), my PMS attacks are no longer happening a few days before my period.  Yesterday it was an ovulation spike (the lightbulb went on really bright as I was shoveling yet another handful of Glutino pretzels into my mouth...alternating the salt with squares of Divine choc).  I've also noticed in the last half year or so that I have emo waves as my period is ending, rather than before it comes.

The shifts of timing have thrown me off balance, but in a wonderful way, have opened my eyes.

What's helpful about this type of knowledge is that when I realize what's happening inside me, I can attempt to check myself.  Keep my trap shut and wait for it to pass because it will, it always does.  But, most of us menstruatin' women know that this is sometimes impossible.  It's part of the package, the wild powerful womanly craziness that is PMS.

This isn't to say that I completely ignore who/what is bothering me.  There is inevitably a hurt or frustration or confusion that is running below the surface.  Something worth excavating and either studied or tossed aside as useless detritus.

But, that urge to express and expunge, a primal need dictated by hormonal activity...it is by definition uncontrollable...by embracing it and knowing it, I can be with it a little better...hold it till the storm quiets.

Over and over

A sad song that has gotten under my skin...laying right on my nerve endings. (I include the lyrics for those of you, who, like me, have a hard time hearing the words when listening to a song.)

A funny aside: concert audiences in Japan, in my experience (from 20 years ago), were shockingly well-behaved. Incredibly respectful and quiet. This live video clip makes it sound like things haven't changed much, I swear you could hear a pin drop during the pauses of Rachael's singing and piano playing!



I really thought I was okay
I really thought I was just fine
But when I woke this time
There was nothing to take me back to sleep
To take you off my mind this time

And I keep saying over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain

I need to hide within a storm
So have the lightning come
And bring the winds that scream
And spill the fog all over town

And hold me in your stand still ground
And I will sink down
And you'll be washed away
You'll be washed away

Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain

I really thought I was okay
I really thought I was just fine
But when I woke up this time
There was nothing to take you off my mind

Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain

I need to hide within the storm
So have the lightning come
And bring the winds that scream
Spill the fog all over town

And break through every door
And strip away the trees and raise the rivers high
Just help me drown

And hold me in your stand still ground
And I will sink down
And you'll be washed away
You'll be washed away

It had to be you

StoryCorps

Happy about this:


http://artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/08/10/storycorps-radio-histories-coming-to-television/

Kindness

Every now and again a piece I would put into my 'Shared Items' box impels me to add a link here, in the center ring.  This one, on the Sustainability of Kindness, is just such a one.

Sometimes I feel regret and guilt because I am not out and about in a community, in service, as I once was.  I know I'll get back in that fray again, it's never far from my mind.  But, in the meantime, the reality is that I can improve the quality of life of those with whom I do come into contact, by being kind and modeling the hows and whys of kindness.

Brothers

on speakerphone with his brother.

Tonight as he made his second Pokedex book in as many nights, Sag told me, without looking up form his work, that he can't wait to see his brother again.

Tonight he was having trouble with "bad thoughts" as he starting feeling sleepy and vulnerable (giant spiders under the bed).

Thank goodness his dad called as soon as they were back to their hotel after the game.  Sag bounded out of the bedroom reaching for the phone.  On the Canadian side, Cap dutifully handed the phone to Gem and the two brothers talked and caught up.

Sag fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

His brother will be home tomorrow night.

Esperanza Spalding

You can listen to Esperanza Spalding's new cd, Chamber Music Society, for free, here, till about August 17 when it is released.

It's really nice so far.  I like it.

All quiet...

Last night was wonderful, interesting, and quiet.  Very quiet.

I made burgers for dinner and it was like a most excellent cookout in our own kitchen.  I used beef because Cap, the resident non-red meat eater was not there.  Seasoned it with salt, pepper, garlic powder and dried minced onion.  Sag had his with melted muenster cheese (his cheese of choice) and pink sauce (mayo and ketchup), I had mine with guacamole and mayo.  And, the buns?  Gluten-y white flour buns from Whole Foods (the exclamation pointed claim on the bag: organic and vegan!, cracked me up) because our GF boy was also away.

It was so quiet while we ate because we were thoroughly enjoying our food.  We kept glancing up and smiling at each other.  Then, Sag declared that I could open the best fastfood restaurant with these burgers.  :-)

After dinner, Sag occupied himself for hours before going to bed.  He drew and read and played with his Pokemon cards.  At times, I felt adrift, not sure what to do.  He was in bed by 9:30 and read till about 11:00.  We snuggled for a few minutes and he fell asleep.  It was the first time in weeks, maybe months, that he didn't have "bad thoughts" as he tried to fall asleep.

Quiet and peaceful.

Some tidbits:

• watched the first episode of Breaking Bad last night and found it very compelling.  "Hal" from Malcolm in the Middle was very believable as a 50 year old family man in crisis across various facets of his life, driven to "break bad", and, make me care.  this series takes place in New Mexico and I am assuming it's shot there.  I used to want to move to New Mexico...for a long time it was a life dream/goal.  it was interesting to see the landscape while watching the episode and alternately finding it beautiful and, for me, unlivable.

• my Dad has booked our Japan tickets.  the kids and I will be in Japan for 10 days in February.  Cap will be there for a week (the bringer home of the bacon can only be away from work for a week).  my Dad is putting together a ceremony commemorating the passing of my grandfather (at the time it will have been seven years).  the kids and I will be flying to the Bay area where we will visit with Auntie Barbra and Audrey and whoever else we can manage to see.  very excited.  deeply happy for the opportunity to travel with the kids.

• the game in Syracuse last night was rained out.  they are now on their way to Toronto and should be there soon.

• straightened up the linen closet.  the dust bunnies looked alien (a Mars dust-y red).  scary.  couldn't muster a deep reorg in there because of the heat.  the bathroom is the one room I haven't insisted on putting an AC unit into.

• Daniel is over and the kids are watching an Indiana Jones movie.  peaceful.  except for the mayhem that pops up in the movie every now and again.

• my copy of Clean arrived in the mail yesterday!

New additions

I've added an e-mail subscription widget and one for posts and comments via readers.  You can find them on the sidebar below the live traffic feed.  Thanks to Denise for the nudge :-)

Just can't get enough

This chocolate is so tasty. It is creamy for a dark chocolate. Between that and what I'm guessing is a higher than average sugar content, it's an irresistible bar for me lately.

I use it to pick me up in the late afternoon/early evening.

Icelandic sound

Makes me want to bang a drum...twirl and whirl...run into the ocean...swing my kids up and around...laugh until I cry...