Priming to unfurl

I am finding the season inspiring despite its tendency to throw down the gauntlet year after year.  (C'mon, I dare you to grow.)  Greens popping up in lovely varieties.  Seasonal delights like music to all of my senses.  Energy pulsing crescendo bursting at seams.

Islands of quiet provide respite...but the current keeps pulling me along.  I think this time of year is hardest for me in terms of being highly sensitive-ish.  The impulse of the natural world in Spring is undeniable and absolute...in supernatural overdrive.  Grow, strive, reach...(re)create, (re)birth, (re)new...there is no choice, there is no exit.  Resistance is not only futile, it is inviting Thanatos in for a cuppa.

I spent this morning with Kelly.  So, so long overdue.  We talked and talked and I was able to unpackage some of my feelings of the last weeks into a thought: Spring has made me her bitch this year (as she so often does)...but I have held steady.  I've been bending and bending and overall have been quiet and tired.  But, I have not broken.  I have definitely retreated, but I have not invited Thanatos in...(or have I)?

Concretely:

• I have been expressing my emotions more.  (Good for me, but hard for me and good and bad for those closest to me.)

• I have been facing my mortality, gaining some understanding of aging and more clearly seeing the rest of my life.  The last few weeks have been an opportunity to improve my health and my ego has been steadfast in doing what it does best: toot its own horn.  The id has been strong (fueled by the life energy of Spring?):  I want to do what I want to do.  Then ego chimes in: sure, be in the present, this moment is forever, live it!  For many, many years, super-ego would then rant and rave about laziness, slothfulness, shamefulness, gluttony, selfishness, etc.  But, the last few weeks, super-ego has been quite constructively critical.  It has been patiently and quietly saying: you can have more energy, you know what to do, you have the capacity...and it is time to understand that you are insisting on making withdrawals on your qi account when you are at a stage of life when making deposits is no-way-around-it crucial (using some Dragon's Way speak there).

• I have been feeding my urge for more plant-based meals.

• I have been sleeping a bit more, though not consistently well.  I still wake up tired more often than not...but subtly less so.

• I have not been going to the Y...the last time I worked out was Easter weekend.  I have been taking walks and practicing Qigong.

• I have been enjoying ice cream with splashes of PX sherry in the evenings.

• I have been reading anew.  (I do not know if I will ever knit again.)

• I have been experiencing a distinct boost of vitality in the boudoir.

• I have been happier despite the bouts of fatigue and retreat.

Peace and love.