The final hours

I had to wake the kids up so that they'd have enough time to "be" before leaving the apartment for the airport.  We've been watching the Olympics deep into the night and they were still sound asleep at 8:30.

We gave V her gifts, the usual grilled cheese sandwiches were had for breakfast, the week-long Monopoly came to its joyful conclusion, final panels of Calvin and Hobbes were shared...

The ride to the airport was so silent.  In a very peaceful way.  Then we reminisced about the first car ride.  Vanessa said she thought it was going to take the kids longer to warm up to her than it did.

Though Gem wouldn't make eye contact and Sag stared and stared (in his mind surreptitiously ;-) while Cap and I made small talk on our drive home from the airport, by the end of the ride they were both chatting amiably with her, the ice well on its way to be being broken.

At the airport we were faced with the much-sooner-than-expected good-byes for Vanessa, Cap and the boys.  Terminal C at Newark Airport: what's up with having no amenities for people seeing loved ones off before said loved ones have to go through security?  You ask that we arrive three hours early for international departures and then do not provide the space for leisurely send-offs.

So they said good-bye and went home.  Vanessa and I went through security and into the brightly lit muted hum of the shops and food courts and departure gates.

We ate disco fries.  A New Jersey specialty I had heard of and had never tried.  Fries smothered in melted cheese and gravy.  They were good.

We browsed a book shop.  (Vanessa picked up the seventh 39 Clues book for the kids who were very happy when I passed it along later :-)

We had to wait on line one last time, for passport verification before they called passengers for boarding, we started to cry and couldn't stop holding each other.

And then I let go and gently steered her towards the breezeway entrance.  I scrambled through the milling passengers still waiting to board, to get a clear view of the back of her head and watched her walk away, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed.

And she was gone.

Burrowing

I just uploaded the last batch of photos. Looking at them was way too bittersweet. I am not going to post any today, it makes me too sad.

I've drowned my sorrows in Wii (won a gold in Skeleton :-), Olympics on tv (the biathlon and Nordic combined events are cooler than I would have ever thought), hugging and holding the kids, and a rare slice of Sicilian topped with my homemade pesto (which Vanessa loved so...)

Moving on to the new season opener of Amazing Race.

Pics tomorrow. Maybe.

My necklace

made by Vanessa.

The winter games

Last night: snow jumping.  The kids have been primed by the Mario and Sonic Winter Olympics Wii game and are digging the real thing.

Fiber love

 

beauty.

In my family of origin, I am the fiber artist wanna be.  Both my mother and sister are gifted crafters and their talents spread across many disciplines.  My sister wowed me with this handknit last night.  It's Elizabeth Zimmerman's Seamless Yoke sweater.  The colors in the yoke use the Hermione yarn I gave her for her birthday, the same yarn she used for my gloves.

(She also knit a jumper for our niece.  I can't believe I didn't get a picture of it!  Too busy enjoying my Carvel ice cream cake...which tasted exactly the same as it ever did...love the chocolate crunchies...  She used the cotton candy pink mohair that was gifted to my stash by mother's good friend a few years ago...a circle of love.)

I finished Vanessa's scarf last night.  Garter stitch over and over was all I could muster, but a simple knit using wonderful yarn (discontinued...say it ain't so!) turned out a pretty perfect scarf for a girl who loves purple and eye-catching detail.  (The colors are darker and richer in real life...)

 

Noro rocks.

Before the waterfall

love.

We had a late lunch at the Tick Tock (couldn't have Vanessa leave NJ before eating in a diner...check out their gallery for pics) before heading over to Queens for our niece/cousin's 3rd birthday party.

 

  

 

As we stepped out into the night air after hours of food, play and family, V asked me the word for what turned out to be 'waterfall'.  And a few minutes later she said she was going to be like a waterfall tomorrow with crying.

It is now "tomorrow".  Vanessa goes home today.  To her other home.

Finger in the dam

I'm treading water but getting tired.  I'm all emotion held together by being with the kids...being of the kids...I can feel my body when it complains in stiffness and twinges, but for the most part, I am liquid.  A sea of salty tears crowding out the air in my lungs, threatening to overflow.

Today was chock full of house work/home time: haircuts, bread baking, muffin making, playing with friends...by late afternoon I needed out and delegated brownie baking to Cap.  Simply breathing was painful as my heart has begun to break.

I drove downtown in search of a gift for Vanessa.  I am planning on making her a photo book to mail to her later (I want to make selections from all the photos we take...up to her departure), and am knitting her a scarf unexpectedly, but I wanted to give her something else...I wasn't sure what.

I found something pretty much just right.  I am grateful to be living in a town that promotes independent and unique and arty shops.  I am grateful to have had the time to spend with Vanessa to learn what she likes and who she is.

Back home, Cap caught my emo-hormonal-handful-self and we enjoyed our homemade sushi dinner.

Now, we're watching the Olympics coverage, I will go cut the brownies which are chilling in the fridge, and busy my hands with either the scarf or part of Ellie's birthday present (her third bday party is tomorrow afternoon...yup, three!)

Here's a quiet picture to help calm my so unquiet nerves.  That baggie down there contains hair that Gem wanted me to save so he could make a moustache.  :-)

Dreamy

This sounds so great...makes me happy just to know it's happening (maybe I'll go one day...)

Wii V

This just makes me smile...

Causa de atún

Vanessa made us another of her favorite Peruvian dishes: Causa de atún.  It was naturally GFCF and included two of Gem's favorite foods, tuna and mashed potato!

It was delicious.  And so nice to look at, too.  Both kids dove in.  Sag didn't like it too much, but Gem kept at it, trying to get past how spicy it was for him.  It was heartwarming for me to see how the kids have grown in their desire and ability to try a new food.  I think the love and connection they feel for V had a lot to do with it last night.

When I make it, I am going to bring down the amount of aji and then build it up again as Gem's system adjusts to new levels of heat in his food.  (Which is pretty much zero up till this point.)

I find the combination of cool foods with the heat of the aji amarillo (yellow chili peppers) intriguing.  And inviting frequent revisitation.  (The huancaína sauce and the causa are both served chilled.)

Signs

...of the life I lead are strewn around the "living" room...

Self-portrait game

I received this from Kate this morning:

It’s a game going around on flickr right now. Within 5 min of reading this, take a self portrait and let us know what you’re up to. I’m tagging 5 of my blogging friends, who I know stop by from time to time but aren’t on flickr much.

I am not on flickr often so I'll tag some blogging friends here: Shannon, Bridget, Jamie, Jean and Julie.

Follow the link to Kate's self-portrait (which I love).

 

happy to be knitting again, back from an unplanned and unexpected hiatus.

Noro Silk Mountain a bouclé (65% wool, 25% silk, 10% mohair)

garter stitch scarf for Vanessa.

Blizzardy afternoon

 

window open.

1, 2, 3...

 

he loves snow.

wisteria.

 

building.

what do you think?  is it done?

look at what we made!

no words.

inside while they were out.