I'm elliptical

Woke this morning and my GI system was growling.  I consumed a lot of dairy yesterday trying to "get rid" of it all before the new start today.

Pause.

I mean, really...how muddled is that mind set?  Let me "dispose" of this stuff into my body because it's the easy way out.  No guilt about putting it into the trash, no hassle of trying to find another home for it.

Pause again.

Interesting, you could say that about the clutter in the apartment, the stuff that, in my opinion, we have way too much of.  (Part of the issue is our lack of functional storage space.)  Things are disposed of all over the place, muddling efforts for clarity.

Anyway, I could tell running out the door was not a good idea.  My gut was "talking" to me.  So I practiced qigong instead.  And realized about 20 minutes into it that my brain chemistry was being altered.  By the time I was done it had been 30 minutes, I had broken a sweat and felt, if not a rush of endorphins, a really nice hug of them.

I almost did it again.

Sought from an external source what I can give myself.

I was/am feeling a little desperate.  It's my Spring thing.  It's nature's Spring thing.  We're all connected.  There is a surging, pushing, forceful energy that comes with Spring.  It demands growth.  It is a call for change that comes from the deepest roots and reaches for the outermost edges.

Yes, I want to be healthy/healthier.  Yes, I want to lose weight.  Yes, I want to look good.  Yes, I want to feel good.  Yes, I want to live as long as I can and enjoy my life, particularly my children and my partner.

I don't know why it is so hard to just do it.

Any of it.

A few weeks ago I set out to practice Dragon's Way leading up to my going away.  And somehow, I flitted away from that.  And then I "figured out" that joining the Y was the answer.  (There was the home elliptical machine in the middle there, too.)

It's easier for me to set my eyes on these externals and rationalize, rather than patiently train them inwards and contemplate.

Returning to the mantra: keep things simple. 

In the face of all this energy, to combat freely flowing radicals, to bring it down a notch.

Eat less, eat mostly veggies, practice qigong, limit screen time, read more, talk to friends.

Simple.