When there's something wrong

I have been thinking that, along with reading more in 2012, I'd like to watch more documentaries.

Last night, I wanted to watch something light and funny.  A movie.  But, I couldn't find anything that called to me.  So, I popped over to HBO's on demand documentaries folder.  There was one that intrigued me right away.  It was called There's Something Wrong With Aunt Diane.  (The link will take you to a New York Times review of the film.)

It was an investigative documentary that probed into the "whys" of a devastating auto accident on the Taconic Parkway two summers ago.  The accident, which was caused by one driver in a minivan, killed eight people.  Among the fatalities were four children...the very young daughter and three nieces of the offending driver ("Aunt Diane"), who was also killed.  The other victims were all in one car...they just couldn't get out of the way fast enough.

I found the description of the film compelling and watched it.  About halfway through, I began feeling some dread.  But, I wanted to finish watching.  About three fourths of the way through, there was little doubt as to whether there had been an error made by the toxicology team who had determined that "Aunt Diane" had had high amounts of both alcohol and pot in her system at the time of her death.

But, by then, the filmmakers had also raised, skillfully, a number of other questions, which provided some serious food for thought: about childhood trauma, women's psychology, reactions to unsafe driving engendered in us as children (instincts) and adults (societal mores)...about marriage, gender roles and living with grief and surviving tragedy.

In the end, I was pretty upset...and very shaken by one image in particular, from the accident scene.  The film was well made, in my opinion.  And I don't judge the filmmakers for using the image that really stayed with me as I lay awake in bed hours later, freaked out that it was so crystal clear in my mind.  But, it was hard.

And it's got me thinking.  Do I try to stay away from documentaries that are potentially going to be difficult to watch, for whatever personal reasons, as I try to watch a documentary a month in 2012?  Or do I just roll with it...experience the upset that life sometimes brings and work through it?

Ultimately (this may sound like rationalizing an irrational impulse), I think documentaries (like other forms of art) take on the brunt of a particular kind of bearing witness.  And, it is also for this reason, my own commitment to bearing witness, that I tend not to shy away from stories that are sometimes very hard to listen to/sit with.

I am a fan of darker themes in the fictional movies and books I consume.  But, documentaries are much closer to real life...and I realized firsthand last night how the visual format provides much less filter between me and the darkness.

Barbra has already recommended a documentary that won't be hard to watch at all :-)  I think I'll make that my January selection and go from there.  I'd welcome other recommendations, too!