Thoughts percolating

I swim deeper amongst words...on the pages of books.  And when I come up for air, I am vaguely dissatisfied with what I am writing myself.  The words I string together.

I am somewhat repelled.

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I finished Another Bullshit Night In Suck City.  It is incredible.  A precious work of art, heartbreaking and wonderful.

This line tugged at me (p. 292):

To be caught in a notion of self is bad.  To be caught in a notion of nonself is worse.


These words may very well haunt me for a bit.

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My right forearm and shoulder have tightened from knitting.  But those spots in my brain are lighting up staccato now.  The ones that shout less than 3 out of the 10 skeins we started with!  The throw will be perfect for the season that is nearly upon us, the one of open windows.  Twilight walks scented by the blossoming octaves of time.

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Double feature for one in the front room last night.  Meek's Cutoff and Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant.

Meek's was astonishing.  Words and whole passages lost to me as the sound dropped and eyes were lost to the dark space crowding out firelight.  A meditation, a modern take on the Western, sparse...singularly and in its multitudes.  What I did hear and see were beautiful.  Moments given time and weight, simple and profound.

I will have to see it again.  It ended and "what?" sprung immediately to mind.  (This movie was not a good one to be watching while tired and knitting.)

Cirque du Freak was a good antidote.  Visual, funny, it had a lot of heart.  And vampires and freaks, always a good thing in my book.  I'm kind of surprised this movie hasn't been better received.

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I wish...something not worth the energy wishing for, but what're you gonna do...I wish that I was not so sensitive in my body...to my body...my physical realm.

The mantra recited (though perhaps not quite believed) is try, try again.

• Descreening in general, but especially first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

• Practicing Qigong.

• Cutting the cords with grains and sugar.

• Getting outside.

In the meantime, I am disoriented...stunned by the realization that my body is not wanting meat and dairy lately.

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Peace, love and breath.