I am chopped liver

As my fingers were poised to start hunting-and-pecking the keys, I had a flash of realization. Liver season is upon us. My liver? My nemesis. My Achilles' heel.

I am seeing Vinny every week for the duration of the season. But, still, the past few nights I've slept restlessly. My internal heat pops my dreams open and my eyes will gaze upon the shadows and dark forms as I kick my covers off.

Last night was more intense because I ate the lasagna, pizza and ice cream cake trifecta at Ellie's party. I was mindful of not overdoing it portion-wise, and savored every bite. But around 2:30, my body was a miasma of heat. In every possible way. (Meat and dairy require much more energy for the body to digest and process. And my system is either not producing enough energy or is expending too much energy dealing with emotional / environmental / mental digestion to leave enough for the physical digestion. I am not in balance.)

The skin that runs up and down the front of my leg between my knee and ankle, on the right side, was begging to be scratched. Vinny explained to me a couple of weeks ago, that this is liver. (I have broken the skin on both legs scratching this infernal itch off and on the last few months.) In my fit this morning, I did scratch, but then remembered the spots he showed me along the side of the nail bed of the big toe and applied some pressure. One of the spots sang out in pain, but the itchiness subsided almost immediately. (He gave me some needle bits to puncture the skin at these points to let the heat out, but thankfully, I haven't had to go there...yet.)

I was a little sad when I finally got up this morning. I was feeling euphoric last week, strong and alive. The sensory and chemical and emotional seemed well aligned, in retrospect. But, that has ebbed away somewhat and I've been closing in and observing from within more and more the past few days.

It was good to remember that I am part of a bigger season, an aspect of the universe I am unused to thinking about and incorporating into my understanding of myself and others. I am sensitive...I know that I register a bit more on the sensitive side than 50%. I'm kind of teetering and tottering. The opening leaves me more vulnerable to the contractions that are part of living and breathing.

I don't have to be sad about that. I can strive onward and onward towards balance and greater happiness and peace.