Holy, hormones batman

My view today.  Although I felt pretty ill Saturday, it is clear now that I am not sick...at least not in the traditional sense.

My period came early and the flow is lighter.

My lower back/pubic bone/belly have become temporary hot spots.  My back, in particular, is in pain/sensitive.

My emotions have been...challenging and intense, some of it felt like really old crud that was dislodged and is banging its way up my insides on its way out.  The worst seems to be over, for now.

In the last few days I have realized that a woman never knows when her last period "is" only when it was.  This made me inexplicably sad.  Not for womankind, but for me, personally.  So strange that despite looking forward to not having anymore periods, the thudding reality of letting go of a phase of my life hit me kind of hard.

I have also realized how much I hate being out of physical commission/in physical pain.  It is insidiously demoralizing.  It is not something I think of often...the last time something like this happened was a few years ago.  It's a reminder of the blessing of my usual life.

Holy hormones, Batman.  Last night I could not fall asleep.  By 3:30am I was in so much pain (back and head), I staggered out of bed in search of the Aleve.  I think it kicked in mercifully quickly and I was asleep by 4:00.  This sleep was bookended by highly charged emotional states which had me blinded and Cap blindsided.  I finally cried a bit close to noontime, which helped.

(I used to cry a lot more than I ever do now.  It doesn't seem to come naturally to me anymore.)

Recovery has been taking longer than I want.  But, it's happening.

Peace.