As my eyes opened this morning I thought: functional depressive...is there such a thing? Because that is how I feel today.
Vanessa's coming and going packed an emotional wallop for sure. But, there is a familiarity to how I feel. The melancholy that has been coming and going since adolescence. The states of non-motivation and low energy that have been coming and going for years and years.
Being a patient of TCM the last few years has helped significantly in areas like self-esteem, self-awareness, feeling happy, sleep issues, sex, stress, and anxiety.
But, for some reason(s) I don't feel good right now. In a way that despite its familiarity, feels foreign enough (which is a good thing!) that it's stopping me a bit in my tracks to wonder (with a pinch of dread) while I gawk at it.
I feel small in the face of the maw of the coming Spring. Time is feeling like a powerful vortex. The weather around here has changed rapidly, the light almost feels too bright at times. Yes, I can feel it, how my center wobbles as these forces of Nature spin me around and around some more. (S.A.D. is something I have felt come and go for me, as well.)
It turns out there is such a thing as 'functional depressive' according to my friend, Google. But after some brief reading on the subject (dysthymia) I think I'm dealing with a blip of a condition that used to be more chronic than it is now. I'm going to keep an eye on it. And keep an open mind and heart about it.
And enjoy this photo repeatedly. It is a balm for my soul on a day like today. Thank you, Jamie.
P.S. Did anyone watch House last night? The main patient was a woman who blogs and I thought the way this was dealt with was really interesting :-)
2 comments:
Thank you for the mention on my photo today. Glad it touches your soul today.
I have also been feeling very uninspired lately. I'd guess you could say "I'm in a funk." I realized I hadn't been out with the camera since I was in Florida (3 weeks ago)! It definitely lifts my spirits to go out with the camera and just see through the lens. Sunday when I was taking pictures I felt some inspiration coming back. I get absorbed in "seeing" what's around me...the big picture and the little details. It felt good to have that eye opening up again. Now I need to somehow figure out how to "see" what's going on around me when I'm not looking through the camera.
Thanks for sharing. It is always comforting to feel unalone. And you and me, we are definitely surrounded by caring friends/family and we also do have eyes that "see" :-)
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