S.A.D.

For about a week now (ever since daylight savings) sometime during the 11:00am hour, I come to a full stop as I notice the black stripes of tree shadows on the ground.  The slanted light catches my heart and I am gripped with melancholy.

Took me awhile, but I am realizing that S.A.D. may be making a come back into my life.  I used to get it for years every Fall into Winter, but moving to Sacramento and warmer, sunnier climes put an end to it.  It's taken five years, but it has crept back and is wreaking some havoc on me.

It's tough being all emo when you have two young kids around you nearly 24/7, a husband who constantly has 1,000 more things to do every time he finishes one thing (he said that to me recently), and a life that generally starts to feel quite full around this time every year (Thanksgiving, Sag's birthday, Cap's annual week-long reading conference, Cap's end of the semester, Christmas, New Year's Eve and Oshougatsu). 

Puts a crimp on listening to emo-dripping music full blast, writing self-absorbed poetry and/or prose, and fantasizing about your other, happier life ;-)

Taking stock, gearing up, having a possible answer to feeling so sad and wistful is so much better than wallowing in it.  Qigong, possibly an herbal fine tuning (will talk to Vinny about that this week), and decreasing time "out" while enriching time "in" are some of the strategies bouncing around the head at the moment.

Listening to Sweden

Loney Dear...the tip of the iceberg, methinks.

Weekend with Jamie

On the T for our last leg...we left home at 10:20 am and met Jamie at Braintree station just past 5:30pm.

The game of Life.

Much like home...

Being where we were.

Jamie makes a kick ass smoothie.

Playmobil.

Lunch at Legal.

And, of course...

Lego.



There was also movie making...some of it at night :-)

Mindy Kaling's pretty awesome

...and the woman who plays Erin knocks it out of the park. She fits right in :-)

(The Office is where it all happens for those of you not in the know...)

ETA: the video was disabled on YouTube. But, you may be able to find it there again or at NBC.com. It's called Male Prima Donna.

Home

Bionicles are kind of big 'round here lately.

They moved from one bed to another and Sag read aloud to Gem till the end of the book.

Sag is studying hieroglyphics.

A clean slate.

Afternoon view.

The bathroom is clean, the kitchen's mostly clean, went to pick up some cds at the library. Packing. A spot of knitting. In my sights: finishing picking up and vacuuming. A simple dinner. Each of us getting a good night's sleep.

My mom and a friend of hers are coming tomorrow morning and I will be driving the lot of us to Massachusetts. ETD is 10am...early for me and the kids. I am endeavoring to have all my preparations finished tonight...inviting tomorrow morning to be calm and happy.

We'll be back Sunday night.

Read aloud

Sag has been reading to Gem for over an hour. The book: the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

Sideway glance

Getting lost

Twice in two days now I've gotten lost, with the kids in tow, and found my way back with only my wits.

Hardly the stuff of the razor's edge, but I recommend it. There is a cleansing exhilaration that comes with the experience.

Woods walk

Seen:



















Heard:

The Secret Door

Last night Gem pulled out The Secret Door. (Thank you, B :-)

I've been craving cayenne pepper lately. It feels strange because this is completely new. Never in my 43 years have I ever craved cayenne pepper. It does have a warm essence and is on the Dragon's Way food list. Interesting.

Last night I made scrambled eggs. Seasoned liberally with Penzey's lemon pepper, cayenne pepper, and with a dollop of sour cream on top.

My blood is pounding kind of loud this morning. I can feel it in my face and my upper body in particular. I associate this with stress/anxiety. But, maybe it's just flow struggling through narrowed channels. Emotions seeking release. Time outside amongst trees sounds good.

Being heard by a friend at just the right time...feeling known...feeling compassion... Helped me ride a wave this morning. (Thank you, W :-)

I can hear Cap and the kids chatting in bed...a rare and lovely occurrence. I think I'm going to pay them a visit before making some breakfast. I feel truly hungry for the first time in awhile.

Matin

Trying to turn "no" into "yes".

Waking tired, getting a boost from seeing the "corrected" time.

Belly/gut aching.

Having a hard time letting go of what I think I "need" to accomplish today.

Wanting to kickstart the mantra: keep it simple.

Will practice help? Yes.

Post-socktoberfest

My Zauberball socks are finished. Wondrous hues. I'm not sure what happened to the cuffs, but they are poufy. Oh well. US size 0 bamboo dpns.

Considering NaNoWriMo (now that Socktoberfest is over)!

Also considering Project Spectrum for Summer 2010.

Another one bites the dust

Cheers me up :-)

Still feeling a little emo

Practice

Practice (qigong) brings this Air sign down to the ground for much needed pit stops. Loving the quiet alone time I'm receiving this a.m. Thank you time change. And thank you pushing all kid screen time to after lunch (again...for now...)

I am in love with this photo so much right now.

A marathon in the city

Sandy shaved 40 minutes off her marathon personal best. She says she's done. But, that's what she said last time ;-)

Takai finished his first marathon with minimal training squeezed in here and there in his very busy life. Not only was he still standing upon completion, but he celebrated afterward with a beer and spicy wings from a certain owly restaurant.

Very inspiring, these two...

Bitter

I'm flowing. Toppling over the precipice...PMS giving way to release. The words and moods and realities of others swoop in and away. I'm just riding it out. And I will try to keep my mouth shut while I do.

I am learning to speak truth without fear. Intuit without inhibition of the interpretation of others.

But, PMS talk...I don't know...it's isolating. A hormonal firewall thrown up that singes anyone who approaches. The thing about fire though...it is sacred. Cleansing. It will go beyond wiping that damn slate clean...it will burn the slate down to ashes and Brother Wind will blow those ashes away.

What phoenix rises up out of the fire this month?

Well, JJ for one. I just bought some of their music off of iTunes. I am turning up my music loud today. I need something to become one with. I guess I need some raising up out of the fire.

The bitter that I mention in the title... Bitter taste is associated with the Heart in TCM. A few minutes ago I took a swig of Cold Prevention Tea with honey. Something I drink nearly every day. Well, this mouthful brought with it a jolt and thumped right back into my body because it left a seriously bitter taste on my tongue. (That has never happened before!)

My Heart is out of balance.

The Liver is "the mother" of the Heart. Liver friendly foods: vinegar, lemon, garlic, ginger, plum, Goji berries, bamboo shoots, eggplant, bee pollen, fennel, lotus, broccoli rabe.

And practicing. Practicing always helps.

Flipping through my Dragon's Way notes, interesting...the associated element of the Heart is Fire. And the associated sense organ is the Tongue. The associated emotion is Joy...hence the strong desire to become one with the Music.

Learning how to heal myself in this way is fun...and calming.

Peace and love y'all.

(The video is unavailable to share from YouTube at the moment so here are the lyrics to JJ's Me and Dean)

Someday, I know we'll meet again
Without knowing exactly when
Until then; take care of yourself, my friend

If you tell it to my heart
Where would you start
With a truth we shared
Or the lies that drove us apart

If you tell it to my heart
Where would you start
With a truth we shared
Or the lies that drove us apart

If you tell it to my heart
Where would you start
With a truth we shared
Or the lies that drove us apart

Heart...just tell it to my heart