Some more views

 

 

 

I really enjoyed spending some time alone, out and about, pursuing angles and seeing, breathing in the air of the city and the season and exhaling my own molecules into the mix.

Delicious

I've known M since I was 13 and she was 12.  She has a huge heart and sensitive soul and she makes me laugh (my type exactly :-)  She is one of my oldest friends, and yet, reality bends and time doesn't really matter...her essence remains unchanged.  When I think of her, I think "Marci", I hear her teen aged voice chanting "whirly curly twirly Shirley...BURLY!", I think of J, T, and O, and I think of "Marci Durano".

Well, M is still (so smart and) funny, she still writes poetry, and she still has a huge heart.  But, I no longer see her every day at school :-)  And though she still lives in Manhattan, she spent a number of life-changing years in New Orleans.  And though she had her heart broken a couple of times, she now has a husband who is her match (funny: check, artistic: check, big heart: check).  And though she had to wait longer than most, she now is a mom to a seriously adorable little boy, I.

It was I who brought me and my family to M yesterday.  We had a box of trains, tracks and tunnels looking for a loving home.  And I was very happy to provide it.  We had to continue on to our Oshougatsu gathering so we couldn't stay long.  But, it was a magical few minutes.

Stepping into the warm and bright apartment I could remember from "before kids", seeing so much of M and R in I, the transferring of a piece of my kids' childhood to the childhood of the kid of my friend who became my friend when we were just kids...

Delicious.

You know what else was delicious?  The gingerbread cookies they had made.  And the apples from the farm.  Breathing into the blessings of life...it's all delicious.

Overheard

"...you know I like birthday suits...I just don't think it's a good idea for a horror movie."

Data sheets

One of my hidden things-I-like-to-do is designing data sheets.  Here are my latest ones:

Meal planning will play a key role in working with a grocery budget that is shrinking by 16% starting now.  Gonna "make it work" on $1000/month, baby!  The left column lists: breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks and shopping list.

This is the year-at-a-glance money sheet.  Kind of old school ledger style.  There are 12 categories and they spread three sheets across (this is the first sheet.)  These sheets will be used for "analysis" as my dad put it yesterday.  To study the discrepencies between budgeted amounts and amounts actually spent.

This is what I'm calling the black/red sheet.  This will show each month whether we came in below or above budget, overall.  Also, it will show, if we came over budget, where the money to cover the overage came from.  I may create another sheet that shows more detail in this info (ie. by category of spending rather than overall), if it will be useful.

I'm kind of proud of this one.  This is the month-at-a-glance money sheet.  I was able to contain all 12 categories (groceries, bills, health, auto, educational/cultural/recreational, professional, home, food - out, clothing, gifts. fun, donations, plus a space for income) on one sheet.

I included the monthly budgeted amount for each month at the head of each category's column.  This way, every time an expense is plugged in, it will be subtracted from the amount currently available for that category, in that moment/in real time.  This is reminiscent of the envelope method of keeping cash in envelopes...it provides one with the visual of a literally shrinking amount.  (Interestingly, my dad didn't really get this.  He felt like it was easier to add amounts spent as you go along.  My mom, on the other hand, felt this method has "vibration"...what I think of as "resonance" :-)

In addition to using these sheets, I will be printing out my checking and savings account statements once a week.  This way I will stay on top of how much is actually in the accounts to cross reference with how much of the budgeted amounts have been spent/are available.

I'm excited to overlay these methods onto real life over the next few months.  I am nervous about paying out the self-employment tax on Cap's consulting income.  I think it's going to be tight...

Love and peace, people, keep feeling it!

Breakfast

My mom's New Year lotus root.  Yum.

Quick mumble

Saw this from the car on the way to my mom's yesterday.  We were taking a different route because we dropped a box of train stuff off at M&R's for little I who is kind of the most adorable kid ever.  (The apples and gingerbread cookies were seriously delish, too :-)

I've always liked Alexander Calder's sculptures.  They are distinctive, simple and so literally accessible and part of the urban landscape.  When I spotted this one on the southwest corner of 57th and Madison, I thought I'd like to get back to it to photograph it.

Later on in the day, I dragged myself away from a potential food coma nap and stepped out the door with an assortment of family members and headed into Central Park.  I left them soon after for the throng of holiday shoppers on 5th Avenue.

I wended my way to the sculpture and took some shots.

I took my constitutional and practiced Qigong, but opted out of a vegan day.  My mom's cooking is notable on any given day for how good it is, but that in combination with the array of special New Year's food was too undeniable.  So I partook of that with gratitude and tried not to eat too much.

Just before leaving, I stepped into the bathroom for the many-eth time (I wash my hands a lot).  I noticed the scale that is probably older than I am, and decided to step onto it.

166.

Information and motivation.

I don't mind being overweight if that's where I am optimally and I am healthy and in balance.  What I would like to get more to the bottom of is not swinging like a pendulum and gaining and losing 30 pounds or so every x number of years (the one thing Oprah and I have in common :-)  As I try to strengthen my own magnetic powers of balance and constancy, my body will recalibrate, too.

Right?

I'm just a big cliché

Cap has got the kids watching The Three Stooges.  I'm on my own.  I can share the room, just not that particular space.  I'm plugged into my tunes and thinking about what a big old cliché I am.

I'm not at "resolutions", but I am definitely thinking about process and continued opportunity as the new year, and yes, new decade, fast approaches.

I've got a new budget ready to go.  I designed a new accounting sheet and it's feeling sensical and doable though I know the doing is going to be difficult.  Decreasing spending by 20% is a sea change, really.  (I'm starting out at 16%...a wiser person would start at 10%, but I'm dreamy that way :-)

I'm going to start stretching and strengthening my will muscle.  It can't be too late.  I can't forever attribute my lack of will to my childhood/herstory/past.  Well, I can, but where's the awareness and growth and learning in that?

Again, another person would perhaps start with one area, but I'm jumping in.  Time outdoors, Qigong, and vegan eating.  Every day.  For a year.  Typing that leaves me quivery with anticipation and, I'll admit it, dread.  Th big cliché is setting yourself up for stunning failure by making such pronouncements on New Year's Eve ;-)

One thing I can't give up is my time on the computer/online.

As I come into more balance, that will work itself out.  No pressure and no worries.  As long as I am co-parenting and learning at home with these two kids, my time is going to be limited and in many ways, not mine.  It's critical that I feed my soul with nourishment, warmth and light when I can.

I love the energy that comes to me and rushes through my veins when I connect with a person, their words, their feelings, their truths, their laughter, their songs...and when I hook up my own connection by posting myself out there.  A lot of that happens fiber optically for me, it's really much more of a blessing than a curse.

Last year I made lists of knitting and books (fiction and non-fiction). 

I ain't doing that this year because I did not finish a single book from either book list...wow, talk about crash and burn.  I still would like to read those same books and I have about thirty other books I'd like to read in my virtual "book bag" in my online library account.

And, I'd like to do some more knitting.  I've got a number of projects on the needles and a number of projects-in-waiting...

January is going to be about the three daily "will" exercises mentioned above, mixed into a warm, nourishing soup of living more intentionally hewing to the new budget, renewing focus on the kids' learning styles, needs and interests, and continuing on creating a wonderful-to-breathe-in living space.

A very special ingredient will be added to the mix in mid-January.  The 14 year old daughter of a dear friend (a child I haven't seen since she was 4 :-) will be homestaying with us for a month.  I am excited and happy...we are all looking forward to her arrival.

So, it's a lot, but I am choosing these things...these practices and ways of being which will help me be clearer, more aware, and more happy.  Thank you for being with me as a part of the whole.  Know that I feel your warmth and support and love.

10 minutes left.  Happy new year :-)

Just another day

Keep breathing, keep moving.  The snow falling at the moment is inspiring.  Beautiful.

Plowed through lots of numbers yesterday...worked till about 1 am.  In the end it was scary.  Despite more awareness I managed to overspend (meaning spending over what was coming in) by $11K over the course of 12 months.

Today I will formulate a budget based on the categories and the type of spending that is our/my pattern/habit.  I am concerned to realize that our savings has been decimated...and that what's in the savings account now is quite "soft" since it is likely all going to the tax man.  I just hope we have enough for the tax man when the time comes.  Gulp.

I am not fearful.  There is a cleansing aspect to knowing the truth and facing it.  To changing your reality without judgment, but with purpose.

As you can see behind me (in the photo), there is some rearranging happening.  I had some visions for a new bedroom and Cap did the lifting, heavy and heavier.  It feels good in there and the potential for light and air and space in a different way makes me feel lighter.

There is work to be done.  Clearing out some old and making way for some new.

What I saw in Massachusetts

 1: I love the Cape in winter.
 2: Peanuts tree.
 3: Reading.
 4: Together.
 5: Going up.  (Anyone know where this is?)
 6: Walking on Mass Ave.
 7: Cambridge Common.
 8: Cambridge Common.
 9: Dinner @ Redbones.
10: Dessert @ Toscanini's.
11: Perch.
12: Giddy-up.
13: Bacon.

Wordless Wednesday

Will she nail the landing?

I will be coming home today after holiday-ing with family and friends in Massachusetts.  I will no doubt have enjoyed a lot of good food.  These truffles were a Christmas treat.  The pint of Ben and Jerry's Pistachio Pistachio found on Christmas Eve?  A Christmas miracle (that flavor is hard to come by).

I am looking forward to coming back to earth.  If I don't talk about feeling great because I'm practicing?  It's because I'm not.  The holiday whirl-and-swirl was fun and festive, but it did push aside Qigong and sleep.

Just one more holiday cover

Just one more Tracy Chapman song

I believe in mistakes and accidents
That the nature of life is chaos and confusion
That man's rules of law and order may not stand
I should be and be not afraid to reach for heaven

Another holiday cover

(Thanks to H.)

Another Tracy Chapman song

Holiday cover

Tracy Chapman song

If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?



She does have a most beautiful smile. I listened to her first album a lot in college. So glad to have some of her newer songs in my life.

Happy Christmas

The truth is that I wasn't as peaceful today as this photo might suggest.

But, it was a good day.  The happy aspects:

• the kids' total delight
• plenty of special chocolate just for me
• thoughtful and creative handmade gifts
• poring (and poring and poring) over my sister's (now mine!) iPod contents and...
• rediscovering Tracy Chapman
• a flurry of cooking and baking this evening (more candied pecans and Xmas dinner: ham and scallops and some loaves of bread)
• the headache seems to be receding
• soon I will sit in the red chair with a hot cup of tea and watch the last two episodes of this season's Dexter (it is a ripping season)
• feeling ready and excited about our trip to Massachusetts which starts tomorrow

My fave videos viewed in 2009

These are videos whose visual aspects stood out for me, strong impressions burned onto my retinal-brainy pathways. What were your favorites this year?

In no particular order:

No Surprises - Radiohead

Cartoons and Forever Plans - Maria Taylor



Quiet As A Mouse - Margot and The Nuclear So and So's



Be Good Or Be Gone - Fionn Regan

Oh Mandy - The Spinto Band

Funny, How? - Goodfellas Peanuts



Hibi No Neiro - Sour



100 Greatest Quotes - The Wire (Spoilers)



Why Do Anything - Nielsio



Ljósio - Ólafur Arnalds

Wordless Wednesday