Unfolding

My body's healing is unfolding and I am back to being able to hug my kids into a photo that they don't really want to be in... Fun and good.

But...

What do you do when your mind unfolds and you find yourself back somewhere you've been before? A place that is uncomfortable. That brings you down. Dread, tightening, anger.

Are you on a wheel where stepping off affords some relief only to step back on again?

Has there indeed been growth and change, but some of the old nigglies persist only to be banished once completely dealt with?

Is life simply a house of mirrors that does not differentiate between good and bad, but simply reflects one or the other depending on which way you turn?

Last night, again, I felt the walls closing in. Strongly. I'd been feeling it more benignly for days. Too much stuff, stuff overflowing, not enough space, piles seemingly everywhere I look, a kitchen that is never completely clean, dust visible on all smooth surfaces.

A couple of hours ago I heard myself saying to Karen, so much of it is in your mind. And this holds true for me, as well, as it does for you :-) The way I feel when I feel this way? It's all in me. No one else really has a problem with it. It's my problem.

I chip away, chip away, Cap helps as he can, but until I resolve what the heck it is that bugs me so about my situation, I will not find true relief.

In the meantime, I find peace where I can (see above), clear my head, and keep going.